.:: .:.: :. You mean the world to God .: .:: :..

:.. He says He loves you more than anything & you mean the world to Him .:.:

.::. He'd do anything for you and He died on the cross to prove it :. .::


..:: When I was 6 years old, my sister told me a story about the lost sheep .::.

.: God had a hundred sheep in His flock ::.

.:.. At the end of the day, when He has brought them home, He would count them to make sure they were all there .::

.:.: One day, He found that there was only ninety-nine and it was already getting late .:

..: Nevertheless, He left the ninety-nine to look for that one which was lost .::.

..::. He searched until it was dark and finally, He heard its cries coming from the valley :..

.:.. He went towards it and found the little lamb wounded and hungry .::.

::. He moved away the rocks and carried it in His arms .:..

.: He embraced it as He said, " I will never give up until I find you. " ..:.: :..


.:: ..: ::. God has only one craving, one dream, one desire - that is you ..: ::.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

God is in the center of everything


"Q: What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?

A: Psalms 117


Q: What is the longest chapter in the Bible?

A: Psalms 119

Q: Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?

A: Psalms 118


Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118

Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118

Add these numbers up and you get 1188.


Q: What is the center verse in the Bible?

A: Psalms 118:8


Q: Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives?

The next time someone says they would like to find

God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to

be in the center of His will, just send them to the

center of His Word!

Psalms 118:8

"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."



Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?

When things get tough, always remember...

Faith doesn't get you around trouble, it gets you through it !! " =)





* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Why I cried

You are shaking my foundations. Disappointments flooded in again yesterday, as my visa was on hold. And it is just amazing how You gave me the exact same verse that I had the last time disappointments visited me.


Psalms 87
1 His foundation is in the holy mountains.

And as I read back my devotion last time, it is very encouraging to know that my disappointments will turn out for the better. You see, last time, I was disappointed that I couldn't get into UQ. But now, I like LaTrobe so much. I realize that the units I am studying in LaTrobe, I cannot get anywhere else in the world. Not this kind, anyway. Because LaTrobe has special lecturers that are bias. And I like that because I am bias like them.

As I read my previous devotion on this same verse, I saw how disappointed I was that I couldn't get into UQ and that really tickles me now that I am reading back. How silly of me to think that getting into UQ was better just because it was more prestigious. It is really not about where my degree came from, but really what I've learned through that degree program.

And now that my visa is on hold, I may finally get a chance to get back into UQ and I don't want to. What a joke.

How would I have guessed that my old devotions can speak so much to myself today. Talk about disappointments. I am so torn that I don't want to speak to anyone, don't want to do anything, don't even want to eat. I'm just too sorrowful because of my position right now. But my devotion talked so much about disappointments.

And my mental picture in that devotion even spoke about a meeting, a gathering and a discussion to produce an outcome. It seems as though I saw a vision, even 1 and a half weeks ago, that there was going to be a compliance committee meeting to discuss my situation this week, whether my visa was to be accepted or not.

Here's part of that mental picture:

But then, there was a courtroom. A conference. A discussion. All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a refund. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts. And true enough, there was hope as they recovered the money and redesigned the plans. True enough, You remained faithful till the end, as the building layout is now even bigger than before. It is by Your grace that they made it through it all.

In the end, after that discussion, the building layout was even bigger than before. Now, how did that happen? It was by Your grace. You are a great God. You can do anything You want. And I believe in You, that when You give, and if You take away, that You will multiply what You have taken away and give it back to me.

The same goes to other things in life. When You give me a good guy, and when You take him away, I always know that You have someone much better in store for me. There is nothing to be disappointed about. In fact, I should rejoice. Because if the guy that You take away is a really great guy, imagine, what kind of guy I will have in the end? Must be double the greatness! If You take this visa away from me, I cannot imagine what will happen soon. It is simply marvelous.

You shake the foundations, Lord. Because You are rebuilding Your house. You are enlarging it.

Second Mental Picture (taken from today's devotion):

I saw this boy playing with white blocks. And he was using those blocks to build a block house on a book. Apparently, that book was his foundation. And when the house was almost completed, he shook the book accidentally, and the whole building collapsed.

And he was disappointed. He was really sad. He cried. Because all of his hardwork was into it. He had really put his heart into it. And now it's all gone. That's why he cried. And then he went and told his mom. Then his mom felt for him. Then she came to see his destroyed work.

Then she explained to him that his foundation was not good enough. She told him to build on a foundation that cannot be shaken. And so he did, and this time, she helped him. They built a castle on the floor. It was so tall, that it was taller than him. He was so happy.

Now, let's take a look at the previous mental picture:

All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts.

You know, I cried. I cried because I felt like I came this far. I tried so hard to get into uni. I tried so hard to come here to aussie, to pay so much money, and now I have to start from square one. I cried because of all my hardwork and efforts. I did so many things - I ran to the office to pay my fees, I missed the stop on the way to uni, I waited for another bus that never came, walked kms a couple of times, I went to the post office to get my working with childrens check, I went through the whole process. I did so many things. I bought my stationary, bought books, got my student card, got enrolled into college. Went to the bank a couple of times to resolve so many transactions, rushed to the immigration office because I lost my way to the train station.

I had to wait nervously, praying like anything that my previous education institution will even give me a refund. And I lost thousands and thousands of dollars and ringgit to the migration office for a visa I canceled and enrollment into the cooking school, which costed RM3000, but of which I canceled also. I did so many things, and now they wanted to tell me that my second visa can be rejected? Do they know how much it costs in ringgit for each application? It costs RM1500. And I had to apply twice. And it was all my dad's money. And now he doesn't have much left. Let's not even mention the rent, food and utilities of about $120 a WEEK. And I've been here for 2.5 months. So that's $1200 x 3 = RM3600, rent only up till today, not counting future rent.

My first semester fees costs 8125.. dollars. That's multiplied by 3 point something. That's almost RM25,000, including registration fees, transport, and so on and so forth. And since I already commenced my studies, if my visa gets rejected, I don't know if they will give me a full refund. If they only give me 50%, I will loose half of my RM25 000.

My plane ticket here costs another RM3500 or so. If I added everything together with all my expenses on clothes and blanket and everything, it will come up to RM38 200. I could buy a brand new car. By cash. Instead of burning that money to the ground. And imagine if I had to fly back (RM3600++) and fly here again (another RM3600++), and did that WHOLE process all over again. That's why I cried. Because of all that. My efforts. My hardwork. And a lot of other people's hard earned money and savings.

God, please tell me You have something much greater. Much much. Please tell me it was all worth it. Thank You.


Nevertheless, I shall build now a new foundation that can never be shaken - my foundation in God. My foundation through prayer, worship and the word.




* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

My heart's desire

I didn't appreciate my stay here in Australia
...until my visa was put on hold
Just when I found
the 'perfect' course to study,
the 'perfect' units in that course outline, and
the 'perfect' lecturer...


The walk along the streets was solemnly silent. I really had to go to the bathroom on the way home from the immigration office, but that was as fast as my legs could take me. As I looked along that memory lane, I started to realize that two months here in Australia really did make a difference in my life. I noticed the shops which brought back a nostalgic feeling of the time when my mom was around to buy stuff for us. I would sigh to myself but only within my heart.

I didn't appreciate my stay here in Australia until my visa was put on hold. It was that moment in time when I had so much to express but no words left to say. It was that time when I was sad but helpless at the same time. Disappointment at this point, was an understatement.

Just when I found the 'perfect' course to study, the 'perfect' units in that course outline, the 'perfect' lecturer - Peta Heywood. Sigh I would, but only to myself. Because I couldn't be bothered whether others heard that sigh or not. I was sad, but that's all I knew at that point, and I really couldn't process anything beyond that.

If I went back to Malaysia, it just wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't get a course like that, a school like that, much less a lecturer like that. The uniqueness of the course has actually got me attached to the school, to the course and to the lecturer. Simply because of one belief.

The faculty of education in LaTrobe has a unique belief and a collective belief at that, that education is meant to be exciting, interesting, motivating and loving. Full of passion, full of life. And I hold a similar belief. I have always had this belief ever since I was 7. Education was not meant to be boring, an obligation, compulsory,.. a nightmare.

The words of the immigration officer kept echoing into my head, 28 days 28 days 28 days 28 days... I was supposed to get back to the immigration office within 28 days,.. but I took two months. That was the complication. "No documents or anything else can be used to help you anymore. Now, you've just got to wait for me and the conciliation committee to decide whether to remove that complication from your statement or not." She said that thrice.

I was trying my best to hold back the tears as I kept my documents scattered on the table. It was embarrassing. Embarrassing that I had something I unconsciously allowed my heart to cherish. Embarrassed and surprised. Surprised as I finally came to realize how much this visa actually meant to me. Something new to comprehend.

I only kept asking one question, "How am I going to study about the 're-ignition' of education if I don't study in LaTrobe?" This is my heart's desire. Now I realize how desperate I am for it. Now I realize that LaTrobe is the only place I can get this. This lecturer, this belief, but much more so the aggression of such belief. The belief was only the root of something thriving.

Let it's branch grow. And let it reach the nations. Let it one day reach Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, India, China. This is my heart's desire. Bring it across the nations. Plant it's seed, and let the tree grow. Nurture it, water it, fertilize it. Only let it grow wild. Let it's passion re-ignite every dead education system planted in those lands. Let every dry tree catch on fire. Never-ending, wild and ferocious.

I'm speaking from the heart of education, where passion resides. If there be any left.


Don't stop me.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Disappointments ~ God answered

God has answered this devotion. I just enrolled into LaTrobe yesterday and got my subjects in. The person in charged asked me what I was interested in and what my plans for the future were, that she may allocate to me the desired or appropriate subjects.

The first thing I said to her was my vision. I told her I wanted to build schools all over the world, and for the poor, and I would like to make my own curriculum. I told her I was interested in Pedagogy. Big word, no? I just learned it few days ago. The definition of pedagogy:

1.the function or work of a teacher; teaching.
2.the art or science of teaching; education; instructional methods.

When she heard that word, she straight away linked me up with the lecturer of pedagogy and holistic studies. Looked all over for her. Then was told that she was coming back up. So we waited. She said, "she is the right person. You should talk to her. She teaches pedagogy and holistic education, which is similar to pedagogy."

[she could take care of me]


To cut the long story short, my former core units for Educational Leadership and Management were:
  1. Educational Administration and Management, and;
  2. Leadership and Team Building Skills
and I was supposed to choose another Elective unit to make (3) units for this semester. Of the third, she chose Curriculum Design and Implementation.

But since I was so much more interested in Pedagogy, they decided throw away core unit No.2, which was Leadership and Team Building. And get me to learn Intro to Australian Schools, to give me a taste of different classroom environments. =) Boy.. was I glad!

Intro to Australian Schools, Pedagogy and Holistic Education were second year Master's course units, not first year's. Nevertheless, since I was enrolled into a Master's program instead of a Graduate Diploma program (foundation in Masters/first year of Masters), they gave me the right to enroll into my second year courses now, and do Admin next time ^^ i love 'em..

Nevertheless, due to my ever demanding attitude, I still didn't have it in me to do core unit No.1, Educational Admin and Management (how awfully dull =.=). Tell me again why I am doing Educational Studies in Leadership and Management? Oh, rite.. because I wanted to build schools..

After all the talking, I told her that my passion was very much for Pedagogy and Holistic education instead. Guess what the outcome was?

No, you wouldn't.. My three units ended up as:
  1. Curriculum Design and Implementation
  2. Introduction to Australian Schools, and
  3. Pedagogical Principles and Practice
Now.. what happened to my two core units again? XD

and they are all.. second year master's program units.. AND not for Masters in Educational Leadership and Management but.. Masters in Teaching.

Which would entitle me to teach, actually. And required was also a 'Working With Children's check' and 'Police Check' since I would be going into schools. =) Did I mention i LOVE 'em? ^^

Oh, and these 3 units are all together, as in the same students were learning up that course, and it was a small class with a lot of group discussion. And I would be meeting the same students in and out.. =) I love 'em.

And she said that since I was attending that whole course, she could take care of me while I was there in that course.. heh.. I'm so looking forward to going to school now =) I mean.. how many people would have a lecturer take care of them? God is so good and God loves me so much. But even if this did not happen, I know that God still loves me. God loves me all the time. And I love Him too.

She said that I might want to consider including children from wealthy families because ultimately, they are the ones that will rule the world. You know what? She thinks like me. I told her that I am aiming for them, too and not just for poverty stricken children. But I also added that children from poverty stricken families can rule the world too.

I can't wait for class. And guess what? My classes are Monday 2-5pm and Tuesday 10-1pm, 2-5pm. So I only stay in Ebbie's house one night. And my transport is so much cheaper that way! Think of it - 2 units on Tuesday!!! God bless me, really.. God, I love You so much. But even if You take this away, I'd still love You.

so, my devotion down there works.. =) This is also an answer to my other devotion that God told me that He will give me a mentor who will teach me in Educational Studies, and He did. I believe that it is God's provision for me =) God blessed me^^ I love Him!!

p/s: Read the 'Application' part of BOTH the devotions down here. The first talks about God having a better plan for me at LaTrobe, and the second about God will give me someone who will teach me personally.

_____________________________________________________


12 July 2008
Psalms 18, Psalms 87

Psalms 18
7 Then the earth shook and trembled;
The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken,
Because He was angry.

Psalms 87
1 His foundation is in the holy mountains.
2 The Lord loves the gates of Zion
More than all the dwellings of Jacob.


I like these verses because the foundation of the earth belongs to You. The foundations of everything belongs to You. No matter what it's like. No matter what happens. You can build up and You can pull down, even foundations. Of things that do not belong to You, You pull down. But You establish Your foundation in the holy mountains. You build up Your foundation in Holiness, in Holy places. In Your Holy Place. In Your Holy of Holies, in Your throne room, that's where my foundation in You should be built and established. Not in the foundations of the earth, but in the foundations of the heavens. It is through worship that my foundation is built.

Definition:
a body or ground upon which something is built up or overlaid
Merriam-Webster, Inc: Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. Eleventh ed. Springfield, Mass. : Merriam-Webster, Inc., 2003

Mental Picture:
I see the foundation of my church being built. The physical foundations of my church building - the digging, the piling, the noise, the business, the structure, the layout, the formation of the lowest levels. I saw the huge machines, the tall ones, the pillars, the metal bars, the cement, the workers, the dust, the rocks, the mud, the construction. I heard the noise, the shouting, the machineries, the piling up of rocks one against another, the knocking sound of the hammer, workers walking from one side to another. It was the sound of hope. It was the sound of something new. There was development. Slowly, I could see it coming into place, as they put the beams in.

But something happened. There was disappointment. There was confusion. They had to stop construction. There was a problem. The government wanted part of the land. They had to change their plans. The architect, the contractor were both very disappointed. All their plans failed. Everything they planed were stopped. It could not be done anymore. Everything came to a standstill. Disappointment filled the air. What a great disappointment.

[I may reach a point of disappointment
that LaTrobe is not going to give me a full refund, but then
there is a purpose of why I am there]


But then, there was a courtroom. A conference. A discussion. All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a refund. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts. And true enough, there was hope as they recovered the money and redesigned the plans. True enough, You remained faithful till the end, as the building layout is now even bigger as before. It is by Your grace that they made it through it all.

[ But You have greater plans for me here ]


Application:
All things work out for good to those that love You. Although I may reach a point of disappointments that LaTrobe is not going to give me a full refund, but then there is a purpose of why I am there. In the end, it will always turn out to be better than it was before. I must not be sad. I know I am very disappointed right now and really really sad that I cannot get into UQ - the university of my dreams, so called. But You have greater plans for me here.

[ I guess You want me to do my foundations in LaTrobe.
I believe in You, Lord ]


I know I wanted to lay my foundations in my masters program in UQ, instead of LaTrobe, because UQ is more prestigious and I know that they will accept me if I pass my foundations there. They also offer double the amount of credit units for a slightly more expensive price, and the foundation there is in leadership, not just a general educational studies foundation, like the one in LaTrobe. I so so so wanted to go to UQ, other than the finance part and the staying alone part. But I guess You want me to do my foundations in LaTrobe. I believe in You, Lord. I know that You want what is best for me. I shall not be disappointed anymore.



work twice as hard

10 July 2008
James 4:3-16

13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow 8we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; 14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” 16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.
8 M let us

I like these verses because I don't know what will happen tomorrow. How can I assume that I will get a job and be able to pay up my tuition fees? How can I calculate it that way? How can I assume that I will even get $20 an hour if I get a job? I am not just living by Your grace that I have to pay up that little leftover that I can't pay up, but I am living by Your grace that I can even get a job or a job with a good pay. How can I assume I will even have enough to survive the first semester? Instead, I ought to say, if the Lord wills, then I can even have enough to buy the plane ticket there. "If the Lord wills."

If You will, I can do anything actually. The words 'if You will' means more than just 'allowance' or 'permission'. It means the 'will of God'. It means the 'plans and purposes of God'. It means the destiny that You have prepared for me since the foundations of the world. It's more than just Your 'permissible will'. It is about Your 'perfect will'. If I seek Your will, then surely I can do it. But now the question is, is it Your will? I cannot assume. It is too dangerous to assume.

If I succeed in anything, it wasn't because of my strengths or my accomplishments. It is because it is Your will that I succeeded. It was for the establishment of Your purposes.

Definition:
mean to express pride in oneself or one’s accomplishments.
Merriam-Webster, Inc: Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. Eleventh ed. Springfield, Mass. : Merriam-Webster, Inc., 2003

Mental Picture:
I see this young, fat boy. He liked to boast. He would boast that he was physically the best at playing football (??). But he did. And he told off the other boys who wanted to play with him, and they believed him and they were afraid of him. Then one fine day, a bigger boy came along and challenged him. But when he played, he fell down and everyone laughed at him.

[ He needed training. He needed a coach.
He needed to learn from someone who has walked that path.
He needed someone to teach him what he does not know ]


It surfaced that he has never played football before. Apparently, he had assessed himself and his skills based on his appearances. He figured, somehow, that if he was bigger and fatter and stronger, that it meant that he was physically fit to play football. He totally didn't know that those were not the qualities required to play football. He didn't know that to play football, he had to be smart, physically fit, skilled in tackling and many other things. He even had to be skilled in kicking the ball, which he has never done before. But because of his arrogance, he failed miserably. He needed more knowledge and experience to be the best. He needed training. He needed a coach. He needed to learn from someone who has walked that path before. He needed someone to teach him what he does not know. He cannot assume he knows something when he knew nothing at all.

[ He was later humble enough
to let that boy who challenged him, to teach him.
To teach him from scratch ]


It does not mean that he couldn't play. It meant that to play, he would need vigorous training and exercise, and would definitely need to loose that sum of weight he had. It would just require lots of practice and training. And soon, he could play like the other boys, but then again, it wouldn't make him the best. To be the best, he had to train harder and work harder than anyone else. Probably twice the amount everyone else trained and worked.

He was later humble enough to let that boy who challenged him, to teach him. To teach him from scratch, how to kick the ball and all the things that he didn't know of. Then, he realized how much he didn't know and he was even more ashamed of himself and his proud behaviour.

Application:
I think this speaks of me, entering into a masters programme that I know nuts of. Educational Studies. What do I know, seriously? Oh, God, help me. Sigh. Who is going to teach me? Who is qualified to teach me? Do I need extra classes? Do I need to get back to basics? Where should I start?

I have to find someone who knows this kind of things to teach me from scratch. When I enter the course, I am going to be lost, more lost than a lost duck. But that would mean that I need someone to train me up and I need to work harder than anyone else in class. I need to work hard to even reach their level and then work double hard to be better than them. That's a lot a lot of training. And then I would need experience as well. I would need to be involved in that kind of work in the same sector I am studying in to cope with what I am studying and to help me understand.

There might be a lot of terms which I've never heard of before. And other jargon which are new to me. I have to brace myself and be prepared to be the most stupid one in class. Especially on the first day. And then I have to catch whomever I can and beg them to teach me from scratch, whatever I do not know. It will probably be good for me to start off with Grad Cert instead of Grad Dip. If I study in UQ, I think I would be starting from Grad Cert, which is one level lower than Grad Dip. So I guess that's a wiser choice. Unsure.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I'll come back when it's over - no need to say goodbye

Artist: Regina Spektor
Song: The Call [The Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian OST]




It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

for an amazing

hehe.. it's so fun being with you. i never thought i'd laugh so much. great minds think alike. never thought i'd meet someone like you one day. if i knew, i wouldn't have done the stuff i did. i would've waited. i would've been a better person.

well, since i like you so much, i'm going to try writing you a poem.. so here goes!

for an amazing

the splendor the sun unfolds upon the land
hints the dawning of a new beginning
while the waves are beating against the sand
behold, i see such a wonderful being

how could i ever imagine
that i'd meet someone like you
you're so unique, so impressing
so wise and profound too

you make me admire the capability
wonder at the possibilities
and marvel at the infinity
of what God can do for you and me

since our knitted hearts were made
there is joy like a fountain, a spring
though dreams are yet to come and much are left unsaid
between us there remains a quiet understanding

it's just amazing..

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *