God sees the heart

What is inside can be seen from the outside. Yes, sometimes I thought that ultimately, You look at the heart and that only You know what is in my heart. But sometimes, what is in my heart comes out. It manifests itself through my words and through my actions. And it isn't that hard sometimes to see what is in a persons' heart. You said, "by their fruits, you shall know them" and "out of the abundance of his heart a man speaks" and "it is not what goes into a man that defiles a man, but what comes out of him. For out of the heart of man comes evil desires". In the end, it can be seen from the outside. And the only way I can fix my problems with myself is by first dealing with my heart. When I can deal with that part, that is the most valuable and most important part, then my actions and my words will follow suit.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

the fear of discouragement

They keep telling me that I don't know what I am doing. That I'm too young.. that I'm inexperienced. What do I fear? What is it I am so afraid of when people ask me what my dream is and how I plan to get there? You really wanna know? It's discouragement. I've had more people telling me that I'm too fresh to know anything than there are people telling me that I'm doing the right thing.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

My loneliness is killing me.. I must confess.. I still believe

Back in Malaysia de.. yay... byebye aussie.. >.<

Oh well.. somethings happened.. I've spent too much time over at my godparents place. It made me really think.. like.. why did I spend so much time there.. I've realized a few things.. Firstly,.. I go there because I'm lonely. And being with Andrew really makes me 'unlonely'.. because I really have fun hanging out with him.. he keeps me company and makes me happy. What are friends for, right? For company, I guess.. I guess that's why people want to get married.. because they're lonely. I guess I do need a boyfriend.. or husband.. or something.. someone to keep me sane.

XiYing is good to hang out with too.. XiYing and Aaron. Hardly any girls in this world can keep me 'unlonely', I must add, so XiYing is one in a million.. I wouldn't trade her for any other girlfriend in the world.. After all the breakups, she's the one that's been there.. all the time, praying for me and all. Although the world knows how much she's depended on me for transport, but without a car now, I've begin to realize that she does depend on me for other things as well.. And that we BOTH are desperate for transport now..

Aaron.. Aaron Aaron.. I feel for you, boy.. err.. man... no wait.. err... sir? Oh well.. I feel for you, whatever you are.. seriously.. and I have to admit, I'm grateful to you for hanging out with XiYing when I was not there to hang out with her, but mostly, I'm grateful to you for hanging out with me as well. Although the world knows your ulterior motives, (LOL) but... but but.. no, seriously.. there is a difference between 'XiYing & Anna' and 'XiYing, Aaron & Anna'. There is, seriously. Although you're more quiet these days than before I left, I'm aware that both of us strongly appreciate your enduring presence ^^

Okay, another thing I noticed about myself and my loneliness.. Okay, don't tell anyone.. shhhhh.. The truth is... *drumrolls*.. I can't eat alone >.< I'd cry and get emo. The loneliness just sets in and makes me don't wanna eat. I rather starve until someone comes along the way, and then I'd hurriedly grab something to munch. No, seriously. It's a terrible bacteria/sickness thingy. Like now, I'm at home.. alone, in my room.. on my bed. I'm having gastric. There's no food on the table. Not like it will make a difference anyway. But I just don't want to eat. When I roam this empty house and this empty kitchen, I feel lonely and emo. I start to think about the people I love. And I start to ask myself regarding their whereabouts and their schedule for the day. I get hurt. Then I start to cry. No kidding.

The stupid thing is.. not just anyone will do. I want someone I like to eat with me, or I won't eat. I guess I've had this 'sickness' since I had a little.. err.. 'anaroxia', if you will.. when I was.. 16. And then, ever since,.. I just ate for 'show'. I ate because so and so asked me to eat, if not I won't eat. Or I eat because so and so is looking.. ultimately, I do not eat for the food but for the company. I eat because it is 'fellowshipping' or because I am trying to 'save' food from going down the drain. It became so bad that.. when my mom leaves me alone in the room to eat, for example, I'd just stop because it's 'wasting' a meal. I don't know the term for it, it's just hard to explain. This is one of the times when I do wish that there is someone out there who is like me, who can understand my eating habit/sickness/whatever.

One thing that worries me the most, and I repeat, the most about working outside is the fact that I have to eat alone or with colleages that I don't have a relationship with. The scariest thing that comes to mind is.. "who is going to eat lunch with me?" I guess that's why I keep running to Andrew's house to eat.. other than his company.. it's.. their company at lunch. I don't mind working if I can go to work, come back for lunch and go off to work again.. at least I am 'spending' my meal time with people I love. (I don't know why I talk about meals as though each meal I eat signifies one meal closer to death) Oh, well.. only God knows.

But that's when the car comes in.. I can't hang with XiYing and Aaron because I don't have a car, I can't hang with Andrew and Mom because I don't have a car. People, Anna really needs a car.. seriously. She's lonely.. and do you know what happens when she is lonely?


Okay.. after this part.. please think twice before you go on reading.. Read only if you promise me that you will love me forever, no matter what I do or what I think and that your love for me is unconditional. Then you may go on reading.. because after this, you most likely will.. remove me from your friendship list on the terms of 'too emo' or 'too melancolic'... so if you are unsure about your relationship with me and especially if you are a guy.. please don't read. Because girls are generally more understanding and have a section in their hearts for people who 'need more grace'. Besides, girls don't feel the 'pressure' of handling every situation successfully. In other words, please read without putting any pressure on yourself as a friend to help me. When you put pressure, you will avoid me because you will soon realize that nothing you do can help. Such disappointment will result in you avoiding me to resist the disappointment.

*********** censored ************

Okay.. so.. when I get lonely,.. what happens is.. I start to question the purpose of life.. what is life if I don't have anyone to live with? How do I go on life if nobody is part of it? What is life lived all alone? What value does that life have? Then when I realize that I have no one who will spend their lives or their time with me.. I will... start thinking of killing myself.

Want to run away from me yet? Think I'm being too emao? So be it. Go freak out and run. Perhaps I am too emao.. but like I said.. I didn't ask you to help me. I know you can't help me. Sigh. Anna's burden is too large for you. Too heavy.

If you think that way.. I don't blame you. Who doesn't?

Why am I telling the world this? Why am I telling everyone that I get so lonely that I want to kill myself? Because.. obviously.. I do hope that someone can help me.. can take away this loneliness.. just as much as I know 99% of the people who read this post can't take the loneliness away, I believe that 1% can. And I am writing this post for that 1% who can, risking the 99% of my friends who will ignore me totally after this just because they don't feel like they can handle me. So.. for the sake of trying.. then, if you are in that 1% category, please answer me.

