God, I pray for all those who stumble upon my webbie that they will love You and everyone with the Father's love and let them know Your will for their lives. Help them to persue after You. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Ms Angeline
Joram
Aaron
Lik Ee Nic Aaron Tham
Daniel Sim
Angela
Eujin
Xi Ying Sim
Clement
Mr Kenny
Annie
Adrienne
Jean
Soon Seng
Rita
Daniel
Sharon
[ My Vision ]
MY VISION is to raise up a new generation who would sacrifice their lives to serving God in fulfilling His call for their lives in the church, nation, and the world, to plant churches, become leaders of nations, impacting nations, making a difference, and turning the hearts of those in the world back to God for the establishment of God's kingdom.
[ What I love ]
my Bible
Taking pics
Dancing
Singing
Blogging
Sms or anything from.. *ahem
Taking pics
Piano, Guitar, Drumz
Poems, songs and stories
Changing my msn nicks..
Driving
Html
Reading your comments to this blog! (big hint)
Reading books on kids
Designing
Shark meat
O'chien
[ What I dislike ]
Peanut Butter
Carrying heavy things (no stamina)
Cleaning dusty things (nose sensitive to dust)
[ What I need ]
LOVE!!! >.<
[ Comments ]
Dear Anna-Grace,
I stumbled onto your blog in a word search, and am so encouraged that you've put the lyrics for 'You in Me' in it. It's so real to me, and it's my wish that many others will be able to find their strength and purpose in Him rather than in 'themselves' as often preached popular culture.
May the Lord take you to great heights in fulfilling your vision.
God bless!
Juwita
hi..
nice story.. long but interesting...
i seldom read long blog, but i finish this one!
:P
Li Shan 7/30/2004
hello dropping by to say hi anna! and keep up the good job in this blog!
Take care, God bless and stay strong in Him 4eva!!
From your bro Jin Jin :) 8/28/2004 11:29:33 PM
And she was a great leader! (hie anna!)
-joash
9/23/2004 12:04:57 AM
[ Dreams ]
Intimacy with God
Sincere love for people
Learn to play the piano
Build schools all over
Open restaurant
Have kids
See you in heaven one day
:.. He says He loves you more than anything & you mean the world to Him .:.:
.::. He'd do anything for you and He died on the cross to prove it :. .::
..:: When I was 6 years old, my sister told me a story about the lost sheep .::.
.: God had a hundred sheep in His flock ::.
.:.. At the end of the day, when He has brought them home, He would count them to make sure they were all there .::
.:.: One day, He found that there was only ninety-nine and it was already getting late .:
..: Nevertheless, He left the ninety-nine to look for that one which was lost .::.
..::. He searched until it was dark and finally, He heard its cries coming from the valley :..
.:.. He went towards it and found the little lamb wounded and hungry .::.
::. He moved away the rocks and carried it in His arms .:..
.: He embraced it as He said, " I will never give up until I find you. " ..:.: :..
.:: ..: ::. God has only one craving, one dream, one desire - that is you ..: ::.
.:.. ..: ::. My Testimony ..:. :.. .:
.:: One day when the prayer meeting was ending and everyone sat down, I sat alone and talked with God .:
.:.. Flashbacks of my childhood came to my mind .::
..:. God showed me a picture of what I did when I was a kid .:.:
.:.: He showed me how I would argue with my parents and give excuses to sleep in their room ..:
.:: So I shared with God that I always wanted to sleep in my parents' room because they didn't have enough time for me .::.
.: I paused for a while to recapture that feeling, that desire I had to be loved by my parents :.:.
..: I told God that as a kid, my parents meant the world to me .:..
.:.. There was nothing I wanted more than to be loved by my parents .::
.::. Then God said to me, "You mean the world to me." .:..
..: I cried .:..
[Saturday, February 06, 2010]
Three peopleMy dearest little brother
I'm glad you broke off your friendship with me because now you can't hurt me anymore. I rather not be your friend than to be humiliated by you over and over again. The only hurts are the memories of the past which are fading away. I'm starting to forget you. Every good time is accompanied by a hurtful experience and the hurts sink deeper than the good times. But now you can't hurt me anymore. It's funny how I thought the good memories will remain but those hurts just blasted them all off from my mind. Nothing is left now but the terrible face behind that beautiful face of yours, which loathes me. I will not accommodate these feelings anymore..
Our dearest mother
Don't pray for us to be friends anymore. I can't take it.. He is ruthless and he knows it. I deserve better, mom. Don't pray for my misery anymore. We're just not meant to be. And I have to let him go, whether there's someone else or not, he's just not the one. Please release us to go our separate ways.
My dearest son
My son,.. I can't take this pain anymore. Just go. Why can't you leave me and live a normal life? You have more opportunities than me because you're younger. You will do well.. Don't cling to me. Why are you wasting your life with a dead dog like me? You have so much in store for you. Go on with your life and leave me here. Perhaps there will be another dead dog along my way. You have a different path to take. Enjoy it. Live it to the fullest. I will only hold you down. I'm not everything you wished for. You deserve better, my son.. You have my blessing, now go.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/06/2010 11:49:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, January 07, 2010]
summary
Since I am only taking one subject this semester (which ends on the 27th of Jan), and another one subject in the next semester (or following), I am looking for a job to gain some experience before starting my own daycare center.
My future short term plan is to work for 1 year in the education line to meet the requirements of obtaining a PR in Aussie. I still have to check with the agent to confirm if that is what I need or if I already have enough points after I finish my MEd. My long term plan for the next 10 years is to start a Christian school/campus for youth ranging from 0-21 years. I am planning to do it here in Malaysia, and make it international. I also hope this school is able to sponsor orphans and raise them up. Consequently, I want to build church through the marketplace/education.
My vision is to raise up a new generation who would sacrifice their lives to serving God in fulfilling His call for their lives in the church, nation, and the world, to plant churches, become leaders of nations, impacting nations, making a difference, and turning the hearts of those in the world back to God for the establishment of God's kingdom.
I know my vision to build a school is complicated and all, but the more people say that it is impossible, the more I know that I am on the right track and in the will of God. I know that God can use anyone. I still have a the rest of my life to get all my visions and dreams done (and more) and I am only at the beginning.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 1/07/2010 02:25:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, August 19, 2009]
Quotes by AnnaAll quotes below are by me and God unless stated otherwise.. enjoy.. =)
New songs for a new season
Don't stinge on love - there will always be plenty to go around
When girls get married, they don't get what they're asking for. When guys get married, they don't know what they're asking for.
Why don't I just give You my whole life?
If you don't appreciate your marriage, you don't appreciate your family. If you don't value your husband, you don't value your children. If you don't love your husband, you don't love your children because your children are a product of your and your husband. And if you don't love your children, you don't love God because your children are a gift from God.
Can I be the one? - God
"You don't stand up to give something - you have something to give" by Pastor Nicholas Sim
So much passion, so little expression. So much love, so little opportunity.
Cultures doesn't have to be tradition and rituals doesn't have to be routine.
Not just a life worth living but a life worth dying for.
A matter of the heart.
Not because you deserve it, but because you don't.
A sanctuary is more than just a building - it is the state of the heart.
A much younger person scolded me. The awkward part was - he was right.
What's the use of knowledge without understanding, experience without maturity, words of wisdom without the substance of integrity, strong will without depth in character, godly values without godly fear, practicality without faith, and love that is conditional? You may receive honor for being older, but respect has to be earned.
I don't want to just survive - I want to achieve something with my life.
I think God is really with me.
Learning to respect people for who they are and not for what they have done.
My life is filled with pictures and dreams.
Language should be a facilitator, not a hindrance to the learning process.
Learning starts from the heart.
I don't have time to give and I don't have money to invest, but I have something that's more valuable than money and time put together - I have a vision.
When I dance, time flies.
We are all like doors. We decide what we allow to affect our lives and we decide what we do to affect others. We determine what goes in and what comes out.
Not pure because I'm undefiled, but pure because I've been defiled and washed with the blood of Jesus.
You know what's in my heart, but now I need to know what's in Yours.
The past are the seconds that are lost forever.
The future is a place I am living in but not at yet.
You may narrow my landscape, but never my vision.
Some challenges cannot be outgrown - they have to be overcome.
Others will talk. Of course. They think it is impossible.
The future has arrived. Live in the now.
Luxury is necessity.
Doing whatever I want doesn't mean that I will be rewarded with whatever I wish. In fact, doing whatever I want only results in what I don't wish.
Sometimes, I think.. Am I that hard to love? Then again, when I think about the way He died on the cross for me, how could I say that nobody ever loved me?
I'm sorry, dear.. You will never be able to satisfy me. Because I've already found my Hero.
You never know if that is what God is saying until you act upon it. - Rev. Steve Chang
We try to do things differently.
If I think that I am killing time, I am only wasting it.
Sometimes, we are too concerned and overwhelmed with the wedding that we totally ignore the Groom.
Rip my mind away, rip my heart away, and just let my spirit be.
Love people, use money. Not love money, use people. - Pastor Dexter Low
The system is the box designed by those who think outside the box for those who want to live in the box - Elijah Low
There is nothing proud about being humble.
Malaysia needs a miracle.
If someone you really respect believes in you, you will believe it - Pastor Dexter Low
The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life - Pastor Lily Low
You can't loose something you never had.
Reality doesn't exist.
Children - feels so insignificant and yet, so important.
Asking without faith is equivalent to not asking.
Naughty boys - we grow to love 'em
I am whomever I want to be - nobody can stop me
I am sorry that no matter how much I love you, I still hurt you over and over again...
Trying to give him what he wants in a way that no other girl can = insecurity
I have the perfect love Story and I don't need anyone to rewrite it, thank you
Teaching - Not giving up before they do, and not giving up after
Forgiveness - the very essence of Christianity
He didn't need to but He did
Guilt causes sin
Wash me in Your blood
Sometimes, the biggest threat to the organization are the leaders themselves
Sometimes, it is not about the cause - it is about the consequence
Even in the dark, you can see how dirty my car is..
God in place in every place
We only grow up once, so grow up well.
Because I love you
To give love is easy but to receive it is hard
Big needs give birth to big dreams. Without need, there are no dreams.
Condemning yourself is a sin
Please crush my heart into a million pieces - because at least then, it wouldn't hurt so much.
It's not about what you do - it's about who you are
When the main pillar that you think is holding you up turns to tear you apart. And you feel like there is nothing to back you. That feeling of helplessness weighs you down. And sorrow, like termites eat you up from the inside. No one hears the silent cries that echo through your sanity. Bitter loving memories collapse around you - blasting off your very essence. Fiery tears fuming with passion burn your expressionless face. When you look around, all you see are invisible doors slamming into your face continuously. Friends, are now turned enemies overnight. And then - you will remember God.
Wishes she could grasp the full understanding of Your love
LRC, if it was not for the Tuesday Night group, you would have lost your cutting edge. Your cutting edge is not in the resources or people. It is not even in the sound system. It is in prayer, worship and intercession.
Every girl has a right to fantasies. But when you have expectations and disappointments, don't blame it on him - blame it on your fantasies
Old cucumbers and egg soup is a match made in heaven ^^
All my prophecies until today will be fulfilled in this time and this season.
It's all in the details
Anna-Grace taglines... Anna-Grace loves causing trouble in Sunday Schools.
Anna-Grace feels so loved and loves so much.
Anna-Grace has just come to realize the significance of money =.=
Anna-Grace loves watching sparrows sand bathing.
Anna-Grace loves her little bedroom lamp :)
Anna-Grace is in love.. with small little red tomatoes
Anna-Grace doesn't belong to you.
Anna-Grace is wanted so much by God.
Anna-Grace does whatever God wants her to do - or at least she tries.
Anna-Grace plus God is a complete entity - Pastor Nicholas Sim
Anna-Grace loves opening durians :)
Anna-Grace just realized how pathetic she is at lying.
Anna-Grace just realized how little one whole chicken can be.
Anna-Grace loves to hug and kiss certain people.
Anna-Grace is guilt intolerant.
Anna-Grace is fully dependent on God's love.
Anna-Grace is just waiting around for it.
Anna-Grace likes old ladies..
Anna-Grace is so in love with her
Anna-Grace haven't slept with the light off in ages
Anna-Grace loves 4 in the mornings =)
Anna-Grace just realized how frustrating relying on other people can be.
Anna-Grace is so sick of food
Anna-Grace has a thing for home-cooked food
Anna-Grace's hobby is collecting hugs
Anna-Grace misses heaven...
What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift back to God - Kelly Jeppesen
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 8/19/2009 08:08:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
Stumbles
I was reading the newspaper, when I stumbled upon this poem:
"I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree... A tree that looks at God all day, And lifts her leafy arms to pray; A tree that may in Summer wear A nest of robins in her hair; Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives iwth rain. Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree."
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 8/19/2009 07:58:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Friday, June 26, 2009]
Victor Ooi
Don't be attracted to buddhism:
Ephesians 2:8, 9
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast.
Titus 3:5 5 not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit,
2 Cor 6:16-18
16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
“ I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people.”
17 Therefore
“ Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.” 18“ Iwill be a Father to you, And you shall be Mysons and daughters, Says the LORD Almighty.”
If you have worries and anxieties:
Philippians 4:6-7 (New King James Version)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Psalm 9:9 (New King James Version)
9 The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble.
Psalm 32:7 (New King James Version)
7 You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (New King James Version)
8We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—
Romans 8:28 (New King James Version)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
1 Peter 5:7 (New King James Version)
7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
If you need wisdom, read:
Psalm 32:8 (New King James Version)
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.
James 1:5 (New King James Version)
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 6/26/2009 12:10:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Friday, June 19, 2009]
If you are only 7
One night, when I was 7, I lay awake on my bed and I felt very strongly to give my whole life to God, for the use of His Kingdom and His ministry. I told God that I would give my whole life, and I would do anything for Him. I just wanted to give Him everything. As my parents were pastors, I told God that I wanted to go all over the world, like them. I wanted to do whatever it was I had to do to bring the world back to Him.
But then, I realized that I only had one life to live, and with my one life, how was I going to touch the whole world? I have seen so many missionaries give their lives to God, but until today, all they have touched are only a couple of hundred lives. There is nothing wrong with that, but I was not satisfied with just a couple of hundred lives - what about the rest? - I wanted to touch the world. Then, I believe, God, showed me that it was possible. If I had the vision to touch the whole world, and all I did was to touch a couple of million lives, then surely the one who influenced me to do it has indirectly been used by God to touch those millions of lives. And if that was so, what if I instead influenced millions of people to be just like me - to impact another few million lives? Wouldn't that mean that those millions have duplicated itself? And what if this duplication went on and on until Jesus came back? Yes, I can impact the world. I can.
But do people believe that I can? I am only one person and I am only 7. Then, I told myself that nobody could tell me that I am just one person and that I cannot do it. Bill Gates changed the world. The president of the United States changed the world. Who can tell me that I cannot impact the world like they have? And on what basis? I told myself that I was only 7 - I had my whole life ahead of me. Who can tell me what I can be or what I couldn't be? Who can predict my future? I could be anyone. When Bill Gates was 7, no one could predict his future either. I could be anything God intended me to be. God can use me to bring this world back to Him. He WANTS to use me. And I would not let anything or anyone stop me... This is my story.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 6/19/2009 10:12:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, May 02, 2009]
Dancing and soaking in the sun
Psalms 37:4 Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Sometimes, we see the things we don’t have instead of what we have in us. Sometimes, we just want so many things out there. We want this and that and this and that. But if everything is taken away from you and all you have is God, and you don’t ask for anything more because you are satisfied with just being in God, then God will give you all those things that are in your heart.
The dictionary meaning of 'delight' is 'extreme satisfaction'. Imagine this little girl who is delighted with being in the sun. Normally, we think that kids would prefer all sorts of other things like toys and games, but this little girl was different. Her mother would ask her to come into the house, but all she wants to do is to spend her whole day, dancing in the sun.
The sun makes her world a better place. When you are with God and when God shines on everything you do, God makes your world a better place. You can see everything around you – they look so much more beautiful now when God shines on them than before. Before this, from your eyes, all you see is ugliness. All you saw was hopelessness and failure. But in God's light, God causes you to see success and a future.
Secondly, when this little girl is in the sun, she is a whole new person. Similarly. when you are in God's presence, not only do the things around you change, but you also change. You change to be a person full of life – you have energy. You are happy, You dance. You are who you are in God. You are confident, You are not afraid of your circumstances and the endless negative outcomes. You have all the boldness and courage you need to face the challenges that are in front of you.
When we are in God's presence, we will not bother about what others think. We just do whatever we want to do. You can be yourself and yet be satisfied with who you are. You don’t have to be what other people wants you to be when you are in God's presence.
Besides that, when this girl in in the sun, nothing else matters to her. The same goes with you: when you are with God, nothing else matters. This morning, I was so upset about everything. I felt like everything is hopeless and a failure – who I am is a failure, what I want to do with my life is a failure, what I have done is a failure. But after I read this verse, it all fades away. Suddenly, nothing else matters but God. Suddenly, all my cares and worries just fades away. And I realize that this world is not about me and them but it is about me and God. And that’s all that matters.
Not only that, but if this girl was locked up in the house all the time instead of in the sun, her world would be so small. Out there in the sun, our world is open to so many things. But in the house, everything is cluttered and our world is only so small. All we think about is ourselves: our problems, and our sorrows, our failures and our hopelessness. But out there, in God's light, everything around us illuminates. We can see the whole world. We see the joy of being God's child.
When she is in the house, she can have happiness, but she cannot have joy. She can have light, but it is not sunlight. All the things you enjoy without God can only bring happiness for a glimpse moment, but it can never be joy. We will never be satisfied. We will always have that emptiness and loneliness and hopelessness in us. Nothing can replace the joy of being with God.
When she is in the sun, it seems like timeless time. When we are with God, time is bogus. It is timeless time. It is a second and a day. It is a day and a year. It is a year and a millennium. There is no difference in time.
It is obvious that this girl is a person who wants to be free. When we are out there, we can be free. We can do anything. We have everything. There are no limits and no bounds. Everything is possible. Nothing will be able to contain the joy we have inside us. Nothing can separate us from God's love – no height nor depth, nor principalities nor powers, nor things in the past, nor things present, nor things to come. We can go all out for God when we are in His presence, and nothing can stop us. We are free.
When this little girl is in the sun, she is alone. So what if we are alone? It is great to be alone. Because we are not alone, but we are with God. Being in His presence alone is one of the most refreshing gifts to ask for. Here, God will reveal to you everything that is personal and meaningful to you.
Well, how does she delight in the sun? She soaks herself in the sun. We just want to be totally soaked in God. We just want more and more of God. And we can never have too much of Him.
What is the sun? It is something that causes her to grow. We are living organisms. And all living things need the sun to grow – including us. And if we have the sun, it is only right that we grow. How can we have the sun and yet not grow? If you are in God's presence, soaking every day and you still don’t grow spiritually, then it can only mean that you are not living – which means that.. you are dead. Spiritually dead. Everyone who hears God's word and soaks in God's presence has to grow. And if they are not growing, then they are spiritually dead.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 5/02/2009 01:39:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, April 29, 2009]
Stuff to Thank God for:
I lost : My watch! I lost it! My lovely lovely watch.. given by my godparents just before I went to Aussie.. lost it on Saturday, found it on Tuesday. Days of agony: 3 days I found it on the floor at a part of my room I did not go to during these 3 days, so I have no idea at all how it got there!! But I was praying so hard.. so so so hard.. and I kept thinking about it until like.. distract me from my work everything I worry about it.. so, THANK YOU GOD!!!
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 4/16/2009 11:47:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Friday, April 10, 2009]
Why I am doing what I am doing
One of the reasons why I am doing what I am doing is because I like working with You. I don’t want to do some secular job outside because I don’t feel a sense of achievement and accomplishment. I feel like I am not making a difference. I feel like I am not contributing to Your vision and Your plan. I feel like I am wasting my life away.
But by doing something that is in my heart to do, I feel that I am pleasing You. Because the same things that is in my heart to do is in Yours. You created me. My visions, my desires and my dreams all come from You. The fruit doesn’t fall very far from the tree. I am just a mini version of You.
When I do something that is in Your heart to do at the right time, You can trust me to do bigger things and greater things. It is just like the story of the minas. Soon, I will be doing greater and more things than before. This is how I grow in the ministry.
I am an encouragement. When You see me working alongside with You, You move more. Then I see You working more as well. Then I see things began to move and everything falls into place suddenly, it’s like a miracle. When I work, I encourage You. And when I encourage You, You work. And when You work, You encourage me. And when You encourage me, I work. It is like a cycle. I like that.
Some people are like that. They are a part of the problem instead of part of the solution. The last guy who hid his mina was part of the problem and had to be settled later. I don’t want to be a hassle. I don’t want to create trouble. I want to be part of the solution, so please let me know what to do so that I will do the right thing. But sometimes, I make mistakes. I thought it is the right thing, but it isn’t and it becomes a problem. But in the end, You will make everything well because You are always in control. I have nothing to worry about. You are greater than my mistakes.
When You have something big coming up, preparing is a big thing as well. Big things require lots of preparation and lots of work. When there is a lot of work, I know that something big is cooking. Right now, there is so much work to do. I don’t even know where to start anymore, but all I know is that the time is now and I have to work hard.
I don’t have to do something out of this world. I don’t have to do something so big and so grand that no one else can do. Sometimes, it is the small things that are left undone. I can serve You by doing those small things and You will still be equally pleased with me. I have to be faithful in both the little things and the big.
You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is beyond me. You might ask me to do something tough, but that is only because I am tough. You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is too big for me. Everything that I do, has already been taught. I know how to do it and I can. Whenever I think it is too big for me, think again.
Ultimately, You are my role model. You are who I want to be like, and is created like. You created me in Your image and all I ever want to be is You. My desires are shaped by You, everything I know how to do today is taught by You and all I can ever produce with my life is for You. My whole life belongs to You.
The Time is Now
This is my one thing. I know it. This is it. It is exactly what I want. This is my moment. Others will talk. Of course. They think it is impossible.
It is a new world. This is the beginning of new things. Everything done here is unthought of. There is a first time for everything. If I don’t rise up and get it done with, I would have to do it later anyway. I might as well go through with it and get it over with.
I can’t live my life in the ‘I will’s anymore. It is time for the ‘I AM’s. I have always said like – next time, I will do it. I will do that. I want to start a school. I want to. Now, it is time to say, “I am running a school.”
The whole time, everything I did was for the future. My whole life was living in a pre-school era. I was so much into the next time, I never really lived. But now I am in a place where the future has arrived and I have to live in the now.
It is a decision. This is something I have to choose. This is something I have to stand up for. This is something that I have to make as my will and stick to. This is something I have to believe in and carry out. This is something I have to do because it is my choice. I want to do it now.
First, I have to understand why people are telling me that I can’t do it: because they never did jump over. And because THEY never jumped over, doesn’t prove anything. They never did is one thing. But they never even TRIED. They have no right to say it is impossible if they have never tried. And I have no right to believe their words if I myself haven’t proven them right. If I want to believe them, I would first have to prove them right. Otherwise, they are wrong. It IS possible.
A fence is something made for the purpose of keeping me in. It’s only objective is to keep me in. And my only dealings with the fence is to overcome it. That is my only duty regarding the fence.
One of the books I read was called Children of the Voice. His first mission was his most important mission. And that mission was to go out there, to pass through the wall, out of his land into the BigWideWorld. This is where I am at. This is the first chapter. If I don’t make it, there will be no rest of the story. Others have already gone before me. Now is my time. I may be the youngest who has ever gone out yet. But there will be more after me. This is important. This is my first challenge and my biggest challenge. After this, everything will be clearer for me. Every other challenge would be nothing like this one. Here is where I get the blueprint that will help me face all the other challenges. I need to hear Your voice.
The biggest challenges I have are the people around me. They have watched me grow up. They may or may not have any respect for me. They may or may not believe in me. But I will be leaving them behind. They are just people. They cannot stop me. They can say whatever they want to say, and believe whatever they want. But they cannot stop me. And nothing they say will be able to stop me. I am to ignore their sharp thoughts and their sharp words.
If I want to sit down and stay put on this side of the fence, I will never be satisfied. The earlier I raise my butt and get across the better. I will never be at peace or at rest on this side of the fence because I was not made to sit on this side of the fence. I was made to move my butt, stand up and cross over. I was made to cross the fence. My life beyond the fence awaits me. My promise land – my dreams and my visions.
There is a first time for everything. I am scared because this is something I have never done before. But it is just one of those things which I have never experienced, and never done before. One of those first time things.
The Past... again
sometimes, the only way to deal with the present is to remember the past and to deal with it. i am who i am today because of what happened to me. if i want to overcome the challenges that are ahead of me, i have to deal with my past.
i need to understand what happened to me and how. i need to come to terms with it. i need to process it and forgive those that has hurt me in the past. i need to understand what they have been going through at that time. only when i try to understand and forgive them that i can change my attitude and who i am today to be a better person and to be who i am supposed to be.
the thing about me is that i know i am different from others - i just dont know why. other people dont understand what i have gone through in the past because they have never been there. i am the only one who knows what i have been through and i am the only one who can understand the situation properly and understand myself.
but if i dont even understand myself then how is anyone else going to?
it hurts. sometimes, i dont want to think about the past because it hurts. but i have to, eventhough it hurts.
most of the time, when i think about the past, i wouldn't know what to do with it or how to deal with it. i think and think and think but all it does is hurt. it doesnt seem to help. thats when i have to see it from a different light - a different point of view. i have to see it from all perspectives - mine, those involved and Yours. i also have to see it from the devil's perspective to see how he has taken opportunity of that situation to destroy my life and my future.
i need a place i can just spend hours thinking without anyone disturbing me. i need a place where i can be alone.
a good time to think about it is when i find myself doing something that i dont understand. sometimes, when i do certain things that i myself don't understand, i have to wonder why i behaved the way i behaved by thinking about the past. i have to find a way to link this to the past so that i understand why i screwed up and repair the damage.
if i try to ignore the past and avoid it, it won't change anything. i will still be the rotten person i am today with all my bad habits. not thinking about the past is not the solution. forgetting the past is not dealing with it and i won't benefit from avoiding the past. yes, i need to forget what lies behind but the only way to forget it is to deal with it. and some experiences, time just won't heal.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/20/2009 12:52:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Monday, February 23, 2009]
Riches
Lately, I've been receiving lots of verses that riches are not forever and that I shouldn't pursue after riches but after the will of God and God's business.
23 Feb 09 - Ezekiel 27:27
27 “Your riches, wares, and merchandise,
Your mariners and pilots,
Your caulkers and merchandisers,
All your men of war who are in you,
And the entire company which is in your midst,
Will fall into the midst of the seas on the day of your ruin.
22 Feb 09 - Matthew 6:19
19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; 20but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
20 Feb 09 - 2 Timothy 2:4
4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.
18 Feb 09 - 1 John 2:15
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.
15 Feb 09 - Psalms 62
10Do not trust in oppression,
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.
9 Feb 09 - Luke 2:49
49 And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”
30 Jan 09 - 1 Peter 4:1-2, 19
Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, 2 that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. 19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.
22 Jan 09 - Proverbs 28
6 Better is the poor who walks in his integrity Than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich.
8 One who increases his possessions by usury and extortion Gathers it for him who will pity the poor.
11 The rich man is wise in his own eyes, But the poor who has understanding searches him out.
20 A faithful man will abound with blessings, But he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished. 21 To show partiality is not good, Because for a piece of bread a man will transgress. 22 A man with an evil eye hastens after riches, And does not consider that poverty will come upon him.
27 He who gives to the poor will not lack, But he who hides his eyes will have many curses.
15 Jan 09 - Luke 12
15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” 16 Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. 17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ 18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.” ’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’ 21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”
22 Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. 23 Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? 25 And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 26 If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith? 29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. 32 “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
14 Jan 09 - Psalms 62:10
10Do not trust in oppression,
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them. (repeated)
12 Jan 09 - Psalms 62
10Do not trust in oppression,
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them. (repeated)
5 Jan 09 - James 1:11
For no sooner has the sun risen with a burning heat than it withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beautiful appearance perishes. So the rich man also will fade away in his pursuits.
16 Nov 08 - 2 Kings 12:9
9 Then Jehoiada the priest took a chest, bored a hole in its lid, and set it beside the altar, on the right side as one comes into the house of the Lord; and the priests who kept the door put there all the money brought into the house of the Lord.
I wonder what all these means, maybe God is saying that I should help the poor.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/23/2009 05:27:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, February 21, 2009]
why I'm still a Malaysian
This is who I am, and this is what I do.
Many people wonder why I came back and don't plan to get a PR in Australia anymore. Australia has so many benefits and privileges - shorter working hours, better pay, good weather, higher quality of life, and the list goes on.
Well, this is why I'm still a Malaysian, and will be for a long time:
because Malaysia needs my help
I feel like my country needs my help. This is why I came back – because this is a third world country. I see Australians leaving Australia to help third world countries which they have no relations with, whom they don’t owe anything to, and here I am, going to Australia, leaving behind my country who needs my help, where I grew up and am familiar with, which I call my homecountry.
I went there because Australia could do a lot for me both financially and educationally, but why haven’t I thought about what I can do for my country instead? Malaysia needs my help. Really needs it.
When I went to Australia, I thought like.. "who cares about this darn country? Why should I give anything back to a country who doesn’t even appreciate its Chinese citizens like me? Why should I bother about a country who doesn’t bother about me?" When one of my friends asked me, "if everyone leaves this country, then who will stay to hold the fort?" I just replied, "Who cares about holding the fort?"
But I can change all that. I can change Malaysia. I can make a difference. This country doesn’t have to be a racist country. This country doesn’t have to treat its citizens unfairly. This country could be a great country to live in, but with my help.
because i saw the need
Those who don’t see the need are not obligated to help, but those who can see the need. And I can see it clearly. For me, I see it in many places, but what hits me in my heart is the education system. I saw the need when I was in it and I still see the need when I am already out of it.
because I can be an encouragement
Okay, let’s say I saw the need but didn’t have much to contribute. It doesn’t matter. I could be an encouragement to someone who DOES have something to contribute, who just needs a little encouragement.
I have to admit that making this decision was hard. Nevertheless, when I saw those who had the opportunity like me, to migrate but chose not to because they wanted to 'hold the fort', it was really an encouragement. And every now and then, it is as if I hear them say, "Malaysia has hope. Let's make a difference"
because I'm confident that I could make a difference
But I know that I can make a difference. It is that mindset that makes me think that I am not good enough, let someone else do it. But all the good people have already left. I have what I have and I am here. And I'm going to make full use of it.
Secondly, if I don’t have confidence in myself, I wouldn’t have the motivation that I need to carry it out even if my heart was set on it. I need to be confident that I have something to give. If not, I wouldn't even bother trying.
because there is Someone who could do it alone but chose not to
Helping this country is helping God. It is helping God make this country into the country He want it to be. He can do it alone, and He actually doesn't need my help. But God choose to work with me because that’s the way He prefers to do things. Life is all about having a relationship with God and He wants to do this but He wants us to do it together with him.
I'm sure all of you who have girlfriends would understand this - they want to go out, but they want you to come along because it is all about spending time with you. What's the point of going out alone? No, God doesn't want to do it alone. If God wanted to do everything alone, then what are humans created for? What is this relationship for? We were created so that God wouldn't have to spend eternity alone but with us. We were created so that God won't be lonely. So we must stop neglecting Him - it's making Him really lonely.
because I want to do something that was in God’s heart to do and according to ‘God's plan’
God has a plan – a blueprint for this country. God has something that is in His heart for this country, and I need to find out what it is and carry it out. I talk and sing so much about "doing God's will" but here's where I have to make it real.
because I've realized who I am and I've learned to take up responsibility in the country
I need to know who I am. I am a Malaysian and this is what I do - I need to take up responsibility in this country. I've had enough of denying who I am for who I could become if I took that PR. Enough for the past 1 year.
because this is my country and this is where I belong
This is my country. This is where I belong. I don’t belong anywhere else and that's a fact.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/21/2009 08:45:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Monday, February 09, 2009]
discouragement vs dreams
In this race for time and resources, the feeling of giving up seems inevitable. And the further I go, the stronger the feeling of giving up gets. I think it's discouragement from the devil. It's like the kind of discouragement that Elijah had from Jezebel. It's just when he was about to win the war then this feeling comes and stirs up such emotion that I just feel like I want to drop the whole thing entirely. After graduating from my degree program, the scarce monetary resources available to me prevents my energy from realizing it's true potential. Something this small appears like a huge boulder that is impossible to remove. But all I need is a lever and a little strength to get the ball rolling.
It's nothing but this feelings. I get so hooked on my feelings sometimes. It's like nicotine. It makes me hallucinate in thirst for a lift into a mere fantasy- the perception that life would be easier without drive and force. That the grass is greener on the other side. That I could live my life as a simple being and forget about this ambition, this dream that seems to be directing me to a monetary dead end.
It is so untrue. On the other side, there is no grass. There are no dreams. There are no winners. On the other side, is a bare, dry, empty land, with not a pebble even, in sight. And that land stretches on and on with nothing but barren emptiness and space. Whatever I saw from that other side of the fence was merely a hallucination. And if I don't realize that now, I would be giving up everything for nothing. That's what nicotine does. That's what the feeling of giving up does - it causes hallucinations and the blurriness of one's eyesight. The enemy to the advancement of all human race: to accept life as what they perceive it is. The strive to be comfortable in a barren land, catalyzed by lies that on the other side of their fence is an empty space, where the reverse is true. A place never ventured can only be reached through the perception of another individual- and whatever they perceive of it is whatever it is believed to be. But the source of that perception is unknown, for it could have been mere illusion to begin with. This conceptualizes the final theory that a place never ventured can only be reached through illusion.
Okay, so I was being poetic and metaphoric but that paints the picture of what the feeling of giving up does to destroy my dreams. And because it is so dangerous, I must not feed that feeling. Because today I was just letting myself into hallucinating again and believing that life would be easy for me if I just dropped the whole idea of educational studies and be a pastor on the mission field or a housewife. I can't let go of those hallucinations: that the grass is greener on the other side. I thought I would have more vision there and more enthusiasm for my work. The reverse is true. A place never ventured can only be reached through illusion.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/09/2009 06:33:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Monday, February 02, 2009]
Chinese New Year 2009
Hahahha.. Happy Chinese New Year! Gong Xi Fa Chai... :)
I spent the whole Chinese New Year eating junk food!!!! Biscuits, 'love letters' (its like chinese pan cake), and then in Malaysia, we have something called the 'Yin Sang'. It's this traditional colourful mixture of crackers, sweet stuff, salmon, ginger.. (kind of weird mixture, actually) and we mix it with the chopsticks - everyone mix at the same time. Hahah.. it's a Malaysian Chinese thing. I heard they just introduced that in Hong Kong.
CNY is kinda weird, though.. without ebbie and Joey.. hmm.. anyway, morning breakfast was at 9am.. I woke up at 8.30.. wake up so early then whole day nothing to do.. LOL.
We started off First Day Morning with Dad's cooking - Western Breakfast. Hahaha.. no, you wouldn't dare imagine that for Chinese New Year!
We had German Sausages, scrambled eggs, hash brown, bulls eye, ham, bacon.. needless to say the rest. Kinda looks like red meat, no? But it was nice! Whatd'you expect? It's dad's cooking!!!
After that, they played the Wii.. but Jie and I spent time chatting and munching while watching some really weird chinese show on tv. It's like they kept cutting it! And the girl said something like.. "Who wants to see me take off my clothes? If you want me to take off my clothes, kill the king!!!!" Swt, la.. really.. And after that I was like.. this NTV7.. useless, la.. keep cutting.. suddenly here then suddenly there... no need war, the fight ended de.
Then we played the strategy game.. I Won the first round!! And then the next day, I won another 3 times ^^ And we played again and again until like 3am.. hahahahahahahah
The second day only I visited my godparents.. haha.. and you know what? This year, I discovered from them... SHANDY! ahahha.. nice!!! Yes, I've never drank shandy before this! NO KIDDING
I had lots of Ang Pao's too.. but I realized that the older I get, the less angpaos.. :( I only collected 2 Ang Pao's from church this year! That's the lowest collection I've had ever!! Oh, and you know what? The best Ang Pao packets are Mecca's. On the left is last years'. This years one was similar (on the right). That time I ask Aunty Paulyn to help me take some from McDs because she works there.. mana tau, she came back with like 50 Packets or so.. LOL! And the whole CNY, I only got 1.. how sad..
Oh, forgot to say - first day of CNY.. sick! Yea.. woke up too early.. caught a cold. You know it was soooo cold here? Air cond, mah.. like all of you balik kampung hot hot, meh? No la.. where got? Here shivering cold.
Oh, and you recognize this? Maybe the really old people would! This was what gas drinks were before Can Drinks came out - they were all in bottles! Puny bottles!!! And YES, there IS gas still inside! If anyone wants to buy from me, please place your order! ;) It's only RM1.50 each!!! Ahahah... And you can keep the glass.. but if you wanna give the glass back, I can give you back 20cents! ^^ Theres Ice Cream Soda, Sarsi and Ginger Beer! But order must be minimum 20 bottles :)
Oh, and Mom, Andrew and I made Chocolate Brownies for CNY! ahaha.. tasted so nice^^ And we played Congkak, the wooden stacko thingy and Dominos. Andrew and I also went CNY shopping.. or rather.. I.. LOL.. he bought his short pants and I bought a RM29 blouse which was so NOT red. It was like.. pale yellow.. but the material so nice and then I needed Andrew to teach me how to wear it (dont ask!) I was like *opens changing room door* "I DONT KNOW HOW TO WEAR!!!" and then he was like.. "errrrrrrrrrr..." *triple swt*
Caleb's Mom made a lot of CNY cookies and tit bits! Hahaha.. we were sharing biscuits in church!
As you know.. I'm back in Malaysia and I don't think I would be getting a PR in Australia anymore. I think I'll settle here. My parents just flew to Australia again this morning to pay a visit to Ebbie. Debbie is here with me in Malaysia with her whole family. They aren't planning to get a PR in Australia either.
Life here is good. I miss my friends and family here. I'm currently working part-time at my mom's Educenter and studying a short course part time to get the licensing to open a day care center here. Hopefully, when I finish this short course, I can continue my Master's in Education.
Talking about my master's program, I just got my results not too long ago :) I had 2As and 1B.. hehe.. 3 subjects altogether! It is the first time I scored so well. I got 75 for my B. That's almost an A!! haha.. I think Education is really meant for me because I've never gotten 70 or above for anything when I did my business degree here. Glory be to God!
PS: And you know what? the only person who wore red in my family was me.. shhhhHHH...
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/02/2009 04:36:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, January 03, 2009]
Eagles Ranch Resort Ah.. just back from a family trip with.. my family la, of course! We went to Eagle Ranch Resort. Not bad for a budget resort! The price: very affordable.. if you're planning a budget church camp in Malaysia, not too far from KL, I would DEFINITELY recommend this as a first choice. It's much better than Golden Sands or anything along that line.
Location: Port Dickson
Lodging: 'Kampung Houses', Log Cabins, Tepees, Dorms, Banwagons, Chalets, Tents even.. etc.
Price: Between RM10-170 a night.
The tents are RM10, the Kampung Houses are RM170, the Tepees about RM88, dorms RM23 a night respectively. You can choose according to your budget. There's plenty more. Check out their Webbie: www.eagleranch.com.my
Oh.. before I start anything.. do you know that there is Wireless internet connection at the reception for FREE? ahah... so much for 'budget resort'.. it's not bad actually.. here's a peek of the reception..
So here's some pics I took. We had 30% off, so it was even cheaper than it looks. Oh, yea... and we stayed in the Tepees.. real cute! ^^
Don't get worried so fast, la! It's air cond inside!! See the pic? I love the lights, la.. real macho.. i tell you.. the aircond Vic on was so cold.. i hid in the toilet from 1.30 - 4.30 am (3 hours) because he slept without the blanket like he was so hot, so i dare not increase the temperature..
Oh, and at nights, it's real cold outside.. like in the morning, it was even colder than the bedroom, so in the end I decided to go back into the room and sleep at 4 something.
Ahah.. the tepee toilets are.. worth the experience.. =) I'm just wondering if I should spoil the fun.. oh well.. I guess not, but if you really wanna know more about the tepees, you can email me.
Oh, and if you're interested in the tepees, there are about 15 of 'em, each has a double bed for two people, but every extra mattress at ERR is RM10, so you can fit like 2 mattresses inside.
If you actually book all the tepees for church camp or something, I think you can like have activities in the middle of 'em because its all grass: there's like 2 bbq pits on each end and a pole in the middle and. I think they even have special group activities if you want too. Here's a pic of one of the bbq areas with sink and worktop^^
Kampung Houses were just beside the tepees, so I managed to get a few shots at it! And no, unfortunately, we aren't allowed to fish in the lake here.. awh... if not, I'd definitely rate the Kampung Houses 5-stars.. I heard there is 4 rooms in one house, though.. and each room only has a double bed.. but like I said, each extra mattress is only RM10 a night =) I thought it'd be cool to see people canoing around the house, don't you think? it's more expensive than the tepees too.. but I net they have better toilets^^
Oh, well if it wasn't for the Kampung Houses, I'd think I was in U.S by then.. hahah.. the ambience.. oh.. the ambience.. ^^
Everything at ERR is about red indians and cowboys - that's the theme,.. so there's plenty of 'ambience' here.. ahah.. i love the ambience la..
i think most of the deco are imported and sponsored by Jack Daniels or something like that..
anyway, here's something that's not imported but took creativity to do it! =) My mom and I liked that part.. here it is!
The hooks on the doors - yes! ahah.. love 'em.. just that my clothes fell down couple of times.. just wished it was a little more bended like hook, that's all.. but it was very creative. I really respect the person who owns this place: it took a lot of vision to do this - Vision and Creativity. Seriously.. every architecture has it's uniqueness. I've never seen anything like it. He really must've a mind of a kid to imagine all this.
Oh, and there's a beach nearby, but we aren't allowed to go there because of the jelly fish! Yikes.. so.. I'm so sorry to tell you that the beach is for viewing purposes only.. double awhh.. I guess if we stay on the sand, it's safe!
Ah! And yess.. the eating place.. Here's a pic of mum at the Watering Hoe.. I meant Hole.. and there's the... Melting Pot to go to. The Melting Pot I heard is actually a meeting place to hold meetings or something like that. So we just go there to eat breakfast. It isn't a restaurant or anything. And then you have the archades and pool tables. Archades are like 40cents per game or something, but those are the lowlights la.. the highlights are the horses, canoing, flying fox, night walk and blah blah blah..
Night Walk is RM10 but nuhh.. didn't go for that one.. Instead, we took a 1 hour drive to Seremban for dinner, to meet up with Vincent and Uncle Philip who invited us to this amazing seafood restaurant! We had Nestum Crab (pic) and Salted Egg Crab and Butter Prawns.. awh.. so hungry now! The Salted Egg crab was my personal fav. Elijah preferred that too...oh oh oh! And musn't forget! The Salmon Curry! Yummy! So sorry no pics of that!!
We had lunch at the seaside - about an hours drive from ERR.. not bad la the view.. but a bit pricey.. it was just at the seaside! i saw a run-down kindergarten just at the rocks there.. oh.. how i wish i could own it! i always wanted a kindie at the beach, on the rocks!!!
And for both the lunches, we had coconuts - yay! The first lunch, the coconuts were white because they were skinned and kept in the fridge with you know - that white bubble plastic thing on top.. I used to think it was nice and cute but then I realize now that the green ones taste so much nicer because they're extremely freshly cut.. in the end, for both lunches the whole world had to wait for me to finish my coconut.. oh you know what? I'm really good at taking out the flesh! I can scrape so well that the whole thing comes out in one piece.. no kidding! ;) The next lunch we had, was in another place in the middle of no where with just as much coconuts and food but no seaside..The bill was about 170 less!
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 1/03/2009 04:53:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Monday, November 17, 2008]
God sees the heart
What is inside can be seen from the outside. Yes, sometimes I thought that ultimately, You look at the heart and that only You know what is in my heart. But sometimes, what is in my heart comes out. It manifests itself through my words and through my actions. And it isn't that hard sometimes to see what is in a persons' heart. You said, "by their fruits, you shall know them" and "out of the abundance of his heart a man speaks" and "it is not what goes into a man that defiles a man, but what comes out of him. For out of the heart of man comes evil desires". In the end, it can be seen from the outside. And the only way I can fix my problems with myself is by first dealing with my heart. When I can deal with that part, that is the most valuable and most important part, then my actions and my words will follow suit.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 11/17/2008 12:58:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, November 08, 2008]
the fear of discouragement
They keep telling me that I don't know what I am doing. That I'm too young.. that I'm inexperienced. What do I fear? What is it I am so afraid of when people ask me what my dream is and how I plan to get there? You really wanna know? It's discouragement. I've had more people telling me that I'm too fresh to know anything than there are people telling me that I'm doing the right thing.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 11/08/2008 08:38:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
My loneliness is killing me.. I must confess.. I still believe
Back in Malaysia de.. yay... byebye aussie.. >.<
Oh well.. somethings happened.. I've spent too much time over at my godparents place. It made me really think.. like.. why did I spend so much time there.. I've realized a few things.. Firstly,.. I go there because I'm lonely. And being with Andrew really makes me 'unlonely'.. because I really have fun hanging out with him.. he keeps me company and makes me happy. What are friends for, right? For company, I guess.. I guess that's why people want to get married.. because they're lonely. I guess I do need a boyfriend.. or husband.. or something.. someone to keep me sane.
XiYing is good to hang out with too.. XiYing and Aaron. Hardly any girls in this world can keep me 'unlonely', I must add, so XiYing is one in a million.. I wouldn't trade her for any other girlfriend in the world.. After all the breakups, she's the one that's been there.. all the time, praying for me and all. Although the world knows how much she's depended on me for transport, but without a car now, I've begin to realize that she does depend on me for other things as well.. And that we BOTH are desperate for transport now..
Aaron.. Aaron Aaron.. I feel for you, boy.. err.. man... no wait.. err... sir? Oh well.. I feel for you, whatever you are.. seriously.. and I have to admit, I'm grateful to you for hanging out with XiYing when I was not there to hang out with her, but mostly, I'm grateful to you for hanging out with me as well. Although the world knows your ulterior motives, (LOL) but... but but.. no, seriously.. there is a difference between 'XiYing & Anna' and 'XiYing, Aaron & Anna'. There is, seriously. Although you're more quiet these days than before I left, I'm aware that both of us strongly appreciate your enduring presence ^^
Okay, another thing I noticed about myself and my loneliness.. Okay, don't tell anyone.. shhhhh.. The truth is... *drumrolls*.. I can't eat alone >.< I'd cry and get emo. The loneliness just sets in and makes me don't wanna eat. I rather starve until someone comes along the way, and then I'd hurriedly grab something to munch. No, seriously. It's a terrible bacteria/sickness thingy. Like now, I'm at home.. alone, in my room.. on my bed. I'm having gastric. There's no food on the table. Not like it will make a difference anyway. But I just don't want to eat. When I roam this empty house and this empty kitchen, I feel lonely and emo. I start to think about the people I love. And I start to ask myself regarding their whereabouts and their schedule for the day. I get hurt. Then I start to cry. No kidding.
The stupid thing is.. not just anyone will do. I want someone I like to eat with me, or I won't eat. I guess I've had this 'sickness' since I had a little.. err.. 'anaroxia', if you will.. when I was.. 16. And then, ever since,.. I just ate for 'show'. I ate because so and so asked me to eat, if not I won't eat. Or I eat because so and so is looking.. ultimately, I do not eat for the food but for the company. I eat because it is 'fellowshipping' or because I am trying to 'save' food from going down the drain. It became so bad that.. when my mom leaves me alone in the room to eat, for example, I'd just stop because it's 'wasting' a meal. I don't know the term for it, it's just hard to explain. This is one of the times when I do wish that there is someone out there who is like me, who can understand my eating habit/sickness/whatever.
One thing that worries me the most, and I repeat, the most about working outside is the fact that I have to eat alone or with colleages that I don't have a relationship with. The scariest thing that comes to mind is.. "who is going to eat lunch with me?" I guess that's why I keep running to Andrew's house to eat.. other than his company.. it's.. their company at lunch. I don't mind working if I can go to work, come back for lunch and go off to work again.. at least I am 'spending' my meal time with people I love. (I don't know why I talk about meals as though each meal I eat signifies one meal closer to death) Oh, well.. only God knows.
But that's when the car comes in.. I can't hang with XiYing and Aaron because I don't have a car, I can't hang with Andrew and Mom because I don't have a car. People, Anna really needs a car.. seriously. She's lonely.. and do you know what happens when she is lonely?
Okay.. after this part.. please think twice before you go on reading.. Read only if you promise me that you will love me forever, no matter what I do or what I think and that your love for me is unconditional. Then you may go on reading.. because after this, you most likely will.. remove me from your friendship list on the terms of 'too emo' or 'too melancolic'... so if you are unsure about your relationship with me and especially if you are a guy.. please don't read. Because girls are generally more understanding and have a section in their hearts for people who 'need more grace'. Besides, girls don't feel the 'pressure' of handling every situation successfully. In other words, please read without putting any pressure on yourself as a friend to help me. When you put pressure, you will avoid me because you will soon realize that nothing you do can help. Such disappointment will result in you avoiding me to resist the disappointment.
*********** censored ************
Okay.. so.. when I get lonely,.. what happens is.. I start to question the purpose of life.. what is life if I don't have anyone to live with? How do I go on life if nobody is part of it? What is life lived all alone? What value does that life have? Then when I realize that I have no one who will spend their lives or their time with me.. I will... start thinking of killing myself.
Want to run away from me yet? Think I'm being too emao? So be it. Go freak out and run. Perhaps I am too emao.. but like I said.. I didn't ask you to help me. I know you can't help me. Sigh. Anna's burden is too large for you. Too heavy.
If you think that way.. I don't blame you. Who doesn't?
Why am I telling the world this? Why am I telling everyone that I get so lonely that I want to kill myself? Because.. obviously.. I do hope that someone can help me.. can take away this loneliness.. just as much as I know 99% of the people who read this post can't take the loneliness away, I believe that 1% can. And I am writing this post for that 1% who can, risking the 99% of my friends who will ignore me totally after this just because they don't feel like they can handle me. So.. for the sake of trying.. then, if you are in that 1% category, please answer me.
It's weird because I know that I have God and everything.. but like God said.. it's not good for man to live alone.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 11/08/2008 02:09:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, November 05, 2008]
Prayer meeting is more happening than Cell Group
Who created the cell group structure? Who said that Cell Group had to be the 4Ws? No offence, but I'm pretty sure that Lawrence Kong was just doing his best in planning a guide, but it isn't the 'formula' for evangelism. There isn't a 'formula'. Every time we reach out, it is different. God doesn't use the same techniques twice. God is a creative God. First he asks David to go for war but the next time, he told David to wait near the bramble bush. And when they hear the sound of the enemies marching, then charge. God never asked anyone to conquer a city like the way He asked Joshua to march around Jericho. God only used that once in the Bible.
How long ago was cell group created? 7 years ago? More? How long is that? One generation? How many years is one generation? How sure are we that the same techniques which worked for the previous generation will work now or in the future? How many years are you planning to use this same technique? Until Christ comes again? Isn't the second generation to be better than the first? Isn't the second generation the generation to enter into the promise land? Doesn't Elisha have double portion of the anointing from Elijah? Don't we want out children to achieve greater success than us? I believe that the season for Cell Group is over. Let's create something new.
I believe that God is a creative God. He created the whole world - He created the animals, plants and us. Look at the flowers: so different one from the other. He doesn't use the same techniques twice, and He can create something different, something new, something original. That is why I believe that cell group doesn't have to be the same all the time.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 10/13/2008 10:40:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, October 11, 2008]
The Call of Freedom
I wanted to feel the streets, roam the pavements, to be sucked into haste and the fumes of the sky. Freedom is where I belong – looking out into the narrow world. The pathway of yonder is where the heart is and freedom is my new anthem and my song.
That’s when I am the most alive.
Cage me not like a bird within the bars of nine to fives. Let me lay down with thy beggars and cast aside my inhumanity for an instance. Thrust me to live and not die, in the ever wandering wilderness of false hope and humiliation. Where is thy dignity, O ‘true-to-thyself’ businessmen and corporate figures? Show me thy value of life and I shall show thee thy corporate worth. For all is lost in your anthem of self pity and hatred. No more doth the song sing of your fate but your misery.
Humble thyself and accept life. Let not your ego shut you in. Open up the veils of common cowardliness and breathe into the airs of purpose. It stands for you as it has all these while. It beckons. It knocks upon your cowardly doors. Fling it open or it shall invade. Feel then the threats of its flame.
Die now in thy anger and live in your newest fate – thy hope and thy salvation lies not in those ladders. Truth speaks for one and for many. Freedom shouts for all, "Come to thy true nature and be. Not to thyself but to Me."
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 10/11/2008 11:29:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, September 25, 2008]
It's the end of the world.. oh.. so?
I composed a song this morning^^ ahha.. yea.. after a long time..
mind you.. not a poem.. a song! =)
When the waters are raging, I'll take you there; When there's a deep longing feeling, That none can compare; When the wind's always blowing, and no one seems to care; When the distance seems growing... I'll.. be there.
I'll be there, when the lions are roaring, when the people are shouting, when the desert's a drought. I'll be there, when the chains have been broken, My Word has been spoken: I'll be there.
So guess what's the title of the song.. yep! You guessed.. "I'll be there" =D
Yesterday, I went for life group and it was about seeking You first and not worrying about this life. It's hard not to worry. Especially when I have 'big' things to worry about. Then I remember one guy: he said that he heard from a preacher before that our time on earth is really short compared to the time we will spend in Heaven. The time we will spend in heaven is eternity. So our life on earth is nothing, really. What is there to worry about? What is this life compared to eternity?
That really stroke a chord in me. I suddenly realized that it's not important. Nothing is important. Nothing but You. So what if I don't make it in life? So what if I 'screwed up' my life in the eyes of the world? So what if I don't make it in my studies? So what if I don't get a job? So what if I don't have bread to eat? So what if I die tomorrow? It's not that I don't want to live and don't want to study, but it's about what is worth worrying about. If I don't get to continue my studies, so what? It means that it is not God's will for me. Simple as that. But if I continue my studies then Hallelujah! So be it! So what if I have to go back to Malaysia for another year? So what if I don't ever come back to Australia at all? So what if I settle in Malaysia? So what? So what if it is the end of the world? You still remain, seated on the throne, higher than the heavens, and Lord of all creation. You can just destroy the whole earth and create another one. What is this world to You? What is life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away. Instead, I ought to say, if the Lord wills, I shall live and do this or that.
Then what is life all about? Life is all about seeking Your face. It's all about spending time with You. It's all about pleasing You, obeying You, doing Your will, making You happy, knowing You, loving You and serving You. It's all about You. Everything else is comparable to 'bogus'.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 9/25/2008 08:55:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, September 24, 2008]
My top 10s
Recently, Jie and Caleb asked me to hand in my prophecy. I realized that 85% of that particular prophecy had to do with counseling people. And I remember that I was telling Jie that I could never understand why all my prophecies are always the same. They always have to do with advising people and counseling people. And they said I do it the non-traditional way. I could never understand. Jie said maybe it's because I haven't done anything about it yet, so it keeps coming..
But I know that I want to build the school so that I can help them. I still can remember Elijah talking to me about troubled kids. And I told him that I have a heart for troubled kids more than normal kids. And so he said, if I was given a bunch of naughty kids, would I be pleased, and I said yes. Because I believe that they have a reason for their behaviour. I've always had a lot of patience, and I don't know why.
But I want to build the school not just for charity sake. It's more than that. It's more than just applying a 'hospital' concept. It's about getting them to fulfill their personal destiny for their lives. I believe that everyone has a personal destiny. And if they achieve it, they would be the best of the best in whatever that destiny was, because everyone is unique and everyone has a different destiny. And everyone was meant to be the best in whatever field they were in.
Okay, to cut the long story short.. I've also realized that whenever I started my degree programme, I have been bumping into people from all kinds of nationalities. From Chinese from China to Bangladeshis to Syrians to all kinds of nationalities that came to me for help. I didn't know what an 'Integration Aide' was at that time, but I guess I was something like that: just that I did it for free. They sent to me their assignments and their homework, and sometimes I just want to tell them to pack their bags and go home because I feel like giving up on them.
Most of them faced English as a difficulty. I know I may not be a top scorer, but I helped them because I could speak better English. Even now, believe it or not, when I assumed that my 'jobs' in Malaysia were over, here I am, doing my postgraduate and guess what? Helping people again. I guess I just can't help myself. I tend to find people who seem to need it the most. I don't know why all my friends seem to be people who can't speak proper English and just needs someone to explain the whole course to them from scratch.
And it's amazing, sometimes.. to see friendships grow from nothing to something just because I chose to take a little time off to help people. And those are the best parts about my degree programs: helping people. Because when I help them, I realize that I've learned so much and that I've enjoyed myself so thoroughly. And it was a piece of cake helping them, really. It was literally my pleasure. I just pray that one day I could earn money by doing that. I think I would have earned a whole lot of money by now.
There is this job, as an integration aide in college. Someone told me to apply for it. I wanted to do it for free in one of the secondary schools, but this Integration Aide told me that I am valuable and I should be paid. He said that I need to earn a living as well. So he told me to go to LaTrobe University and apply for it there. And I've been really praying about it. So later today, I'm going to apply for it. Pray for me ya? It's my dream job^^
one of it anyways..
want to know my other dream jobs? LOL... you'd be surprised.. here's the list rated according to number. 1 being most wanted:
11. Errand girl?? (^^) don't ask ... feel like taking this off the list.. 10. Integration Aide (my latest addition to the list!) 9. Housewife? lol 8. Make up Artist! ..you'd be surprised~ or not.. but you already are! =P 7. Patisserie chef: the one that does tedious detailed icing designs on cakes
3. Painter Artist.. but it doesn't bring in much money.. and wouldn't have the heart to sell anything anyway.. 2. Christian book author.. I'd do it for free.. 1. Pastor!! (you guessed.. freeeee)
Hey.. noticed I could start a company to design the house, landscape the garden and even do the interior design of the house? LOL!!! And I would be interested in all 3!!!
Or.. I could also be a pastor, a christian book author and place my own paintings inside! How nice^^
The top 10 businesses I want to own:
Kinders to Tertiary campus ^^
Victorian Hotelsss
Victorian dresses boutique: fit for royalty ^^
Victorian interior designing company
Victorian interior furnishings company: wallpapers, curtains, sofa covers.. etc.
Children's furniture designing and manufacturing company
Bakery-restaurant selling all kinds of pastry, food and especially.. wedding cakes!
Lingeries designing and manufacturing company =P (really nice ones!)
Publishing company (sounds boring, no? i want to publish so many books!!!)
err............ international trading company? ... *yawn.. I guess I've changed.. I used to want this ~ don't know why.. for the money, I guess?
So.. that's a lil more about Anna! ahhaha.. what else you wanna know? Ah! How about the top 10 things that turn me off? LOL.. I'd keep that for next time.. till then, buhbyee~
annagrace
oklar oklar.. I'll tell you.. *tsk*
Top 10 things that turn me off:
guys that just want sex (and want it easy!)
ego guys
guys that are proud of getting wasted
complainers, whiners and the act of giving up easily
spoilt brats who want their way all the time
guys who try too hard to please you and has no backbone whatsoever
guys who expect you to 'mother' them and follow them everywhere until you don't have a life
a bad comment about my hair
hairy legs and arms.. apeness?
pretenciousness.... faking it/not keeping it real
yea.. that's about it.. or do you want 10 things that turn me on as well? Ahahah.. no need la..
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 9/24/2008 11:43:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, September 18, 2008]
tough choice When it comes to crossroads like this, I have to choose. Sacrifices have to be made. And among all these sacrifices, I have to make You my priority because I have to know what is for keeps and what I have to forgo. I have to think through carefully. I have to remind myself that I have made You my priority and I cannot put others above You. Everything else just isn't so important. Everything else is just secondary. If anything else is opposed to what You want for me, then I have to forgo them.
Right now, I have to think carefully. What are my priorities? I have to list them down. Is getting PR more important or is finishing my masters as soon as possible more important? Is going to a reputable and prestigious university more important or is undergoing a course that is unique and has good teachers more important? Which is more important? Which is Your priority?
Honestly, I don't know anymore.
Why did I come to Australia? Is it really to get a PR or is it for my education? If I had the money; if money really wasn't an issue, I'd say I will continue my studies. This is why I am here. Even before Ebbie and Joey talked about flying to Australia and getting a PR here, I already talked about pursuing my masters. My coming to Australia to do my masters is my independent decision without knowing that Ebbie and Joey were going to Australia at all. It was just a coincidence. And if they hadn't decided to come to Australia, I would have gone ahead without them and pursued my studies in Queensland and wouldn't even be here in LaTrobe. It had nothing to do with getting a PR. Absolutely nothing whatsoever about getting a PR. The idea of getting a PR was purely Ebbie's misconception and influence based on her own desires and passion about getting a PR. She assumed I was in her position. It is not, however, a bad idea. Nevertheless, in terms of priorities, it comes second on my list.
Unfortunately, I don't have the means to pursue my first priority. Or so I think. Then there comes trust and obedience and faith and hope and all that. And in times like this, I cannot make decisions based on circumstances, but based on priorities and faith. Because if I let doubts sway my decisions then I shall be like a ship on the sea being tossed by the wind and people like that never accomplish anything in life, and let not a person like that assume that he shall receive anything from You. For what if they changed the law? Then after 10 months of working in Malaysia, I don't have the chance to get my PR? And then what? I wasted my 18 months there.
Secondly, the issue about studying in UQ or Latrobe is solely based on Your decision. If I use my logic, it tells me two things: the best in education is UQ - go for the best because God deserves the best. Then again, it says that it's not about the qualification or the grades - it's all about what I learn that is important. So what if UQ is the best if I've felt like I've learned so much in 1 semester here in LaTrobe - possibly more than I could ever learn in UQ in 2 years. I felt like my experience here in LaTrobe changed my life. It gave me opportunities of the unknown.
But then again, I felt like I've gained all that I could gain from LaTrobe and it is time to move on to the next thing, after all, I've never been to UQ and who knows? Maybe UQ is really better? I can't judge a University if I've never been there. Going to UQ will be able to give me the best of both worlds. I've gained all I could possibly gain from LaTrobe in one semester here and it has been such a rich experience. Staying back here another semester might result to me learning absolutely nothing and ending up in regret.
Priorities. Is money really a priority here? No it isn't. I can't let that depict my decision to stay in LaTrobe or move on to UQ. LaTrobe can only do so much for me. I believe I've soaked in their main essence as to what they believe education is all about. I've got the drift. I can't possibly learn any more from them that I haven't caught already. They've done their best, and I've soaked it all in. Time to get a new sponge. That's 50% of what I wanted to do. Now let's move on to the other 50%.
Money comes secondary to education and experience, so I believe I shall move on to UQ. I've let the money issue get the best out of me in deciding on my undergraduate degree and I've made the most out of the money issue there. I've graduated with my money's worth, all right. It was a hopeless education but rich experience that changed my life simply because You were merciful to provide me with a supportive Christian Fellowship who made it all worthwhile.
Question is.. how rich will my experience be in UQ? Only You know...
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 9/18/2008 02:51:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, September 10, 2008]
Earth Vs Mars
What's the good of transforming Mars into a livable planet if it will merely remain an imitation of the Earth? And no matter how they try to imitate, Mars will never have the tropical rain-forests that have existed for millenniums, nor the great canyons, the waterfalls, the rivers or even mountains as high as Mount Everest. Or can it produce an ocean with sea creatures that reaches to such great depths, with life we ourselves have not came in contact with? No matter how great the technology of man is, this replica will never be as good as the original, much less better. The most we could do for our technology is to create clones - the act of replicating and mutating.
Will we ever be able to come up with something that is original? A creation of it's own kind - a living organism, an original life-form - without the replicated genes of another being? No. We did not create ourselves or any other creature in existence. Neither can we turn an original planet into something more original than it already is. We are imitators and inventors, not creators.
Mars has nothing as good as any destination on earth itself. The plains of Africa has more hope for any of us than Mars or the moon is. All the technology we have came up with today - why don't use it to turn deserts into a tropical rain-forest or maximize the seas worth of land? The earth has more than enough space for all of us, if only we know how to claim and use it. Why give up on something so valuable and authentic to spend all our efforts on a planet of barrenness and lifelessness?
When God first created humankind, His mission to Adam and Eve were "dominate the earth, subdue it" Did God ever commanded us to 'dominate the heavens' as well? No. He said earth. Take care of the earth. Don't give up on it. Put in everything you've got. Because no planet out there can replace the earth you already have.
28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 29 And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. 30 Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so. 31 Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
New King James Version Gen 1:28-2
1 And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth. 2 And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered. 3 Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.
King James Version Gen 9:1-3
The earth is so precious to God, that He even made a covenant, not just with us, but also with all the creatures on the earth and the earth in itself:
8 And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying, 9 And I, behold, I establish my covenant with you, and with your seed after you; 10And with every living creature that is with you, of the fowl, of the cattle, and of every beast of the earth with you; from all that go out of the ark, to every beast of the earth. 11 And I will establish my covenant with you; neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth. 12 And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: 13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.14 And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: 15 And I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. 16 And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth. 17 And God said unto Noah, This is the token of the covenant, which I have established between me and all flesh that is upon the earth.
King James Version. Gen 9:8-17
Now, if the earth meant so much to God: the creator of the earth, that He made a covenant not to destroy it by flood ever again, more so does the earth mean to us, the ones it was given to and given responsibility for.
In every human being, lies a heart for nature - it is undeniable. Children love animals. It is our natural instincts to care for the earth and the life it exhibits.
God made a promise not to destroy the earth by flood ever again, so don't worry about global warming which melts the arctics. That's not going to happen. We will either find a solution before that happens, or the earth will probably be destroyed before that happens or whatever, but a flood would certainly not happen again.
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posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 9/10/2008 08:58:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Tuesday, September 02, 2008]
Proverbs and taglinesThese are quotes by God and me to God and so on.. unless stated otherwise..
do enjoy ^^
It's easy to obey You; if I don't think.
You are Heaven on earth
Worship goes beyond the words
Please grant me... Your wish
Thank You for being my Desire
God will always be my first priority, no matter who I am inside.
I live a life of sin, filled with repentance, covered in grace, showered in love.
It's not about skill, it's all about You
If I can't trust You, who can I trust?
You are: Beyond me
Bring me to the place where I am close to You - bring me to my knees.
Letting go of who I am and embracing who You are.
Thank You for impossible situations: they are miracles in the making.
I can't see what's beyond tomorrow, but Daddy, You can
Making it through and making You proud.
You make this world a better place
Draw the church nearer to the cross
When you put your feelings aside, your decisions are very different - opposites, in fact
Someone had to suffer for my sins and it wasn't me
Your love is enough, what can I ever desire?
Whether I forget the past or not does not mean that I'm moving on into the future. I need to move on despite the fact whether I forget the past or not. And moving on doesn't mean I've let go.
I rather not get married than to get married to someone who doesn't love me enough
Nothing you do can stop jealousy He uses his heart to make me happy, not his head. It's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday - Carrie Underwood You love me more than he did because you could bring out a part in me that he couldn't.
Consistency - remaining the same when all else changes
Doing right the things I've done wrong Why do we remember the goodbyes more than the welcome homes?
Dreams are what makes us human. The lack of dreams, however, make us do crazy things - like sitting down in the office from 9 to 5, 5.5/7 days of our lives.
Creativity is the catalyst for all music. Without creativity, music is noise. Perfection is derived from more than just the failure to find fault
The more civilized we get in terms of techonology, the more uncivilized we become in terms of humanity.
Explanation: This psalm is about praising You for creating everything, choosing Israel and saving them out of Egypt. You also control the whole earth - from the lightnings, to the wind, to the vapors, to the seas. There is no other God like You because those idols are made by hand and those who make them are like them - cannot see, hear or speak. They are dead. You have destroyed the mighty kings of the earth and no one is more powerful than You. And You gave their nations as an inheritance to Your people Israel. You do whatever You please in the whole earth. You will judge Your people with compassion. Blessed be Your name!
Elaboration: I like this verse because I am Your special treasure. Today my mind was wandering to giving a gift to someone. And I thought of making them look for it like a treasure hunt. Then the word came to me.. treasure. Is that really a treasure? Those are treasures in this world, but what is the meaning of treasure actually? Then I saw this verse that talks about me being the treasure..
Mental Picture: I saw this treasure chest that was open. And it looked really small because it could fit into someone's heart. So there was this heart with a treasure at the bottom of it. And everywhere this person went, he would bring along this treasure in his heart- everywhere. This treasure was so precious that nobody knew it was in there. It was hidden deep inside and only that person who carried it knew it was there but wouldn't tell anybody. And deep within everyone's heart there was a treasure. Everyone had their different boxes.
And I saw another person's treasure chest - white and gold. Her treasure was really beautiful. I can see - even the box was beautiful. And all the treasures in it were colourful - it had different huge precious stones and jewelery. I saw an emerald, a ruby, a sapphire, diamonds,.. gold, mostly. It was shiny and glittery. There was nothing like it - nothing so beautiful and so treasured. It was so precious.
All the treasures that everyone had were different, and each one of them were beautiful. Some, more beautiful than the rest. Some had dark gold treasure chests, some white gold treasure chests - they were all different from one another. Each one was authentic in its own character and yet each one was beautiful in their nature.
Sometimes, when one person saw the treasure that belongs to someone else, which not everyone can see, they get jealous and try to steal that treasure away. That's when problems arise and fight begins between people - it's when they are fighting for the same treasure.
Sometimes I wonder - if they are fighting for the same treasure then what happens to the other treasure that nobody wanted? And why didn't they notice that treasure? Since everyone has their own treasure?
I guess some people has not discovered their treasure yet. Or rather, they didn't know it was there. They were so busy looking at other people's treasures that they didn't realize that they had one in their hearts and abandoned it for someone else's. Everyone has a unique treasure that no one else has. They've just got to look for it.
And You have Your own treasure too - the most beautiful treasure of all. And that's me.
Application: I guess You just want me to understand that money is not everyone's treasure. Different people have different treasures, and not everyone wants money. Some people appreciate other things. And to give someone a treasure, I have to know what it is.
You also have Your own treasure. And only I can give it to You. And I know what Your treasure is. It's me. And if I give You what is in Your heart, You will be very happy. So, I'm going to make You happy. I'm going to give You myself.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 7/31/2008 02:26:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, July 24, 2008]
Why I cried
You are shaking my foundations. Disappointments flooded in again yesterday, as my visa was on hold. And it is just amazing how You gave me the exact same verse that I had the last time disappointments visited me.
Psalms 87
1His foundation is in the holy mountains.
And as I read back my devotion last time, it is very encouraging to know that my disappointments will turn out for the better. You see, last time, I was disappointed that I couldn't get into UQ. But now, I like LaTrobe so much. I realize that the units I am studying in LaTrobe, I cannot get anywhere else in the world. Not this kind, anyway. Because LaTrobe has special lecturers that are bias. And I like that because I am bias like them.
As I read my previous devotion on this same verse, I saw how disappointed I was that I couldn't get into UQ and that really tickles me now that I am reading back. How silly of me to think that getting into UQ was better just because it was more prestigious. It is really not about where my degree came from, but really what I've learned through that degree program.
And now that my visa is on hold, I may finally get a chance to get back into UQ and I don't want to. What a joke.
How would I have guessed that my old devotions can speak so much to myself today. Talk about disappointments. I am so torn that I don't want to speak to anyone, don't want to do anything, don't even want to eat. I'm just too sorrowful because of my position right now. But my devotion talked so much about disappointments.
And my mental picture in that devotion even spoke about a meeting, a gathering and a discussion to produce an outcome. It seems as though I saw a vision, even 1 and a half weeks ago, that there was going to be a compliance committee meeting to discuss my situation this week, whether my visa was to be accepted or not.
Here's part of that mental picture:
But then, there was a courtroom. A conference. A discussion. All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a refund. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts. And true enough, there was hope as they recovered the money and redesigned the plans. True enough, You remained faithful till the end, as the building layout is now even bigger than before. It is by Your grace that they made it through it all.
In the end, after that discussion, the building layout was even bigger than before. Now, how did that happen? It was by Your grace. You are a great God. You can do anything You want. And I believe in You, that when You give, and if You take away, that You will multiply what You have taken away and give it back to me.
The same goes to other things in life. When You give me a good guy, and when You take him away, I always know that You have someone much better in store for me. There is nothing to be disappointed about. In fact, I should rejoice. Because if the guy that You take away is a really great guy, imagine, what kind of guy I will have in the end? Must be double the greatness! If You take this visa away from me, I cannot imagine what will happen soon. It is simply marvelous.
You shake the foundations, Lord. Because You are rebuilding Your house. You are enlarging it.
Second Mental Picture (taken from today's devotion):
I saw this boy playing with white blocks. And he was using those blocks to build a block house on a book. Apparently, that book was his foundation. And when the house was almost completed, he shook the book accidentally, and the whole building collapsed.
And he was disappointed. He was really sad. He cried. Because all of his hardwork was into it. He had really put his heart into it. And now it's all gone. That's why he cried. And then he went and told his mom. Then his mom felt for him. Then she came to see his destroyed work.
Then she explained to him that his foundation was not good enough. She told him to build on a foundation that cannot be shaken. And so he did, and this time, she helped him. They built a castle on the floor. It was so tall, that it was taller than him. He was so happy.
Now, let's take a look at the previous mental picture:
All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts.
You know, I cried. I cried because I felt like I came this far. I tried so hard to get into uni. I tried so hard to come here to aussie, to pay so much money, and now I have to start from square one. I cried because of all my hardwork and efforts. I did so many things - I ran to the office to pay my fees, I missed the stop on the way to uni, I waited for another bus that never came, walked kms a couple of times, I went to the post office to get my working with childrens check, I went through the whole process. I did so many things. I bought my stationary, bought books, got my student card, got enrolled into college. Went to the bank a couple of times to resolve so many transactions, rushed to the immigration office because I lost my way to the train station.
I had to wait nervously, praying like anything that my previous education institution will even give me a refund. And I lost thousands and thousands of dollars and ringgit to the migration office for a visa I canceled and enrollment into the cooking school, which costed RM3000, but of which I canceled also. I did so many things, and now they wanted to tell me that my second visa can be rejected? Do they know how much it costs in ringgit for each application? It costs RM1500. And I had to apply twice. And it was all my dad's money. And now he doesn't have much left. Let's not even mention the rent, food and utilities of about $120 a WEEK. And I've been here for 2.5 months. So that's $1200 x 3 = RM3600, rent only up till today, not counting future rent.
My first semester fees costs 8125.. dollars. That's multiplied by 3 point something. That's almost RM25,000, including registration fees, transport, and so on and so forth. And since I already commenced my studies, if my visa gets rejected, I don't know if they will give me a full refund. If they only give me 50%, I will loose half of my RM25 000.
My plane ticket here costs another RM3500 or so. If I added everything together with all my expenses on clothes and blanket and everything, it will come up to RM38 200. I could buy a brand new car. By cash. Instead of burning that money to the ground. And imagine if I had to fly back (RM3600++) and fly here again (another RM3600++), and did that WHOLE process all over again. That's why I cried. Because of all that. My efforts. My hardwork. And a lot of other people's hard earned money and savings.
God, please tell me You have something much greater. Much much. Please tell me it was all worth it. Thank You.
Nevertheless, I shall build now a new foundation that can never be shaken - my foundation in God. My foundation through prayer, worship and the word.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 7/24/2008 09:33:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, July 23, 2008]
My heart's desire
I didn't appreciate my stay here in Australia ...until my visa was put on hold
Just when I found the 'perfect' course to study, the 'perfect' units in that course outline, and the 'perfect' lecturer...
The walk along the streets was solemnly silent. I really had to go to the bathroom on the way home from the immigration office, but that was as fast as my legs could take me. As I looked along that memory lane, I started to realize that two months here in Australia really did make a difference in my life. I noticed the shops which brought back a nostalgic feeling of the time when my mom was around to buy stuff for us. I would sigh to myself but only within my heart.
I didn't appreciate my stay here in Australia until my visa was put on hold. It was that moment in time when I had so much to express but no words left to say. It was that time when I was sad but helpless at the same time. Disappointment at this point, was an understatement.
Just when I found the 'perfect' course to study, the 'perfect' units in that course outline, the 'perfect' lecturer - Peta Heywood. Sigh I would, but only to myself. Because I couldn't be bothered whether others heard that sigh or not. I was sad, but that's all I knew at that point, and I really couldn't process anything beyond that.
If I went back to Malaysia, it just wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't get a course like that, a school like that, much less a lecturer like that. The uniqueness of the course has actually got me attached to the school, to the course and to the lecturer. Simply because of one belief.
The faculty of education in LaTrobe has a unique belief and a collective belief at that, that education is meant to be exciting, interesting, motivating and loving. Full of passion, full of life. And I hold a similar belief. I have always had this belief ever since I was 7. Education was not meant to be boring, an obligation, compulsory,.. a nightmare.
The words of the immigration officer kept echoing into my head, 28 days 28 days 28 days 28 days... I was supposed to get back to the immigration office within 28 days,.. but I took two months. That was the complication. "No documents or anything else can be used to help you anymore. Now, you've just got to wait for me and the conciliation committee to decide whether to remove that complication from your statement or not." She said that thrice.
I was trying my best to hold back the tears as I kept my documents scattered on the table. It was embarrassing. Embarrassing that I had something I unconsciously allowed my heart to cherish. Embarrassed and surprised. Surprised as I finally came to realize how much this visa actually meant to me. Something new to comprehend.
I only kept asking one question, "How am I going to study about the 're-ignition' of education if I don't study in LaTrobe?" This is my heart's desire. Now I realize how desperate I am for it. Now I realize that LaTrobe is the only place I can get this. This lecturer, this belief, but much more so the aggression of such belief. The belief was only the root of something thriving.
Let it's branch grow. And let it reach the nations. Let it one day reach Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, India, China. This is my heart's desire. Bring it across the nations. Plant it's seed, and let the tree grow. Nurture it, water it, fertilize it. Only let it grow wild. Let it's passion re-ignite every dead education system planted in those lands. Let every dry tree catch on fire. Never-ending, wild and ferocious.
I'm speaking from the heart of education, where passion resides. If there be any left.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 7/23/2008 05:19:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, July 12, 2008]
Disappointments ~ God answered
God has answered this devotion. I just enrolled into LaTrobe yesterday and got my subjects in. The person in charged asked me what I was interested in and what my plans for the future were, that she may allocate to me the desired or appropriate subjects.
The first thing I said to her was my vision. I told her I wanted to build schools all over the world, and for the poor, and I would like to make my own curriculum. I told her I was interested in Pedagogy. Big word, no? I just learned it few days ago. The definition of pedagogy:
1.
the function or work of a teacher; teaching.
2.
the art or science of teaching; education; instructional methods.
When she heard that word, she straight away linked me up with the lecturer of pedagogy and holistic studies. Looked all over for her. Then was told that she was coming back up. So we waited. She said, "she is the right person. You should talk to her. She teaches pedagogy and holistic education, which is similar to pedagogy."
[she could take care of me]
To cut the long story short, my former core units for Educational Leadership and Management were:
Educational Administration and Management, and;
Leadership and Team Building Skills
and I was supposed to choose another Elective unit to make (3) units for this semester. Of the third, she chose Curriculum Design and Implementation.
But since I was so much more interested in Pedagogy, they decided throw away core unit No.2, which was Leadership and Team Building. And get me to learn Intro to Australian Schools, to give me a taste of different classroom environments. =) Boy.. was I glad!
Intro to Australian Schools, Pedagogy and Holistic Education were second year Master's course units, not first year's. Nevertheless, since I was enrolled into a Master's program instead of a Graduate Diploma program (foundation in Masters/first year of Masters), they gave me the right to enroll into my second year courses now, and do Admin next time ^^ i love 'em..
Nevertheless, due to my ever demanding attitude, I still didn't have it in me to do core unit No.1, Educational Admin and Management (how awfully dull =.=). Tell me again why I am doing Educational Studies in Leadership and Management? Oh, rite.. because I wanted to build schools..
After all the talking, I told her that my passion was very much for Pedagogy and Holistic education instead. Guess what the outcome was?
No, you wouldn't.. My three units ended up as:
Curriculum Design and Implementation
Introduction to Australian Schools, and
Pedagogical Principles and Practice
Now.. what happened to my two core units again? XD
and they are all.. second year master's program units.. AND not for Masters in Educational Leadership and Management but.. Masters in Teaching.
Which would entitle me to teach, actually. And required was also a 'Working With Children's check' and 'Police Check' since I would be going into schools. =) Did I mention i LOVE 'em? ^^
Oh, and these 3 units are all together, as in the same students were learning up that course, and it was a small class with a lot of group discussion. And I would be meeting the same students in and out.. =) I love 'em.
And she said that since I was attending that whole course, she could take care of me while I was there in that course.. heh.. I'm so looking forward to going to school now =) I mean.. how many people would have a lecturer take care of them? God is so good and God loves me so much. But even if this did not happen, I know that God still loves me. God loves me all the time. And I love Him too.
She said that I might want to consider including children from wealthy families because ultimately, they are the ones that will rule the world. You know what? She thinks like me. I told her that I am aiming for them, too and not just for poverty stricken children. But I also added that children from poverty stricken families can rule the world too.
I can't wait for class. And guess what? My classes are Monday 2-5pm and Tuesday 10-1pm, 2-5pm. So I only stay in Ebbie's house one night. And my transport is so much cheaper that way! Think of it - 2 units on Tuesday!!! God bless me, really.. God, I love You so much. But even if You take this away, I'd still love You.
so, my devotion down there works.. =) This is also an answer to my other devotion that God told me that He will give me a mentor who will teach me in Educational Studies, and He did. I believe that it is God's provision for me =) God blessed me^^ I love Him!!
p/s: Read the 'Application' part of BOTH the devotions down here. The first talks about God having a better plan for me at LaTrobe, and the second about God will give me someone who will teach me personally.
The foundations of the hills also quaked and were shaken,
Because He was angry.
Psalms 87
1His foundation is in the holy mountains.
2The Lord loves the gates of Zion
More than all the dwellings of Jacob.
I like these verses because the foundation of the earth belongs to You. The foundations of everything belongs to You. No matter what it's like. No matter what happens. You can build up and You can pull down, even foundations. Of things that do not belong to You, You pull down. But You establish Your foundation in the holy mountains. You build up Your foundation in Holiness, in Holy places. In Your Holy Place. In Your Holy of Holies, in Your throne room, that's where my foundation in You should be built and established. Not in the foundations of the earth, but in the foundations of the heavens. It is through worship that my foundation is built.
Definition: a body or ground upon which something is built up or overlaid
Mental Picture: I see the foundation of my church being built. The physical foundations of my church building - the digging, the piling, the noise, the business, the structure, the layout, the formation of the lowest levels. I saw the huge machines, the tall ones, the pillars, the metal bars, the cement, the workers, the dust, the rocks, the mud, the construction. I heard the noise, the shouting, the machineries, the piling up of rocks one against another, the knocking sound of the hammer, workers walking from one side to another. It was the sound of hope. It was the sound of something new. There was development. Slowly, I could see it coming into place, as they put the beams in.
But something happened. There was disappointment. There was confusion. They had to stop construction. There was a problem. The government wanted part of the land. They had to change their plans. The architect, the contractor were both very disappointed. All their plans failed. Everything they planed were stopped. It could not be done anymore. Everything came to a standstill. Disappointment filled the air. What a great disappointment.
[I may reach a point of disappointment that LaTrobe is not going to give me a full refund, but then there is a purpose of why I am there]
But then, there was a courtroom. A conference. A discussion. All the lawyers took their places and one of them stood out against the rest. He proposed a refund. He proposed a compensation for all the work done and all the efforts. And true enough, there was hope as they recovered the money and redesigned the plans. True enough, You remained faithful till the end, as the building layout is now even bigger as before. It is by Your grace that they made it through it all.
[ But You have greater plans for me here ]
Application: All things work out for good to those that love You. Although I may reach a point of disappointments that LaTrobe is not going to give me a full refund, but then there is a purpose of why I am there. In the end, it will always turn out to be better than it was before. I must not be sad. I know I am very disappointed right now and really really sad that I cannot get into UQ - the university of my dreams, so called. But You have greater plans for me here.
[ I guess You want me to do my foundations in LaTrobe. I believe in You, Lord ]
I know I wanted to lay my foundations in my masters program in UQ, instead of LaTrobe, because UQ is more prestigious and I know that they will accept me if I pass my foundations there. They also offer double the amount of credit units for a slightly more expensive price, and the foundation there is in leadership, not just a general educational studies foundation, like the one in LaTrobe. I so so so wanted to go to UQ, other than the finance part and the staying alone part. But I guess You want me to do my foundations in LaTrobe. I believe in You, Lord. I know that You want what is best for me. I shall not be disappointed anymore.
work twice as hard
10 July 2008 James 4:3-16
13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow 8we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; 14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.” 16 But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.
I like these verses because I don't know what will happen tomorrow. How can I assume that I will get a job and be able to pay up my tuition fees? How can I calculate it that way? How can I assume that I will even get $20 an hour if I get a job? I am not just living by Your grace that I have to pay up that little leftover that I can't pay up, but I am living by Your grace that I can even get a job or a job with a good pay. How can I assume I will even have enough to survive the first semester? Instead, I ought to say, if the Lord wills, then I can even have enough to buy the plane ticket there. "If the Lord wills."
If You will, I can do anything actually. The words 'if You will' means more than just 'allowance' or 'permission'. It means the 'will of God'. It means the 'plans and purposes of God'. It means the destiny that You have prepared for me since the foundations of the world. It's more than just Your 'permissible will'. It is about Your 'perfect will'. If I seek Your will, then surely I can do it. But now the question is, is it Your will? I cannot assume. It is too dangerous to assume.
If I succeed in anything, it wasn't because of my strengths or my accomplishments. It is because it is Your will that I succeeded. It was for the establishment of Your purposes.
Definition: mean to express pride in oneself or one’s accomplishments.
Mental Picture: I see this young, fat boy. He liked to boast. He would boast that he was physically the best at playing football (??). But he did. And he told off the other boys who wanted to play with him, and they believed him and they were afraid of him. Then one fine day, a bigger boy came along and challenged him. But when he played, he fell down and everyone laughed at him.
[ He needed training. He needed a coach. He needed to learn from someone who has walked that path. He needed someone to teach him what he does not know ]
It surfaced that he has never played football before. Apparently, he had assessed himself and his skills based on his appearances. He figured, somehow, that if he was bigger and fatter and stronger, that it meant that he was physically fit to play football. He totally didn't know that those were not the qualities required to play football. He didn't know that to play football, he had to be smart, physically fit, skilled in tackling and many other things. He even had to be skilled in kicking the ball, which he has never done before. But because of his arrogance, he failed miserably. He needed more knowledge and experience to be the best. He needed training. He needed a coach. He needed to learn from someone who has walked that path before. He needed someone to teach him what he does not know. He cannot assume he knows something when he knew nothing at all.
[ He was later humble enough to let that boy who challenged him, to teach him. To teach him from scratch ]
It does not mean that he couldn't play. It meant that to play, he would need vigorous training and exercise, and would definitely need to loose that sum of weight he had. It would just require lots of practice and training. And soon, he could play like the other boys, but then again, it wouldn't make him the best. To be the best, he had to train harder and work harder than anyone else. Probably twice the amount everyone else trained and worked.
He was later humble enough to let that boy who challenged him, to teach him. To teach him from scratch, how to kick the ball and all the things that he didn't know of. Then, he realized how much he didn't know and he was even more ashamed of himself and his proud behaviour.
Application: I think this speaks of me, entering into a masters programme that I know nuts of. Educational Studies. What do I know, seriously? Oh, God, help me. Sigh. Who is going to teach me? Who is qualified to teach me? Do I need extra classes? Do I need to get back to basics? Where should I start?
I have to find someone who knows this kind of things to teach me from scratch. When I enter the course, I am going to be lost, more lost than a lost duck. But that would mean that I need someone to train me up and I need to work harder than anyone else in class. I need to work hard to even reach their level and then work double hard to be better than them. That's a lot a lot of training. And then I would need experience as well. I would need to be involved in that kind of work in the same sector I am studying in to cope with what I am studying and to help me understand.
There might be a lot of terms which I've never heard of before. And other jargon which are new to me. I have to brace myself and be prepared to be the most stupid one in class. Especially on the first day. And then I have to catch whomever I can and beg them to teach me from scratch, whatever I do not know. It will probably be good for me to start off with Grad Cert instead of Grad Dip. If I study in UQ, I think I would be starting from Grad Cert, which is one level lower than Grad Dip. So I guess that's a wiser choice. Unsure.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 7/12/2008 08:53:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, July 10, 2008]
I'll come back when it's over - no need to say goodbye
Artist: Regina Spektor Song: The Call [The Chronicles of Narnia Prince Caspian OST]
It started out as a feeling Which then grew into a hope Which then turned into a quiet thought Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder 'Til it was a battle cry I'll come back When you call me No need to say goodbye
Just because everything's changing Doesn't mean it's never been this way before All you can do is try to know who your friends are As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon And follow the light You'll come back when it's over No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over No need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning It's just a feeling and no one knows yet But just because they can't feel it too Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger 'Til they're before your eyes You'll come back When they call you No need to say goodbye
You'll come back When they call you No need to say goodbye
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 7/10/2008 02:05:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Tuesday, July 08, 2008]
for an amazing
hehe.. it's so fun being with you. i never thought i'd laugh so much. great minds think alike. never thought i'd meet someone like you one day. if i knew, i wouldn't have done the stuff i did. i would've waited. i would've been a better person.
well, since i like you so much, i'm going to try writing you a poem.. so here goes!
for an amazing
the splendor the sun unfolds upon the land hints the dawning of a new beginning while the waves are beating against the sand behold, i see such a wonderful being
how could i ever imagine that i'd meet someone like you you're so unique, so impressing so wise and profound too
you make me admire the capability wonder at the possibilities and marvel at the infinity of what God can do for you and me
since our knitted hearts were made there is joy like a fountain, a spring though dreams are yet to come and much are left unsaid between us there remains a quiet understanding
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 7/08/2008 01:59:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, June 18, 2008]
I am being random
my third blog for today.. oh well..
came across an amazing blog. http://www.trevorromain.com/ a cartoonist, I believe. Read the story of his father, entitled 'Father's Day'. Very touching. He wrote about his letter to his dad.. nice. Took this pic from there:
bumped into his web by searching for pics on google
you can also visit his website. http://comicalsense.com/trevor/videos.php Has videos of him with kids and all that. nice nice. Have yet to watch them myself. Remarkable life story, to me, at least.
Oh well, it's winter here in Melbourne and I am so so hot.. mom on the heater and i offed it but it is still so so hot and I am sweating.. God help me.
Let's blog about something else.
Okay, here is this other thing which I should have blogged about a long time ago, but delay delay until now.. Esther Lum from HUGE camp brought this up one day:
see the pic of Jesus on the cross? This is the Whirlpool galaxy.
" I really liked the speaker at the Chris Tomlin concert. Louie Giglio is a dynamic preacher, who uses a lot of word pictures...just what gets into my brain the best. His theme was the greatness of God, as the tour was called How Great Is Our God, after one of Tomlin's songs. He used the Universe with pictures up on the powerpoint screen to drive home how great the universe is and the God who literally breathed the stars into being. Then he told us about the Whirlpool Galaxy....a far off galaxy that was found using the Hubble telescope. It is a beautiful galaxy, white spirals with red jewel looking spots all through it. But at the very center of the galaxy is the most amazing picture. Usually at the center of any galaxy is a round black hole. This is what they found at the center of the Whirlpool Galaxy.
Then, after wowwing us with word pictures and visual pictures of God's awesome Greatness, he brought it down to how God is also interwoven into the smallest detail in our lives. There is a protein called Laminin which is like scaffolding of our cells...it holds it all together, like the rebar in the cement of our being. Then he showed us a picture of what laminin looks like....amazingly enough, it is in the structure of a cross. Laminin, the very protein that holds our being together, is shaped like the cross of Christ, who holds all of life together." - by crickl http://www.angelfire.com/
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 6/18/2008 10:45:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
Dear Lord Jesus
I condemn myself over and over again This life is not worth living This life just needs to end In front of me is The picture of a kitchen knife so conveniently placed in my hand
The things I've done wrong and the people who've left me keeps me wondering How much I am really worth The same old story of my past gives me that terrible feeling that forever seems to last No matter how hard I try to resolve it
I can only think of death and the life I once lived because nobody can save me from my mistakes although I regret everything I ever did; I search for an answer but the flashbacks of my memory flood my mind so that there is no escape from the truth that ever seeks to destroy me
Can anybody save me from my mistakes You know I regret everything I did Let's turn back time Let's start all over again but reality visits me and I have to live with all my misery so that there will never be a time when I shall cease to think of death
Stop it all for me and let there be salvation from my everliving memories and my never ending haunts of death What will be of me in years to come for how long shall I endure it everyday is a dying day when the past seemed to have just happened yesterday
Sing for me a poem and recite to me a song of freedom and new beginnings so that the past will remain as it is, the past and there is a hope of a future where We will be together Hear now my prayer:
"Lord Jesus, I want to be pure, but I don't think I can be; I want to be made whole, Lord, and I want to be set free;
Come, Lord Jesus, come, come and be with me; In this period of darkness, It's Your eyes I need to see;
Help me, Lord Jesus, only You can calm the raging sea; You're the answer to all my prayers, and You're the One who holds the key;
Let me now forget who I was, and be all I can be, for hope is now found, in a new beginning of a new me;
Give me now a new name, trust me now a new life to gain, that I may live this life all over again, I pray, in Jesus' name."
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 6/18/2008 07:55:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Monday, June 09, 2008]
Don't let anyone else tell you how much you're worth
This is how much you're worth
Take this Test to see how much you are worth:
37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. ~ Matthew 10:37-38 ~
But if you don't love Him more than everyone and everything else, you were not worth it.
He who loves Jesus more than his father or mother is worthy of Him. He who loves son or daughter more than Jesus is worthy of Him. He who takes up his cross and follow after Him is worthy of Him.
How much am I worth: If you passed the test, you are worth as much as God Himself. If you failed.. ask God to forgive you then try again and keep trying until you pass.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 6/09/2008 12:46:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, June 07, 2008]
The best hug in the world
Hi mum..
I'm so sorry I took so long to send an e-mail to you, but I remember I said I was going to send you one, so here it is~! =) I guess there were just so many things to say since I arrived. I wish I could tell you everything,.. but too many things de..
:) That time when I said bye to you and "dad" at my house. Erm.. Thanks so much for that hug you gave me - it was the best hug in the world. I never got a hug like that from anyone.. other than God. But then again, God's hug is out of this world =) Thanks so much for that hug. Every time I think of it, it makes me tear.. seriously. Everytime, without fail.. (you know la.. i very fast cry. That time we watch C7 also cry.. ahah.. I every show also cry. Even funny shows - laugh until cry.
Erm.. too bad I didn't get to hug dad. Didn't know if it was appropriate or not.. ahah.. but at least I got to hug Andrew~!!! Ahahah.. I just had to la.. the notti side of me^^ but he like slumber only.. like he knows he will see me again.. ahah.. well,.. Father knows best =)
I miss helping Andrew with his homework.. =( *sniff* aihh.. the fun timez.. I love the times when we kept laughing.. ahah.. so much for looking back - I look back A LOT. Like everyday.. Don't know if it is okay to look back or not.. like.. miss home. I miss the house too.. and the whole Section 17 area.. I miss eating at the night stalls there.. and the tong sui.. and bobo-chacha.. aiyooo........
But among all the food, your cooking is the one I miss the most. Seriously. I keep thinking about the vegeeeee.... the sawi in soya sauce or something like that.. I don't believe something so simple can make me miss home so much!!! I guess it's because there's no sawi here.. and all the veggies are broccoli and cauliflower.. *sniff sniff* ...and lettuce and cabbage, carrot, zucchini and cucumber.. =( I eat the same food everyday.. I miss home-cooked food...
I tried the cheese in egg you cooked the other day, but I can't seem to taste the cheese!!! It's just not the same! How much cheese did you put per egg? What did you put inside? Soy sauce? Salt? I just put egg and cheese.. no salt, no soya, no nothing - aihhh.. silly me.. I forgot~ (see the pic of the egg and cheese - I cooked it all by myself! And put the sausage inside! - Joey's idea)
I can't wait to try out the Thai dish you learned to cook - one day, one day.. but don't know why, my family don't buy chicken breast one.. *sob sob* they buy all drumstick and chicken wing only.. I don't know why - I think it's cheaper.. I don't like.. I like chicken breast.. =(
And then don't know why - all the pizza we cook comes out burnt!!! Not one will come out okay! Even though we change the chef! No matter who cooks, we sure burnt the pizza! Makes me miss home even more!! And the fridge is stocked with frozen pizzas!!! Miss home food so much! Until that day I cannot tahan de, I told Caleb and Jie that I miss homecooked food- after I sat down at the table, then we prayed, then I look at the food my sis cooked, and although it looked nice, but I still was like.. "Aiyo.. I really miss the mom's cooking.."
And they were like.. "Why? The food here not nice, ah?"
Then I was like.. "no, la.. it's just.. different."
Then they were like.. "you learn to cook la!"
Then I was like.. "even if I cook.." Then Caleb continued for me,"the touch is not there, right?"
And I was like... "... yea :'( "
oh, well.. what to do? Just look at Andrew's pictures and drool.. ahah.. he so bad la he - that day eat Ramli Burger in front of my face~! He so bad - purposely ask to tapau and then eat in front of me!!! hmmph~ then he go and make the sound.. mmmMMMmmMMmmhhh,.. *sob*~
You know, I don't believe, after so long, I still chat with him - in fact, I think we chat more now.. I don't what we chat about, seriously..
At least I get to talk to you once a week.. you seem so busy~! I don't think you even got the time to reply this email! But take your time,.. it's okay.. no hurry.. :) Ahah.. just hope you can tell me how to cook the cheese and egg.. ahahahahah... and perhaps you have a better way of cooking the brocolli!!!! Oh yea.. did you know that there's such thing as Green Cauliflower? =D ..no, I couldn't believe it either! I ate some.. ahah.. it tastes like a cross between cauliflower and broccoli! ahah..
Oh,.. how's the car? I heard Andrew has the stuffies in safe keeping.. ahahah.. stuffy babysitter~! heh heh heh.. I owe him one, really.. oh.. did you manage to send it back to the mechanic? Ahah.. didn't think so.. but the mechanic is still waiting for it, I think..
I'm sorry to leave in such a hurry.. and had to pass all these things for you guys to do.. how very irresponsible of me.. sigh. I hope this is going to be my first and last time leaving.. the other day, I dreamt that everything happened all over again - I dreamt that I was back in Malaysia, and I had so many things to pack up and to dispose, and so many things were important to me that I wanted to keep, and I guess my 'insecurity' was really.. maximized.. that week.. and in my dream, I came back to Malaysia from Australia and had to leave back to Australia again, and it was like history repeated itself - I didn't learn my lesson - I had to say bye to people who were important to me, and yet so much packing to do that was not done, and all that haunted me in the dream again~!! Sigh.. how traumatic. Thank God it was just a dream.. then I woke up, and my mum started questioning me about my stuff back home and a cold chill just ran down my back.. yikes~ scary.
I guess it was because I had to pack alone, and no one was there to help me sort things out.. I guess sometimes I don't know how dependent I am until I am left to settle things on my own. Sometimes I can make it, but sometimes,.. like my assignments and all.. I'll just get really stressed and overwhelmed.
Anyway.. not to worry about that.. these are just things in life I have to learn from and grow up. I guess that's why God put me here in Australia. To learn how to be independent and grow up. Instead of over-depending on people..
Oh,.. you want to know what is my favourite meal here? Ahah.. you won't believe it! - sandwich~! Simple sandwich!!! Just bread with butter, tuna/ham with lettuce! That's it!! And it's the best meal here. Sounds pathetic, isn't it? Yea.. I know.. =.= but it's the best. It means I haven't got jelak of it yet.. yet. I'm still looking out for the next big thing because I know I will get jelak of sandwich very soon.. because I'm about to eat some now.. for branch.. yea.. its 4:11pm and I still haven't eaten anything the whole day.. no, la... today is special.. other days I eat earlier - no worries.. this is the first time eating so late..
I hope to catch up with you again soon.. so many things to write about, and today was mostly about food.. hope I didn't bore you out~!!! =) I did it for the pictures, so you get to see some stuff.. hehe.. ok, i go first..buhbyee
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 6/07/2008 01:00:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, June 05, 2008]
HomeWhere Your love has always been enough for me..
Yes, homesick.. Miss everything, from the people, to the places to the food.
People and places I miss:
Not really the Sepang beach, though.. but my house yes. Ahah.. KDU, YES. Because somehow no matter which Uni I visit, there's still no place like home.. I miss KDU.. reminds me of XiYing and Aaron.. SIGHHHH~
Honestly, that day was the saddest day of my life. Everytime I view a picture I took in the airport or on that day, I just feel so sad.
what I left behind..
hmm,... oh.. and I left this too..
I think I left it somewhere on the floor in XiYing's house..
Should have left this at XiYing's house instead.. it's called 'Au Lik Eek'- an exotic ancient dessert..
can you believe I actually miss Vic too?
fun times.. at ming tien.. XiYing 'chiack-ing'... you know what's that? It's.. *chiak~!*
..chiack-ing.
yes, yes.. and Aaron Too.. eh.. since when did he become Mr.Too? I thought it was Mr.Tam.. ah nvm.
aih.. the memories.. sleeping partners 4evah!
Don't we rock the house down, XiYing? Oh, I forgot.. it was just the curtain.. =.=
one last one..
I can almost see the hallow on her head!!!
wanna know what else I miss? ..I miss this too..
D-Generator X aka Danielle and Da rest.. those notti bunch of fellas~!
ahah.. and I miss Simon.. one of the notti fellas..
our class was always the funnest~~
the best of the best.. you know what makes the best class? - a good teacher, well-behaved students, a very helpful assistant teacher and silence so golden, you'd think you're not just death but blind.
... lol!
And I miss.. my church buddy.. more or less the only friend I had in church.. now no fwens in church.. ='(
and I definitely miss.. helping someone with his art homework..
and I miss mom's cooking more than any other food: mum's lovely beef... aihh.. can never get it here..
as Caleb says, even if we try to cook it, it's not the same- the 'touch' is just not there...
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 6/05/2008 08:04:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Sunday, May 04, 2008]
XiYing made me do this
1. Who does Daniel Sim like? Me
2. Describe Jason in one word. Holy
3. Who's Daniel Sim dating? Me
4. How would Daniel Sim insult Kenny? Who killed kenny?
5. Would you open a mystery gift Likee just gave you, without much hesitation? No, but he would open mine in that way..
6. What if you found out that Aaron T was secretly an alien plotting to take over the world together with Joram? You call that a secret?
7. In a race between you, Joram and Jason, who would win? Jason. He'd be the only one running because he is always excited about everything. Joram would be sleeping at home and forgot about the race. I would be taking pics of Jason running....
8. Name something you have in common with Jason? Holiness
9. Super fun fun adventure amusement park marathon with you, Jason and Paul! How will it go? Just like it went in Genting Theme Park - feeling happy and gay...
10. Would you love to read Abigail's very personal diary? Yes, because I bet Daniel is in there somewhere...
11. In a race between you, Aaron T and Daniel Sim, who would win? Daniel Sim. And I'll make sure. Sorry, Aaron.. I'll let you win the next round... =P Nuh.. didn't think you'd mind either...
12. Who would win in a duel, Kenny or Jason? And what kind of duel would they pick, anyway? Some theological issue. Jason will win. Because Kenny will compromise sooner or later.. probably later when he realizes that Jason never gives up.
13. If Kenny played in a movie, what kind of character would they play? Elmo?
14. Paul just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what? Now I can't meet him in Aussie =(
15. Name something you have in common with Abigail? We both love Daniel XD
16. Likee got turned into an animal! What animal is it? He doesn't need to be turned into one.
17. Can Paul be bad influence? Definitely. He makes me wanna walk around and talk while flipping my arms..
18. Do you miss Likee? No, Likee misses me.
19. Would you marry XiYing? Again?
20. What would you do if you hadn't met XiYing? Oh, the emo question has finally come back to me.. Well, everything that comes around goes around.. lalala.. If I hadn't met XiYing, XiYing wouldn't have met me. Okay... if I hadn't met XiYing, I wouldn't be so close with the CF until now. I wouldn't hang out with Aaron Tam and Likee for nothing. I wouldn't spend so much money on stupide movies and going to 1U for no apparent reason but listening to them chat about crappy stuff like CF committee and errr..... and I definitely wouldn't be spending so much on books. Oh well... yes, that habit certainly has got onto me.
If I hadn't met XiYing, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be this err.. 'matured' .. err.. *aherm* and I wouldn't learn so much from books as I have. I wouldn't learn so much about Joram stuff.. and I wouldn't learn anything at all, actually. So yes, XiYing did change my life, come to think about it.. hmmmm.. thanks alot XiYing, although I know you are right beside me now and I am typing this right in front of your face.. this is soooooo weird~
21. Will Paul eat those green eggs and ham? If he cooked 'em.. maybe..
22. Does Paul have any pets? You mean live ones?
23. What would XiYing not be caught dead in? staying at my place for a whole month?
24. How would XiYing insult Likee?
"How do I get through one night with LikEe? If I had to live with LikEe? What kind of life would that be? Oh you, you need me in your arms Need me to hold I'm your world, your heart, your soul
If you ever LIVE, Baby you would take away everything good in my life And tell me now
How do I live with LikEe I don't want to know How do I breathe with LikEe If you never go How do I ever, ever SURVIVE How do I How do I Oh, how do I live
With LikEe, there'd be no sun in my sky There would be no love in my life There'd be no world left for me And I, oh Baby, I don't know what I would do I'd be lost if I have you If you never leave Baby you would take away everything real in my life And tell me now
How do I live with LikEe I don't want to know How do I breathe with LikEe If you never go How do I ever, ever SURVIVE How do I How do I Oh, how do I live
Don't tell me baby How do I go on
If you never leave Baby you would take away everything Don't need you with me Baby you would take away everything good in my life And tell me now
How do I live with LikEe I don't want to know How do I breathe with LikEe If you never go How do I ever, ever SURVIVE How do I How do I Oh, how do I live
how do I live with LikEe how do I live with LikEe baby how do I live....
"Baby, you could take away everything good in my life.. and tell me why..
How could I live with LikEe? I want to know.. How could I live with LikEe? If you will ever know..
How could I ever.. ever SURVIVE??? How could I.. oh, how could I.."
25. Likee just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what? Good question. Now what?
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 5/04/2008 01:29:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, May 01, 2008]
Hey!!!! Soree, peepoz!!! .. no I mean it.. sorry, people..
Been out lately.. what to do? Leaving de mah.. aishh.. so sad.. so sad to let them go.. but no choice.. Have to get on with life.. have to fulfill God's call upon my life.. and it's just not here, and I know it. But I'll be back.. one day. And I know that too. Just like I told Joram, I will tell you guys, "I will come back to Malaysia.". I know I will. That's the whole reason why I am going in the first place - so that I may come back - a whole new person. A better person. Hopefully, a more mature and independent person. Someone who will be of benefit to the society, at least.. but I just want to be the person God wants me to be. I want to be a blessing. And I want to be the best I can possibly bring myself to be.
I'm coming back, so don't worry.. I just don't know when. It can be anything between 3-7 years. No idea. But I know that by then, I won't be the same. My pilgrimage. My quest to find God. It's not that I don't have Him, I do. I just want more of Him. I want to achieve my greatest desire in my life - intimacy with God. And no matter what, I know that I must get to there before I die. I don't care how long it takes, but I must get there. And I won't give up searching until I have found my greatest Desire. And I hope you all will be like me in this manner
13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
So I've been packing.. I'm so not ready to go.. people ask me, so how do you feel about going.. well.. mixed feeling, la.. excited but very very very sad. So sad to leave the people I care about the most.. some of you read my blog, some of you don't. But you know who you are.. Right now, let me just mention one.
XiYing.
The first time I met you, was the nuttiest cf I ever encountered, my dear. Seriously. I didn't even know you back then, but you treated me like you knew me forever. We laughed and laughed about nothingness and you are seriously nothing but crap. What do you have up there, XiYing? Is there anything in there at all?? XD
Okay, I'm being mean.. but being mean means I mean it. Lolee!!!
Okay, crappiness is coming back again... lalalalalallala...
Oh, shucks. better stop here. Change topic, quick!! (sorry, XiYing.. I will come back to you later, when I am not so crappy)
Andrew Chang.
Talking about laughter and talking about crap suddenly brings this boy to mind. Hahaha.. sorry, I said I was only going to mention one, but lemme just mention another one more, since we're here in the topic of laughter and crap. (Well, right now, laughter and crap may bring to mind a few more names, like Deborah Tan Ai Jern. She is the pioneer. lolee..)
Okay.. so talking about laughter and crap, Andrew Chang is the latest member.. seriously. I suddenly had a flush of memories of me and Deborah and my childhood years when I spend time with this guy laughing my head off.. I was thinking to myself like, "Okay, Anna.. this seems familiar.. when was the last time you had a laugh like that?" It was one of those times when everything seems funny.. you know what I mean? Like the smallest thing in the room can be a laugh about. Seriously... erm.. lemme see... Cockroach legs or something? Ewww!!! And that little queen ant thing you tried to kill in the bathroom.. omg.. what was that thing, really?
Oh, well.. Andrew doesn't read my blog, but maybe one day he will.. lolee! one day..
xIyING.
Oh, got to pick XiYing up from her house soon.. guess this will be one of the last times, XiYing.. I'm so gonna miss you.. Love you loads!!^^
Till then, I'll catch up with you guys later.. see ya!!!
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 5/01/2008 10:17:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, April 12, 2008]
XiYing (my 'hunny') and Aaron Tam (my 'sayang')'s baptism.. lol~!
ahah.. excuse my.. erm.. 'possessive attitude'.. ahah..
no, la.. aaron is not my sayang.. but den I very sayang him wan.. he noes what.. lol! So XiYing calls him my 'sayang'.. lol! what to do.. she jealous mah.. =.='
lol! Okay, la.. she is not jealous.. she already got her daniel.. *ahem *ahem.. but den again.. Daniel is MINE~!!!! MWHAHAHAHHAHA.... and even my 'enemy' agrees to it~! So I have full claim now~!!!
Yay yay.. daniel is mine.. yay yay.. *sings to herself*
mwhahahhaa...
okay okay.. so now for the long awaited pics~~~ *drum roll*.. get ready....
get set!..
GO~~~~~!!! *truimphant music*
what?~ why? potong stim ah? lol!! it's nice, what^^ XiYing and I took one.. heh heh heh.. nice lehhh~~
there, another one^^
ahah.. okay, I'm boring you guys.. :P
Wait.. wait.. one more.. =D
Okay, la.. last one.. no more, de.. promise..
see? told ya~! That's Aaron Tham^^
and XiYing.. heh heh.. sorry for the blurr pics
This is Roy.. behaves a bit like me now, doesn't he?
Yeah, so we ended up stucking sticks into here and there.. lol!! It was fun, though.. :P
told ya he behaves like me^^ i just lurve taking pics of random stuff.. like nothing better to do!
Okay,. so this is XiYing's baby^^.. no, not literally, but yeah.. you get the pic!
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 4/12/2008 03:29:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, April 03, 2008]
wordsweave.wordpress.comAnna
I met her again. This time a little less confident, a little more subdued. But still the same old trecherous woman. Running after her phantom affections, leaving behind a stable life of dullness and responsibilities.
Why do you cheat on your prescribed life Anna? Whether in the pen of Tolstoy or in the text of Bergman, - you stay fleeting. Ready to escape at the sight of temptation. After younger men, who may be passionate, but are not ready to bear the burden of your guilt and isolation.
What makes you restless in each type of life? In the nursery of your children, in the arms of your lover?
‘I am not treacherous, I only run after the passions And I seek a life that has force, but when I follow the force, it pulls me apart. From everything else, which had some joy in parts. I hate the burden of choice for it does not let me reside in the joyous midland where I can enjoy my passions and still be a part of this world I only ask why - if world will renounce me for passions For whom do these passions exist?’
Anna, dear Anna - the freedom of choice visits only once And when you throw your passions in a lake Do you have the right to ask for happiness?
- taken from wordsweave.wordpress.com, posted by Madhuri
Okay, so I do not totally identify with the whole poem, but it is, however named after me - coincidence, perhaps..
I do find some truth residing in it. Especially the part where it states that younger men are not ready to bear my guilt and isolation. It opened my eyes to what was true.. to reality. Younger guys are really incapable of sharing such burdens. They simply do not understand. And being men, when you throw something they are unfamiliar with at them, they freak out. Because, like the book, 'Captivating' states, men are generally afraid to fail and they are afraid to deal with something they can't handle. So when ladies pour out their problems at them, they immediately freak out because they feel like they do not have what it takes - sufficient experience, knowledge and understanding, to tackle the problem. And they are afraid of failing and not being able to be the 'hero' which men are supposed to be, to their partners.
I've learned something. I learned that I had to choose. I either get a more mature guy who is able to handle all my problems with understanding, or I get a younger guy who will be totally oblivious to what I have gone through.. Believe it or not, I'd choose the latter. Why? Because however close relationship might sound, having intimacy and all that.. True intimacy with God always comes first. And if you are too dependent on your partner to provide you with all the answers to life, where does that intimacy with God come from? If single girls out there can do it without partners, I believe that I can too.
Look at it this way - don't you think he has his own problems? I know it is impossible for anyone to be problem-free, but you should first settle whatever root problems you have in your life that has to do with inner healing and the major issues(i.e. family problems, childhood rejection issues) which will lead to other problems in life, way before you enter into a new relationship. As for me, I was not ready to be involved in another relationship because I have not dealt with these issues first. And when I did not deal with these issues, I brought them with me into each new relationship, and therefore, I dumped all those problems on whoever I was with. So, in each of my relationships, I complained about my past, about my hurt and rejection, because I have not dealt with them. And all these will lead to other problems - insecurity, jealousy, excessive sensitivity or emoness, if you would; loneliness, etc.
Yes, we are to share our problems with one another, especially with our partners, but 'share', not dump it on them. There is a big difference between sharing and dumping. Let me explain - sharing is just letting someone hear you out, listen and advice. To dump someone your problem is to dump expectations along with that, expecting them to solve at least half of it for you.
And it's when you have expectations, that you will have disappointments, because it won't be long before you realize that your partner is incapable of handling every single problem you dump at him - very incapable, because we are merely human. And the more problems you dump on him, the more expectations you put on him, the more you're destroying his sense of self-confidence because when he finds that he is relatively incapable, you are exposing his weaknesses and incapability, making him shy away from helping you with other problems in the future.
So let's find the point where everything goes wrong - the expectations. Let me make this very clear - you must not have any expectations whatsoever on your partner to solve anything for you. Because it is not his responsibility. He is not obliged to resolve your issues. He is your partner in life, not your father and definitely not your god.
If you desire intimacy with a superior being that is able to settle all your problems for you, trust me, it is not intimacy with a human that you are looking for, but intimacy with God. That is what you have been searching for your whole life, and now that you know what it is your heart aches for, -go for it- go run after intimacy with God, the Superior Being who is able to settle all your problems for you, loves you enough to lay down His life, the only Being you can trust 100% and you totally adore with all you are.
And until and unless you have achieved intimacy with God, you are not prepared for an intimacy with any human because your heart is still craving for first and foremost, intimacy with God. And that passion for intimacy with God cannot possibly be quenched by anything inferior to the Real Thing. It is just not possible. Because that is what our hearts were made for.
Therefore, no matter what relationship you are in, someone's heart will only find dissatisfaction and it will lead to break ups after break ups until both hearts are contented with the Real Thing. Our hearts simply will not be satisfied with each other, because the purpose we were created on this earth - the one longing and the one desire, ever since He first formed us in our mother's womb - was to desire intimacy with the Living God. And it will settle for nothing less.
He first created man on earth to have a relationship with Him. This is man's ultimate goal in life - intimacy with God - nothing else matters more. Just like in Romans say, the spirit groans.. so our heart groans and yearns for 1 thing, and 1 thing only - true intimacy with God. And until the day we die, this will be our heart's greatest desire. And until and unless you have found intimacy with God, you will never, I repeat, never find fulfillment or satisfaction in anything you do in life, not even doing His will.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 4/03/2008 12:23:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, March 29, 2008]
you don't have to give him the credits for making you a man if he didn't
Hope you don't mind me copy-pasting our conversation here... it's just the intro..
"you just.. don't fancy your dad's way of doing things and i guess you never want to be like him? you rather be anything and anyone - as long as you don't become like him
you will never be like him because you have a choice to be whoever you choose he may be your dad but he's not you
God was a man when He was on earth and if there is anything lacking, among all the good parts you took from your dad, you know where to get it from among all the parts that make a man, a man
so doesnt mean that you're a man means you're anything like your dad you don't have to give him the credits for making you a man if he didn't"
Some girls get their feminity from their mothers or sisters.. I have no idea where I got mine from.. But I like to think that it is God who deserves that credit.
The Holy Spirit is very much of a woman among the Trinity. And I realize that as woman, we crave to love and be loved. We crave attention, we crave to be noticed and to be admired. We long for all those things, like I read in the book, "Captivating".. yes.. and it is when I read that book, that it openes my eyes to the feminity of God and the woman I am supposed to be in God.
How much of a woman God is in His desire to be loved by us, to be noticed, to talk to us, to listen and to understand. How much of a woman, He is, in His forgiveness and grace; in His healing and most of all, His beauty..
And it is when I realize the femininity of God, that I managed to open up my heart to slowly let others see that part of me. I have to admit - I am still learning to be feminine.
It's not easy. My ego wouldn't let me. I wanted the world to know the damage the women in my life has done to me -no, I cannot be feminine. My ego. My hurt. My hatred. My unforgiveness.
Yesterday, I met her again.. the one who ruined my life. After all those years.. I finally knew the culprit - it was you. The way you talked to me. I felt like slapping you in the face and shouting, "Don't you DARE talk to me like that again!" The way you talked.. the emotion,.. the spirit that came out of you. It was demonic. And you didn't even know it. After all those years - you couldn't see yourself - you were blinded by your own hurts. It made you immature. You never grew up. And when you were blinded, and when you were too proud face your weaknesses and deal with them, you could never change, and you could never be the person God wanted you to be, so that God could use you. That's why God couldn't use you, and you wasted your whole life.
Instead, the devil used you to destroy other people. That intimidating spirit inside of you caused you to put fear in others and to crush their innerman. To break down their confidence and self-esteem, like the way you crushed mine. The devil came to steal, kill and to destroy. And he used you to destroy me. All because you couldn't face your own hurts and rejection. I wish someone ministered to you when you were still young, so that I wouldn't be who I am today, because of you.
You have no idea - the damage you did to me. And you're still doing it. I thought, perhaps I should find the strength to stand up to you one day, but then I realized that a fool cannot be corrected. Why do I call you a fool? Because you cannot be corrected. And if I were to reveal your weaknesses to you, you will only fight back at me, to defend that ego of yours. Your ego. Your hurt. Your hatred. Your unforgiveness.
Why do I let you scold me? Why do I even listen to you? Why do I keep my mouth shut and let you order me around like I'm your slave? You have brought misery upon me as far back as I can remember. Why do you hate me so much? Is it your jealousy?
Since I was young, no one fought for me; not even myself. I sought salvation, and I found none. All I had was hope. Hope that someday, all that misery would end. I sought justice. I found none. I sought healing, but all I had with me was unforgiveness and bitterness towards you. But still I loved you. Even after being slapped by you again, I loved you. Why? Why do you hate me so much? Did I learn slapping from you? Perhaps it's contagious. And my mum never believed in slapping. It's funny we both do.
And you're teaching that girl to hate me. Heck, you're teaching the whole world to hate me. Sometimes I feel like you love me, but sometimes I feel like no one hates me more than you. I'd like to think that it is not you that hates me, but the devil in you. Why do you hate me so much? And why do you try to make everyone else hate me?
You have taught her well. Now she hates me too. That woman I'd like to call a "b@#$%". The way she orders me around - she's just a replica of you. And why do I listen to her? She is not even as old as me, and yet I let her order me around like she was you. In front of everyone, as you two take turns to order me around, I'd just bite my lips and smile. But I'm cursing beneath my breath. And in my heart, my middle finger stands tall.. hah. "F@#$, you, b%&*@.. asshole." were the only words in my vocab at that time, as I obeyed her biddings.
You should just be glad I didn't call you a bitch as well. I wonder why. It's because somewhere in there, I still have respect for you. I will never call you a bitch. But I'd call her one, and rather lash out all my anger on her, instead of on you. Because I know that you have a reason. And secondly, somewhere in there, I know you love me. I know you care. You're just too jealous sometimes, and that jealousy takes over most of the time.. and gradually increases as years go by. But once in a blue moon, you're an angel to me.. and I'd like to think that that's the real you.
You compared me with the other girls my age - in front everyone. As though I had no feelings. Oh, guess what? I didn't have to compare myself with my peers - someone consistently did that for me, and publicly!
For the first few years you did that, you were winning.. because I was still young. Everyone supported you.. Yes, Anna shouldn't dress like a boy.. Anna should dress like the other girls her age.. blah blah blah.. laugh at me in union, jeer, whatever.. ruin my ego. The more you made it obvious to the world that I was tomboy, the harder it was for me to be feminine, even when I dreamed of becoming feminine, because then to become feminine would mean giving in to your mocking. It would seem that I changed just because of you,.. and the credit would go to you and your jeering. Now, I didn't want that.. So even when I wanted to be feminine, I had to act like a tomboy, just so that I wouldn't give in to you. How idiotic. How egoistic of me. How childish.
But I guess I grew up, and I ignored your teasing. Okay, so the teasing couldn't be ignored - they still rung in my ears like it was yesterday, but they had to be pushed aside - I had to choose between my pride and who I was, because I wanted to be feminine so much that I decided to lay my pride down and just did what was in my heart. Femininity won.
As years went by, your jealousy had became so obvious that I couldn't even get hurt by the multitude of your comparisons, but instead, I pitied you. You were so blinded. You couldn't see the rest of our eyes, exchanging glances as you said, "She's much prettier than Anna.. wayyyy prettier... She's just so beautiful, Anna can never compete." What the heck? Who in the first place said that I was pretty? For a moment, you sounded like the devil himself, condemning me directly into my face. ahah.. It was just so devilish. The devil there was just too obvious.. the manifestation of him was just undeniable. It was like he was announcing to the whole world, "Yes, this is Satan speaking."
Everyone saw your jealousy, right there, right then.. I just looked at the audience, big eyed in shock.. as they returned the look. They were all on my side this time round.. =D Thanks for the extra topping of pity from them - I didn't have to ask for that extra love and attention.. Unfortunately, this time, you were just defaming yourself.
I felt like slapping the devil inside you, waking you up from your sleep. It was just so the drama.. I couldn't believe what I heard.. It was too obvious.. sigh. Your jealousy was undeniable.
I was flattered. Seriously. That someone like you could be that jealous of me. And I thought that I respected you.. all these years.. were you actually jealous of me? Hah.. I was honored, really.. I should have started respecting myself too, then, since someone I respected so much had envied me.
What a slap it must've been for you when that lady told everyone that I was beautiful.. ahah.. what a slap in your face it must've been.. And I wasn't even asking God for affirmation on my looks. I mean,.. duh.. what are looks anyway? Beauty is from the heart. But if God wanted to give, He gives. Freely and readily.
I guess that's why you scolded me so badly yesterday.. because just before that, everyone said that I was "so beautiful", I was "unrecognizable". You must've been reaaaallly jealous.. Ahah.. stupid heads.. the both of you were jealous.. now it makes sense. No wonder you two order me around all the time.. I can finally identify myself with Cinderella.. ahahahahaha... and you guys thought I was kidding when I said I felt like Cinderella when I was 7? Well, well.. it's all coming to pass now..
Aahhaha.. even if you wanted to be jealous, you could have been jealous over a girl who was actually pretty.. ahah.. why me? Don't you have any taste? Ahah.. I can't help but to laugh at you.. what low self-esteem you guys must have, in order to be jealous of a "slave" like me? I'm nothing but a "maid".. Hah.. talk about flattery.. tsk tsk tsk.. no comment! XD
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/29/2008 04:02:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Sunday, March 23, 2008]
44 years more to live?
I just finished playing a new board game with Elijah and Sarah, 'Puerto Rico". I won.
I literally slept through the first half an hour or so while Elijah read the instructions on how to actually play the game.. it was 100% complicated. So if you thought settlers was even a little complex, trust me - it was no match to this game. In fact, this game didn't even use a dice like Settlers - no luck, pure brains. So Settlers was a little like Monopoly in fact - 25% brains, 75% luck. Puerto Rico was 100% brains and 0% heart. Lol!
It was our first time playing, and I have to admit that I didn't do it on my own - took some advice from Sarah and Elijah. Thanks to Elijah for all his sabotages as well.. oh well.. he wasted all my doubloons I could have earned from selling my coffee!!! Arghhh~!!!! >=\
Sorry for the jargon,.. but anyways,.. learnt some lessons on life.. The game ended as soon as we finally understood it.. just before the climax,.. I won. ..what an interesting way to end =.= (and I didn't even get a chance to use those large newly built Indigo factories *sobz..)
After the game ended, I asked them, "How come you didn't buy the large buildings?" (the Large buildings were like.. the best way to earn the most Victory Points).
But they replied that they wanted to build so many other things, that they didn't even bother finding out what these large buildings did.. They focused so much on developing their cities, buying more warehouses, factories, markets.. and they didn't think that the game would have ended that soon.. So all these time in the game, they were developing themselves and dreaming big, preparing for something so big that never came, because time was slipping away, and they were not aware of it.
Many times in life, we dream big and plan ahead.. a little too much for what we can do within this short period of time. I know this sounds weird coming from Anna, for Anna is one that is.. a dreamer.. I love to dream. I always believe that there is nothing too big for God to handle.
It's not that I don't believe God can do big things - He can. And I still believe with all my heart. What I am saying is.. we don't know how short life is. Life is short. And we should be more down to earth sometimes. It's okay to plan ahead and dream big, just don't merely plan. We have to see what we have right now and use it. If we think we really have all the time in the world, I'm sorry to burst your bubbles today, but we don't.
Think about it - how many years of our lives do we actually spent learning and developing ourselves for the rest of our lives? How many years do we spent on education alone? 5 years? no.. 10 years? no.. then? 20 years? no.. more than 20 years.
And then, we're still not done.. we have to be retrained so that we can be properly equipped for the workforce.. another few years before we are considered 'experienced' and 'seasoned' just to uphold a single position in any company. And that can be many more years, depending on the company. The bigger the company you work for, the more years of experience is required for one position. Some positions in some companies require up to 8-10 years experience in order to be eligible for that position. Some more..
What I am trying to say is.. we dream. And we want so many things in life. We want to build the largest food chain, yet we want to build a chain of hotels, and we also want to franchise a boutique clothes shop. Not forgetting the factories and interior designing companies. Oh, and most importantly.. the schools I want to build in both developed and under developed countries.. (I am mostly referring to myself, aren't I?)
Yes, I dream.. but look at my life and look at the time I have left - the clock is ticking. And I seriously thought I had a whole life ahead of me when I graduate, and yes, I still believe I do. But it is important to realize it now before it is too late, that the amount of time and the opportunities I have only come once. And time only crosses our paths once, and they never come back. Time lost, no one can get back. My mum used to give me advice on time so many times.. and I always thought I understood what she meant, but today when I play that game and realize how something we have been building up for so long may end so abruptly,.. I start to ponder, really.. about life.
We spent the first 30 years of our lives trying to be good enough to live out the next 25 years and finally realize that we don't have much time left.. 55 is the age of retirement, and if you want to console yourself that the age of retirement is 60, then you may very well do so, but don't deceive yourself - it's just another 5 years.. so you have 30 years to accomplish everything you have been preparing for the first 30 years of your life. And mind you, time passes by faster everyday, as we grow up. Haven't you heard of the phrase, "And already, another year is gone.."
This has been something I wondered about while I was in Ipoh too, as I heard this song on the radio..
I'm 15 for a moment caught in between 10 and 20 and I'm just dreamin',
countin' the ways to where you are. I'm 22 for a moment and she feels better than ever and we're on fire, making our way back from Mars.
15, there's still time for you,
Time to buy and time to lose,
15, there's never a wish better than this, When you only got a hundred years to live. . .
I'm 33 for a moment still the man but you see I'm a "they,"
A kid on the way babe, a family on my mind. I'm 45 for a moment, the sea is high and I'm headin' into a crisis, chasin' the years of my life,
15, there's still time for you,
Time to buy and time to lose yourself within a morning star. 15, I'm alright with you,
15, there's never a wish better than this, When you only got a hundred years to live. . .
Half time goes by suddenly you're wise,
Another blink of an eye 67 is gone, the sun is gettin' high, We're movin' on. . .
I'm 99 for a moment, dyin' for just another moment and I'm just dreamin', Counting the ways to where you are.
15, there's still time for you,
22, I feel her too,
33, you're on your way, Every day's a new day...
15, there's still time for you,
Time to buy and time to choose,
Hey 15! There's never a wish better than this, When you only got a hundred years to live. .
But keep it real, people.. we DON'T have a hundred years to live.. average life for both men and woman in Malaysia is 70.6 years.. For those of you in other countries, you can look your country up on this [table] . Quoted from the article attached, "Currently, the worldwide life expectancy for all people is 64.3 years but for males it's 62.7 years and for females life expectancy is 66 years, a difference of more than three years. The sex difference ranges from four to six years in North America and Europe to more than 13 years between men and women in Russia."
..so keep it real, keep it short, always count your days.. and look to God.
P/s: I should really spend more time with my parents..
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/23/2008 12:28:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, March 22, 2008]
Ipoh with two ham sup chaiz..[to be edited]
Eh, guess what? That day holiday, went to Ipoh with Likee and his gay partner - Jeffrey.. lol! =P ahah.. went and got my CJ7!! Ahhh!!! So happieeee... :D
ahahha.. it was RM12.90.. eheheh.. and its the same as the RM19.90 one, just that it wasn't smiling.. :( awwhhh...
but newayz.. I'm so happy I could buy it for Andrew.. ahh.. my erm.. real bro yet not real. ahahahhah... okayz.. I'm crapping again.. =.='
Anyway,.. went there because LikEe, la.. he said his dad got brain tumor, so need encouragement, then we go - mana tau his dad already finish op and all fine and well =.= he was just looking for an excuse to kidnap a few people to Ipoh.. again.
Well, he plans to go again sometime early May, like.. really early May because I'll be leaving for Aussie on the 5th of May.. so, oh well.. seems like I'm gonna miss everyone here.. not many people, though.. mainly my second family and CF people.. mainly, la.. and a few church people.. like Shela, Ah Mic and Mei Mei Stephanie.. love them so much.. oh well.. oh, and Gene.. and some online friends, like Rue.. hmmm.. who else? Well.. yes, I'm a loner, so that's about it la.
Anyways.. went to Ipoh, I ate..erm... Ipoh Chicken Rice for Dinner!!! And guess what?~! Nope, you would NOT believe it - LikEe actually, actually paid!!! mwhahhahaha... no, we did NOT trick him into doing it - he actually had the heart to ~ *sob.. how touchin'... haha.. no la, before I decided to come, he actually said that transport costs RM50 both ways and he'll belanja all the makan.. ahah.. so it's more like he tricked us into doing it, not the other way around, because he did NOT belanja all the makan.. lol! In fact, the last meal, I belanja him back one.. hahaha..
Erm.. Sightseeing.. well.. Likee brought us to two places - erm.. the olde olde train station (don't ask why) and the Japanese Garden or something like that (don't ask either).. summore the Japanese Garden so many mosquitoes.. *sob... And landed up I am the one getting bitten all over... :(
Old train station - got some weird pics for you guys.. and I mean WEIRD... ahahah... see for yourself..
Then to the park.. took a few more pics..
erm.. the most 'profitable' thing we did there was to visit the hospital and actually visit his mom.. sighh.. but we only spent like what? less than an hour a visit? lol! Oh, and guess what? Likee loves his mum like crazy, kay? If I didn't know it was his mom, I'd probably think it was his wife, no, not because Likee is old or nething, but because of the way he treats her - so super er... romantic. Lol! :P
No kidding.. see for yourself.
He pets her, hugs her, kisses her all over.. oh boy.. you don't wanna know.. but oh well, since it's his mom, I shall conclude that Likee is a good example to follow, so yes.. that's the way to go, man~ *clap clap clap...
Okay, so what else? Ah yes, CJ7,.. ahhahahaha... next day went to Parade.. finally.. and Likee cannot find parking or rather,.. didn't wanna do side parking. lol! so ended up he paid RM2 parking outside.. and blame it on me... you can't put the blame on me.. can't put the blame on me.. noticed I said "can't", not "can" lol!!!
so we went to 3 different shops.. looking for it...
and finally found it, but like I said earlier.. it wasn't smiling.. awhhh.. so if anyone knows where I can get a smiling CJ7, please lemme know.. I might actually wanna buy another one! lol! no la,.. I think that would be greed.. :P I also bought the cute little handphone assessory thingy.. ahhh.. so cute!!!
One of the shops actually had this many big CJ7s!!!
Oh, oh,.. and guess what? I also took a vid in the car of my lovely lovely CJ7 dancing!! ehehehhehe... so cute la.. makes me happy! :) I wish I could let you guys have a look.. ahahah.. no idea if I can, but I shall try~
so on the way back, slept again... so nice, you know, being the only girl on that trip - I get all the attention!! mwhahahahhahaha... feel like a princess suddenly.. I suddenly realize why I don't like to hang around with girls - because I always wanna be the only girl.. mwhahhaha!!! so yes, yes.. I was treated nicely there.. ^^ no competition..
brought my guitar all the way there, with all the song books but never used it! Well at least I managed to get it tuned by Jeffrey, so yea.. guess I brought it there for something... oh, did you guys know that Jeffrey can actually play? yea.. didn't think so either..
Oh, in the car, those two ham sup chaiz were singing "We are the champion" by Queens, at the top of their lungs! And they woke me up .. Bleargh!
Okay, anyways,.. ah, yes.. cost. Going there was like RM24.80 and coming back was,.. no, you won't believe it either - RM15.80^^ not bad, eh? =) Love the cost.
Oh,.. not to forget something really important - we passed a billboard that said..
JORAM.. eh, no.. Jeram, sorry.. lolz! ^^
And guess what? Jeffrey's car is like covered in Liverpool assessories, kay.. He has this..
and this..
and this...
and when I was done hunting for my dear CJ7, he actually went hunting for more Liverpool stuff.. goodness..
Oh.. one more thing - something very important! We dedicated a song to Likee on the way back - it's called 'Desperado' by Juwita Suwito, and went something like..
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You've been out riding fences for so long now Oh you're a hard one but I know that you've got your reasons These things that are pleasin' you will hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy She'll beat you if she's able The queen of hearts is always your best bet Now it seems to me some fine things Have been laid upon your table But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, you know you ain't gettin' younger Your pain and your hunger they're driving you home And freedom, oh freedom, now that's just some people talkin' You're a prisoner walking thru this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine It's hard to tell the night time from the day You're losing all your highs and lows Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gates It may be raining but there's a rainbow up above you You'd better let somebody love you before it's too late
Actually, there are a lot of other people I wanna dedicate this song to, like.. erm.. names I shall not mention here.. ahhaha.. nvm...
So, a toast, to all the desperados out there.. may you find someone tailormade to suit you.. and as for me.. ahh.. I shall sing this song to you!
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/22/2008 09:54:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Friday, March 21, 2008]
.: You † bore my pain :.
Today was interesting - Good Friday. The past 1 month has been.. painful. And I take today as a point of change for me (that's what I kept saying every few days or so anyways) but I believe that sometimes we have to take little changes.. bit by bit.. depending on the person and the situation.. sometimes, we just need one big blast of change, and we're changed forever - it depends on the person's readiness. So I guess letting go this time wasn't so easy..
Anyway, I had a revelation - again.. Today was Good Friday, so guess where I was at night? -yea, church. My dad preached on communion and about partaking His body and blood, that we shall abide in Him, and His life will be in us. And that we should take it as often as we meet. He shared the testimony of a lady in Mexico called Anna.. (^^) and she was used by God powerfully there as a prophet and all.. and she had a 10 years old daughter who fell into the pool and broke her neck, and died. And Anna took her body and commanded life to come into her daughter, and the little girl came back to life, and was healed just as before. They asked her, what her secret was, and she said, 'Communion'. She said she believed that as she took it, the life of Jesus abides in her, and she took it with her family everyday. She said that's why she has the life to impart - because of communion.
Anyway, as I was saying, I was hurting real bad for weeks, on and off.. sometimes it'd be.. lonely and pain, sometimes I'd be fine.. and sometimes I'd be happy, then sometimes, I'd be zombie.. especially the first few weeks.. but reading the book helped me out of my zombieness.. thanks to Aunty Lily again.. can't stop thanking her for the lovely book.. kinda saved me in every way.
Anyway, the revelation was that He took my pain, and since I took the communion today, I believe that I won't feel the pain anymore because Jesus already bore my pain on the cross. So I'm fine now :) Praise God! *Anna doesn't hurt anymore*
It's the communion.
So next time I go through a break up again (hopefully not).. but if I have to go through this again, bring it on.. cause I won't feel the pain anymore. Jesus took my pain and bore it for me 2000 years ago. Bring it on!!!
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/21/2008 10:26:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
1 month's anniversary
I just realized it has been 1 month since Matt broke up with me^^ Come, let's celebrate! Cheers to all the hurting hearts out there :) ..you're not alone - you've got me! =D
No, I was just kidding- seriously.. Okay..
Lord, here's a moment to thank You for:
a second chance - to straighten up, aligning my path with Your will for my life^^ Thank You so much for a second chance, I couldn't thank You enough.. if You have let me gone ahead with this relationship, I would have missed out on the rest of my life with You, doing Your will - going to Aus. And there is nothing, I repeat, nothing, that can replace a life spent with You and doing Your will.
two families - that although this relationship didn't work out, I still had a new pair of parents I prayed for, and an additional younger bro included into that package - this temporary relationship was so worth it. I would have done it all again, if I get to keep this wonderful package^^
My natural family - if I went ahead with this relationship, I don't think I would get to keep my current family in the future because Matt doesn't really like them - thanks to my bad mouthing my own family - a high price to pay. But because the relationship didn't work out, guess what - I'm stuck wif 'em. I guess Aussie would be a good chance for me to really rebuild my bonds with them. And learn to love 'em.. and stop bad mouthing them!!
the experience - although I believe that experience doesn't necessarily mean increased maturity. In this case, I'll let God be the judge. I don't know if I have learned anything and matured from this relationship, but I know that what the book said ('How to deal with your broken heart' by Susan Tang) is right in the last page, where it says that our lives are broken so that it may be poured out for others. Like the five loaves and two fish that were broken into so many pieces - I know this experience I have gained will help many more broken hearts one day :) At least I can say, "been there, done that!" and yes, "you're not alone." ^^
happy memories - the relationship brought memories.. happy memories, but I shall not talk about them. It's just not right to talk about them. One thing, I have to admit - 'It is easier to give up than to let go' (by Anna). Giving up on the relationship is easy, but letting the person go isn't..
And it's not easy forgetting nice memories.. It's hard to even want to forget them.. The hard part about letting go someone is the memories.. When you want to 'let go everything to God, it includes the nice memories as well, and nice memories are harder to let go, because they're so nice to keep..
But when we keep nice memories, that's when 'false hope' appears - 'false hope' is created by nothing but the desire for something you cannot have. And happy memories intensifies that desire, which gives birth to 'false hope'. This is why letting go of happy memories play such an important part in letting go a person.
So, as soon as you let go of happy memories, you kill that false hope permanently.
Nevertheless, I thank God they were mostly happy memories, and not sad, because then I would have to deal with something else - hurt and rejection issues, which intensifies self-hatred and.. gives birth to sin in the long-run. The process is kind of long-winded - don't even get me started.
So, thank You, Lord for happy memories instead of sad ones - although there were a few sad ones here and there, but those were less than 10% to me.. and I am not letting the devil use that 10% to ruin my life - although he is trying to.
Oh, and I could already imagine the mess God and I would have to clear up if there were 90% sad memories instead! Thank You, Lord, for sparing me that agony.. I guess You didn't let me go through with it because I probably wouldn't have made it back onto my feet - by then, I would be good for nothing but to be crushed and burned.. because I am already having a hard time to get over happy memories - how much more effort I would need and how much stronger I would have needed to be if they were sad memories!
Your grace - I've failed You so many times, but Your love for me - it never fails. I don't deserve Your grace. I have forsaken You too many times.. and You never forsook me once. I have gone astray from You too often - and I don't even know how You can accept me back. I don't deserve it.
But I just want to say thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Daddy.. Thank You, Holy Spirit.. I love You..
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/21/2008 12:17:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Tuesday, March 18, 2008]
I Believe .:: Lenny LeBlanc
Like a ship on troubled waters Many sail alone Mothers weep for sons and daughters And pray they will come home For soon it will be harvest time And all the storms will pass O what joy I'll find When I see You at last
You are my resting place Along the narrow highway You are my bridge Across the open sea You are my Savior And my passageway to Heaven O Jesus I believe in You O Jesus I believe
Father You have seen my struggles And You have known my fears But Lord You've been so faithful To wipe away my tears So when the world laughs at me And says I'm just a fool I will bow my knee And worship only You
I believe You are the only answer To life's questions Lord help me keep my heart In the right direction
Treat her right ::. Lenny LeBlanc
A lot of people breaking hearts these days Giving up and just walking away Forever's just another word That you hear young lovers say I know it may be old fashioned, but I still believe Love stays when the strong winds blow Even when it hurts, don't let go
Chorus You've got to treat her right, understand That she's your woman and you're her man Tell her that you need her Like the desert needs the rain And if you treat her right, show her you care When you need her she'll be there Like an island in the storm, a beacon in the night If you love her, treat her right
A good woman ain't easy to find The faithful and the loving kind And if you don't hold her tight She'll slip right through your hands Love gives more than it takes So be willing for her sake Stand by her when the strong winds blow Even when it hurts, don't let go
Chorus
She's your best friend and your lover So if you want to keep her Take good care of her
If you treat her right, show her you care When you need her, she'll be there Like an island in the storm, a beacon in the night If you love her treat her right
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/18/2008 11:04:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Monday, March 17, 2008]
LikEe's howse...
I'm in LikEe's room.. no, not the one in Ipoh, the one here in DJ la.. he is having his bath.. God knows what I am doing here la.. you know, la.. this LikEe everytime want to go home and bath only - like nothing better to do =.= Now I have to wait for him pulak.
Later going out to celebrate Kenny's birthday.. Happy burfday, Mr.Ken!!!^^ You are older now! :)
Oh.. he is out.. yay.. I am stoning here. That beef asked me to charge his phone for him summore - shouting from the toilet, somemore raining so loud outside, how I know he is calling me la.. all I hear is people shouting like a maniac in the bafoom.. how I know it is my name, leh? ...beef.
Ah.. XiYing, XiYing.. can't wait to see you, baby.. you light my fire.
So actually the plan is something like this: we were going to Wai Sek Kai.. then in the end decided to go to 1U because Sexy is there.. but then Sexy dowan 1U.. she want WSK, and then go pasar malam after that, so I can buy my beloved CJ7 for Andrew.. awhh.. yea.. whatevah.. I saw Ryan playing with it, and it looked just so adorable,.. made me think of Andrew - Matt's bro.. ahah.. manja him le.. the only so called real yet not real bro I have.. anywayz.. yeah so in the end, since raining so we decided to go to 1U again.. so don't know if I can find an affordable CJ7 there or not.. that time Ebbie said that it costed her RM19.90 or something.. so.. argh.. hope for the best, la..
Till then, Adios~! ;)
p/s: Had lunch with LikEe and his colleagues today.. ahah.. found a cheap place oppo Jaya 1 - FINALLY!.. argh.. he is chasing me off... bye
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/17/2008 06:41:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
Come Back Home - Apple
lately in this journey with the battles in the way i have fought with my own might though unguarded by the light
ive fallen once again to the pit that once held me so i looked up and cried please take me back to the light
coz i wanna come back home in Your arms where im secured im tired of living with these worries im tired of fearing all day long now i wanna give my all and surrender to You just wana live a life the way it was when im with You
now im alone in the room with no one left to bother no faces to see no voices to hear
but deep in my heart where there's an empty space that keeps me its Your face i wanna see its Your voice i long to hear
i know it wont be easy to let You take away the life that ive held on for so long but i'll take this one big step and let You take my all and leave the rest to You
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/17/2008 01:41:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Sunday, March 16, 2008]
Let You find me in the desert
Not let me find You.
Many times, we thought that it was Moses who found the burning bush- no. It was God who found Moses. Why? Because Moses was busy taking care of the sheep- he was not looking for anything. Then, he spotted the burning bush - he did not go into the desert in search of a burning bush or God - no. He was not praying and fasting, asking God to show him a sign or what His purpose was for his life, no. But it was God who was searching for a man to lead His people out of Egypt- and God found Moses, out of the desert.
It is just so different to think that it was You who came and found him. Throughout history, it was You who took the initiative, You who made the first move, You who came to the rescue. And now it is always You who comes for me, to find me when I am alone..
So, let You find me in the desert, Lord. Come, and find me.
Other than this point in my life which is a desert for me, geographically, Australia is a desert also.. I remember specifically, my sister's prophecy about God leading her into the desert, and how it could be interpreted as Australia in a way, which is a desert and also financially a desert period for her family. So, yes, God is leading me into the desert as well.. and He will lead me out. He will find me there.. and call me out to fulfill His purposes when I am ready. When He is looking for someone, He will look for me.
Here am I, Lord.. send me^^
You know, when I am in a time of disappointment, it's when I need to think of His grace to me.. instead of asking God why He didn't do this or that for us, instead of looking at the things we want but cannot have, think about all the wrong things we did in the past and ask ourselves.. do we even deserve salvation? And He gave us grace, forgiveness.. and who are we to ask for more? His grace is enough.. His love is enough.. how can we ask for anything more?
It suddenly dawned upon me that even if I were to be a cleaner for the rest of my life, it is worth it because at least I have eternal life- as least I have His grace and His love - even that I do not deserve. What right do I have to ask Him for anything? Do I actually deserve the things I ask for? The only thing I deserve is condemnation and hell fire, that I am aware of.. and I don't deserve anything else. But now I am redeemed and have salvation. What more do I want? What do I have the right to ask for?
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/16/2008 08:53:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, March 15, 2008]
Working days
I am currently taking two part time jobs - one as an / customer service and another one as an invigilator. The admin assistant / customer service one is in Jaya One, and the invigilator is in Technology Park Malaysia.
Customer Service cum Admin assistant
Lunch : Ate there twice.. once at Jaya Noodle House, and my lunch costed me RM7.30, excluding tax for a not-so-nice chicken rice.. the second time I ate there was at Secret Recipe, cost me like another RM6.50 or something for a black pepper lamb pie (dare not order something too expensive or it will cost more than my one hour's pay! lol!) =\ feel so poor suddenly.. But I have to express my gratitude to Aunty Lily- Matt's mom for asking me over for lunch every other day I worked there..
Thank you so much,.. your food tastes great.. I love coming over and spending time with you guys.. thank you.. you have helped me so much,.. so much more than I can ask for.. especially when Matt broke up with me, you were there for me.. thanks for all the advice, and stories and the book.. thanks for the songs also.. thanks for everything.. I cannot explain how much you guys meant to me and what you've done for me.. I wish I can repay you guys back, somehow... you guys are like the family I always dreamed of having.. I just love the amount of attention I get when I come over.. and Andrew is like the younger brother I've always wanted..(although Matt may not seem to think so^^) but naughty is cute sometimes..
I treat Andrew more like a real brother than any of my other pet bros I have.. I don't know why.. Maybe because I used to be like him too.. just like I used to be like Matt..
Job description : Making >100 phone calls to clinics a day, asking them if they have started using the web based system or manual forms. If they haven't started using the web based online system, they should start =.='
Other than that, I also put stamps on about 2000 letters to all the clinics, informing them that we have moved, and a few other updates.. I have to fill up each letter with 5 A4 papers and 1 postcard with their new address^^ love the stamping, though..
Invingilator @ Exam Site Coordinator (ESC.. lol!)
Work Time : 8am - 5pm Venue : Jaring Building, Enterprise 1, Technology Park Malaysia Salary : RM100/day but don't tell people that..
Lunch : Normally ta pau.. ahah.. first day, ate while invigilating.. lol!! eating at the back of the training room here.. shhh... and then second day, ate in the car.. lol!! hot like anything.. then today fourth day.. ate outside the room at the staff area there.. cold like nething!! :P
but on the third day, I was supposed to go out and find Asaph.. because Asaph works in TPM, Enterprise 4. And he used to brag about his Cafeteria.. he boasted that his chicken chop there only RM5.50.. ahah.. but sadly now that I can actually eat from there, it's already RM7, but oh well.. still cheap^^ In the end, I ate Mee Rebus, la. it was only RM3.50.. lol! Brought Sunitha there too - she is my colleague^^
Talking about finding the cafeteria.. whoah.. you won't know what a person can do within a 1 hour lunch break, my dear blog-readers.. lol!! :) Until now, I feel the satisfaction deepening.. ahahahh... *smug face*
Okay, la.. I shall tell you.. I took off with Sunitha, drove from Jaring building to Enterprise 4, which is still in TPM, to where Asaph works.. Asaph, actually said that his office is on the 5th floor, but since the sms was so long ago, I didn't realize that he was answering two different questions.. the first was, where was his office and the second was, where is the cafeteria.. the sms was something like this..
"Yes.. On level 5.. The cafe is at the end of the whole building.."
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/15/2008 10:12:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, March 13, 2008]
I Dance .::. Lenny LeBlanc
I just love the whole Above All CD..
When I'm alone with You, Lord My troubles seem to disappear And the peace that comforts me Always comes when You are near And Your love's too much for my heart to contain Joy too much that my feet won't refrain
So I dance like the rain on the roof Tell my soul that my spirit's on the loose Don't know if anyone will understand Feels like an angel's got a hold of my hand So I dance I dance I dance I dance
When I think about the ways That You have blessed my life I sing a song of praise and thankful tears fill my eyes 'Cause Your love's too much for my heart to contain Joy too much that my feet won't refrain
So I dance like the rain on the roof Tell my soul that my spirit's on the loose Don't know if anyone will understand Feels like an angel's got a hold of my hand So I dance I dance I dance I dance
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/13/2008 11:19:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, March 12, 2008]
Girls...=\
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: oh < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: trust me < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: she could b really sensitive at times < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: pms gua < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: =/ .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: yea maybe .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: my bf was rather freaked out with me also .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: a few times in fact .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: and it was his parents that stood on my side and defended me .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: he actually told me that he was freaked out .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: and when he was freaked out, i just feel like he doesnt love me anymore .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: and it makes me freaked out too < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: lol < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: really < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: i was trying really hard to control < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: i juz would avoid her thinking dat i dun care about her .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: girls arent always rational .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: thats something you have to understand < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: juz a lil disturbed when im concern it makes her think im controling .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: guys are creatures of brains and girls are creatures of feelings .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: we do things according to feelings most of the time .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: that makes us different from guys < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: lol < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: oh well, maybe i dun understand gurls at all .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: i hate to say this but i may sound really rational at times .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: and other times my feelings just take over .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: no, she is not the only girl, remember that .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: she is not the only one who will freak you out .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: every other girl is like that .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: you just dont know them well enough to see that side of them .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: its when you get close to a girl, that they reveal their inside thoughts to you and then you realize how much they are compelled by their feelings .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: but other girls like me, we don't show you that side because we aren't close enough yet < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: lol < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: yea < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: but i didnt make a big fuss < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: i kept quiet < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: =( .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: all a girl like her needs is a guy with lots of patience .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: and she's really lucky < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: or maybe unlucky cuz i dun understand her dat well < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: =S .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: guys need to reason things out most of the time .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: but girls, well.. sometimes reasoning is not enough .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: as long as they know that no matter how freaked out they were, you believed in them and trusted them , and stayed on with them, and love them, .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: thats whats important .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: sometimes a girl just wants to be honest and pour out all their expressions and feelings at you .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: just to see if you can take it .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: to see if you can handle them or not .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: whether you have what it takes .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: to be their support when they are emotionally unstable .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: because if you freak out then one day, when they really are unstable, you can't be there tosupport them .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: they have to know how much you can take .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: thats why girls like older guys most of the time .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: because older guys normally can take more .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: because they are more matured and more patient < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: ahah < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: darn < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: im too young .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: hahaha .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: well, you took it well .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: we all learn from experiences .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: just because youre young doesnt mean that youre less mature .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: you're very mature for your age < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: ahah < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: nah < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: im far from reaching maturity < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: so much more to learn .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: haha .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: yes we all are far .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: okay, time to sleep .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: take good care of her .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: be patient and hear things out .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: dont throw back at her .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: and dont stop affirming her of your love .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: thats all a girl needs to know sometimes .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: especially in the midst of misunderstandings .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: just take it like a test .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: to see how much you can take < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: alright! .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: because she's not the only one who needs to know how much you can take .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: you also need to know, right < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: itz a great advice < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: thanks < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: dats something i really need to know < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: =) .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: hehe .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: no prob .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: i'd love to be here for you guys .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: anytime, ya < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: ahah < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: yeap! .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: nite < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: great having u around < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: =D < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: nite nite .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: thanks < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: sweet dreams! < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: take good care aite! .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: well... at least someone appreciates my existance .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: lol .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: nite nite < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: ahah < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: im sure everyone does < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: they juz dun show it < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: =) .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: ^^ < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: u play an important role my dear < < ~ Shadows ~ > > says: =) .: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says: :)
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/12/2008 12:24:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Tuesday, March 11, 2008]
To Matt (Part 2)
Your confidence was not the reason why I loved you.. In fact, I wasn't exactly fond with the fact that you kept taking pictures of yourself and all.. You'd be surprised- I loved you most when you didn't put gel on your hair and just behaved so.. erm.. 'shy', as I shall put it, trying to cover it up with your cap. To me, those were the times when I truly saw who you were, without a 'shield of confidence' as I shall put it - no, I'm not saying that you're fake or anything like that, don't get me wrong - what I mean is.. I liked you for who you were - without that confidence layer. I know that, that night I didn't talk much but I really was admiring your 'true self' as some would call it.. (boy, it's so hard to talk about these kinda things when you've already broken up.. please excuse my wrong choice of words)
That was a time when I truly saw you for who you were, and I loved you. And every other time I went out with you, I was just hoping to see that part of you again, that's why I kept asking you not to put gel, but soon.. I guess you got immune to it and wasn't shy anymore.. anyway, sooner or later, I couldn't tell if you had put on the gel or not.. It just seemed the same.. (sorry to hurt your ego again)
But no.. I didn't exactly like the ego part of you, to be honest.. I liked the emo part.. Because then I knew that I could trust you, that you were as vulnerable as I was - human. Basically I wanted a guy who would take his shields down in front of me because this is not a battlefield where we defend ourselves from being hurt by each other - a relationship is a place where you didn't need those shields. It's a safe place where you know that you can expose your true self and be accepted just as you are, and be appreciated for it. Like I said, Matt.. you have no idea who you are.. don't hide that part of you,.. at least not when you're in a relationship. Who you are is not a bad thing.. its better. And I'm going to say this again - just because she didn't take you for who you were doesn't mean that you're not a treasure inside. Some people just doesn't know how much value a treasure is. And she is either too young or too 'different' to differentiate a diamond from a zirconia. She just didn't know what she missed out when she left you - it was her loss, not yours. You're worth so much more.
Read Psalms 139:13-16
13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Everything about you was correct. He created you to be who you are today - don't despise yourself. He wanted you like that - don't question His craftsmanship. God is perfect in all His ways - when He created you, He did not make a mistake. God doesn't make mistakes. You're perfectly who He wanted you to be. So don't think that you should be more of this or more of that - you don't have to be any more than who you already are. I'm not asking you to stop improving yourself - what I mean is, don't try to fix what is not spoiled.
The Bible says that He fashioned all your days. Everything you ever did was written a long time ago - and God does not make mistakes. So don't regret doing anything you have done in the past, whether it was being with your ex or with me, because everything was meant to be. He planned for you to be with your ex and break up, He planned for us to meet up and break up - it was all part of His huge master plan somehow, and who are we to question His ways? He is, after all, God. And like your favourite verse says, "Everything turns out for good to those that love Him and are called according to His purpose." And I believe that we are both.
I had a lot of issues which I had to deal with - self confidence issues. You know, sometimes I feel like I failed everyone - failed you, because you really believed in me at first; failed your parents, because they really treated me like a daughter and accepted me into their home and all.. and I really love them too but thought that I was about to lose a family and parents I've always prayed for; failed your brother, that has been under my so called 'corrupted influence' and never clicked with anyone so well; failed my CF friends because they never took effort to getting to know my previous exes but actually made the effort this time and can get along with you - they love you and still think highly of you as a friend; failed my family - especially my mum.. she loves you so so much; failed your friends who seem to think I was okay.. and I kind of 'lost' contact with them in a way, esp Danial and Adam..
Most importantly, I felt that I've failed myself.. as a gf. Because I was so not good enough, that you could leave me for the past and memories of your ex who already had a bf. Like.. I was really not good enough for you to get on with life and help you forget about her, and that you could leave me for the dreams of something that will never happen. It's like.. you had a dead squirrel and a live one, but you loved the dead one so much that you gave the live one away because you felt that you can never love it as much as you loved the one that was dead. What's dead is dead.. I mean.. I felt like me being here is still not worth as much as a dead relationship. Am I really worth so little - less than as a dead relationship? And why couldn't I be good enough to even help you move on? Or why can't I even live up to your expectations.. Like, what is wrong with me?
But I had a choice - I could have chosen to be self-absorbed over the whole self confidence issue, believed that I was good for nothing, sob over it for nights on end and 'listen to the devil', as XiYing puts it (wouldn't he just love to take that opportunity..), or I could choose to see that He had a plan and a purpose for us both, individually, in all of this. That it really wasn't about me being good enough or not. But this just wasn't His perfect plan for us. And as all the days are written in the book, so is every break up. He wrote it long ago..
I just wish you'd meet the same guy I met that night, see the treasure in him and accept him for who he is. Don't ever despise him - he's a great guy.
Here,.. this reminds me of a song I always played on the piano since I was 13:
Inside of you - John Schlitt
As a child, you used to dream There wasn't anything that you couldn't do Learn to fly, on paper wings But somebody told you dreams don't come true Some settle for a lie and take it And try to keep their hearts from breakin' But you defy the odds And make it worth the going through
Oh, inside of you there's a heart full of dreams Like the gold in a stream to be uncovered Inside of you lies a soul made to shine Yes, a child meant to fly and discover All the wonders God can do Inside of you
Every day, you face the fear With a measure of faith that you need And even now all heaven cheers For the miracle you're destined to be True bravery's bought with sorrow Life is but a gift we borrow And all the promise of tomorrow waits to be revealed
Oh, inside of you there's a heart full of dreams Like the gold in a stream to be uncovered Inside of you lies a soul made to shine Yes, a child meant to fly and discover All the wonders God can do Inside of you
Where dreams can still come true All the wonders God can do Inside of you
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/11/2008 07:32:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Saturday, March 08, 2008]
Getting all hyped up about Australia
Here, lemme give you some highlights about me going to Australia - N.D is there.. Who is N.D? Well, he is my ex-classmate when I was 14.. lol! He was my first gay-friend.. lol! Yes, I literally mean gay, not Paul gay kinda gay, but the real one.. lol! Used to come up to me and say things like, "Anna,.. I think I'm gay.. help me! Will I go to hell???" And I would answer something like,.. "Yeap! :D"
Okaylar.. so anyway,.. he ain't gay no more.. I hope.. but well, it's been ages since I saw him, so yeah.. kinda miss him de.. as a friend la (what are you guys thinking, man? Okay, just for the record, when I say I 'miss' a guy, it's not what you think it is, kay? I said I will remain single forevah, so yeah.. it's not what you think it is, and it will never be anymore.. I ain't going to fall into that trap again!) So yeah.. I miss him la.. can't wait to see him.. reminds me of the good olde days when I was all spiritual and holy.. lolz! Man.. those were the days, alright! I didn't see him since I ended high school.. lolz! He is currently taking graphic design in Richmond and staying in Carlton.. thus, as you can see in the pic..^^
As for me, ND is the only friend I have there in Aussie currently, so I am hoping to meet up with him asap. He really helped me alot these days la.. giving me advice about going there, what I need to bring and buy before I go, gimme the train route and stuff.. thanks, ND~ I owe you lots!! *hugz*
^^ the world needs more people like ND~
Oh, and Ebbie and Joey got their PR de, and are planning to stay in Box Hill
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/08/2008 02:13:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Friday, March 07, 2008]
To Matt
I'm telling you this as a friend..
You know,.. you and I are going through very similar things- you're trying to get over your ex, and I'm trying to get over you.. I just want you to know that..
there's just so many things to love about you, which you do not know.. no, it goes beyond the pictures and poses and stuff.. it's more than that- it's something inside that you got to see. Other people can see it, but you can't.
And you're just so different- don't compare yourself with others. You're not like them. You're way different. So don't look at others and wonder what it is that you don't have. Because there are plenty more things you have that they don't- trust me.
Just because someone who means a lot to you does not accept you for who you are doesn't mean that you are any less than what you should be. You're perfect in God's eyes. You have so much more than you can see. And you will probably never know what those things are until you go to Heaven one day, but others can see it.
Just be in the place where God wants you to be- where His heart is. And you will find treasure there.. one of the treasures that you'll find other than Him is yourself. For indeed you are a treasure, you just don't know it yet.
You should allow yourself to be loved. Don't hate yourself just because the person you love the most seem to dislike you- many times when people who mean a lot to us seem to dislike us, we automatically hate ourselves because we are already so hurt and we don't want to get hurt further, so by hating ourselves, maybe it won't be so painful. Don't. Let the love flow. Allow yourself to be loved, by God. Because God never fails- His love never fails. When others are going, God is all you can hold on to. So hang on. And never let go. Just don't hate yourself.
Love yourself. And when I say that, I don't mean pamper yourself by buying nice things or spending on nice food or doing things you enjoy or admiring your outer appearance only, what I mean by love yourself is by letting others love you for who you are. 'For who you are' means don't try to do things so that others will get drawn to you and love you- you don't have to- believe it or not, you already have what it takes for others to love you. Just because you can't see those qualities doesn't mean that they are not there.
And don't be afraid to love others. Yes, we should be careful- don't put your whole heart in and get it broken again. Love them with the love that the Father gave you. Even in times where we feel like we have nothing left to give- this is when we need His grace and His love which abounds. Ask- and it shall be given to you. Seek. Knock. He will give.
But don't love others more than yourself- the Bible says, love your neighbour as yourself- not more than yourself. So if you don't love yourself, how will you love others? You have to first learn to love yourself.
You are worth loving. Every ounce of you is worth loving. Jesus' death on the cross for you shows it- that you are worth dying for- every ounce of you is to die for.. =P
Don't concentrate on building your confidence so much- you don't have to. Confidence comes through time. You cannot make it. It has to be obtained. But it is best you don't have confidence in yourself- but let your confidence be in God and His love for you.
Don't try so hard to be someone you are not. Just be yourself- don't think so much on trying to improve yourself to be someone you think you should be. Just be satisfied- He can love you for who you are now, and you aren't any better than Him, so why can't you love yourself for who you are now?
Don't kick yourself just because her values are different. You should know this by now, I don't have to elaborate. If she had the same values, she probably would love you by now. She just can't see.. and even you can probably see more good things about yourself than she can.
Don't try to think like.. why doesn't she love you? Sometimes we just have to see the big picture- we have to see from His paradigm. He has a purpose in all this, and the world does evolve around Him and Him alone. And as the book says, if He is the center of your life, then you will understand why all this had to happen. And I'm not going to tell you, "you will get a better girl next time", etc. because it's really not about that. It's really not about us. It's about Him, period.
Now the test really does come- do we live for Him alone? or for ourselves? if we live for Him alone, then we discard our selfish thoughts and selfish desires, and seek His kingdom. And whether 'all these things are added unto you' are added, is beside the point.
Because if we don't live for God, there is no point living.
Matt, I don't blame you if you love her and not me. I seriously don't. Because it takes time, and you need time to forget about her. It's not easy, I know.. but the book says that time helps.. we just got to be patient.. one day, you'll get over her, and I'll get over you.. one day..
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/07/2008 04:11:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, March 06, 2008]
Confession time
It is always when I am at my peak in my relationship with God, that a guy comes up and pulls me away from God.
Why? Why is it that the devil so seeks to destroy my relationship with God? He does not seem to try so hard with other people - just me, it seems =.=
I hate it. I hate it that every single time, he comes up with new people but the same old way and I keep falling for it- over and over again. When will it ever stop? Every time, I think it is the last time, but it isn't. Sigh. When will I ever grow up? When will I ever pass this test? And why do I keep failing? Have I not learned? After all these years? Why, Anna? Why do you keep falling for guys..
It's called hope - false hope.
Sigh. Whatever it's called. It's still there, and I have to eliminate it. I have to.
Dear blog-readers.. I implore you - if I ever ever ever fall in love with another guy again, and even if I am dead sure, positive that it is God's will, I implore you, remind me of Matt. Remind me that this kind of life - the life where two becomes one, is not for me - it never was. No matter how much I want it, no matter what my natural inclinations are, it just was not meant for me. My life is destined - I am to be like Miss A and the woman who wrote that beautiful life changing book.. I am to be single for the rest of my life- with or without the gift.
It's not something I want. It is something I realized. I am not saying this out of hurt or rejection or anger against the guys.. no, nothing like that - I am simply saying this because I have studied their lives and I know - the similarities I have with them, and it is evident to me (this is not the first time I thought of it, either), that God just wants me for Himself, and will not settle with me going out with another guy other than Him. He's just too jealous. Too very jealous.
This is my life, people.. it's destined. And girls, if you are reading this and say in your heart that you wish you won't be like me, guess what - the possibilities is higher that you just might very well be the next candidate- because the more you want it, the more you were not meant for it. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, to those of you who are similar to me, but.. it's just a matter of time that you'd realize the same thing, anyway.. At least you have someone to tell it to you before you go through anymore than I have..
I implore you,.. I implore you.. I implore myself, more like it.. just give up, Anna.. that life was never meant for you. The next guy you're gonna fall in love with is just another test - so, don't say I didn't warn you. Just avoid whoever it may be.. and run for dear life.. you are not going to fail again. I'm not going to let you fail again.
I can't imagine falling for another guy and going through this again.. what's up with you, Anna? Haven't you had enough? It's about time it all end!!!!!!!!
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/06/2008 06:35:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, March 05, 2008]
Getting started at the finish line
The feeling.. since I graduated, could not be expressed..
and the fact that I cannot explain how I feel, only makes it worse.
because when I cannot tell people how I feel, I cannot share my burden with someone else to help me carry it. And bearing it alone- bearing something I don't understand myself, alone.. is just unbearable.
I cannot explain how I felt.
Today, I was sharing with my mum.. that as soon as I started going out and looking for a job,.. there is this feeling that I cannot explain, and when I was still with Matt, I was trying to explain, but I just couldn't find the words because I didn't know what feeling it was.
All I could say to him was that too many things were happening to me at once - I was sick, my family was moving to Australia without me and I had to grow up and be independent, but that was all I could share, because I myself didn't know what I was going through at that time.
I soon realized that it had nothing to do with my family going off without me.. Now that they are going to Australia and I am going with them, the feeling remains.. and my mum finally gave it a name.. it was a feeling of emptiness..
The feeling of emptiness comes when I feel like there is no purpose left in life, and I soon realized that she was right.. she explained that whatever we do, we have to do it for God, and that when you don't do it for God, then you have the feeling of emptiness,..
She was right. When I was still studying, I knew I was studying for God. I had purpose, but now when I have graduated, and looked for a job in Malaysia at that time, I didn't feel that purpose anymore- because that wasn't what God wanted me to do- God wanted me to go to Australia to pick up Culinary and open a restaurant, I guess..
So I didn't have a godly purpose to stay in Malaysia, and I had this empty feeling to deal with, and I didn't know what it was, I just wanted to break down and cry because I had no one to share with and no one to hear me out. Matt that time was just too young.. he wouldn't have understood what I was going through because he was still studying and all geared up for his studies- he still is.
I had to deal with it.. alone. Emptiness.. it was the lowest point of time in my life when I had to deal with something without a name, at that time,.. and Matt broke up with me.. it only made it worse, I guess.. but at least it gave me my purpose again - at least it got me going to Australia to do culinary - if I still decided to stay, I think I would be fit to be thrown away, like a branch which does not bear fruit is thrown into the fire because it is simply good for nothing.. So my breakup with Matt took away that emptiness, in that sense, but it gave me a different kind of emptiness - I don't think I have to elaborate on that, but it is worth the trade when you have God. I didn't just have God - I had a second family to help me through..
So breaking up with Matt was good in the sense that it got me back onto the right track - the hard way.
I tell you, people,.. listen to my word of advice - just because you don't hear God speaking, or just because you didn't listen carefully, or just because you heard but wasn't sure,.. does not mean that He did not speak and that does not mean that He does not have a plan for you - and therefore, it does not mean that you can just stay where you are "Until you hear from God" and that does not mean that you can "do whatever you want" until you hear God speak. Because He does speak, and as long as what you are doing is not what He wants, you are not in the will of God, whether you know what it is or not.
So don't think that by not hearing the voice of God means that you are free from doing His will. It is our life to find out what His will is, and do it. So if you still don't know what His will is for your life, you are not free of it - you have the obligation to find out.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/05/2008 06:59:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Sunday, March 02, 2008]
Life is a gift
I was in church today - Pastor Nicholas Sim (my mum's pastor) preached. He talked about a few people, including two brilliant girls who had everything ahead of them in life - very young, one 26 and another 18 who had breast cancer (3rd stage) and cancer of the tongue (4th stage) respectively. I started to think of how much I've taken my life for granted..
There is nothing wrong with me - I am not handicapped, I am not having any diseases, cancer or tumor, I have nothing stopping me physically from going ahead with my life.
Okay, I'm sorry people.. I planned to blog more, but currently, my mind is just too exhausted from lack of sleep and I can't think anymore.. I'm tired.. goodnight.
P/S: Btw, here's a song that gave me a different perspective of things.. It reminds me that I need a paradigm shift of things..
Miracle - Audio Adrenaline
I am free For the first time Left my fears behind In front of me Is the open sky I'm taller than trees I can see Further than before Everything's different now Now that You've ruined my life
You took my dreams And stole my schemes And turned my life upside down You took my heart Stole every part And made it a miracle
Now I can sing Sing a new song My burdens gone You gave me all the words and melodies Now I can be At Your feet Your place for me Everything's beautiful Now that You've ruined my life
You took my dreams And stole my schemes And turned my life upside down You took my heart Stole every part And made it a miracle
I'm wide awake And tonight I'm saved In Your arms I'm singing of How You made me a miracle
I'm taller than trees I can see further than before Everything's different now
You took my dreams And stole my schemes And turned my life upside down You took my heart Stole every part And made it a miracle
Made it a miracle Made it a miracle
..and yes, thank You, God for ruining my plans.. ahah.. You just love it, don't You? ;) Oh, and btw,.. I'll give You my undivided attention, if You'd give me Your undivided attention.. I'll give You my everything, if You give me Your everything... :) I'll give up my whole world for You, if You give up Your whole world for me..
Oh, I know You already did all that - I was just checking to see if You were paying attention.. :)
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 3/02/2008 11:02:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Thursday, February 28, 2008]
Drowsy
"I have to close my eyes while typing this...
everything is spinning around me.. And the worst part is.. I can't sleep.. the medicine the doctor gave is making me worse.. goodness.. even when I type, I can hardly press the keyboard... Bloggers.. do not do this at home... Shit.. I'll have to edit this later.. have to do some real major editing anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.. well.. my fingers are so numb.. I wonder why.. anyway.."
This is what I wrote when I took panadol before food.. You see, I'm a person who doesn't take panadol.. This is only the second time in my life taking panadol. The first time I took panadol, it was Active Panadol.. and this time, well, it supposed to make me drowsy, but instead, it made my mind spin around but it wasn't pain, so I just felt tipsy :P
Yeah, I couldn't walk properly and when I tried to sms or blog, it made me feel like vomiting,.. so yeah, you can say I was kinda drugged.. that's why that paragraph was all I could type, and then I had to give up.. even with my head down and eyes closed, I couldn't blog.. tsk tsk..
I rescued myself from my room and went over to my brother's room just opposite mine - sat on the floor and knocked.. "Kor, is cough medicine supposed to make me this drowsy?"
"What?!" I supposed he was sleeping.. I was closing my eyes and holding my head with my hands to keep it from spinning.. Luern, my cambodian maid was sweeping the floor across the staircase, at and saw me.. she stopped and stared..
Then she slowly came over because she knew something was wrong with me.. Vic opened the door.
"What happened to you?" He saw me on the floor.
"Is cough medicine supposed to make me this drowsy?"
"Yeah, some medicine supposed to make you drowsy - you're supposed to be sleeping."
"I can't sleep. I took the medicine at 5.30 in the evening and now it's 8.30 at night and I still can't sleep."
"Try to.. anyway, why come and look for me?"
"Because mum and dad and Elijah are in a meeting. And there's no one else around.."
"Hmmph.. true enough. Very well.." Crosses me and walks over to my room.. "Show me the medicine."
I follow behind, Luern helping me up and aiding me over from the floor to my bed. I passed Vic the medication, and Luern messaged my limbs as I collapsed onto the bed. I had to close my eyes most of the time.. everything was just spinning round and round.
Luern kept saying, "So cold, ya? Feet so cold!"
"Yea.. yea.. normal.. it's okay.."
Vic looks at the medication. "Seems pretty normal to me."
"Everything is spinning.. I feel dizzy."
"It's not the medication. Where I'm standing in your room, I already feel dizzy.. it's the room."
"Huh?"
"Your room is too stuffy. When was the last time you cleaned the air cond filter?"
"I don't know."
He opens it. "See what I mean?" All black.
"Oh.." Vic takes it out and puts it on the other bed. "Don't do it, la.. let the maid do it."
"I know, I'm just taking it out. I told her to clean it already.. she's coming. Go to mum's room la.. over there better for you.. Mum and Dad are going to Sepang today, right?"
"Yea.." Went to the bathroom. Came out and walked over to the door.
"Where are you going?"
"You said go to mum and dad's room?"
"Oh ok.." Vic supervised as I wore my indoor slippers and slowly moved towards the staircase. "Why do you wear those slippers anyway?"
"Floor sticky." Vic followed closely behind as I held on to the walls and railings and stuff. "I can do it, I can do it," I said, as I crawled onto the bed and pulled over the blanket, while Vic switched on the lights and aircond and stuff.. then stood there observing me..
"So you sure mum and dad not coming back, ah? They're going to Sepang straight is it?"
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/28/2008 07:54:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, February 27, 2008]
a little off topic
Let me ask you a question,.. "kids in school - what are they motivated by? Why do they do their homework?"
Fear.. they are motivated by fear, all the many days in school, from the second they are in kindergarten to the day they grad from high school - fear. And how many years is that? 3 years to 17 years - 15 years of being driven by fear..
Why am I talking about this? Because I dreaded school.. I hated school, and when I was only in elementary school, I figured this out and purposed it in my heart to do something about it when I grew up. I always had a heart for kids and teenagers, ever since I was still a kid.
Tell me, when God first created the world, what was the ultimate education system at that time - His main intention? - family - parents. It was the duty of parents to educate their children. Parents had the authority to discipline their kids - why? Because they loved them. And the kids knew that their parents loved them dearly, and the kids knew their parents well - he who held the rod was no stranger. He who held the rod was he who loved them most in the whole world - so were they driven by fear? -no. They feared the rod, yes, the pain. But they did not fear going home to their parents.
But what happens when parents are busy and send their kids to school? Teachers beat them for everything - when they run around, when they throw rubbish on the floor, when their handwriting is messy, when they don't know how to answer the question correctly, when they didn't bring their book or when they did not pass up on time or worse- when they didn't do their work. And who is this person who has the cane? - a stranger.
The worst comes when it is the first day of school - all you know is the name of the teacher, and she already has the cane in hand. Are you afraid? Definitely. Is this torture? Yes. When she asks you to do something, what drives you? - fear.
And finally when you go to work, what are you driven by other than money? Fear - "If you don't do this properly, you're fired or I'm going to cut your pay, or you won't get bonus end of this month, or so on and so forth." What's worse is when you fear your superior above you - they scold you and you're so sick of it.. because you have been listening to this scolding tune your whole life, and now when you go to work, you have to face it again. So all your life, what are you driven by? From the day you go to school until you graduate and go to work - what is your motivation - fear. Afraid that you won't have enough money to send your kids to school and lay food on the table.
Not everyone can escape this fear. Very few has - kids who homeschool or adults who have their own businesses. People who run their own lives and not being controlled by another person.
Now let's look at the adults - what was God's ultimate plan for us to provide for our family? When God first created the world, for the first few thousand years, there were no such thing as employment. Everyone provided for their own, other than slaves, who has no freedom and is wholly controlled by another person.
Employment only came much later, around Christ time, there was already such a thing as wages. I'm not saying that employment is wrong - there is nothing wrong with it, not to Christ, at least. Some of His parables also used wages.
My point is, is this God's intention for us? To be driven by fear? The education system and the employment system was not God's first intention when He created human beings to multiply on this earth. "Be fruitful and multiply, have dominion over the earth, the sea and the dry land - over every living thing" - to rule, to have power and dominion.
But like I said, there is nothing wrong with having a school and employing people. I just believe that the way it is done is wrong. There is a better way of motivating people. Don't treat your employees like they are at your mercy. Treat them like human beings who have a choice in life.
Oh, one more thing I'd like to add, since we're on this topic of treating your employees right - Give them proper wages, don't pay them peanuts for something they work their butts off for - for example, RM3 an hour, working in fast food outlets - yes, you know who you are.. the minimum wage in Australia is $10 an hour. Those promoters in the supermarket - not allowed to sit? Why? For 11 hours and only 1 hour break, and the rest of the time no sitting, everyday? And how many years are you expecting them to keep that job? Stop counting the hours where you have to stand and start counting the hours when you actually do get a chance to sit!
And whoever came up with the idea of working 9-5 everyday? Isn't the most important thing doing your work and not how many hours you spend in the office, for goodness sake, I thought you guys were human beings with brains. If you seriously had brains, you'd be paying people by the amount of work they do instead. Instead of paying for the electricity bills and air cond used to cater for all those employees sitting in the office who are chatting online, and they get scolded for it too.
What is wrong with employing mothers who have kids? Why must they come to office and abandon their kids with a baby sitter? Why can't they do their work at home? The most important thing is to get the job done, right? And if they really do get the job done, then what is your problem? Isn't it cheaper to employ them who work at home and not have to pay for furniture and fixings and bills for those in the office? If they really wanted the money, don't be afraid if they didn't do their job.
Freedom, choice, liberty,.. a sound mind. A state where you needn't be controlled by another person. C H oi C E
We should not be motivated by fear. God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, power and a sound mind..
So now, let's go back to the kids. We should not teach the kids that this is how the world goes round - that the only driver there is, is fear. Young as they are, this is what has been taught in the schools. And the only driver they know is fear.
Make your lessons more interesting. Give them fun as a motivation. Learning is fun. Enjoyable. Exciting. Thrilling. Interesting. An adventure. A discovery. Life-giving and life-changing. Learning is almost anything but a chore - a duty. Not something you "have to do, if not.."
What did God give us? God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.
These are our drivers- love, power and a sound mind. This is how the world goes round..
Did you know that kids who are taught directly by their parents learn much more? Because there is a connection that takes place when there is love involved. When you love the person teaching you, you'd just absorb everything so quickly. There are various kinds of memory - two of them are the temporary and permanent memory. Things that you study for the exam last minute goes into the temporary memory and stuff like phone numbers and songs seem to get into your permanent memory, which you remember, even when they are random numbers which doesn't make sense. When a person you really love teaches you something, it doesn't get stored into your temporary memory, but your permanent memory. Learned something today? ;)
Choice. Decisions. Dilemmas. Kids. Think about it. If kids had a chance to make their own choices, they could learn a whole much more.
Give them a red apple and give them a picture of a red apple, which do you think they will remember better? Teach them about maths virtually. I liked the concept from the Sunlight Homeschool for kids. They give them mini blocks, with different colours, one representing each number, and the smaller number is a shorter block, and the larger number is a longer block. And it's a block they get to stack up, so one plus one makes two. And they actually hold '1', which is a white short block and stack it up on another white small block to make '2', which is exactly the same height as the red block which represents '2'. Now that's what I'm talking about.
Times table was so hard for me when I first started to learn it as a kid, because it was memory work, and was supposed to get into your permanent memory, like phonenumbers do, but I didn't know that. As a kid, I didn't know what was temporary and permanent memory. I spent most of the time trying to count and recount, and wonder how the adults could get 3 x 3 so much faster than I did - memory work.
Most of the time I wasted in early form 4 because I didn't know that I didn't have to understand how the formulas came about in the first place, and that I just had to use it, not understand it. I think somewhere goes wrong here.. if they don't know how the formulas came out, then people like me will seriously have trouble using it. Because I keep getting distracted by how they came about that formula anyway.. Maybe they can help by giving some intro of how the formula came about first.. Okay, so maybe not everyone is like me, but food for thought, though..
One of the things that I really like is called On-the-job Learning.. :) Give kids real stuff to do. For example, business.. give them a business to handle, give them a mentor/sponsor, someone they can observe and learn from, and give them a small business to handle. Put them in a committee where they make decisions and spearhead that business. Teach them while they are yet young - I always believe that they can never be too young to learn anything. Learning doesn't have an age limit.
Recently I wanted to come up with new programmes for Palm Springs Educenter - wanted to teach the kids business strategy and accounting and stuff.. Then later heard that I had to get a full time job and eventually study culinary in Melbourne, so I totally abandoned the whole idea and gave it a 'one-day one-day' treatment. Later I heard that there was a company called 'The Money Tree' teaching kids about business and stock markets and giving them fake money and the course fees is exceedingly expensive.. -Hey! What the heck, you stole my idea, you guinea pigs!!! I shall slaughter you! >=/
Okay, anyway, the point is,.. Give them real stuff to do - bring them to the science lab and let them do the experiments. Let them invent their own things. They are never too young to learn anything, and if it is too dangerous, then do something about it. I'm sure you can come up with something, after all, we are the adults. It is our duty to ensure their safety anyway - don't be lazy. Just think of something.
Nurture their creativity. Don't limit them. Their minds are more and more limited the older they grow, not the younger they are.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/27/2008 09:15:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Tuesday, February 26, 2008]
Back onto my feet
As I have always said, "Letting go is not easy, it's necessary."
It's my fault, actually... it is me who keep clinging on to the past. If only I moved on, there wouldn't be a problem. I should move on.. Yesterday I saw a Cactus box.. it had this motto:
Okay, so that was pathetic.. nvm. The other day, I saw a lady wearing a black Precious Moments t-shirt, with a boy pointing to the sky, and the words 'You are always there for me'.. now that was encouraging.
There's a few people I wanna thank who has been an encouragement to me:
1. My family - mum, dad, debbie, caleb.. noel, even.. because he kissed me like 3 times for no apparent reason.. (he's about 1 years old)
2. My CF friends - seriously, you guys are always there for me, every time I break up.. Why? Why is it that you guys care so much? And how can I find the words to thank you? - This time round, it's mostly XiYing, Michell, Chris and Aaron Tam.. A few years ago, it was Joram. - thank you, guys.. you guys rock my world.. and where would I be without you?
3. Rueben. Thank you so much.. although you don't read my blog, but you seriously have encouraged me.
4. Matt's family - mum, dad, andrew.. - thank you so much. I've never met anyone like you guys, and if anything happens to Matt one day, know that I will always be there, and I will take you guys as my responsibility. Sometimes I wonder how God could not be in the picture, because to know people like you guys is truly a miracle in itself. It's so hard to believe that a gift so perfect like you guys could not have came from God.. for every perfect gift is from above.
Sigh.. emo emo.. So yea, that's about it.. I didn't tell a lot of people, and those that I need to tell, I just ask them to go read my blog. And some, I don't even have to ask. Once they know that something is wrong, they just go read it themselves- now that's what I call a true friend..
Let me elaborate a bit more.. Aaron Tam.. aahhah.. thanks for the stuff which I can't mention here.. =P, which only you and I and Xiying knows about.. heh heh..
and XiYing, thank you so much.. ...for Aaron Tam :D if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know him and Daniel Sim as much.. and especially, thanks for Daniel.. *cough cough*.. no lar.. that fellar so hard to contact, I give up de.. lolz! Okay, lar.. sincere sincere.. erm.. thanks for making the whole world around me disappear when I'm talking to you =) when I am talking to you, I just get carried away and nothing else seems to matter, even when I am with Matt.. I just get so drawn to you, XiYing.. I think I'm les.. lol! *cough cough*.. =P come on, baby.. light my fire.. ^^ Yeahh, baby..
*Aherm* sorry.. got carried away again.. see what I mean? I wasn't kidding, was I? She's hot, and we're not! =.="
I can't wait to meet up with XiYing and Aaron -those babes rock my world.. oh no! wait, did I just call Aaron a babe? Babes are for girls, are they not? Oh, sorry, babe.. :D
We should seriously go out more.. really, because when I am stuck at home here with my family, they just remind me more of my second family back home.. It's like, the more time I spent with my family and eat the food at home, the more I wish I was in Matt's house, with his family.. sounds weird, no? Sometimes I wonder if I am being ungrateful for what I have, and perhaps the grass just looks greener on the other side, you know what I mean?
Seriously, when I sit down to eat here, it's like.. is that food in front of me? What happened to the green on the veggies? It's hardly green anymore.. when it was freshly cooked, it was still green - I saw! but now it's just.. brownish.. okay, sorry viewers,.. I know I'm destroying your appetite..
And when Jie Debbie brings back food which Caleb's mum made, and when I put some into my mouth, all of a sudden, I get emo and all.. because it reminds me of Matt's mum's cooking.. how she always made stuff to eat.. cheesecake, those cereal stuff, choco chip cookies.. okay, I shouldn't mention them here.. later emo summore..
Sigh.. honestly,.. when I am with my family here.. my sisters have their own husbands and everything, and I just feel so.. alone. It actually makes me feel worse when I am with my family - not better. They're all so occupied with families and talking about their husbands and all.. one cannot believe how emo I can get back here.. I guess that's why two of my previous posts were so emo.. it's like.. why must I be alone... when will I have someone to sweep me away and I get to give everything I've got.. when will I have a chance to go to a home- to a place where I belong? and say that my future lies here.. that this is my family. This is my life. This is where I'll be 20 years, 50 years down the road.. here, with my husband and my kids.. but now, it's like.. it's just me.
Enjoy singlehood.. seriously, is there anything to enjoy? Enjoy what? Flirting around with guys? I've so grown out of that, and I'm so sick of it. Play computer games? No, I'm sorry, but I've grown out of that too.. even Sims2. Watching movies is all I do now, but how long can a movie last? 2 hours? Episodes are a waste of time.. and besides, I have no one to spent that kind of time with me.
Singlehood.. People tell me, "You're still young, be patient,.. you still have a long way to go.. there are plenty of guys out there.. just enjoy life at the moment.." I know I sound like an old maid, but seriously,.. I'm getting older.. I'm 22 this year and I previously wanted to get married like in 24 or 25 the most.. I know I look young and all but seriously.. I do want to get married and have kids.. and when I say that, immediately, people tell me.. "Anna, I think you should go for an older guy,- a more matured guy.." .. I don't know, la.. whatever it is, I'm not interested in finding a guy.. sounds cliche, no? But seriously.. crazy as it may sound, I wanna get married young, but I'm tired of relationships.. I'm so confused.. one time, I think that I fed up with all these, and another time, I think that there's nothing I want more..
Besides.. older guys are just so.. sigh.. so not my type. Okay, so since I'm in this topic, let me draw out my criteria for a future.. erm.. for my dream guy,..
1. Must be spiritual. Must love God, and really read God's word. Because in John 14:23,24, Jesus said, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep my word". Okay, I know that as soon as I start quoting scriptures, whoever you are, you may start to freak out.. 'Oh,.. she's one of those Jesus freaks..'. Well, if you're freaked out, and if you're a guy or girl, I'm sorry, but you're just not my type.
2. Must appreciate me for who I am. Okay, so no one does.. sigh. Someone who loves me so so much.
3. I must really love that person. That person must really be something, in my own eyes, at least..
4. That person has to be tough.. I don't want a whimper, a whiner, a chicken or anything in that category, thank you. And spoilt brats are sissy guys.
5. Visions, values, culture, all has to be the same.. Especially when it comes to beliefs, you know even same church, you can have people with different beliefs.. you get what I mean la.. and finding a guy in this category alone is hard enough. But who cares.. he's got to come find me.
And this is one of the reasons why it was so hard letting Matt go.. because he was everything I ever wanted.. except that he didn't love me at all..
You know, sometimes I wonder, if I did things differently, perhaps he would still love me.. because that look in his eyes when we first started.. they're just.. unmistakable.. Either that, or he's just a really good actor, or perhaps, that's when he didn't know me yet- and then when he started to really get to know me, he didn't like me anymore,.. that's why I blame myself so much.. because it must've been something I did- like maybe I was too sticky.. I guess I loved him a little too much.. perhaps God wasn't so important anymore.. that's why this had to happen. If that is so,.. I'm sorry, I'm really really sorry,.. You can do anything You want,.. because You're God.. and all power belongs to You.
Talking about God,.. there was something I really wanted to share.. There is a song I really love.. and this song has helped me up in this time.. I had such a revelation.. It's called, 'I Adore', by Hillsongs. I think it's officially my favourite song now because of how it has touched my life and this is the song that has put me back onto my feet again.
You know, in times like this, I came to a place where I just wanted to end my life- it's normal, isn't it? We all go through that road.. but when I sang this song, I just, for once, found something I enjoyed doing - worshipping, adoring God. And the whole world around me just fades away, and I am in Heaven, and God is sitting there in front of me, and all He wants to do is listen to my song, to me playing my guitar and singing. He is my only audience, and He is pleased with me. And He understands me. He is that Person in my heart.
Anyway,.. I had such a revelation - if I really wanted to end my life, then nothing else matters. This whole world and everyone and everything in it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I can just forget about the world like I have no past and no future. I am no one, I am just who I am, and when I sing this song to God, I am worshipping God, and this is what I live for. I just live to adore God, to love God and to worship God. And since I wanted to end my life, it has no meaning and no value anymore. Why don't I just spend the rest of the time, just loving God and worshipping Him.. at least my life has a purpose in it.
I dedicated my life back to God yesterday. Now I just live for Him. He is the only purpose for my existence - I don't even live for myself- whatever I do - the food I eat, the clothes I wear, everything is just for God alone. He is the only person worth living for - not my husband, not my children, not my family - no one. Because man always disappoints. And since I don't have a husband or kids, I can live for God wholly. I don't have to be caught up in the affairs of this world. So it's better for me to remain single. I don't want to get married, I just want to live for God. Because He is the only one worth living for, and nothing and no one else matters anymore.
I Adore - Hillsongs
E EM7 C#m I. The universe is at Your feet A B Gives You praise evermore E EM7 C#m The stars will light the sky for You A B And always God be praised
A B Pre Chorus: And we sing the Lord is on high C#m A C#m B The Lord is on high
E/G# A F#m-G#m B Chorus: I adore You, I adore You A G#m And there's none that compares F#m B To Your majesty O Lord E/G# A F#m-G#m B I adore You, I adore You A And I stand B E In the wonder of Your love
E EM7 C#m Bridge: We will crown You King forever A G#m F#m B Living Saviour, Jesus Redeemer E EM7 C#m Lord of Heaven, Robed in majesty A G#m F#m B Crowned in Glory, Creation adores You
A F#m Coda: Holy, holy God Almighty D A/C# Bm7 E And forever The Lord is exalted A F#m Hear the Angels Shout His anthem D A/C# Bm7 E Ever-living God we adore You
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/26/2008 05:46:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Sunday, February 24, 2008]
Feelings... cicak on the ceiling
Cicak falling down.. but I still have feelings.
I am going to Melbourne on the 5th of May to study culinary. The course is about 2 years, and then I would probably work for another 1 year or so... and I could settle there or come back- I don't know.. want God to lead the way. I'll probably settle.. today I heard that they give like 5 grand Aussie for each kid you give birth to, and they even pay for the maternity bills.. I so want to start a family there now.. only problem now is that I want a Malaysian guy, and I am now really fussy with criteria- so that no one will qualify, ever.
And for the next 5 years, I just wish God would just tear my heart out and give it back to me one fine day.. or until He comes again, because it is giving me a really hard time. It is making me suffer.
I am so not in the mood to entertain people right now- especially people outside my family- as in friends, who are especially not very close with me. I just pissed 2 guy friends off lately who were not very close to me. I was the annoying one, I admit. So if I have pissed off anyone, I'm sorry, as I said a million times,.. and I have never seen this side of me either. I know I am immature for my age. I know I am supposed to be 22 but I so don't act or look like it. I don't even talk like it. I'm sorry. The both of you have had a lot of patience with me, and you have my respect and gratitude. But most of all, my deepest and most sincere apologies.
I am not in the mood to meet other guys, thus the reason for my pissing them off. I so don't trust guys anymore, and any guy who seems the least bit interested or even been suspected of having the slightest thought of getting to know me as more than a friend, I'd push away. I don't want anymore relationships. I just want friendships. If you are a girl, a boy who is already attached, a married man or even gay, I don't mind talking to you. Other than that, please,.. for your own good- just get lost. Even if you're not interested in me, but the possibility itself is enough to make me discriminate you, so, scram. I'm paranoid and I'm fully aware of it and I don't give a..
I don't want anymore relationships, especially not for the next few years because I want to break the cycle. I don't want to go rebounding anymore. I have done enough harm to people and to myself. I am so paranoid- every relationship is a rebound for me. I am so scared of getting into another relationship again- you have no idea. Something tells me I will never talk to another normal guy again, and I am amazed at how low my interest are in guys.. now I know how some girls end up as lesbians, but no worries- don't have interest for girls either. I simply feel like I can identify with them. The things we have in common- lack of interest for the opposite sex- never thought this day would arrive- I should be shouting 'Hallelujah!'.. revival has surely come to Anna. My interest in guys are between -5% or -55%.. or worse maybe.. all negative already..
I find it extremely challenging just to draw a smile across my face. When I see an eligible guy, I just feel like smashing a tomato into the face and kicking the victim to the moon for no apparent reason. I just want to lash out all my anger on them, as if to say- 'Who do you think you are? You're nobody.' and 'Get lost- I don't even want to see your face.'
I have never seen me in such an unreasonable angry state before. I am simply unreasonable. And I don't know why. Some things are happening to me which I cannot explain..
'I don't care who you think you are, or who the world thinks you are.. to me, you're just a nobody.'
'...because there is only one person I want to talk to right now.. and you're not him.'
and I can't talk to him, because he has gone ahead with life.. and it is not my right to disrupt the pattern of his life which has only just begun. I want the best for him- I want him to do well in his studies. I want him to get a girl he really loves and can make him happy, but also loves him. I want him to get a better life than if he were to end up with me. I bet he'd really be miserable with me because he can't force himself to love someone he doesn't, and he's about had it with me- He has pretended the whole way until he came to a point where he cannot pretend anymore, and he is tired, so so tired of pretending. He just got to end it as soon as possible, because it's just crazy.
I wish I could be his friend, though.. I wish I could still be his rebound- someone he goes to for comfort or something.. someone he actually needs. But those days are over.. he doesn't need me. The only thing he needs now is space- from me. And the only thing he wants from me is my absence and my disappearance.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/24/2008 12:30:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, February 20, 2008]
Closure
Just done talking with Matt.. feel much better now that I know what he's going through.. something like the way I treated my ex last time - I just was with them to forget about someone else, not because I really loved them.. and I don't blame him, although I know he blames himself. But seriously, when someone breaks your heart, all you want is out, and the only way you can think of, other than God, is someone else.
I trust him when he says that it's not because of another girl, because when I broke up with my third one, it wasn't because of another guy either, but I called it off easily because I wasn't into him. So Matt just wasn't into me. He never was. I'm just grateful to him for telling me that it's nothing to do with me - it's himself: that I didn't do anything wrong- he just made a few wrong choices because of circumstances.
People will think that I have the right to blame him for using me and that I am his responsibility and he has to pay a price and all, but look at it this way- I flirted with my exes and broke up with both of them because I didn't love them in the first place, so who is worse off? Although Matt may be in the wrong this time round, I definitely hurt more people than he has. I have to take my hats off to him for still treating me as a friend- you know what I did to my previous ones? Man,.. you don't wanna know.
Love him a lot, yes, even when he doesn't love me, yes. Foolish, yes- aren't we all. Love is the game of the foolish and the wise. We all play it. We all win, lose and die trying. But ultimately, we play it. Although my relationship with Matt was one sided, I enjoyed it, because he made me feel like it wasn't.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/20/2008 05:07:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
Fragile - handle with care.. lots of it
Matt just broke up with me..
No warning, nothing.. I didn't see it coming. I'm still in a state of disbelief.. but it's starting to sink in a little bit. I'm still hoping I'd wake up from this nightmare as reality sinks in.. He was just using me as a rebound from the last break up he had. It's just human nature, you know.. I should've known better. I remember before we started, I talked to him about this.. like, you know when someone breaks your heart and you will end up breaking another person's heart after another.. but he didn't seem to think so. So I believed him when he said he loved me and all.. how ignorant. Yesterday, he still told me that he did, but.. I don't know to what extent, really.
He's not to be blamed. He didn't know what he was doing.. he was confused, that's all. Now that he knows, he also knows that he doesn't want to be with me, that I am not the girl he wants.
My mum says that.. perhaps he found another girl, if not why is he taking it so easily? Why is he so strong? How come he doesn't feel anything?
I really thought it was God's will, you know.. my mistake. Everything we had in common, was just a coincidence after all- both our parents are pastors, his mum's name is Pastor Lily, same as my mum. Her birthday was 4th of March, my mum's is 24th of March. His parents' anniversary was 1st Jan, my parents on 5th Jan. He is currently taking Ba (Hons) in Business Management, which is same as mine, but I think he is trying to change his to Finance. His mum was adopted when she was 1 because her parents had another baby boy and my mum was adopted when she was 2, when her mum had another baby. And both of them were given to their mother's sisters. Coincidence? Maybe.. All just a coincidence. He didn't go to the movies till he was 18, with his first ex, same as me. There is still a really long list that I am too lazy to mention here.. coincidence, coincidence.. and my mum used to say, there is no such thing as coincidence.. I'm starting to believe there is.
But put all those coincidences aside.. I just love his family so much. I love his brother and his parents. I just feel so attached to them, especially his brother.. I can just click with him so well and I feel like I've known him all my life. Even his parents think that they've never seen that side of him when he's with me. Matt says it's because we're both introverts and love art.. I don't know.. anyway, for your information, his bro is 15, so yea.. don't even think about it. If only he was older.. lol!
Okay,.. so anyway, rebound rebound.. yeah.. Later going to see his mum and ask her for her blessings.. ask her pray for me and stuff.. oh well.. i need closure.. seriously. It seems more and more obvious to me now that there is no way we can get back together again.. Matt is just.. so cold. I used to think that our relationship was perfect.. he was everything I ever wanted. And although I had 3 relationships before that, and this is the shortest I've ever had, I would have to clear that up by saying that this is the only real relationship I've had, and the rest are just crap. This is the only relationship where I really loved the guy and put my whole heart in. Unfortunately, he didn't put his..
So yes, he broke my heart- definitely.. he broke me down to my core, and I thought I could never be broken this bad again since my crush when I was 15, but I guess I was wrong. I really coUld be broken down again. Just when I taught my heart to love again, and forget about the past experiences.. I stupidly gave him everything.
I loved him to the point where I was willing to sacrifice my family for his.. I'm still willing, by the way, because his family is just so different. I'm not saying mine is not, but.. it's a long story.
He's still the best thing that's ever happened to me, other than God, definitely. This relationship I've had with him was the shortest I've ever had, but I've enjoyed every moment of it. And I will cherish them forever. No, I'm not ready for another relationship, I've my heart still on this one. And I probably won't get over it until I see him with another girl. And I think that won't be too far from now. So I'm preparing for the worst. Preparing, not prepared.
And you know what? I don't regret loving him that much. Seriously. Because I still do. I loved him a lot, actually.. it's funny that even when I've had so many bfs, but this is the first relationship that ended like this- where the guy dumped me and I still love him so much. This is the first relationship which ended where I still love the guy with all my heart.. because the rest of them.. well.. I either dumped them or the guy was a jerk. So.. those aren't worth talking about.
In other words, to me, I only had one relationship- this one.
Okay, now.. where is God in the picture? God.. God.. I need You. You know I need You. I'm sorry people, but whatever happens between me and God is between me and God- period.
I so need God right now. People, please pray for me.
You know, unlike all the other people who goes crazy over who dumps who.. that's the least of my worries right now. That isn't my pain, not the least bit. The only pain I have right now is the fact that he doesn't love me anymore, but I still love him. So please pray for me.
this is a song i posted on 5th of july 2005
Keep Singing
Intro: C Am Em G (x2)
F C9 Another rainy day F Am G I can't recall having sunshine on my face F C9 And all I feel is pain F Am G And all I wanna do is walk out of this place F But when I am stuck and I can't move D When I don't know what I should do Am D When I wonder if I'll ever make it through
Chorus: C I gotta keep singing Am I gotta keep praising Your name Em G You're the one that's keeping my heart beating C I gotta keep singing Am I gotta keep praising Your name Em G That's the only way that I'll find healing
F Can I climb up in Your lap G I don't wanna leave Dm C F G Jesus sing over me C Am Em G I gotta keep singing
F Can I climb up in Your lap G I don't wanna leave C Bb Am Jesus sing over me D F Oh.. You're everything I need C Am Em G C And I gotta keep singing
Chords: Am = x02210 Bb = x13331(bar chord) or xx3331 C = x32010 C9 = x3203x or x32030 D = xx0232 Em = 022000 F = 133211(bar chord) or xx3211 G = 320003
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/20/2008 10:49:00 AM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Tuesday, February 05, 2008]
Another day in Singapore..
I'll blog about Singapore.. have pics to show you guys and stuff.. It's only my second day, and I can't wait to go home.. The place is nice and the people are great, but.. somehow.. I still want to go home.
4 Feb - Mon
Okay.. first up, we have the bridge.. i love the sunset and the feeling of crossing borders.. being in 'two places at once'..
We arrived Pastor Nicholas house at about 8 something at night.. had dinner there.. fulled up. Then stayed over at one of his church member's apartment, which would be our accommodation for the next 1 week.
I tell you,.. Singapore is cold.
5 Feb - Tues The apartment we stayed in
Oh, we had so much food there, i tell you! Here are all the stuff we got.. let the pictures do the talking..^^
Fruitz :) ate bananas like mad the first night.. >.<
Snacks! Lol.. jealous yet?
This is my arrangement.. thank you, thank you..
IMM
And we went out for lunch at IMM the next day..
The Pic Ryan took of Ebbie
the food there more or less 4.90 and above la.. that's for the shop I went to.. so the Chicken Rice and stuff were like 4.90 or 5, and the steak there was like 8.90.. anywayz.. as usual, I opted for the cheapest - 4.90 for bak choi mee.. later I found out that it was famous in Singapore and I made the right choice^^
Here it is... Bak Choi Mee
and then there's Vic's Chicken Rice- the classic.
And mum's and dad's Curry Laksa.. spicy.. hot hot.. but I didn't take a pic of it.. normal only la the curry.. but Dad had a side order.. I forgot what it's called de.. but I bet you know what it is.. I like eating that.. I must learn how to make that one day.. hmm.. here it is:
and then there's Elijah's Chicken Curry Rice..
Took two pics.. heh. I heard it was real good..
This is Noel.. he saw the kiddie car and he couldn't help it.. lol. Jumped right in.. heh.. I don't know why, but it kinda reminds me of.. erm.. lol- hun.
Our Lady Lourdes Catholic Church
I hanged there half the day today because I didn't wanna follow Vic, Ebbie et al and Elijah et al to Sim Lim- too tired of shopping.. I wanted to spend time getting to know my cousies..
Kristie!! =D
This is Kristie, 11+.. only child of Uncle Micheal (no idea who dat).. heh.. she can do a cartwheel.. she's amazing.. helping out the whole day from the minute I got there until we left.. she's just so helpful.. kinda remind me of who I used to be,.. anyway.. then met another cousie.. Kendrick- 10+ years old this year, and couldn't get his hands off the gameboy. (dunnow whoz kid is dat either).. he has an older bro in Aus, 27 or something.. big gap, eh?
Later I met another two - Amos, 17+, and Benjamin, 14+. They are sons of Uncle Robert.. heh.. I saw Uncle Robert for the first time today.. and then there's a Kenneth.. don't know whoze kid also.. Kenneth is 16+. I heard he has another 2 bros, all starting with 'K'.
So that's for my coussie list.. hope to see them again tmr at the funeral and erm.. maybe meet more cousiez.. I thought I was the youngest, you know? well,.. my grandma has 2 hubbyz, so yea.. the first one is my mum's real dad.. so that one, I am the youngest, but the step dad one, the cousiez there, some younger than me.. and they're all so cute la.. teenagers.. heh.
Altogether, my grandma gave birth to 12 kids! But the first one didn't make it, la.. so left 5 from the first dad and 6 from the second dad. Cool, eh? Aunt Magaret is the only sis that is my mum's real sis.. the rest in her real family are guys.. Uncle Johnny is the eldest, and then followed by erm.. another uncle, then Aunt Margaret and my mum and then theres a Uncle Roland- last one, that's really smart and he is a teacher teaching in Thailand. He is smart like Elijah.
The best part, other than meeting new cousiez was when Pastor Kew San and Aunty Anne came.. they're not real my real uncle and aunty but that's the title we give them.. Anyway, so they came and Aunty Anne was like..
"hey, I heard you got a bf already ah?"
and I am like.. "huh??? how you know??"
and she was like.. "Pastor's son somemore ah?"
And I'm like.. "err.... who told you that?"
"What's his name?"
"How come you know so much one??"
"Haha.. how come I know so much? Well, a little bird told me."
"A little bird?"
"Yeah, a little bird who flew all the way from Malaysia to Singapore to tell me.."
"My goodness.. I really pity that bird."
"Yeah, well, you look much better now :) compared to the last time I saw you.."
"Okayy,.."
Then later, they chatted with my parents at the table I was at, so Uncle Kew San was beside me, Aunty Anne beside him and Mum beside her, followed by dad- 5 of us. Then she told me again,.. "You look better now, I can see, compared to the last time I saw you.. when was the last time I saw you? At.. at.. at.. what's that called?"
"..convention?"
"Yeah,.. that time.. yeah, now you look much better already. So how is your boyfriend?"
"Huh? My what?"
Then Uncle Kew San said, "Your B.F."
Aunty Anne was like, "His mum is a pastor too, right? Got the same name as your mum.."
I was like.. "Wah.. how you know so much one?? Mum, you told them is it?"
Then Aunty Anne was like, "I can see,.. you're in love.."
Then my mum was like.. "Aunty Anne is mummy's intercessor,.. she has to know, ya? Mummy have to tell her."
And I was like.. "Okayy.."
And she was like.. "So what's he doing now?"
"Erm.. he's younger than me, so he's still studying.."
"Well, that's okay,.."
"2 years younger than me.."
"Yeah, that's okay, you know?" Then it suddenly occurred to me..
"Oh, yeah.. you're older than him, right? Like 9 years or something?"
"12 and a 1/2 actually.."
"oh my.. no wonder you said it's nothing.." Then I was like.. "His mum also older than his dad- 4 years.."
Then my parents were also at the table..
So my mum said, "Yeah, the smart ones will go for more matured girls.."
Then Aunty Anne said, "Yeah, the smart ones.. :D"
Then I said, "Yeah, I think that's the trend now, you know? But mum is only older than dad 1 year.."
Then my mum was like.. "2 years, actually.. because dad just turned 57 in Nov and mum is going to be 59 in March, so it's almost 2 years." And I was like.. =O
Uncle Kew San, "So what is he studying?"
"Same as me.. Business Management"
Yea.. so that's about it.. I'm looking forward to the funeral tomorrow- can't wait to meet more cute cussiez.. Oh well.. it's 2.25am.. time to go to sleep.. heh. Still alot of fruitz left. Will have to leave at 9am tomorrow morning, and by the time it is now, I don't think I can wakey early tomorrow,..
P/S: Matt.. Thanks for taking care of the car for me.. I owe you heaps.. I tried looking for jobs in the newspaper here.. seriously nothing for me. I think I'll be coming back to Malaysia- plenty more job opportunities there compared to here. I still haven't typed out my CV yet. Need to get it done soon.. I told my sis that unless God tells me to come to Singapore, I'm not going anywhere. See how, la.. if God really wants me to come to Singapore to work then I'll get a job here.. see how, kay? But by the rate it's going, I don't think so la.. erm.. gtg sleep de.. everyone sleep liao.. Goodnight *hugz* I love you.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/05/2008 11:29:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Monday, February 04, 2008]
Singapore
Yes, I'm in Singapore now.. my Ama just passed away yesterday night - this morning. But it's kay, I guess.. I never talked with her before, I think..
Supposed to be looking for a job now.. Just finished college, collected my Letter of Completion not too long ago. This means that I should be going for interviews by now.. Honestly, I am supposed to be looking for jobs all over the world.. like, take the best job that comes across my way after weighing out all the options I have,..
But,..
But I don't have the heart to leave Malaysia even if I had the chance to.. I know that I shouldn't be influenced by other people.. I know that I have to,.. you know.. chase my dream or something like that, but.. honestly.. my dream isn't to make money and stay single for the rest of my life.. I do want to settle.. Yes, I have a vision in life which I want to accomplish and all, but.. if I think that earning money is the only way then it's all going to be out of human efforts, isn't it?
You know.. if I were to weigh out all the options I have, among all the countries in the world.. You know what I would consider as the best option? Not the one with the most pay, but the job that is in Malaysia,.. so that I still can see him.
When I come here to Singapore, I tell you.. all I can think of is finding a place to rent and a job to enquire about.. I just want to live here in Singapore.. I feel so torn between my love life and my dream of singlehood.. anyone out there like me? On one hand I want to find a job here which I can survive on and a nice place to stay by myself, to be independent and free.. but then on the other hand, I know that I'm going to miss my baby and his whole family back there in Malaysia.. I just feel so torn.. I wish I can bring him here with me.
I wish I can find a good job here in Singapore,.. you know, I have so many people telling me how many job opportunities there are here.. it's like every single person is telling me that I should come down to Singapore and work,.. not just everyone else, but people who have a big influence on my life, like my parents, my sisters, my cell leader, etc.. I just feel so.. torn and confused right now.. I want both.. I know that if I get a job in Malaysia, these people aren't going to be happy with me.
And I won't be happy with myself either, because I know that I'd just be settling for second best. And to you guys that know me well,.. Anna never settles for second best when it comes to important decision making in life. Especially when it comes to guys- she only wants the best. And if you're not the best, she'd break up with you- it's just a matter of time. But she already found her best- and he isn't just a better half- he's the best half I'll ever find in this entire lifetime. And I've never been more sure about anything else before. I just know I want this guy, and no job out there is going to match that. Guys like him, I know I will only cross paths once, and an opportunity like that means too much to me to regret. I know that if I let him go, I will never find another guy like that- not in the whole wide world.
And the only thing that can make me sacrifice him is if God specifically tells me to go overseas and work. Because you know, that God is the most important person to me, and whatever He says goes, even if it means giving up the person I cherish the most.
I know that Malaysia is not for me. I know God wants me to eventually go overseas,.. I just don't know where and don't know when. But I hope it's not now. You know what I hope? I hope that he'll go somewhere after his studies, and wherever he goes, I'll go. Yes, that's how much I love him- I'll quit my job and go. It's called priorities,.. I know not many of you will agree with me, especially you single girls out there.. but hey, there isn't exactly a formula or manual in life to give you step-by-step procedures on what you should do with your life. Different people have different priorities, I'm not saying that this priority fits everyone the same, no. I'm just saying that I'm not pro-career. If that's the kind of girl you want to be, then by all means, go ahead with your freedom. I'm not imposing my priorities on you.
There are 2 kinds of women- one is the working women- if they work at the beginning of their marriage, then high possibilities, they will spend most of their lives working and they cannot familiarize themselves with housewife life anymore- they just can't get used to it. They can't stand the slow-paced life. And then you have the housewives, who once they are housewives at the beginning of their marriage, they find it very hard to go out there into the working world because they find that they don't have the confidence and don't have what it takes. You know what? I want to be neither of them.
I may not be pro-career,.. but neither am I pro-family. Because I know that if I am pro-family, I will eventually loose my confidence and waste my life away once my children has grown up. Thinking too far? Maybe.. but hey.. this kind of things are choices that should be made early in life, because they will affect you for the rest of your lives. Seriously. The kind of woman you want to be, you have to decide now. And I want to be neither.
I definitely do not want to be a housewife, for goodness sake, if I wanted to be a housewife, why did I even study to get a degree? No, God did not make me to be a housewife- I know that much. So then, I'm going to work, isn't it? Then why not consider myself as a career woman? Go chase my dreams.. because.. because.. sigh.. because I just can't do it.
#
posted by Anna-Grace Low
annagrace@gmail.com
@ 2/04/2008 11:40:00 PM
____________...:::never give up praying:::...____________
[Wednesday, January 02, 2008]
Happenings...
So many things has been happening- Dissertation (10dec) > HUGE(10-13dec) > Christmas(25dec) > Classes End(31dec) > New Year(1jan) > Assignment(2-7jan) > Parents Anniversary(5jan) > KorElijah's Engagement(8jan) > Exams(10-17jan) > Holidays(18jan) > Work(1feb-30may) > Australia? (june? - notice the '???')
I'll be updating this particular post, so keep checking.. This post is broken into different parts, so it will just be longer and longer- I'll keep adding topics to this post, which are underlined.. I choose to do it this way because I think it is more interesting like this.. enjoy!
Dissertation (10 dec) Well,.. okay.. let's start from the beginning.. hmm.. Dissertation.. no pics of that, sorry.. don't think you want a glimpse of it either.. it's all crap. But I'll tell you what it's about la.. it's about Foreign Direct Investments (FDI) in China.. lalala.. okay, I think you're falling asleep already.. lol! I compared the FDIs in China with the FDIs in ASEAN-4 countries (Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand and Philippines) and well, tried to prove that the FDI inflows into China affects the FDI inflows in ASEAN-4 countries positively.. lalala.. that means when the FDI inflows into China increases, the FDI inflows into ASEAN-4 countries increases simultaneously. Tadaa! lalala.. ok, I know you're bored.. and like.. what the crap is FDI anyway? But to tell you the truth,.. ever since the FDI inflows increased suddenly in 1991-1993, the % of FDIs in Malaysia compared to these countries, including China, dropped suddenly.. Malaysia was affected more than any other country.. OK! Lalala.. I'm boring you guys again.. so sorry~! T.T
oh wait.. one happening thing about my dissertation was that.. well.. I spent the whole last night of the dissertation doing nothing but referencing and bibliography.. lol~! The word limit was 10,000 words, plus minus 10%, but well.. I got barely 9000 words la.. and that was because I included the titles of the pages and the in text references.. i.e.(Lim, 2008).. okay, those of you in high school will not know what the crap I am talking about- so sorry, dudes!
And if you noticed, my dissertation/theses dateline was on the 10th of Dec 2007, which is the first day of HUGE camp~! And my friend who was supposed to fetch me to Cheras to take the charted bus to Taiping was leaving his house at 8am, and 8.15am was his latest!! I asked him 8.20 can or not? And he was like.. try 8.15 la.. and college opens at 8am.. T.T
I had to print everything out.. and I can't print it in school because the com lab only opens at 9am.. so I carried my mum's laser printer into my room the night before.. or rather, got my maid to carry it for me.. so darn heavy. Yes, I am cruel.. I had to reserve my energy for my dissertation.. lol. And then was printing that morning itself too.. but guess what? Two of my pie charts went wrong somehow.. printer input output problem and it caused me to print the pie charts don't know how many times.. and it still can't come out properly.. then the worst happened- the pie charts consisted of yellow ink, and yellow ink finished.. and therefore, when the yellow ink finishes, the printer won't let me print other pages, even if it was black, until I replaced the yellow catridge- don't ask. It's senseless..
So I had like another 7 pages to print.. which was very little considering the fact that I printed more than a hundred already.. and these simple 7 pages was stopping me from doing everything~! It was 6 something in the morning and I was stuck with a printer with no ink.. Think, Anna,.. think! Desperate situations call for desperate measures..
Just the night before, my bro was in 1u and he was stuck- just as desperate as I was now.. his car was stuck there and although my dissertation was due the next day, I drove all the way there to hand him 20-40 bucks.. because he didn't have enough money to buy the car part he needed, which costed, well.. 20 bucks. T.T so me, out of my.. erm.. good samaritaness, did him a favour and sacrificed my dissertation time and energy to go there for him..
and so guess what? right now, I had a major issue.. and I know he had a printer in his room across mine.. but.. one thing about vic was that he wasn't good with temper.. especially when he is sleeping.. do not wake the sleeping giant, and I repeat- DO NOT! But like I said- desperate situations call for desperate measures. But goodness, it is 6 in the morning, dude! What are you thinking?? Vic sleeps at 5am or 5pm, it's like.. you never know when he is awake or asleep, but 6am is really a no no, man.. he either just slept or well.. have been sleeping, but definately not awake~!!!!! -wrong again, he was awake..
"Hello? Kor ah?" don't be angry, don't be angry.. if he is angry, so let it be.. God's grace, God's grace..
"Yeah?" He didn't even sound angry..
*closes eyes tightly* "Erm.. are you awake?"
"What do you think??"
Gosh, is he angry?? "Erm.. no?"
"Well, if I could answer the phone, then I am awake, right?"
Angry sentence but not angry voice.. "Erm.. okayy.. so you're.. awake?"
"Yupe~!"
Okay, he is not angry.. *Phew* God's grace, God's grace.. better still- he is awake? at 6 in the morning???? God's grace God's grace God's grace God's grace..*closes eyes* "What?! What are you doing at 6 in the morning?"
"Haha.. busy finishing off one of my tasks.. anyway, wassup?"
"Erm.. Can I borrow your printer? I need to hand up my dissertation tomorrow and mum's printer no ink. I just need to print like another 7 pages or something.."
"Okay, send it to me.."
I went over and send the stuff to him through msn, so I was like walking back and forth from one room to the other.. zip files going through msn and stuff.. in the end, he burned the CD for me also because I don't know why my com cannot burn.. well,.. the quality of the normal printer is definitely not the same, but it's better than nothing, right?.. he was really nice the whole way, too..
So that morning itself I rushed like a mad cow to bind the book at 7am in the morning.. I made an appointment with Aunty May Yee earlier to pick me up at 7am.. because I didn't know her friend who owned a photostat shop and secondly because I needed to rush straight to HUGE camp and leave my car at home.. honestly, I ask you la.. where got photostat shop open so early in the morning? but we tried our luck neways.. the first shop we went to, we saw the lights on but the doors closed so we went up and knocked.. a young guy answered but he was not prepared to open the shop so early, and he just switched off the lights and went back in, leaving me.. desperate.
But Aunty May Yee brought me to her friend's photostat shop, a friend who also owns the restaurant next to her photostat shop.. so yay~! we reached her restaurant at 7am, and looked around for her- she was not there! Then we asked a worker where she was and he pointed to the 4-wheel drive which just parked in front of the shop! She just arrived! God bless us, man.. and we asked her if she could open the shop for us.. and she agreed, but we had to wait.. so we waited while she kept the veggies she just bought from the market.. then walked over to her place and binded both the books for me.. (Dissertation consists of 2 copies of the same book) .. it costs me RM5 - and it had to be staple bind, instead of comb bind.. anyway.. why am I even telling you this?
It was already around 7.30am.. Anyway, thanked God like mad all the way to college, where I rushed to hand in the books.. and guess what? the guy asked me to tape the CD on the cover of the books.. what the.. and I thought I was done! so I asked him if he had tape, since we were in the office anyway, but he was reluctant- he wanted me to go get it myself.. ??? so I turned around to one of the lecturers I knew, but she just smiled and apologized that she didn't have tape.. so after walking around aimlessly for like another minute or so, I finally asked him again.. and sounded a bit like begging already I think.. and he finally said.."you just wait.. I got it in my office." so I waited for him.. this is the second time waiting already.. first had to wait for the lady to load the veggies, now him.. T.T .. he was photocopying some stuff.. 8 mins to 8am.. I guess I can wait a while..
So we went to the office.. I asked him how to stick it exactly, and he showed me a sample, and I handed it in and signed off.. then he said "eh? you only handed in one CD? you need 2, you know?" Then he passed back the books to me.. -_-" and he said "I am not going to accept these until you hand in another CD." 5 mins to 8am.
I was like.. too tension to get angry.. talk about pressure *phew* I was too worried to get irritated then.. I rushed out of the office.. was in crisis mode already.. I had to think fast.. praying and praying.. probably speaking in tongues beneath my breath or something.. I was like.. God.. you can see all this,. I know that You control everything, Lord.. I'm just leaving everything to You.. all I can do is my best.. the rest is up to You.. I thought.. where am I going to get another CD?? Aunty May Yee was waiting for me outside the main gate and here I am.. I need a CD, there is a book shop upstairs but I don't think it is open so early in the morning! Normally open around 9am, right? And there are other bookshops down the road but.. it's nearly 8am.. I only have 15 mins and I still need time to drive to his place!! Just to buy the CD alone will take me at least 15 mins! and not to mention burning it which will also take me goodness knows how long~! God was my only hope,..
Normally, I wouldn't waste time running upstairs to check if that bookshop is open because normally I would just rush with whatever time I had left to the bookshops down the road, where there is more than one bookshop and the probability of one that is open is higher.. but I gave it a shot- I ran upstairs.. and guess what? It was open! I went in and didn't even bother looking for it- I just asked the lady (since I was most probably her only customer at that time) "Empty CD?" and she pointed behind her - "how much?" "1.80" I paid and dashed out to the com lab.. oh, not to mention, the whole time I was carrying 2 really heavy text books, which I had to return to the library because it was due during HUGE camp.
Com lab- should only be open at 9am but it was opened already- Thank God! there are 2 PCs used to burn stuff, and they were both occupied by my fellow classmates.. I had to wait.. again. You know what that feeling is like when you're in a rush and had to wait? Yeah.. I think we all have been there before.. and I was there the 3rd time today already..
anyway, someone moved off and I straight away logged in and chucked my new CD inside and guess what? the guy behind me was actually waiting his turn.. I had accidentally cut his cue.. and he was my classmate. So I just apologized and told him I was in a hurry- had a friend waiting for me, so he just smiled and let me do my thing..
I was thinking like.. goodness! where am I going to find all those info I need to burn? Where did I store them? Online? where? on my google docs or email inbox? for those of you who know me,.. I DON'T have a thumbdrive.. so .. yeah.. all my stuff are online.. and I was thinking like.. I wonder how long it will take me to retrieve everything and all.. or maybe I should just burn the important stuff..
but guess what? it suddenly dawned upon me that I had all that info in the other CD! so i took the new one out and put the old one in, and the guy behind me was still waiting.. he was like.. "Eh? you burn already ah?" and I was like.. "haha.. yeap! just need to burn another one" and so i transferred everything into the com and put the new CD in and started burning.. the poor guy behind me was so distracted with what I was doing, that the other com was free to use, and he was still watching me in all that tensioness of mine.. lol! I was like.. "the other com can use de.." then he was like.. "oh!" LOL!
before I knew it, I was done- now I had to write my name on the CD.. T.T here we go again.. "anybody got marker???" the people around me were my classmates.. and I was like "how are you going to write your name? do you have a marker?" goodness.. I think just finding a marker will take me 15 mins.. anyway.. found a girl.. tried on her marker but nothing was coming out- not appropriate for CDs.. but I couldnt be bothered anymore- I just chucked the CD in without a name and rushed back to the office..
borrowed the guy's tape again, taped the second CD on the back cover, and noticed a black marker in his pencil holder.. "can I borrow this?" "yeah, sure" he sounded happier than just now- I think he was surprised I was back so fast.. I didn't even write my name- just my UNN number / ID.. and that was it- no time. (you know how long my name is, right? lol!)
Michell called.. "where are you now?" I was like.. "in the office.. passing up now" The guy passed me the book to sign, again.. (he deleted my earlier signature).. and I signed it while answering the phone.. "how long more?" I was like.. "coming now.. coming now.." I rushed out of the office without a thanks or a bye to the guy because I was still on the phone with Michell.. it was 8.08am on my watch.. i told her that I don't have to meet up with her anymore.. I'll return the books to the library myself- she can go ahead for class.. but I saw my lecturer still in the office.. actually, we had an 8am class, but since today was the dateline, well.. not a lot of people turned up,.. anyway I had HUGE and was prepared to skip this class for that.. skipped all 4 days for that actually..
Rushed to the Library upstairs (don't believe I still have time to return book!) supposed to pass it to Michell to pass it up for me, but I figured the library should be open by now because the com lab was open- true enough, it was. Dumped my 2 heavy textbooks there and literally ran to the main gate where Aunty May Yee waited for me the whole time.. she had to on the engine and put on her seatbelt (why in the universe did she take 'em off in the first place? you're wasting my precious time!!) I still had like 3.5 mins to rush to my friend's place from college.. normally it would take 10 mins.. I couldn't be bothered about time anymore.. now it is out of my hands.. I just sat there in the car.. my friend called.. I think I only had 3 mins now..
"Where are you?"
"on the way.. on the way.. the lecturer asked me to hand in 2 CDs, I didn't know.. I only had one, so have to go to the bookshop, buy another CD, burn it and hand it in"
"What?~! so how???"
"so I did la.."
"you did all that already??"
"yup~!"
"so where are you now?"
"on the way to your house"
"okay.."
I had to navigate.. the person driving didn't know the way.. "turn left here.. then make a u-turn"
"Okay.."
"Okay, keep to your right.." hurry up, hurry up.. why she drive so slow one? T.T "Go to the fast lane.."
"..."
"We really have no time already.."
"I know, I know.. can't you see? there are cars.. I can't just cut in like that.."
"..." Patience, Anna.. patience..
She goes onto the fast lane.. "Okay, keep to your right.. traffic light there, turn right.."
"Turn in to section 17?"
"yeah.."
We wait at the traffic light.. "Wah.. your life very interesting, huh? Everytime also got something happening one.."
"Yeah.. I know.. that's my life.." *shakes head*
"ahah.."
My friend calls again.. "where are you?"
"Reaching already.."
"Where?"
"Traffic light near your house.. coming from BU.."
"Oh, there.. okay." I think he mumbled to his mum something.. "Okay, see you."
"Bye.."
Aunty May Yee still didn't know the way.. "Where is her house?" I didn't want to tell her it was very near because then she would drive slower..
"go straight.. get ready to turn left"
"which junction is it? tell me which junction.. so I can get ready.."
"number 44"
"okay,.. now 48.. 46 already"
"Okay, next one.."
"44.."
"Okay, turn in.." she turns in "you see that car? yeah.. that one."
"that's your friend, is it?"
"Yeah.." she stops the car opposite theirs.. "thanks,.. bye."
"Bye!"
I cross the road with my red, faithful, torn, rugged WWJD bag.. "Hi, Aunty.."
"eh? That's all you're carrying ah?"
"Yupe!"
"So little? Enough or not?"
"Yea.. Enough, la.. why?"
Aunty laughs and my friend shakes his head, "Oh boy.. this is embarassing.."
"Why?" Then I look into the bunk.. filled with bags.. You know.. other than me, there were only 2 other people in that car going for the camp- my friend and his bro. That was it- and the bunk was literally filled- without my school bag..
We got in.. said hi to his bro and I had to sit in the middle.. because I was the.. erm.. shortest. -_-"
"sorry, I made you all wait.."
we didn't exactly have a long conversation in the car.. just a lil here and there..
his mum asked "Did you sleep last night?"
"Haha.. no.."
"Oh.. so you packed this morning, la"
"Haha.. yea.."
"Oh,.. so while doing your dissertation, you had to pack also, and you were rushing, so you only packed one bag"
"Haha.. well.. not exactly,.. but normal la.. just put whatever I need inside.."
then later his mum asked again.. "taken your breakfast?"
"Erm.. haha.. no.. it's kay, la.."
then they passed me a plastic bag with a bun and an egg tart.. my friend said, "choose one.."
"no need, la,.. its k.."
"we bought for you one, actually, because we figured you didn't have breakfast.."
"oh.. okayy..." so I took the egg tart..
then later I confessed.. "I didn't even have time to brush my teeth.."
he was like.. "ewwwwwh.."
"What to do? my toothpaste finish de.. later hopefully can buy la.."
"oh my.."
"no time, mah... somemore toothpaste finish de.. cannot brush lor.."
then later I said.. "Just now Aunty May Yee told me that my life very interesting.."
"Yeah, I bet.."
"haah.. yeah really.. my life always like that one.."
"Oh, boy.."
"living by faith.. ahah.."
*shrugs* and says sarcastically "Oh, yeah.."
"but at other people's expense, la.."
Well.. nearing Cheras- what do you expect? yea.. traffic jam.. he called some guy in charge for directions.. turns out we were the last one to arrive and everyone was waiting for us.. and we were still asking for directions T.T my bad.. plus the traffic jam..
seems like we missed a turning.. called them again.. traffic jam- car was not moving.. going towards a roundabout or traffic light or something.. it was like a bottleneck.. on the phone, my friend says "turn left? you mean turn left at petronas is it? after petronas?" we all look to the left.. it was petronas.. "oh.. turn left and go up the hill?" we all look again.. it was a hill.. His dad faster turned in.. if we were just one car in front, we would have missed that junction.. praise God, man.. praise God for traffic jams!
so the place we were supposed to meet at was Charis Christian Centre or something like that- a church. And it was right there.. aunty was like.. "your friends, leh?"
"I don't know.. they should be there already.."
true enough.. they were there already.. so I hanged with them while we all waited for the buses to arrive.. Paul, XiYing and Aaron Tam.. they so rock my world, man.. well.. Paul kept teasing me about my bag.. because they all brought at least 2 bags each.. lol! I didn't even bring a jacket- forgot T,T
after like 15 mins the first bus arrives.. and we had to wait for the second bus.. then finally after another 1 hr and 45 mins which is a long total of 2 hours since we reached, the second bus arrives.. turns out the driver forgot that he was supposed to fetch us today.. -_-" humans.
HUGE (10-13dec) Okay,.. I guess you all have noticed- I am no more in the dissertation category, but in the HUGE category.. ahah.. same day mah.. and it was just after..
Okay, so you wanna know what I put in that bag? LOL! Okay, lar.. it's like this:
Toiletries:
toothbrush
comb
hair cream, and that's it
(no toothpaste because finish de)
(forgot to bring shampoo)
And then there's clothes- I counted 4 days, so 4+2 t-shirts, lor.. something like that la, anyway.. so there were:
6-8 t-shirts,
Pjs- which is a beggy Wisconsin flamingo white t-shirt and a track bottom;
Swimming suit because I heard that there was a swimming pool, in the end didn't use.. T.T
UGs - don't figure.. and I don't remember how many.. lol.
(forgot to bring my jacket)
that's all my clothes.. lol.. because I was already wearing my pants, and planned to wear that pants throughout the whole camp. Yes, dirty, shmelly, whatevah! My other stuff were:
Phone Charger
Bible
Wallet.. duh
House keys.. duh
Phone.. duh.. must I even mention?
(I heard towels were provided, so no towel)
Yes, that was it. I'm a light packer.. when it doesn't involve food.. well, when it does involve food.. ahah.. it's the total opposite! So now you know what was inside my bag.. seriously, dudes.. what do you guys put in??
Anyway.. we were the 1st bus people,.. so I sat in the first bus with XiYing, Aaron Tam beside Paul, Paul behind me..^^ I'm sorry, the pics aren't with me.. but I'll try to load them up for you guys, ya? Esp the one with Paul and Aaron sleeping together.. awhh..
Well, as you know, I didn't sleep the whole night, so I took this opportunity to sleep^^ halfway through, XiYing borrowed me her book to read- Captivating.. lol! I love you, XiYing.. ahah.. I ended up reading a part of the book which I already read before.. ahah.. and yet, it was still sooo captivating T.T
The bus trips costs us like RM48 each.. no kidding- 2 ways, la.. from KL to Taiping.. no joke, man.. so expensive.. Anyway, since I only had one bag- it was easy for me, lor.. just shove it up there.. no need to wait down there to collect my bag or whatevah.
Okay, so we reached a rest place.. there we had dunkin donuts..^^ and some of us bought KFC ^^ but I didn't eat the KFC, la.. just smelt it ^^ good enough.. the unfortunate thing was that some of the others didn't know that there was a KFC there.. awhhh.. and they ate at the hot, crowded, not nice food stalls.. awhhh..
Anyway, XiYing and I lost the guys.. lol! We couldn't find them.. know where we lost them? -in the toilet!! shhh.. yea.. they said they were going toilet, so we hold their stuff for them, and agreed to wait for them until they came out- good samaritans.. but then they never came back! T.T then we waited and waited,.. finally someone called and asked us where we were.. and we were like.. "what the? waiting for you outside la.." and they were like "we are at the bus already.. faster.. where have you guys been? we were waiting.." T.T
Okay, so we lost our bearings looking for 'em.. turns out what we thought was the back of the whole place was the entrance- as in.. the place where the buses parked and where we came from- our entrance, la, that is.. so we lost our bearings a bit ..and the toilet was not helping, because the toilet was so damn huge.. it was as big as the food court itself! But i love the toilet la.. it had like a mini garden in the middle.. so airy and so peaceful.. and I could just sit there.. and.. and.. and wash hand, you know? :P
Yeah.. while washing hand, I can see the wind blowing the leaves on the plants.. and the little girls running around in their tiny white skirts and pretty pink dresses.. and playing, and shouting and laughing.. and then their moms chasing them from one end of the spacious toilet to the other end, while holding their cute lil' white panties up high and waving it, calling their sweet names.. aihhh... the serenity of it all..
Okay, so I exaggerate.. but still? there were little girls running around with their moms behind them.. if I remember correctly.. okay, where was I? Oh, yeah.. huge camp.. sorry, I got distracted a little bit.. ^^
Yea, we went back into the bus and all those that didn't get their KFCs and didn't know it existed was complaining like mad and begging for it.. so we continued the next half of the journey playing Uno and Poker cards.. it was so damn fun- Paul brought 'em- thanks, Paullie^^ ..bitch. (sorry.. inside story)
Okay, so then we reached the Taiping Golf and Country Club or something, and then we lost our bearings again- couldn't find entrance again.. then everyone was carrying their heavy luggage except me^^ I was carrying someone else's heavy luggage T.T ..wonder who.. *ahem *ahem.. *whistles* Okay, so we missed like part of the first day because our beloved driver was late.. but it's kay because the orientation wasn't until just before dinner.. anyway.. XiYing checked out our names.. we stayed with Daniel Sim's church's members- Revival Centre or something like that.. they were Maybelle Lim and Esther Lum.. but Maybelle also wasn't exactly from that church. Esther Lum was cute.. she was 15, and she had attitude.. ahah..
So when we first arrived, checked in and my friend called me to go check out the hall and stuff, so we went with our room mates and checked 'em out.. but we got lost.. again.. circled half of the building because we came out from the back, went right, right, right and ended up in front.. -don't ask.. after half an hour or so, we found out that we had to walk to the next building which was like a 10 minute walk away.. T.T
and so we went.. it started drizzling.. met a couple of other pks on the way and at the entrance of the hall.. the hall looked so cool when they were setting it up, man.. they used the extra camp forms to hang up in a few straight lines from the back of the hall to the front,.. so cool. It looked even cooler when they were half way setting em up, because the floor was like filled with camp forms.. and the carpet's design, right, had like a few huge s
Hahahha.. Happy Chinese New Year! Gong Xi Fa Chai... :)
I spent the whole Chinese New Year eating junk food!!!! Biscuits, 'love letters' (its like chinese pan cake), and then in Malaysia, we have something called the 'Yin Sang'. It's this traditional colourful mixture of crackers, sweet stuff, salmon, ginger.. (kind of weird mixture, actually) and we mix it with the chopsticks - everyone mix at the same time. Hahah.. it's a Malaysian Chinese thing. I heard they just introduced that in Hong Kong.
We had German Sausages, scrambled eggs, hash brown, bulls eye, ham, bacon.. needless to say the rest. Kinda looks like red meat, no? But it was nice! Whatd'you expect? It's dad's cooking!!!
I had lots of Ang Pao's too.. but I realized that the older I get, the less angpaos.. :( I only collected 2 Ang Pao's from church this year! That's the lowest collection I've had ever!! Oh, and you know what? The best Ang Pao packets are Mecca's. On the left is last years'. This years one was similar (on the right). That time I ask Aunty Paulyn to help me take some from McDs because she works there.. mana tau, she came back with like 50 Packets or so.. LOL! And the whole CNY, I only got 1.. how sad..
Oh, and you recognize this? Maybe the really old people would! This was what gas drinks were before Can Drinks came out - they were all in bottles! Puny bottles!!! And YES, there IS gas still inside! If anyone wants to buy from me, please place your order! ;) It's only RM1.50 each!!! Ahahah... And you can keep the glass.. but if you wanna give the glass back, I can give you back 20cents! ^^ Theres Ice Cream Soda, Sarsi and Ginger Beer! But order must be minimum 20 bottles :)
Caleb's Mom made a lot of CNY cookies and tit bits! Hahaha.. we were sharing biscuits in church!
I'm currently working part-time at my mom's Educenter and studying a short course part time to get the licensing to open a day care center here. Hopefully, when I finish this short course, I can continue my Master's in Education.
That's almost an A!! haha.. I think Education is really meant for me because I've never gotten 70 or above for anything when I did my business degree here. Glory be to God!
Ah.. just back from a family trip with.. my family la, of course! We went to Eagle Ranch Resort. Not bad for a budget resort! The price: very affordable.. if you're planning a budget church camp in Malaysia, not too far from KL, I would DEFINITELY recommend this as a first choice. It's much better than Golden Sands or anything along that line.
Don't get worried so fast, la! It's air cond inside!! See the pic? I love the lights, la.. real macho.. i tell you.. the aircond Vic on was so cold.. i hid in the toilet from 1.30 - 4.30 am (3 hours) because he slept without the blanket like he was so hot, so i dare not increase the temperature..
Oh, and at nights, it's real cold outside.. like in the morning, it was even colder than the bedroom, so in the end I decided to go back into the room and sleep at 4 something.
If you actually book all the tepees for church camp or something, I think you can like have activities in the middle of 'em because its all grass: there's like 2 bbq pits on each end and a pole in the middle and. I think they even have special group activities if you want too. Here's a pic of one of the bbq areas with sink and worktop^^
Kampung Houses were just beside the tepees, so I managed to get a few shots at it! And no, unfortunately, we aren't allowed to fish in the lake here.. awh... 
hahah.. the ambience.. oh.. the ambience.. ^^ 
Oh, and there's a beach nearby, but we aren't allowed to go there because of the jelly fish! Yikes.. so.. I'm so sorry to tell you that the beach is for viewing purposes only.. double awhh.. I guess if we stay on the sand, it's safe!
Till the next blogpost.. tata~
Honestly, I don't know anymore.
Unfortunately, I don't have the means to pursue my first priority. Or so I think. Then there comes trust and obedience and faith and hope and all that. And in times like this, I cannot make decisions based on circumstances, but based on priorities and faith. Because if I let doubts sway my decisions then I shall be like a ship on the sea being tossed by the wind and people like that never accomplish anything in life, and let not a person like that assume that he shall receive anything from You. For what if they changed the law? Then after 10 months of working in Malaysia, I don't have the chance to get my PR? And then what? I wasted my 18 months there.
But then again, I felt like I've gained all that I could gain from LaTrobe and it is time to move on to the next thing, after all, I've never been to UQ and who knows? Maybe UQ is really better? I can't judge a University if I've never been there. Going to UQ will be able to give me the best of both worlds. I've gained all I could possibly gain from LaTrobe in one semester here and it has been such a rich experience. Staying back here another semester might result to me learning absolutely nothing and ending up in regret.
Money comes secondary to education and experience, so I believe I shall move on to UQ. I've let the money issue get the best out of me in deciding on my undergraduate degree and I've made the most out of the money issue there. I've graduated with my money's worth, all right. It was a hopeless education but rich experience that changed my life simply because You were merciful to provide me with a supportive Christian Fellowship who made it all worthwhile.
Psalms 135:4
I saw this treasure chest that was open. And it looked really small because it could fit into someone's heart. So there was this heart with a treasure at the bottom of it. And everywhere this person went, he would bring along this treasure in his heart- everywhere. This treasure was so precious that nobody knew it was in there. It was hidden deep inside and only that person who carried it knew it was there but wouldn't tell anybody. And deep within everyone's heart there was a treasure. Everyone had their different boxes.
Some, more beautiful than the rest. Some had dark gold treasure chests, some white gold treasure chests - they were all different from one another. Each one was authentic in its own character and yet each one was beautiful in their nature.
I guess some people has not discovered their treasure yet. Or rather, they didn't know it was there. They were so busy looking at other people's treasures that they didn't realize that they had one in their hearts and abandoned it for someone else's. Everyone has a unique treasure that no one else has. They've just got to look for it.
The same goes to other things in life. When You give me a good guy, and when You take him away, I always know that You have someone much better in store for me. There is nothing to be disappointed about. In fact, I should rejoice. Because if the guy that You take away is a really great guy, imagine, what kind of guy I will have in the end? Must be double the greatness! If You take this visa away from me, I cannot imagine what will happen soon. It is simply marvelous.
Then she explained to him that his foundation was not good enough. She told him to build on a foundation that cannot be shaken. And so he did, and this time, she helped him. They built a castle on the floor. It was so tall, that it was taller than him. He was so happy.
I was trying my best to hold back the tears as I kept my documents scattered on the table. It was embarrassing. Embarrassing that I had something I unconsciously allowed my heart to cherish. Embarrassed and surprised. Surprised as I finally came to realize how much this visa actually meant to me. Something new to comprehend.
see the pic of Jesus on the cross? This is the Whirlpool galaxy.
ahah.. okay, I'm boring you guys.. :P
=D
no more, de.. promise..
see? told ya~! That's Aaron Tham^^
Yeah, so we ended up stucking sticks into here and there.. lol!! It was fun, though.. :P
told ya he behaves like me^^ i just lurve taking pics of random stuff.. like nothing better to do!