It's weird because I know that I have God and everything.. but like God said.. it's not good for man to live alone.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Prayer meeting is more happening than Cell Group

Who created the cell group structure? Who said that Cell Group had to be the 4Ws? No offence, but I'm pretty sure that Lawrence Kong was just doing his best in planning a guide, but it isn't the 'formula' for evangelism. There isn't a 'formula'. Every time we reach out, it is different. God doesn't use the same techniques twice. God is a creative God. First he asks David to go for war but the next time, he told David to wait near the bramble bush. And when they hear the sound of the enemies marching, then charge. God never asked anyone to conquer a city like the way He asked Joshua to march around Jericho. God only used that once in the Bible.

How long ago was cell group created? 7 years ago? More? How long is that? One generation? How many years is one generation? How sure are we that the same techniques which worked for the previous generation will work now or in the future? How many years are you planning to use this same technique? Until Christ comes again? Isn't the second generation to be better than the first? Isn't the second generation the generation to enter into the promise land? Doesn't Elisha have double portion of the anointing from Elijah? Don't we want out children to achieve greater success than us? I believe that the season for Cell Group is over. Let's create something new.

I believe that God is a creative God. He created the whole world - He created the animals, plants and us. Look at the flowers: so different one from the other. He doesn't use the same techniques twice, and He can create something different, something new, something original. That is why I believe that cell group doesn't have to be the same all the time.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

To my Beloved XiYing...

blessed 21ST birthday, Xiying.. dearest! I love you...

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

The Call of Freedom

I wanted to feel the streets, roam the pavements, to be sucked into haste and the fumes of the sky. Freedom is where I belong – looking out into the narrow world. The pathway of yonder is where the heart is and freedom is my new anthem and my song.

That’s when I am the most alive.

Cage me not like a bird within the bars of nine to fives. Let me lay down with thy beggars and cast aside my inhumanity for an instance. Thrust me to live and not die, in the ever wandering wilderness of false hope and humiliation. Where is thy dignity, O ‘true-to-thyself’ businessmen and corporate figures? Show me thy value of life and I shall show thee thy corporate worth. For all is lost in your anthem of self pity and hatred. No more doth the song sing of your fate but your misery.

Humble thyself and accept life. Let not your ego shut you in. Open up the veils of common cowardliness and breathe into the airs of purpose. It stands for you as it has all these while. It beckons. It knocks upon your cowardly doors. Fling it open or it shall invade. Feel then the threats of its flame.

Die now in thy anger and live in your newest fate – thy hope and thy salvation lies not in those ladders. Truth speaks for one and for many. Freedom shouts for all, "Come to thy true nature and be. Not to thyself but to Me."

It's the end of the world.. oh.. so?

I composed a song this morning^^ ahha.. yea.. after a long time..

mind you.. not a poem.. a song! =)

When the waters are raging,
I'll take you there;
When there's a deep longing feeling,
That none can compare;
When the wind's always blowing,
and no one seems to care;
When the distance seems growing...
I'll.. be there.

I'll be there, when the lions are roaring,
when the people are shouting, when the desert's a drought.
I'll be there, when the chains have been broken,
My Word has been spoken: I'll be there.

So guess what's the title of the song.. yep! You guessed.. "I'll be there" =D

Yesterday, I went for life group and it was about seeking You first and not worrying about this life. It's hard not to worry. Especially when I have 'big' things to worry about. Then I remember one guy: he said that he heard from a preacher before that our time on earth is really short compared to the time we will spend in Heaven. The time we will spend in heaven is eternity. So our life on earth is nothing, really. What is there to worry about? What is this life compared to eternity?

That really stroke a chord in me. I suddenly realized that it's not important. Nothing is important. Nothing but You. So what if I don't make it in life? So what if I 'screwed up' my life in the eyes of the world? So what if I don't make it in my studies? So what if I don't get a job? So what if I don't have bread to eat? So what if I die tomorrow? It's not that I don't want to live and don't want to study, but it's about what is worth worrying about. If I don't get to continue my studies, so what? It means that it is not God's will for me. Simple as that. But if I continue my studies then Hallelujah! So be it! So what if I have to go back to Malaysia for another year? So what if I don't ever come back to Australia at all? So what if I settle in Malaysia? So what? So what if it is the end of the world? You still remain, seated on the throne, higher than the heavens, and Lord of all creation. You can just destroy the whole earth and create another one. What is this world to You? What is life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away. Instead, I ought to say, if the Lord wills, I shall live and do this or that.

Then what is life all about? Life is all about seeking Your face. It's all about spending time with You. It's all about pleasing You, obeying You, doing Your will, making You happy, knowing You, loving You and serving You. It's all about You. Everything else is comparable to 'bogus'.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

My top 10s

Recently, Jie and Caleb asked me to hand in my prophecy. I realized that 85% of that particular prophecy had to do with counseling people. And I remember that I was telling Jie that I could never understand why all my prophecies are always the same. They always have to do with advising people and counseling people. And they said I do it the non-traditional way. I could never understand. Jie said maybe it's because I haven't done anything about it yet, so it keeps coming..

But I know that I want to build the school so that I can help them. I still can remember Elijah talking to me about troubled kids. And I told him that I have a heart for troubled kids more than normal kids. And so he said, if I was given a bunch of naughty kids, would I be pleased, and I said yes. Because I believe that they have a reason for their behaviour. I've always had a lot of patience, and I don't know why.

But I want to build the school not just for charity sake. It's more than that. It's more than just applying a 'hospital' concept. It's about getting them to fulfill their personal destiny for their lives. I believe that everyone has a personal destiny. And if they achieve it, they would be the best of the best in whatever that destiny was, because everyone is unique and everyone has a different destiny. And everyone was meant to be the best in whatever field they were in.

Okay, to cut the long story short.. I've also realized that whenever I started my degree programme, I have been bumping into people from all kinds of nationalities. From Chinese from China to Bangladeshis to Syrians to all kinds of nationalities that came to me for help. I didn't know what an 'Integration Aide' was at that time, but I guess I was something like that: just that I did it for free. They sent to me their assignments and their homework, and sometimes I just want to tell them to pack their bags and go home because I feel like giving up on them.

Most of them faced English as a difficulty. I know I may not be a top scorer, but I helped them because I could speak better English. Even now, believe it or not, when I assumed that my 'jobs' in Malaysia were over, here I am, doing my postgraduate and guess what? Helping people again. I guess I just can't help myself. I tend to find people who seem to need it the most. I don't know why all my friends seem to be people who can't speak proper English and just needs someone to explain the whole course to them from scratch.

And it's amazing, sometimes.. to see friendships grow from nothing to something just because I chose to take a little time off to help people. And those are the best parts about my degree programs: helping people. Because when I help them, I realize that I've learned so much and that I've enjoyed myself so thoroughly. And it was a piece of cake helping them, really. It was literally my pleasure. I just pray that one day I could earn money by doing that. I think I would have earned a whole lot of money by now.

There is this job, as an integration aide in college. Someone told me to apply for it. I wanted to do it for free in one of the secondary schools, but this Integration Aide told me that I am valuable and I should be paid. He said that I need to earn a living as well. So he told me to go to LaTrobe University and apply for it there. And I've been really praying about it. So later today, I'm going to apply for it. Pray for me ya? It's my dream job^^

one of it anyways..

want to know my other dream jobs?
LOL... you'd be surprised.. here's the list rated according to number. 1 being most wanted:

11. Errand girl?? (^^) don't ask ... feel like taking this off the list..
10. Integration Aide (my latest addition to the list!)
9. Housewife? lol
8. Make up Artist! ..you'd be surprised~ or not.. but you already are! =P
7. Patisserie chef: the one that does tedious detailed icing designs on cakes

6. Architect
5. Landscaper
4. Interior Designer: Victorian theme

3. Painter Artist.. but it doesn't bring in much money.. and wouldn't have the heart to sell anything anyway..
2. Christian book author.. I'd do it for free..
1. Pastor!! (you guessed.. freeeee)

Hey.. noticed I could start a company to design the house, landscape the garden and even do the interior design of the house? LOL!!! And I would be interested in all 3!!!

Or.. I could also be a pastor, a christian book author and place my own paintings inside! How nice^^


The top 10 businesses I want to own:

1. Kinders to Tertiary campus ^^
   
   
2. Victorian Hotelsss
   
3. Victorian dresses boutique: fit for royalty ^^
4. Victorian interior designing company
5. Victorian interior furnishings company: wallpapers, curtains, sofa covers.. etc.
   
   
6. Children's furniture designing and manufacturing company
7. Bakery-restaurant selling all kinds of pastry, food and especially.. wedding cakes!
8. Lingeries designing and manufacturing company =P (really nice ones!)
9. Publishing company (sounds boring, no? i want to publish so many books!!!)
10. err............ international trading company? ...
    *yawn.. I guess I've changed.. I used to want this ~ don't know why.. for the money, I guess?

So.. that's a lil more about Anna! ahhaha.. what else you wanna know? Ah! How about the top 10 things that turn me off? LOL.. I'd keep that for next time..
till then, buhbyee~

annagrace

oklar oklar.. I'll tell you.. *tsk*

Top 10 things that turn me off:

1. guys that just want sex (and want it easy!)
2. ego guys
3. guys that are proud of getting wasted
4. complainers, whiners and the act of giving up easily
5. spoilt brats who want their way all the time
6. guys who try too hard to please you and has no backbone whatsoever
7. guys who expect you to 'mother' them and follow them everywhere until you don't have a life
   
8. a bad comment about my hair
9. hairy legs and arms.. apeness?
10. pretenciousness.... faking it/not keeping it real

yea.. that's about it.. or do you want 10 things that turn me on as well? Ahahah.. no need la..

buhbye~!

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

tough choice

When it comes to crossroads like this, I have to choose. Sacrifices have to be made. And among all these sacrifices, I have to make You my priority because I have to know what is for keeps and what I have to forgo. I have to think through carefully. I have to remind myself that I have made You my priority and I cannot put others above You. Everything else just isn't so important. Everything else is just secondary. If anything else is opposed to what You want for me, then I have to forgo them.

Right now, I have to think carefully. What are my priorities? I have to list them down. Is getting PR more important or is finishing my masters as soon as possible more important? Is going to a reputable and prestigious university more important or is undergoing a course that is unique and has good teachers more important? Which is more important? Which is Your priority?

Honestly, I don't know anymore.

Why did I come to Australia? Is it really to get a PR or is it for my education? If I had the money; if money really wasn't an issue, I'd say I will continue my studies. This is why I am here. Even before Ebbie and Joey talked about flying to Australia and getting a PR here, I already talked about pursuing my masters. My coming to Australia to do my masters is my independent decision without knowing that Ebbie and Joey were going to Australia at all. It was just a coincidence. And if they hadn't decided to come to Australia, I would have gone ahead without them and pursued my studies in Queensland and wouldn't even be here in LaTrobe. It had nothing to do with getting a PR. Absolutely nothing whatsoever about getting a PR. The idea of getting a PR was purely Ebbie's misconception and influence based on her own desires and passion about getting a PR. She assumed I was in her position. It is not, however, a bad idea. Nevertheless, in terms of priorities, it comes second on my list.

Unfortunately, I don't have the means to pursue my first priority. Or so I think. Then there comes trust and obedience and faith and hope and all that. And in times like this, I cannot make decisions based on circumstances, but based on priorities and faith. Because if I let doubts sway my decisions then I shall be like a ship on the sea being tossed by the wind and people like that never accomplish anything in life, and let not a person like that assume that he shall receive anything from You. For what if they changed the law? Then after 10 months of working in Malaysia, I don't have the chance to get my PR? And then what? I wasted my 18 months there.

Secondly, the issue about studying in UQ or Latrobe is solely based on Your decision. If I use my logic, it tells me two things: the best in education is UQ - go for the best because God deserves the best. Then again, it says that it's not about the qualification or the grades - it's all about what I learn that is important. So what if UQ is the best if I've felt like I've learned so much in 1 semester here in LaTrobe - possibly more than I could ever learn in UQ in 2 years. I felt like my experience here in LaTrobe changed my life. It gave me opportunities of the unknown.

But then again, I felt like I've gained all that I could gain from LaTrobe and it is time to move on to the next thing, after all, I've never been to UQ and who knows? Maybe UQ is really better? I can't judge a University if I've never been there. Going to UQ will be able to give me the best of both worlds. I've gained all I could possibly gain from LaTrobe in one semester here and it has been such a rich experience. Staying back here another semester might result to me learning absolutely nothing and ending up in regret.

Priorities. Is money really a priority here? No it isn't. I can't let that depict my decision to stay in LaTrobe or move on to UQ. LaTrobe can only do so much for me. I believe I've soaked in their main essence as to what they believe education is all about. I've got the drift. I can't possibly learn any more from them that I haven't caught already. They've done their best, and I've soaked it all in. Time to get a new sponge. That's 50% of what I wanted to do. Now let's move on to the other 50%.

Money comes secondary to education and experience, so I believe I shall move on to UQ. I've let the money issue get the best out of me in deciding on my undergraduate degree and I've made the most out of the money issue there. I've graduated with my money's worth, all right. It was a hopeless education but rich experience that changed my life simply because You were merciful to provide me with a supportive Christian Fellowship who made it all worthwhile.

Question is.. how rich will my experience be in UQ? Only You know...

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Earth Vs Mars

What's the good of transforming Mars into a livable planet if it will merely remain an imitation of the Earth? And no matter how they try to imitate, Mars will never have the tropical rain-forests that have existed for millenniums, nor the great canyons, the waterfalls, the rivers or even mountains as high as Mount Everest. Or can it produce an ocean with sea creatures that reaches to such great depths, with life we ourselves have not came in contact with? No matter how great the technology of man is, this replica will never be as good as the original, much less better. The most we could do for our technology is to create clones - the act of replicating and mutating.

Will we ever be able to come up with something that is original? A creation of it's own kind - a living organism, an original life-form - without the replicated genes of another being? No. We did not create ourselves or any other creature in existence. Neither can we turn an original planet into something more original than it already is. We are imitators and inventors, not creators.

Mars has nothing as good as any destination on earth itself. The plains of Africa has more hope for any of us than Mars or the moon is. All the technology we have came up with today - why don't use it to turn deserts into a tropical rain-forest or maximize the seas worth of land? The earth has more than enough space for all of us, if only we know how to claim and use it. Why give up on something so valuable and authentic to spend all our efforts on a planet of barrenness and lifelessness?

When God first created humankind, His mission to Adam and Eve were "dominate the earth, subdue it" Did God ever commanded us to 'dominate the heavens' as well? No. He said earth. Take care of the earth. Don't give up on it. Put in everything you've got. Because no planet out there can replace the earth you already have.

^28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
^29 And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. ^30 Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so. ^31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

New King James Version Gen 1:28-2

¹ And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth. ² And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered. ³ Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.

King James Version Gen 9:1-3

The earth is so precious to God, that He even made a covenant, not just with us, but also with all the creatures on the earth and the earth in itself:

⁸ And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying, ⁹ And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you; ¹⁰ And with every living creature that is with you, of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you; from all that go out of the ark, to every beast of the earth. ¹¹ And I will establish my covenant with you; neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth. ¹² And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: ¹³ I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. ¹⁴ And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: ¹⁵ And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. ¹⁶ And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth. ¹⁷ And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.

King James Version. Gen 9:8-17

Now, if the earth meant so much to God: the creator of the earth, that He made a covenant not to destroy it by flood ever again, more so does the earth mean to us, the ones it was given to and given responsibility for.

In every human being, lies a heart for nature - it is undeniable. Children love animals. It is our natural instincts to care for the earth and the life it exhibits.

God made a promise not to destroy the earth by flood ever again, so don't worry about global warming which melts the arctics. That's not going to happen. We will either find a solution before that happens, or the earth will probably be destroyed before that happens or whatever, but a flood would certainly not happen again.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Proverbs and taglines

These are quotes by God and me to God and so on.. unless stated otherwise..

do enjoy ^^

It's easy to obey You; if I don't think.

You are Heaven on earth

Worship goes beyond the words

Please grant me... Your wish

Thank You for being my Desire

God will always be my first priority, no matter who I am inside.

I live a life of sin, filled with repentance, covered in grace, showered in love.

It's not about skill, it's all about You

If I can't trust You, who can I trust?

You are: Beyond me

Bring me to the place where I am close to You - bring me to my knees.

Letting go of who I am and embracing who You are.

Thank You for impossible situations: they are miracles in the making.

I can't see what's beyond tomorrow, but Daddy, You can

Making it through and making You proud.

You make this world a better place

Draw the church nearer to the cross

When you put your feelings aside, your decisions are very different - opposites, in fact

Someone had to suffer for my sins and it wasn't me

Your love is enough, what can I ever desire?

Whether I forget the past or not does not mean that I'm moving on into the future. I need to move on despite the fact whether I forget the past or not. And moving on doesn't mean I've let go.

I rather not get married than to get married to someone who doesn't love me enough

Nothing you do can stop jealousy

He uses his heart to make me happy, not his head.

It's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday - Carrie Underwood

You love me more than he did because you could bring out a part in me that he couldn't.

Consistency - remaining the same when all else changes

Doing right the things I've done wrong

Why do we remember the goodbyes more than the welcome homes?

Dreams are what makes us human. The lack of dreams, however, make us do crazy things - like sitting down in the office from 9 to 5, 5.5/7 days of our lives.

Creativity is the catalyst for all music. Without creativity, music is noise.

Perfection is derived from more than just the failure to find fault

The more civilized we get in terms of techonology, the more uncivilized we become in terms of humanity.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

8th Avenue

View Larger Map

so HCC is moving to a new place ^^ hope to see you guys there someday :)

Mizzing you always,
Anna

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Your Treasure

Psalms 135:4

⁴ For the Lord has chosen Jacob for Himself,

Israel for His ¹special treasure.

¹ precious possession

Explanation:
This psalm is about praising You for creating everything, choosing Israel and saving them out of Egypt. You also control the whole earth - from the lightnings, to the wind, to the vapors, to the seas. There is no other God like You because those idols are made by hand and those who make them are like them - cannot see, hear or speak. They are dead. You have destroyed the mighty kings of the earth and no one is more powerful than You. And You gave their nations as an inheritance to Your people Israel. You do whatever You please in the whole earth. You will judge Your people with compassion. Blessed be Your name!

Elaboration:
I like this verse because I am Your special treasure. Today my mind was wandering to giving a gift to someone. And I thought of making them look for it like a treasure hunt. Then the word came to me.. treasure. Is that really a treasure? Those are treasures in this world, but what is the meaning of treasure actually? Then I saw this verse that talks about me being the treasure..

Mental Picture:
I saw this treasure chest that was open. And it looked really small because it could fit into someone's heart. So there was this heart with a treasure at the bottom of it. And everywhere this person went, he would bring along this treasure in his heart- everywhere. This treasure was so precious that nobody knew it was in there. It was hidden deep inside and only that person who carried it knew it was there but wouldn't tell anybody. And deep within everyone's heart there was a treasure. Everyone had their different boxes.

And I saw another person's treasure chest - white and gold. Her treasure was really beautiful. I can see - even the box was beautiful. And all the treasures in it were colourful - it had different huge precious stones and jewelery. I saw an emerald, a ruby, a sapphire, diamonds,.. gold, mostly. It was shiny and glittery. There was nothing like it - nothing so beautiful and so treasured. It was so precious.

All the treasures that everyone had were different, and each one of them were beautiful. Some, more beautiful than the rest. Some had dark gold treasure chests, some white gold treasure chests - they were all different from one another. Each one was authentic in its own character and yet each one was beautiful in their nature.

Sometimes, when one person saw the treasure that belongs to someone else, which not everyone can see, they get jealous and try to steal that treasure away. That's when problems arise and fight begins between people - it's when they are fighting for the same treasure.

Sometimes I wonder - if they are fighting for the same treasure then what happens to the other treasure that nobody wanted? And why didn't they notice that treasure? Since everyone has their own treasure?

I guess some people has not discovered their treasure yet. Or rather, they didn't know it was there. They were so busy looking at other people's treasures that they didn't realize that they had one in their hearts and abandoned it for someone else's. Everyone has a unique treasure that no one else has. They've just got to look for it.

And You have Your own treasure too - the most beautiful treasure of all. And that's me.

Application:
I guess You just want me to understand that money is not everyone's treasure. Different people have different treasures, and not everyone wants money. Some people appreciate other things. And to give someone a treasure, I have to know what it is.

You also have Your own treasure. And only I can give it to You. And I know what Your treasure is. It's me. And if I give You what is in Your heart, You will be very happy. So, I'm going to make You happy. I'm going to give You myself.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

God is in the center of everything

"Q: What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?

A: Psalms 117


Q: What is the longest chapter in the Bible?

A: Psalms 119

Q: Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?

A: Psalms 118


Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118

Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118

Add these numbers up and you get 1188.


Q: What is the center verse in the Bible?

A: Psalms 118:8


Q: Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives?

The next time someone says they would like to find

God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to

be in the center of His will, just send them to the

center of His Word!

Psalms 118:8

"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."



Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?

When things get tough, always remember...

Faith doesn't get you around trouble, it gets you through it !! " =)





* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Why I cried

You are shaking my foundations. Disappointments flooded in again yesterday, as my visa was on hold. And it is just amazing how You gave me the exact same verse that I had the last time disappointments visited me.

Psalms 87

¹ His foundation is in the holy mountains.

And as I read back my devotion last time, it is very encouraging to know that my disappointments will turn out for the better. You see, last time, I was disappointed that I couldn't get into UQ. But now, I like LaTrobe so much. I realize that the units I am studying in LaTrobe, I cannot get anywhere else in the world. Not this kind, anyway. Because LaTrobe has special lecturers that are bias. And I like that because I am bias like them.

As I read my previous devotion on this same verse, I saw how disappointed I was that I couldn't get into UQ and that really tickles me now that I am reading back. How silly of me to think that getting into UQ was better just because it was more prestigious. It is really not about where my degree came from, but really what I've learned through that degree program.

And now that my visa is on hold, I may finally get a chance to get back into UQ and I don't want to. What a joke.

How would I have guessed that my old devotions can speak so much to myself today. Talk about disappointments. I am so torn that I don't want to speak to anyone, don't want to do anything, don't even want to eat. I'm just too sorrowful because of my position right now. But my devotion talked so much about disappointments.

And my mental picture in that devotion even spoke about a meeting, a gathering and a discussion to produce an outcome. It seems as though I saw a vision, even 1 and a half weeks ago, that there was going to be a compliance committee meeting to discuss my situation this week, whether my visa was to be accepted or not.

Here's part of that mental picture:

But then, there was a courtroom. A conference. A discussion. All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a refund. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts. And true enough, there was hope as they recovered the money and redesigned the plans. True enough, You remained faithful till the end, as the building layout is now even bigger than before. It is by Your grace that they made it through it all.

In the end, after that discussion, the building layout was even bigger than before. Now, how did that happen? It was by Your grace. You are a great God. You can do anything You want. And I believe in You, that when You give, and if You take away, that You will multiply what You have taken away and give it back to me.

The same goes to other things in life. When You give me a good guy, and when You take him away, I always know that You have someone much better in store for me. There is nothing to be disappointed about. In fact, I should rejoice. Because if the guy that You take away is a really great guy, imagine, what kind of guy I will have in the end? Must be double the greatness! If You take this visa away from me, I cannot imagine what will happen soon. It is simply marvelous.

You shake the foundations, Lord. Because You are rebuilding Your house. You are enlarging it.

Second Mental Picture (taken from today's devotion):

I saw this boy playing with white blocks. And he was using those blocks to build a block house on a book. Apparently, that book was his foundation. And when the house was almost completed, he shook the book accidentally, and the whole building collapsed.

And he was disappointed. He was really sad. He cried. Because all of his hardwork was into it. He had really put his heart into it. And now it's all gone. That's why he cried. And then he went and told his mom. Then his mom felt for him. Then she came to see his destroyed work.

Then she explained to him that his foundation was not good enough. She told him to build on a foundation that cannot be shaken. And so he did, and this time, she helped him. They built a castle on the floor. It was so tall, that it was taller than him. He was so happy.

Now, let's take a look at the previous mental picture:

All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts.

You know, I cried. I cried because I felt like I came this far. I tried so hard to get into uni. I tried so hard to come here to aussie, to pay so much money, and now I have to start from square one. I cried because of all my hardwork and efforts. I did so many things - I ran to the office to pay my fees, I missed the stop on the way to uni, I waited for another bus that never came, walked kms a couple of times, I went to the post office to get my working with childrens check, I went through the whole process. I did so many things. I bought my stationary, bought books, got my student card, got enrolled into college. Went to the bank a couple of times to resolve so many transactions, rushed to the immigration office because I lost my way to the train station.

I had to wait nervously, praying like anything that my previous education institution will even give me a refund. And I lost thousands and thousands of dollars and ringgit to the migration office for a visa I canceled and enrollment into the cooking school, which costed RM3000, but of which I canceled also. I did so many things, and now they wanted to tell me that my second visa can be rejected? Do they know how much it costs in ringgit for each application? It costs RM1500. And I had to apply twice. And it was all my dad's money. And now he doesn't have much left. Let's not even mention the rent, food and utilities of about $120 a WEEK. And I've been here for 2.5 months. So that's $1200 x 3 = RM3600, rent only up till today, not counting future rent.

My first semester fees costs 8125.. dollars. That's multiplied by 3 point something. That's almost RM25,000, including registration fees, transport, and so on and so forth. And since I already commenced my studies, if my visa gets rejected, I don't know if they will give me a full refund. If they only give me 50%, I will loose half of my RM25 000.

My plane ticket here costs another RM3500 or so. If I added everything together with all my expenses on clothes and blanket and everything, it will come up to RM38 200. I could buy a brand new car. By cash. Instead of burning that money to the ground. And imagine if I had to fly back (RM3600++) and fly here again (another RM3600++), and did that WHOLE process all over again. That's why I cried. Because of all that. My efforts. My hardwork. And a lot of other people's hard earned money and savings.

God, please tell me You have something much greater. Much much. Please tell me it was all worth it. Thank You.


Nevertheless, I shall build now a new foundation that can never be shaken - my foundation in God. My foundation through prayer, worship and the word.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

My heart's desire

I didn't appreciate my stay here in Australia
...until my visa was put on hold

Just when I found
the 'perfect' course to study,
the 'perfect' units in that course outline, and
the 'perfect' lecturer...


The walk along the streets was solemnly silent. I really had to go to the bathroom on the way home from the immigration office, but that was as fast as my legs could take me. As I looked along that memory lane, I started to realize that two months here in Australia really did make a difference in my life. I noticed the shops which brought back a nostalgic feeling of the time when my mom was around to buy stuff for us. I would sigh to myself but only within my heart.

I didn't appreciate my stay here in Australia until my visa was put on hold. It was that moment in time when I had so much to express but no words left to say. It was that time when I was sad but helpless at the same time. Disappointment at this point, was an understatement.

Just when I found the 'perfect' course to study, the 'perfect' units in that course outline, the 'perfect' lecturer - Peta Heywood. Sigh I would, but only to myself. Because I couldn't be bothered whether others heard that sigh or not. I was sad, but that's all I knew at that point, and I really couldn't process anything beyond that.

If I went back to Malaysia, it just wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't get a course like that, a school like that, much less a lecturer like that. The uniqueness of the course has actually got me attached to the school, to the course and to the lecturer. Simply because of one belief.

The faculty of education in LaTrobe has a unique belief and a collective belief at that, that education is meant to be exciting, interesting, motivating and loving. Full of passion, full of life. And I hold a similar belief. I have always had this belief ever since I was 7. Education was not meant to be boring, an obligation, compulsory,.. a nightmare.

The words of the immigration officer kept echoing into my head, 28 days 28 days 28 days 28 days... I was supposed to get back to the immigration office within 28 days,.. but I took two months. That was the complication. "No documents or anything else can be used to help you anymore. Now, you've just got to wait for me and the conciliation committee to decide whether to remove that complication from your statement or not." She said that thrice.

I was trying my best to hold back the tears as I kept my documents scattered on the table. It was embarrassing. Embarrassing that I had something I unconsciously allowed my heart to cherish. Embarrassed and surprised. Surprised as I finally came to realize how much this visa actually meant to me. Something new to comprehend.

I only kept asking one question, "How am I going to study about the 're-ignition' of education if I don't study in LaTrobe?" This is my heart's desire. Now I realize how desperate I am for it. Now I realize that LaTrobe is the only place I can get this. This lecturer, this belief, but much more so the aggression of such belief. The belief was only the root of something thriving.

Let it's branch grow. And let it reach the nations. Let it one day reach Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, India, China. This is my heart's desire. Bring it across the nations. Plant it's seed, and let the tree grow. Nurture it, water it, fertilize it. Only let it grow wild. Let it's passion re-ignite every dead education system planted in those lands. Let every dry tree catch on fire. Never-ending, wild and ferocious.

I'm speaking from the heart of education, where passion resides. If there be any left.


Don't stop me.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Disappointments ~ God answered

God has answered this devotion. I just enrolled into LaTrobe yesterday and got my subjects in. The person in charged asked me what I was interested in and what my plans for the future were, that she may allocate to me the desired or appropriate subjects.

The first thing I said to her was my vision. I told her I wanted to build schools all over the world, and for the poor, and I would like to make my own curriculum. I told her I was interested in Pedagogy. Big word, no? I just learned it few days ago. The definition of pedagogy:

1.	the function or work of a teacher; teaching.

2.	the art or science of teaching; education; instructional methods.

When she heard that word, she straight away linked me up with the lecturer of pedagogy and holistic studies. Looked all over for her. Then was told that she was coming back up. So we waited. She said, "she is the right person. You should talk to her. She teaches pedagogy and holistic education, which is similar to pedagogy."

[she could take care of me]

To cut the long story short, my former core units for Educational Leadership and Management were:

1. Educational Administration and Management, and;
   
2. Leadership and Team Building Skills

and I was supposed to choose another Elective unit to make (3) units for this semester. Of the third, she chose Curriculum Design and Implementation.

But since I was so much more interested in Pedagogy, they decided throw away core unit No.2, which was Leadership and Team Building. And get me to learn Intro to Australian Schools, to give me a taste of different classroom environments. =) Boy.. was I glad!

Intro to Australian Schools, Pedagogy and Holistic Education were second year Master's course units, not first year's. Nevertheless, since I was enrolled into a Master's program instead of a Graduate Diploma program (foundation in Masters/first year of Masters), they gave me the right to enroll into my second year courses now, and do Admin next time ^^ i love 'em..

Nevertheless, due to my ever demanding attitude, I still didn't have it in me to do core unit No.1, Educational Admin and Management (how awfully dull =.=). Tell me again why I am doing Educational Studies in Leadership and Management? Oh, rite.. because I wanted to build schools..

After all the talking, I told her that my passion was very much for Pedagogy and Holistic education instead. Guess what the outcome was?

No, you wouldn't.. My three units ended up as:

1. Curriculum Design and Implementation
2. Introduction to Australian Schools, and
3. Pedagogical Principles and Practice

Now.. what happened to my two core units again? XD

and they are all.. second year master's program units.. AND not for Masters in Educational Leadership and Management but.. Masters in Teaching.

Which would entitle me to teach, actually. And required was also a 'Working With Children's check' and 'Police Check' since I would be going into schools. =) Did I mention i LOVE 'em? ^^

Oh, and these 3 units are all together, as in the same students were learning up that course, and it was a small class with a lot of group discussion. And I would be meeting the same students in and out.. =) I love 'em.

And she said that since I was attending that whole course, she could take care of me while I was there in that course.. heh.. I'm so looking forward to going to school now =) I mean.. how many people would have a lecturer take care of them? God is so good and God loves me so much. But even if this did not happen, I know that God still loves me. God loves me all the time. And I love Him too.

She said that I might want to consider including children from wealthy families because ultimately, they are the ones that will rule the world. You know what? She thinks like me. I told her that I am aiming for them, too and not just for poverty stricken children. But I also added that children from poverty stricken families can rule the world too.

I can't wait for class. And guess what? My classes are Monday 2-5pm and Tuesday 10-1pm, 2-5pm. So I only stay in Ebbie's house one night. And my transport is so much cheaper that way! Think of it - 2 units on Tuesday!!! God bless me, really.. God, I love You so much. But even if You take this away, I'd still love You.

so, my devotion down there works.. =) This is also an answer to my other devotion that God told me that He will give me a mentor who will teach me in Educational Studies, and He did. I believe that it is God's provision for me =) God blessed me^^ I love Him!!

p/s: Read the 'Application' part of BOTH the devotions down here. The first talks about God having a better plan for me at LaTrobe, and the second about God will give me someone who will teach me personally.

_____________________________________________________

12 July 2008
Psalms 18, Psalms 87

Psalms 18

⁷ Then the earth shook and trembled;

The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken,

Because He was angry.

Psalms 87

¹ His foundation is in the holy mountains.

² The Lord loves the gates of Zion

More than all the dwellings of Jacob.

I like these verses because the foundation of the earth belongs to You. The foundations of everything belongs to You. No matter what it's like. No matter what happens. You can build up and You can pull down, even foundations. Of things that do not belong to You, You pull down. But You establish Your foundation in the holy mountains. You build up Your foundation in Holiness, in Holy places. In Your Holy Place. In Your Holy of Holies, in Your throne room, that's where my foundation in You should be built and established. Not in the foundations of the earth, but in the foundations of the heavens. It is through worship that my foundation is built.

Definition:
a body or ground upon which something is built up or overlaid

Merriam-Webster, Inc: Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. Eleventh ed. Springfield, Mass. : Merriam-Webster, Inc., 2003

Mental Picture:
I see the foundation of my church being built. The physical foundations of my church building - the digging, the piling, the noise, the business, the structure, the layout, the formation of the lowest levels. I saw the huge machines, the tall ones, the pillars, the metal bars, the cement, the workers, the dust, the rocks, the mud, the construction. I heard the noise, the shouting, the machineries, the piling up of rocks one against another, the knocking sound of the hammer, workers walking from one side to another. It was the sound of hope. It was the sound of something new. There was development. Slowly, I could see it coming into place, as they put the beams in.

But something happened. There was disappointment. There was confusion. They had to stop construction. There was a problem. The government wanted part of the land. They had to change their plans. The architect, the contractor were both very disappointed. All their plans failed. Everything they planed were stopped. It could not be done anymore. Everything came to a standstill. Disappointment filled the air. What a great disappointment.

[I may reach a point of disappointment
that LaTrobe is not going to give me a full refund, but then
there is a purpose of why I am there]

But then, there was a courtroom. A conference. A discussion. All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a refund. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts. And true enough, there was hope as they recovered the money and redesigned the plans. True enough, You remained faithful till the end, as the building layout is now even bigger as before. It is by Your grace that they made it through it all.

[ But You have greater plans for me here ]

Application:
All things work out for good to those that love You. Although I may reach a point of disappointments that LaTrobe is not going to give me a full refund, but then there is a purpose of why I am there. In the end, it will always turn out to be better than it was before. I must not be sad. I know I am very disappointed right now and really really sad that I cannot get into UQ - the university of my dreams, so called. But You have greater plans for me here.

[ I guess You want me to do my foundations in LaTrobe.
I believe in You, Lord ]

I know I wanted to lay my foundations in my masters program in UQ, instead of LaTrobe, because UQ is more prestigious and I know that they will accept me if I pass my foundations there. They also offer double the amount of credit units for a slightly more expensive price, and the foundation there is in leadership, not just a general educational studies foundation, like the one in LaTrobe. I so so so wanted to go to UQ, other than the finance part and the staying alone part. But I guess You want me to do my foundations in LaTrobe. I believe in You, Lord. I know that You want what is best for me. I shall not be disappointed anymore.

work twice as hard

10 July 2008
James 4:3-16

^13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow ⁸we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; ^14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. ^15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” ^16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.

⁸ M let us

I like these verses because I don't know what will happen tomorrow. How can I assume that I will get a job and be able to pay up my tuition fees? How can I calculate it that way? How can I assume that I will even get $20 an hour if I get a job? I am not just living by Your grace that I have to pay up that little leftover that I can't pay up, but I am living by Your grace that I can even get a job or a job with a good pay. How can I assume I will even have enough to survive the first semester? Instead, I ought to say, if the Lord wills, then I can even have enough to buy the plane ticket there. "If the Lord wills."

If You will, I can do anything actually. The words 'if You will' means more than just 'allowance' or 'permission'. It means the 'will of God'. It means the 'plans and purposes of God'. It means the destiny that You have prepared for me since the foundations of the world. It's more than just Your 'permissible will'. It is about Your 'perfect will'. If I seek Your will, then surely I can do it. But now the question is, is it Your will? I cannot assume. It is too dangerous to assume.

If I succeed in anything, it wasn't because of my strengths or my accomplishments. It is because it is Your will that I succeeded. It was for the establishment of Your purposes.

Definition:
mean to express pride in oneself or one’s accomplishments.

Merriam-Webster, Inc: Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. Eleventh ed. Springfield, Mass. : Merriam-Webster, Inc., 2003

Mental Picture:
I see this young, fat boy. He liked to boast. He would boast that he was physically the best at playing football (??). But he did. And he told off the other boys who wanted to play with him, and they believed him and they were afraid of him. Then one fine day, a bigger boy came along and challenged him. But when he played, he fell down and everyone laughed at him.

[ He needed training. He needed a coach.
He needed to learn from someone who has walked that path.
He needed someone to teach him what he does not know ]

It surfaced that he has never played football before. Apparently, he had assessed himself and his skills based on his appearances. He figured, somehow, that if he was bigger and fatter and stronger, that it meant that he was physically fit to play football. He totally didn't know that those were not the qualities required to play football. He didn't know that to play football, he had to be smart, physically fit, skilled in tackling and many other things. He even had to be skilled in kicking the ball, which he has never done before. But because of his arrogance, he failed miserably. He needed more knowledge and experience to be the best. He needed training. He needed a coach. He needed to learn from someone who has walked that path before. He needed someone to teach him what he does not know. He cannot assume he knows something when he knew nothing at all.

[ He was later humble enough
to let that boy who challenged him, to teach him.
To teach him from scratch ]

It does not mean that he couldn't play. It meant that to play, he would need vigorous training and exercise, and would definitely need to loose that sum of weight he had. It would just require lots of practice and training. And soon, he could play like the other boys, but then again, it wouldn't make him the best. To be the best, he had to train harder and work harder than anyone else. Probably twice the amount everyone else trained and worked.

He was later humble enough to let that boy who challenged him, to teach him. To teach him from scratch, how to kick the ball and all the things that he didn't know of. Then, he realized how much he didn't know and he was even more ashamed of himself and his proud behaviour.

Application:
I think this speaks of me, entering into a masters programme that I know nuts of. Educational Studies. What do I know, seriously? Oh, God, help me. Sigh. Who is going to teach me? Who is qualified to teach me? Do I need extra classes? Do I need to get back to basics? Where should I start?

I have to find someone who knows this kind of things to teach me from scratch. When I enter the course, I am going to be lost, more lost than a lost duck. But that would mean that I need someone to train me up and I need to work harder than anyone else in class. I need to work hard to even reach their level and then work double hard to be better than them. That's a lot a lot of training. And then I would need experience as well. I would need to be involved in that kind of work in the same sector I am studying in to cope with what I am studying and to help me understand.

There might be a lot of terms which I've never heard of before. And other jargon which are new to me. I have to brace myself and be prepared to be the most stupid one in class. Especially on the first day. And then I have to catch whomever I can and beg them to teach me from scratch, whatever I do not know. It will probably be good for me to start off with Grad Cert instead of Grad Dip. If I study in UQ, I think I would be starting from Grad Cert, which is one level lower than Grad Dip. So I guess that's a wiser choice. Unsure.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

I'll come back when it's over - no need to say goodbye

Artist: Regina Spektor
Song: The Call [The Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian OST]




It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

for an amazing

hehe.. it's so fun being with you. i never thought i'd laugh so much. great minds think alike. never thought i'd meet someone like you one day. if i knew, i wouldn't have done the stuff i did. i would've waited. i would've been a better person.

well, since i like you so much, i'm going to try writing you a poem.. so here goes!

for an amazing

the splendor the sun unfolds upon the land
hints the dawning of a new beginning
while the waves are beating against the sand
behold, i see such a wonderful being

how could i ever imagine
that i'd meet someone like you
you're so unique, so impressing
so wise and profound too

you make me admire the capability
wonder at the possibilities
and marvel at the infinity
of what God can do for you and me

since our knitted hearts were made
there is joy like a fountain, a spring
though dreams are yet to come and much are left unsaid
between us there remains a quiet understanding

it's just amazing..

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

I am being random

my third blog for today.. oh well..

came across an amazing blog. http://www.trevorromain.com/
a cartoonist, I believe. Read the story of his father, entitled 'Father's Day'. Very touching. He wrote about his letter to his dad.. nice. Took this pic from there:


bumped into his web by searching for pics on google

you can also visit his website. http://comicalsense.com/trevor/videos.php
Has videos of him with kids and all that. nice nice. Have yet to watch them myself. Remarkable life story, to me, at least.

Oh well, it's winter here in Melbourne and I am so so hot.. mom on the heater and i offed it but it is still so so hot and I am sweating.. God help me.

Let's blog about something else.

Okay, here is this other thing which I should have blogged about a long time ago, but delay delay until now.. Esther Lum from HUGE camp brought this up one day:

see the pic of Jesus on the cross? This is the Whirlpool galaxy.

" I really liked the speaker at the Chris Tomlin concert. Louie Giglio is a dynamic preacher, who uses a lot of word pictures...just what gets into my brain the best. His theme was the greatness of God, as the tour was called How Great Is Our God, after one of Tomlin's songs. He used the Universe with pictures up on the powerpoint screen to drive home how great the universe is and the God who literally breathed the stars into being. Then he told us about the Whirlpool Galaxy....a far off galaxy that was found using the Hubble telescope. It is a beautiful galaxy, white spirals with red jewel looking spots all through it. But at the very center of the galaxy is the most amazing picture. Usually at the center of any galaxy is a round black hole. This is what they found at the center of the Whirlpool Galaxy.



Then, after wowwing us with word pictures and visual pictures of God's awesome Greatness, he brought it down to how God is also interwoven into the smallest detail in our lives. There is a protein called Laminin which is like scaffolding of our cells...it holds it all together, like the rebar in the cement of our being. Then he showed us a picture of what laminin looks like....amazingly enough, it is in the structure of a cross. Laminin, the very protein that holds our being together, is shaped like the cross of Christ, who holds all of life together."
- by crickl http://www.angelfire.com/



amazing, isn't it?


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Dear Lord Jesus

I condemn myself over and over again
This life is not worth living
This life just needs to end
In front of me is
The picture of a kitchen knife
so conveniently placed in my hand

The things I've done wrong
and the people who've left me
keeps me wondering
How much I am really worth
The same old story of my past
gives me that terrible feeling
that forever seems to last
No matter how hard I try to resolve it

I can only think of death
and the life I once lived
because nobody can save me from my mistakes
although I regret everything I ever did;
I search for an answer
but the flashbacks of my memory flood my mind
so that there is no escape
from the truth that ever seeks to destroy me

Can anybody save me from my mistakes
You know I regret everything I did
Let's turn back time
Let's start all over again
but reality visits me
and I have to live with all my misery
so that there will never be a time
when I shall cease to think of death

Stop it all for me
and let there be salvation
from my everliving memories
and my never ending haunts of death
What will be of me in years to come
for how long shall I endure it
everyday is a dying day
when the past seemed to have just happened yesterday

Sing for me a poem
and recite to me a song
of freedom and new beginnings
so that the past will remain as it is, the past
and there is a hope of a future where We will be together
Hear now my prayer:

"Lord Jesus, I want to be pure,
but I don't think I can be;
I want to be made whole, Lord,
and I want to be set free;

Come, Lord Jesus, come,
come and be with me;
In this period of darkness,
It's Your eyes I need to see;

Help me, Lord Jesus,
only You can calm the raging sea;
You're the answer to all my prayers,
and You're the One who holds the key;

Let me now forget who I was,
and be all I can be,
for hope is now found,
in a new beginning of a new me;

Give me now a new name,
trust me now a new life to gain,
that I may live this life all over again,
I pray, in Jesus' name."

by ~Holy^angel

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *