I Saw Jesus

Saw this on FB and thought I should keep this post in a safe place:

Hello. This is my first post. I posted anonymously bc I think others may make fun of me. This incident happened last summer. But i think about it all the time. I wish i understood the meaning of it. I have been reading the posts about nde and I now have the courage to share my story. My husband and I were eating at a diner having an early dinner. When ordering, at the last second, i added bacon to my order. After ordering i said to my husband "i hope the bacon is ok to eat at this time of the day. Maybe i shouldnt of ordered it." The food came right out and we started eating. A few minutes into the meal I felt the bacon was not going down my throat. I sipped my soda and still it would not go down. I then realized I was choking and i needed help. I began to wheeze and I started to panic. I looked at my husband and reached my hands towards him. He then asked me if I was ok. I shook my head no. I slid out of my seat and stood up. My husband quickly started to perform the heimlich on me. He tried several thrusts but It was not working. My wheezing got louder. I started to feel weak. I felt like I was in a fog. I remember my husband shouted "call 911 my wife is choking." I felt like it wasn't real. This can't be happening to me. I was in a dream. At that moment right in front of me Jesus appeared. He was standing up off of the floor. He was dressed in all white. It was very bright. He had a gold ring around his head. It was a beautiful blue behind him. Once I saw Him I knew I was going to die. This was it. This is how im going to die. He then said to me " I am here, Noreen." He outstretched his hand to me. I was then felt completely at peace. I wasn't scared anymore. So I said. "Ok, take me with You". I then reached for Him. I wanted to take His hand. I began to feel my body falling forward. I remember thinking to myself i need to lay down. Suddenly my husband pulls me straight up and backwards into his body to stop me from falling. It was at that moment the food became dislodged. I started to breath easier. The wheezing had stopped. I was ok. I was alive but I wasn't sure. I looked for the image of Jesus but he was gone. I realized I did not die. My husband asked me if I was ok. He told me i was white as a ghost. He asked me again if I was ok. I remember thinking i just saw Jesus. He was right in front of me. Did everybody else see Him? He was right there. I was shaking. I did not feel like I was there in my body. Was i in a dream I wasn't sure. I am not a religious person but i believe. Why did He appear and not take me with him? Why did He appear and not someone else like my grandparents who i spent a lot of time with? Is He still with me? Maybe it means nothing at all. I don't know. But I'm positive it was Jesus. I'm alive. And i do not need to be afraid of dieing anymore. I won't be alone. When the time is right, I guess, He will take my hand and lead me home. I will try not to be afraid. 

Thank you for reading my post. My eyes are filled with tears as I write this. It was frightening experience. I hope and pray He is still here for me.

By "Norleen" aka Anonymous.

My comment:

My mom saw Jesus -- twice. Neither was near death experiences.

The first time, she had morning sickness and Jesus came through the window and held her hand and walked out with her to show her something -- an answer to a question she had which would decide her next move.

The second time He came was five kids later. She was praying in the room. He came, took her by the hand and led her out through the door -- she saw herself still kneeling. He took her to all the other people in the Bible School and told her what would happen to each one and to each of her kids. Then, took her back through the door of the prayer room. She got up and went to meet the rest for breakfast -- they wore the exact same thing she saw them wearing earlier so it wasn't a dream. But after prayer, all of them refused to eat. When she asked why, one of them spoke out and said that they will not eat until she had told them of her devotion that morning. She was startled but shared that Jesus took her for a walk. So they all sighed a sigh of relief and he explained that her face shone.... I guess that's why your face was white..... Or maybe you had a lack of oxygen.

But I'm glad He didn't take you just yet. Remember to talk to Him daily and read His Word so you can hear His voice.

It's not your time. You are here to share your story.

You will go to Heaven if you continue to develop your relationship, chatting with Him and loving Him.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Divine Encounters

When I was 5+ years old, late one morning, a voice said to me, "Anna, you're going to have a great party." Who would believe me? But I did have a great party -- more than a hundred people, someone built a treehouse with a slide that went into a pool of water. We had playground equipment hired, a handmade indoor maze bigger than half a basketball court, mascots, etc. 

And again when I was 17, I was studying for my finals and really struggling with biology, a fatherish voice boomed so loudly but comforting, "Why are you pushing yourself?" My parents didn't hear a thing.

God spoke to my dad for half an hour when he was 19, telling him that He would use Him to preach the gospel, and showed him visions of him preaching to hundreds -- he was just a new Christian then and didn't know that some of the words He spoke came from the Bible, "While you were in your mother's womb, I knew you and ordained you as a prophet to the nations". (He grew up in a small village in Malaysia.) My dad is an international preacher now.

My mom did not just hear God but Jesus came to visit her -- twice. The second time He did, He took her out of her body and went for a walk around the house and told her what would happen to each kid while they were sleeping -- all came to pass.

Many more stories -- angels, demons, healing the sick, raising the dead, etc.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Family Dynasties

Might want to look up family dynasties: Rockefeller, Rothschild, etc. just to learn from them but not follow them.

It works and it is good for continuing something that you really have in your heart, i.e. ensuring that each of your descendents have a pool they can get a loan for a house from or a loan for their studies. Interest paid is less than the bank but goes back into that pool. 

A pair of parents wrote a will that nobody could sell an amazing piece of property that they bought by the beach but everyone in that family can use it for holidays etc. for free and so it has been going on for generations. Everyone ended up going there for holidays because it was free, and they kept meeting other family members and relatives and networked among themselves pretty well each holiday. That's a way they kept the family together.

What I can never really understand is that after so many generations have bought houses and earned their way to the top, it doesn't last more than three generations unless you have something legal in place like this. 

Sometimes it is called a family trust or a foundation. When David told God that he wanted to build Him a house, God said He would build him a house instead and the word for that is Dynasty. This is why it is so important to understand about family dynasties and how they work.

All the best.
* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Homesteader Homeschooler Amateur YouTuber Wannabe

Watch other homesteaders on YouTube. The less professional, the more authentic and the more people will want to watch. Today, it is all about originality, the human touch, and authenticity.

Display your mistakes, brag about it, make a blooper. And you will be the greatest hit on YouTube. I want to watch the hilarious and real life of homesteading, and your amateur set up. It is real life, and people appreciate that because they can identify with it.

If it helps, watch an episode of A for Adley. Little girls love that show because they wish they had a father that cared at all, played with them.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Again

Your voice,

calling me.

Brokenness,

– I'm sorry.

Defeat,

defeat.

Brokenness,

– again.

How can I,

ever.

A life,

live.

Without sorrow,

pain.

Brokenness,

brokenness.

Brokenness,

again.

Dying,

inside.

Sad, 

weary.

Come now, 

come now.

Come now, 

to the hungry.

Nobody, 

will be forgotten.

I hear You, 

I hear You.

I hear You,

calling me.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

My Dreamhouse Wishlist

Someone asked me what I wanted in my dream house.

1. Make a slide from the kids room to the kitchen.

2. Make secret rooms

3. Make secret hideouts for the kids

4. Laundry chutes from all the rooms

5. Heating and cooling system in floors and walls

6. Holes for shelving in walls

7. No corridors - waste of space

8. Butlers pantry 

9. Heated Indoor swimming pool

10. Glass ceiling for master bedroom so I can see the stars

11. Green house kitchen

12. A garden in the bathroom

13. Skylights in every room 

14. North facing (if in Australia)

15. Energy efficient with solar panels and water tanks

16. Sewerage system that goes straight to the plants 

17. Lazy river in the house

18. Helicopter pad

19. Glass dome enclosed over the whole house

20. Waterfall with hidden room

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

The Homeschooling Review

I realized that what I emphasized on - workbooks, did not really matter much in the review but the stuff we were not planning on doing but ended up doing and had “nothing to do with school” ended up being the highlights of the review. This is my first review so it’s left me in quite a shock.

Some of the not planned stuff were when my hubby decided to drive up to bow hill and surrounds to see the flood waters, or when we drove down to Kingston for my birthday, or when we drove up to Berri for our anniversary and it is considered educational.

Other unplanned stuff is like when I decided to incubate the eggs, adopted four rabbits and four Guinea pigs — none of which were supposed to be educational but ended up being pretty scientific.

And going to Bunnings for the DIY course was really not something I planned but just tagged along, and benefited so much from.

And her playing Lego which I thought was a waste of time but turns out to be looking pretty good in the review. 

And a book on the periodic table which I just so happened to bump into in Kmart and picked it up, and she fell in love with to the point of writing her own story about it. 

These were all unplanned but happened and everything I actually did plan didn’t materialize or didn’t matter.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Hearing from God

Is it possible to have a relationship with someone you cannot communicate with? The most important thing in life is to hear God’s voice. We cannot have a relationship with God without hearing from Him. Prayer is a two-way communication. Pray and ask God to speak to you regarding your situation— ask Him to give you a verse, then close your eyes and wait for it. Might take some time if it’s your first time. Ask Him for a book, chapter number and verse number and turn to it.

This is how I found God’s will for my life — from which guy to marry to which country to migrate to. When I prayed and fasted about a certain guy, He gave me the verse about Timothy “receive his love in obedience” and “he will help you in your ministry”. And when we both prayed about a certain country, He gave my husband the chapter about “a land flowing with milk and honey” which is what this land literally produces. God speaks all the the but we need to listen.

Please pray about where God is sending you. It’s not always the easy road but there’s nowhere better than the perfect will of God for you. And how important is it to live this out in front of your kids - that life is not where is easy but where God sends us. I’m sure you know that, just reminding.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

No going back now

So you have not been going to church but worshipping at home with the family and now you want to know which church God is leading you to?

Pray and ask God what you should do. A church is not something we can go shopping for. It’s something God has predestined for you. A church is a family; a place we pour our hearts and lives into, other than our actual family. So pray about it.

To be entirely honest, we’ve not been going to an actual church for many years because our church is overseas. We tried joining a local church but it just isn’t the same. I felt God calling us to focus on Family Altar. And to be honest, after not going to church and then going to church, I see false religion and traditions of man rather than what I think a church is supposed to be and I just can’t go back to it anymore. I just want the Holy Spirit to move in the worship but it can’t be done in some of these church environments. I just have to do church at home again. 

But that’s me. Just do what God is calling you to do..

Well, how can a church environment not allow the Holy Spirit to move? Sometimes, there’s just so much expectation— i.e. the worship has to have a certain number of songs, sang a certain number of times, starts off at the bottom of the chart and then slowly builds up and finally when it reaches the peak, the pastor is to take over and pray for the people, followed by communion, tithes and offerings, and then the word for a certain number of minutes, etc.

And there’s women’s ministry, men’s ministry, youth ministry, basically all serving people, ministering to the people, some fun, food and laughter. And words of comfort, stuff they are happy to hear. I’m so tired of doing church. After serving in the local church for a year, I just couldn’t unsee what I’ve been “missing” pre-covid and its irrelevance to what God is doing today — something powerful, new and different.

The Church has got to get to its original form in Acts 2 — full of power, signs, wonders and miracles, — and the ekklesia mentioned being built on the ‘rock’ — a governing body, of authority at the heart of today’s society. 

We simply cannot crawl back into the comfortable bubble we used to call home, and expanding our little churches the same way we used to. There is just no going back now.

Our kids need to experience God and to have a personal relationship with Him, and sadly, the church is no more a place for that. It has become a religious institution, teaching the word, with fun and games, and cool songs but nothing more than that.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Church Burns

If you’re feeling burned out from serving in church,  you need a break. I am sure your pastor understands. As a pastor, I’d rather someone take a break from duties and still come than to leave the church altogether.

Secondly, be sure to have a good chat with your pastor about this. 

Sometimes having the same people involved all the time is a bottleneck for the younger ones to come up.

Thirdly, remember that a church is a family, not a social club. The purpose of church is to be part of a family and if we keep changing churches to suit our needs and wants, that’s not a family. Family is about commitment. We don’t change families just because we feel like we are being ignored. 

I am not saying you need to stick with this church. I am just saying, it’s not a valid reason to leave, in my opinion. I think a valid reason would be like if their theology was different or if God is specifically calling you to another church.

Being in a huge church has its pros and cons, too. It’s hard to be noticed, even as a newcomer. I went to a mega church locally and was not spoken to till our 5th visit and that was because we sat outside the staff room for lunch, on purpose, to see if anyone would talk to us. And on our 3rd visit, people were still asking us if it was our first time. 

What’s really important is — where has God placed you? And where is He leading you to be? Pray, and ask the Lord for a book, chapter and verse before you open the Bible to see what it says. God speaks. We don’t choose churches based on their rate of friendliness. Ultimately, God decides. He calls and He predestines. Even if we don’t like His decisions at various seasons, the end result will be worth it.

Every church has different callings, just like all of us have different callings. Some churches are like cruise ships, some like hospitals, some raise armies. This is why it’s so important to know where God is placing us.

I think it’s so important to get to the root of the issue and just check our hearts — why do we even go to church in the first place? Are we here because we are lonely and looking for a friend? Are we here to worship God? Are we here to grow the church? Are we here to serve? Are we here to grow? But what is God’s initial purpose for the ekklesia in the Bible? Why does God even want us to go to church? Does God even want us to go to church? 

“And upon this rock, I shall build my ekklesia, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” Matt 16:18 — talks about the purpose of the ekklesia as one having authority and power.

“For my house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations.” Isaiah 56:7 — a place of prayer.

“Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together as is the manner of some, but exhort one another.” Hebrews 10:25 — talks about a church being an assembly that exhorts each other. (So you might have a point here.)

And there are many verses on what a church is. The word ‘church’ is not the same as the word, ‘ekklesia’ that Jesus talks about but that’s a whole different topic. 

Finally, when it comes to saving of souls, just remember that we reach out to them because we love them and don’t want them to go to hell, not because we want to grow the church. Church growth really should not be our concern. It should not even be the concern of the pastor. I don’t believe in purposefully growing the church. But I believe in saving souls. What’s the point of having a big church? God never told us to have a big church. In Acts, the Christians grew in number but not because they wanted to grow their church. I grew up in church with this mindset that we need to grow the church and I believe we have lost our focus as a church — to focus on the church rather than focus on God. Let’s forget about church growth and just focus on loving Him and loving people.

I guess if you’ve tried talking with them and they still do not respond, there’s no way out but out or pray for a miracle. 

What has God said about where you should be going? If I know God has called me somewhere, even if my family hates it, I drag them through but that’s only when I am dead sure about it. It’s so important to listen to what God is saying than to listen to what man is saying. If I listened to what my husband and kids want all the time, we would be going to a super hyped mega church but God is telling me to start our own church and that’s difficult for us all but I am willing because I am dead sure, even if it’s just my kids and me.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

The Real Reason

There real reason why some people don’t want to go to work is not the laziness that we accuse them of. It is fear.

Fear of the unknown. Fear of meeting challenges you are not capable of overcoming. Fear of problems greater than yourself. Fear of failure. Fear of staring faces. Fear of being looked down on. Fear and insecurity. 

The only reason why I made it through work every day is because I forced myself to face my fears. It is a painful thing to do each day but it is reality.

It’s the same reason why I never enjoyed going to school. I’ve always hated school. Especially when I’ve not gone for a long time, like if it’s the first day of school after a break —even a weekend. Fear grips and fear is real. Physical even.

To me, showing up at work and showing up at school is man-ing up to it. It is adulting. It is an act of maturity — something adults have to face even though they don’t want to.

My question always was — is it just me or does everyone else have to grind their teeth to get to work and school everyday? Am I the only one agonizing the pain of fear or is this just another part of life that everyone goes through? Because if I am the only one,… I probably need help.

The interesting fact is that I don’t experience this fear when I have my own business or freelancing — except for when I have to meet clients — like if I am running an education institution and I have to teach a class or meet the parents. Then, the same chilling fear runs deep again. The what if’s. Fear is suffocating, and fear is real. Sometimes, I have to take deep breaths to face my fears. 

I put up a strong and confident face to hide the fears. I muster up enough courage to throw my voice so I look confident like I know what I am doing but the truth is that I’ve swallowed the fear and it’s gone from my throat to my heart and I’m rushing through my appointments so I can shut the clients out the door, sit back, close my eyes and cry my eyeballs out for all the trauma I’ve forced myself to go through. It’s over. When’s the next one?

And sometimes, I wish it would all end. I wish I would just wake up one day, finally an adult where I don’t have to hurt from it anymore. But that day never comes.

I guess I just have to resort to being my own boss and running a business where I don’t have to meet people. There’s a ton of ways to earn money without meeting anyone these days — day trading, writing, YouTubing, the list is endless.

But that’s not the help I need — I need to know how I can overcome my fear of people.

Even as a homeschooling mom and curriculum writer, I still have to go to the shops. The worst part is that my writing doesn’t give me any money yet, so I have to shop at op shops and community pantries. And all I’m hoping for is to come out safely without any stares. Yesterday, I had one of those. It’s taking me a while to get over it. 

Is that why I’m writing this post? Did it trigger something I’ve not experienced in a long time?

Did you know I’ve been scolded on a public bus before? Yes, I was 18 and made some stupid moves without thinking — my absent-mindedness to be blamed. The bus conductor— yes, there was a bus conductor, unfortunately— he shelled me right there and then. I cried. I couldn’t take it.

Yes, the same fear grips me when I take public transport — a taxi, a bus, a train— anything with strangers in it. But at least now, I know why.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

The Real Pain

The real reason why I don’t want to go to the dentist is not the bill or even the pain. What I dread the most is actually the lecture. No matter which dentist I go to, I will get lectured for not taking care of my teeth — basically, for being irresponsible. I don’t know if it’s just me — maybe I look young — or does everyone else get lectured? I’m sure if dentists around the world would learn to compliment a little bit more for anything at all, people wouldn’t mind coming more regularly.

That’s probably the same reason why people dislike driving classes. You’re paying someone to tell you your faults. I guess that’s a good thing — maybe that’s love and care — I suppose it is, but isn’t there a better way?

And do I torture my kids and family the same way with lectures? Because it is supposed to be good and meant well but is it really working or does that push people away? And if that is love and care which pushes people away, then it’s not effective, is it?— rather the opposite.

Good intentions are never good enough. The approach is very important. If we really mean well, we should consider a more effective solution that actually makes a difference. That’s true love and care.

Spare the lectures; focus on praise and compliments and notice the results. Sounds ridiculous but at least it works.

Yes, even adults need praise.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Supply Chain of Bread

I woke up at around 4am this morning, with the words ‘supply chain of bread’. Why? Because just before that, God was teaching me, through a dream, what the supply chain of bread looked like. And it wasn’t any bread. It was buns and pastry bread, mostly. 

What I saw was a huge factory that mass produced and packaged pastry buns. How I ended up there, I have no idea. But this was the last bit of my dream, and clearly, I was elsewhere before that. Most likely on the flour-producing factory, and before that, the wheat farm.

Because the dream was not, ‘the manufacturing process of pastry bread’ but, ‘the supply chain of bread’ and what that means is the logistics from the beginning of the production process which means the harvesting (I’m guessing) to the shops. Or not. Maybe it’s just the manufacturing to distribution process. Hmm. Food for thought. Literally.

But why. Why do in need to know the supply chain of bread? Am I getting into the food industry and particularly the pastry bread industry? Why? I am probably more curious of the why then I am of the how.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Exemplary

Hebrews 5:6

 So also Christ did not glorify Himself to become High Priest, but it was He who said to Him:

“You are My Son,

Today I have begotten You.”

6 As He also says in another place:

“You are a priest forever

According to the order of Melchizedek”;

7 who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear, 8 though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered. 9 And having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him, 10 called by God as High Priest “according to the order of Melchizedek,” 11 of whom we have much to say, and hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing.

The Father appointed You as His begotten Son, to be a priest forever, according to the order of Melchizedek. Though You were a Son, yet You learned obedience by what You suffered, and was perfected, becoming the author of eternal salvation.

Just as You are a priest, so I am a priest. I cannot live like others. I have to live a godly and God-fearing life. And I have to learn obedience through suffering.

Dictionary Meaning:

a person ordained to the sacerdotal or pastoral office

I see a pastor(priest) ministering in church.

She ministered because she had something to deliver to them.

I only deliver when I have something to deliver. If You don’t give me anything, I have no right to stand there to say anything. But if You call me to stand up and say something, You have something to say, and You will deliver that to me when the right time comes. (Before I go up, hopefully. If You only give me a Word when I am already on the platform, then I would be very nervous.)

When she ministered, the people got it.

How I minister is not important, as long as the people get it. I can shout my heart out, and have all my saliva come out, as long as the people get it. That’s what counts. There is no point in delivering something that doesn’t get delivered. Saying is not good enough. They need to get it. I need to get those points across or I am just wasting my time. What I have been doing delivering the Word is obedience, but I did not do well in that it did not resonate with the people. They didn’t get it. It makes no sense to them. Even if it did, they’ve forgotten about it. I need to say it in another way that they can get it. So it is fine if I preach the same thing again because they did not get it the first time. Sure, I may look like a fool preaching the exact same thing, but that is because I did not do a good job the first time, and they didn’t get it. And it was wasted. But Your Word needs to be delivered, even if I have to redeliver.

She ministered to whoever needed it.

I don’t just say for the sake of saying. These people need it. And if they did not get it, I have to say it until they get it because they really need it and can’t go without it. If I leave them be and let them go without it, they will suffer the consequences and it will be my fault, not theirs, because I did not want to redeliver, because I did not want to make a fool of myself for redelivering the same message twice to the same group of people.

She ministered when she could not hold it back

Fire is not nice to hold. It burns. I have to let it out or it is going to just keep burning. And it will come to a point where I cannot keep it in anymore. I will just end up blasting it out. Which is just about to happen anytime.

She was someone ordained

To be ordained is more than just being anointed. It is to be charged with a responsibility. And it is a heavy one because it is a high calling, and represents a superior ministry that not many are chosen to do because it has very steep requirements, such as living a holy life. Not everybody wants to be ordained. I see it as an honor. Some people see it as a scary thought. But to me, it can only be a good thing. And I am glad that I am ordained because it’s been on my bucket list for so long. It’s like an ambition, a dream.

But all that ordination is not for nothing. You have plans. And You have a Word to be delivered. It’s time to wake up from my dreamworld and start getting the job done. The ceremony is over. Now it’s time to get my knees dirty and the bucket ready. Lots of smelly feet to wash here. Lots of things to do that nobody else wishes to do. Lots of toilets to wash. It’s no fame or glory. Just a lot of scrubbing and cleaning. A lot of dirt and filth, mirky waters and saltiness. It's not a nice thing to do. But I have to do it everyday. And do it continuously. And do it everyday. It is not as monotonous and draggy as it is humbling and trying. A lot of things to get done that nobody wants to do. Pretty similar to being a housewife or stay home mom. Cleaning up the house and washing off poo. That’s pretty much it. And yet, so rewarding because amazing kids are being put in my charge. And I get to raise up the next generation to be everything You have called them to be. I get to shape the world just by washing poo off. It’s amazing, isn’t it? An exemplary life is all that's needed to get the job done.

                    * tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Strength

You made me out of Your strength, 

and You made me to last. 

I was built to last. 

And I am built of immortality. 

Eternity was sliced into me, 

and I am solid strong. 

I am not going to dissolve in this storm. 

You’ve got me from within.

Fire

I just want to share something that happened this morning, actually about an hour ago. The Lord spoke to me that there is a fire 🔥— literally. That it had already started in Adelaide. And that the young people would be affected again.

And this is how I know that God speaks to me. That if I went online and checked the fire alerts, and that if there was really a fire, then God must have spoken to me. He said that He called me as a prophet to this country.

About an hour later, I remembered the word and checked online for ‘Fire SA’ and the first link on Google was the fire alert. Apparently, the latest update (updated very 5 mins) showed that it was just minutes walk from my house (the main road before turning into our lane), literally down the road — where the playground nearest to our house is. This is no coincidence. God can speak to me. Clearly. The fire happened at the same time God was speaking to me (because I checked about an hour later).

I took a screenshot, but I wasn’t satisfied with the screenshot I took because the top was missing, but after taking two shots, the page refreshed and other fires came up. The page changed so quickly and Elizabeth Downs is no more at the top of the list! So this also shows precision of time. It was the perfect timing when I checked my phone and took that shot.

Here it is.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

The Adelaide that I Want

I want little girls who dream of becoming full time ballerinas to be able to grow up and fulfill that dream, because there are enough tickets being sold to give them a decent income.

I want people to be able to afford those tickets, and to be able to bring their whole family, and their little girls, for a show like that because they are earning a decent income.

And I want the little girls who go to those shows to be able to dream of becoming a full time ballerina without having their parents worry about them earning a decent income.




* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Next Download

It’s 2am. Just woke up with this:

“Do not say, ‘We have Abraham as our father’ for God is able to raise children to Abraham from these stones.’”

Who says, “We have Abraham as our father.”? Is it not Ishmael...

But if we read the passage of Scripture, it goes on to say, “But bear fruits worthy of repentance.” and “For even now, the axe is laid to the root of the trees. Every tree that does not bear fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.”

Matthew 3.

So produce fruit that is consistent with repentance [demonstrating new behavior that proves a change of heart, and a conscious decision to turn away from sin]; and do not presume to say to yourselves [as a defense], ‘We have Abraham for our father [so our inheritance assures us of salvation]’; for I say to you that from these stones God is able to raise up children (descendants) for Abraham. And already the axe [of God’s judgment] is swinging toward the root of the trees; therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. “As for me, I baptize you with water because of [your] repentance [that is, because you are willing to change your inner self—your old way of thinking, regret your sin and live a changed life], but He (the Messiah) who is coming after me is mightier [more powerful, more noble] than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to remove [even as His slave]; He will baptize you [who truly repent] with the Holy Spirit and [you who remain unrepentant] with fire (judgment). His winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clear out His threshing floor; and He will gather His wheat (believers) into His barn (kingdom), but He will burn up the chaff (the unrepentant) with unquenchable fire.” Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan [River], to be baptized by him. But John tried to prevent Him [vigorously protesting], saying, “It is I who need to be baptized by You, and do You come to me?” But Jesus replied to him, “Permit it just now; for this is the fitting way for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John permitted [it and baptized] Him. After Jesus was baptized, He came up immediately out of the water; and behold, the heavens were opened, and he (John) saw the Spirit of God descending as a dove and lighting on Him (Jesus), and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased and delighted!”
Matthew 3:8-17 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Matthew%203:8-17&version=AMP

It ends with God The Father Himself testifying with an audible voice that Jesus is indeed His Son.

I was arguing with a Muslim friend once, many years ago, when I was just in school, about Jesus — he insisted that Jesus Himself never testified that He was the Son of God. But throughout the years, I’ve read so many passages proving He did. But today, when God woke me up with this phrase, “Do not say, ‘We have Abraham as our father....” and when I read to the end of that passage, God Himself, with an audible voice, declares Jesus as His Son! Who is He really speaking to, in this time and in this season with this passage here?! This must be God!

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Special Download

Last night, God downloaded a lot of stuff. I was asleep. And this never happened before. He told me, ''To those people who really need and really want, I am going to give them the gift of Spiritual Warfare.'' I was like... is this for real or am I dreaming. Does it even make sense. I don't think spiritual warfare is a spiritual gift. So I texted my dad, ''Is Spiritual Warfare a Spiritual Gift'' and I was really tired, so immediately after that, I tried to text this on my handphone to Elisha to record this just in case it's all nonsense tomorrow when I wake up. And this morning, before I woke up, the last thing was, God asked me, ''What is the tri-generational worship'' and He opened my eyes to see that the worship has been led by families during this pandemic period, and that is the tri-generational worship.

The Song List

Didn't know what to entitle this. But if something happens to me one day, here's the song list for my 'graduation', as some people like to call it.

1. My Favourite Hymn - The Love of God is Greater Far Than Tongue or Pen Can Ever Tell
2. My Jesus I Love Thee I Know Thou Art Mine
3. The Things That I Love and Hold Dear to My Heart
4. Trust And Obey
5. Submission

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Losing God

I don't understand how people can lose God in university. It was in university that I found God.
* Trust and Obey the LORD *

Speed Kills but Kulim Saves Lives

Here in Australia, things get done so slow. Sometimes, I think that Malaysia is more advanced because we get things done faster. Take transportation as an example– if you want to get things done fast, you have to travel from one place to another in a short period of time. But in Australia, there are speed limits. Of course, in Malaysia, we have speed limits, too, but nobody listens. In fact, when I first learned to drive I didn't even notice the speed limits on the road. When I was finally lectured by a friend, I was like, "Do I have to look at the speed limits? You mean, all of them? But I'm driving.."

So anyway, in Australia, the government is really strict with the rules but at the same time, they set their speed limits really low. For example, it takes us about twenty minutes to drive from Subang to PJ. In Australia, that would like take us forty minutes. It literally takes us half the time to get to the same place. Why? Because while they travel at 50mph, we are travelling that same distance at a hundred. When Australians are travelling at 60, we are travelling at a hundred and twenty. By the time Australians travel at 70, we are going at a hundred and forty.

But then again, when there are traffic jams,... Australia has the upper hand. When there is a traffic jam, Australians dwindle down from 50 to 20. But Malaysians... we dwindle down from a hundred to 0.

When I was about fourteen, my church had a missions trip from KL to JB. And we were stuck in a traffic jam on the expressway. People were getting out of their cars. So did our driver. And after walking like five to ten minutes from where we were, he realized that an eighteen-wheeler or so which carried huge logs, had overturned and laid across all three lanes of the expressway, entirely blocking off the entire expressway and nobody could do anything about it.

After like an hour, the police, fire fighters and ambulance managed to squeeze their way through to the site and created a divergent using a lane from the other side of the expressway. This experience made me realize that if we just left on our journey a little earlier or drove a little faster, one of the vehicles in our team could have been involved in that accident but God spared us by His mercy and grace.

Yeah, so.. Speed kills. Malaysians may be faster but we have more accidents– and tragic ones. The slow and steady wins the race.

This reminds me of a time when my group of friends– all pastors kids, were travelling in a group of about four cars, driving from the IHOP in KL– the city– to one of the local churches in PJ, which is like a popular suburb near the city. It was like a half an hour's drive at that time of day. In our group, one of the drivers was a guy from Kulim. Kulim is like a little town in the middle of nowhere. The rest of us were from the city. I still remember, during that trip, how I was looking out for him because he always went missing.

"Where's Marcus? Did you see Marcus? He disappeared again!" I kept looking at the rear mirror, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

But as soon as he manages to catch up, he goes missing again. By the fifth time or so, I found myself saying, "Where's Kulim? Did you see Kulim? Kulim disappeared again! Where did that Kulim go?"

My navigator was trying to hold back her laughter and hide her face at the same time. She kept saying, "Oh no.. Don't call him that! Oh my goodness..."

But the time we arrived, I made big fun out of him, "Do you know what I was calling you in the car?"

He was rather crossed with me. Then, he started to share:

"Anna, do you know that when I was back in Kulim one day, I was driving with my mom beside me and we were going at like 40mph because that's how Kulim people drive. Out of a sudden, two boys came dashing out of nowhere into the middle of the road. But because I was driving at 40mph, I managed to jam my brakes in time. Anna, I could have killed someone that day."

It's true.. Speed kills. Kulim saves lives.





* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

My Mom's Wishes

My mom just told me that she wanted these songs for her funeral..

1. Let Me Be Worthy
2. Precious Child
3. Wind Beneath My Wings

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Last of 2008-2011

It's the last day of the year and it's time for me to tell you my successes, what I've accomplished this year and what I've learned, so here goes nothin' but my ramblings... because what you're going to read is in fact, my failures.

First off, it's been the shortest year for me - every year seems to get shorter - don't ask why, I have no clue. I guess it's because I'm enjoying a little bit more and more of my life. But the exact things that have caused me joys this year have caused me pains. I now end this wonderful year with a season of trials as I painfully learn from my errors. Everything has left me but in a daze and I honestly don't even want to reflect back on this years' blissful happenings.

To cut the long story short, I've had an amazing year because of a wonderful friend that I was just so caught up with for the past 4 years that I really never realized that this friendship was never from God in the first place. It was a one-sided friendship and he never really thought of me the same way I thought of him. All this while, he was probably just bearing with me. He never really saw me as a best friend although he meant the world to me. I've just been so disillusioned.

Now that I know that I am only a second-class friend, I've decided not to spend so much time with him anymore, not be a 'part of his family' anymore, not go to his house so often anymore. I did speak to his mother about this but she said "Anna, make sure that you don't come here so rarely until you are no more a part of us and until we are not used to you anymore or.. we become nothing but acquaintances." I just grunted. I didn't say anything because I am prepared to let go of everything, even if that means we will be nothing but acquaintances.

How can the very people who mean the world to me end up as an acquaintance? I was driving to PD from KL and I realized that there were a few stops on the way - the Sungai Besi Toll, Kota Kemuning, Nilai, Banting, Seremban, Springhill and then Lukut, which is in PD. I took the roads leading towards Sungai Besi and then realized that I was supposed to follow the signboards heading towards Seremban and Malacca instead of Sungai Besi although Sungai Besi was a milestone. Then I headed towards Kota Kemuning and got trapped somewhere at UPM because I was focused on them instead of Seremban and Malacca.

In the end, the lady at the toll there had to tell me to follow Johore Bharu - she mentioned it twice in Malay, "Follow Johore Bharu; Follow Johore Bharu". It was almost as if she was definite that I would turn aside. She was right. In no time, I saw the sign that said, "Alternate route to Seremban" totally leading me astray from the way that led to Johore Bharu. Then I realized how important messages from my mentors meant to me and I learned to appreciate their advice. Sometimes, I may not understand why they may be so hard on me - keep telling me the same things over and over but now I know - because they are so used to me getting distracted from my real focus - the Cross.

But the biggest lesson of all is that I was so preoccupied with the milestones that I wasted so much time there because I thought that if they were milestones then they would lead me to my destination - but the problem with milestones is that they are not the destination - they might not even be pitstops - they are just landmarks that I have to pass by - something to tell me that I'm heading in the right direction. But when I start to get caught up with them, then that's where my mistake lies - I am so caught up with the signs that You have positioned in my life -the little milestones - the wonderful people that You have put in my life so much that I stop and hang around so long with them that I am totally distracted from my journey - no, my journey was not supposed to end with them. They were just pleasant people You have put in my life to encourage me and to assure me that I am headed in the right direction - that I am following You correctly. I really shouldn't get so caught up until I can't move forward anymore.

For the past 4 years, I have been spending my time with this family who have really enriched my life in so many ways, and they mean so much to me, but really - they are just milestones - they are not my future. I don't have a future with them. You only put them here to bless me but now I have to move on. I cannot think that I will spend the rest of my life with any of them - I will not. It's time I said goodbye.

Yes, the friendship continues, but it is really hard for me at the moment to see them because the pain is just cutting in so deeply. All I can be is just a normal friend. Every time I see him,.. sigh. You know what I mean? All I can be is a good friend, but I really have to learn to control my emotions. Because when I see him I can get disillusioned so easily to think that he thinks of me as such a dear friend, when he actually doesn't. It's just something about him that keeps making me think that he needs me and wants me to be his close friend. That's all untrue. He doesn't need me - it was me who needed him the whole time. He has friends of his own and his computer games - he really doesn't need me and in fact, I wonder if he even realizes that I am gone. When I see the way he treats his REAL friends, I feel like a second-class friend.

To give up this one thing is to give up everything. So here goes everything...

PS: Jesus, take him - he's yours. And when I give, I won't ask back anymore. I know You want my heart and You want all of it. You know how much he means to me, so this is all of it. And there's nothing else in my heart - just this one thing.. it's filled up my whole heart. If You want my heart, I will give it to You - this is not sacrifice - this is merely obedience. I just hope I never fill my heart with anything else again but You because this is the most expensive price I've yet to pay for my mistakes. Please help me - I can't do this on my own. I need You.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

My heart for the ministry

Let me share something with you - every now and then, I see hundreds of young women lined up to be prayed for in a huge rally - crying, and me, praying for each one of them, crying with them, hugging them, ministering to them for inner healing. And I see their skin colour - they are not Chinese but they are Asians - I just don't know from which Southeast Asian country but they are tan and understand English. And something in me tells me that it is Philippines.

I have this strong feeling that I will be going to Philippines next year to minister to young people for a short time and then come back. I just don't know how or why. And lately I've had the invitation to go to Philippines about 3 times next year, 2 weeks each time, but I don't know what I am supposed to do there. I do hope that I will get the invitation to speak or pray for young women - youth. I think this is my calling. I don't know if it is just my calling for next year or my calling for my entire life - to minister to young people, but it is really burdening me right now and I think about it every now and then - something really aches me inside - I feel so much compassion for them - makes me want to go over there and pray for them right now.

And I keep asking God - God, when can I go? I want to minister to young people. I want to pray for them, lay hands on them, prophesy over them, cry with them, love them, give them a hug and tell them how much Jesus loves them and that everything is okay - that they don't have to cry anymore because there is a Father who really understands and loves them for who they are - that they don't have to be somebody they are not - that God created them perfect and how much He loves them - let Him heal their broken hearts, heal their hurts and rejection or whatever it is that they have.

This is my heart.

* tRUST and; OBey the LORD *

Sis Milla

I met a new person. Sister Milla - a Filipino from the US. She runs 7 companies. But it's really not about that.

It's the way she preaches - her passion for the Lord and for the souls. It's overwhelming. That was the first thing that really caught my attention - it was her passion - it set the whole room on fire.

It is very rare that I listen to someone preaching and such a passion burns in my heart and burns my soul from within, burns my eyes - it makes me feel like a sinner on one hand, and on the other hand - it makes me so desperate for that same passion. It's contagious.

The last time I heard such a preacher was Pastor Philip Mantofa from Indonesia. And that was because of his experience with the Lord, or so I thought. That deep passion burned and burned and burned. And in my heart, I can't stop the burning. Just remembering his preaching and seeing his tears and hearing his cry is a life transforming encounter.

Today was it again. She preached at the Kingdom Club. And just as we expected, she caught everyone's attention. I wanted to just soak up every word. I knew it wasn't her words. It reminds me a lot of the prophet Elijah - a pure mouthpiece of God - spoken every Word like it was spoken from the heart of God. This is something supernatural. It cannot be explained and definitely cannot be copied.

The Words were sharp. It really wasn't about her. It was about the things she said that pierced my heart. She talked about the way we work is a worship unto God - we must not cut corners. Sometimes, when I teach my kids, I kind of slack - I may not prepare my lessons well, then when the kids slack and waste time, I tend to let them have a go at it, then I keep looking at my watch and drag my feet to class almost every time.

She showed us the structure - the structure of Mighty Dove Foundation. I want to start a Millionaire Missionary Foundation. I want at least 7 companies of my own - here, let me tell you what the companies are:

Anna Grace Group of Companies Includes:

1. Blueberry and Cinnamon Cafe - Franchise, Food Industry
2. Annagrace Boutique - Franchise, Fashion Industry
3. Double One Hotel - MNC, Travel and Tourism Industry
4. Furniture Factory -  MNC; Design, Manufacturing and Logistics Industry
5. Underground Shopping Mall - Retail Industry
6. Handphone and Internet Service Provider - Telecommunications Industry
7. Property Developer - Real Estate Industry

This is aside from the company I own at the moment. This company that I am having now is in the midst of experimentation - because of the school that I want to build and I want this Anna Grace Group of Companies to fund my school. This is why my school is not included in this group of companies. The companies in AGC are all floating companies.

The Millionaire Missionary Foundation is to fund:

1. The Garden of Gethsemane and other schools
2. Pastors, Leaders and Missionaries
3. Charity and other mission work

Plus, I want to adopt Sis Milla's Diagram of Stewardship in these four areas: Word, Health, Wealth, and I can't remember what's the fourth one.

When we were at home, I went up to her as she was saying her goodbyes because she will be leaving tomorrow and I probably will not get the chance to see her again. I went up to her and I said, "Thank you for the anointing." She said, "I know, I was talking to you the whole time I was up there. I was talking to you." And I said, "I claim it. I claim the anointing."

But while she spoke to me, she prophesied without planning to. I always wanted that to happen to me - it's like God really wanted to talk to me so much.

She said, "By the end of next year, some people who were in that room, a lot of people who are in your church will be millionaires. Anna, you are coming out of the practice phase. Before the end of next year, you are going to see the finances pouring in. The practice is over. In fact, not just next year but in the next few months, you will begin to see it happening. This is the real thing. Practice is over. All this time, you have been laying the foundations and laying down the groundwork of how it is supposed to be done. The way you were doing it is correct. And the new phase is coming when you will see the finances pouring in."

And all I said was.. "Alright."

But I was in the shower and thinking - maybe she will want to invest. Then again, I think it totally defeats the purpose of it all - where's the fun if she just wrote me a cheque to cover it all? The whole point is about the journey. I have to discover it on my own. I have to get there by myself. I cannot take her money and invest it. That totally defeats the whole purpose - it wasn't about the money. It was about my journey with the Lord - my training.

If I could ask her for something, I'd rather ask her for the anointing to make that money than the money. I rather have the power to get wealth than the wealth. Then I thought again - no. There's something from her that I want more than the anointing. I want the passion - her passion for God.

I remember she was saying that the Word of God is like ice cream. We have to swim in it. We have to hear His breath breathing into our ears, His heartbeat. She was so close to the heart of the Father that I'd think she would disappear anytime and went missing like Enoch. I won't be surprised. Yes, it was that relationship I want - not the anointing, and definitely not the wealth.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Personal Prophecy

I am going to show you the destiny of youth because of the school that you want to build. You will be able to see their calling and their purposes.

2nd September 2011
When I gave birth(life) to you, it was for a purpose. I am calling you to reach out to youth in every sphere of society - go to the nations and reach out to different kinds of youth in every nation. Forget about the school for a while and just minister to them, minister to their needs, see their hearts and reach out to them. After that, you can build the school.

Don't look down on yourself or think that you are incapable of doing it. There is going to be a new wind of revival spirit that will carry you through to a new place. I am bringing forth that wind of revival, even now, at this moment, I am bringing into Southeast Asia - a new wave of my spirit. And it will even touch the hearts of youth right now. I am using you, I am sending you forth - go and catch this wave of revival and bring it back to my people. Behold, I am sending you. And I will send with you a team - a team that will go with you to bring that revival back. Go - and do not be hard hearted when you see the things appearing before you. But go with the fullness of Christ.

I am sending you as a light in a dark place. Don't be weary when you see the sudden change of events taking place in your family and with the people around you. I am causing a new thing to birth forth in the spiritual realm and it will affect the physical realm, even as it will affect you. It is the last days, says the Lord, and I am bringing all these things to past. At last, every knee will bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of all.

Behold, your heart will not grow faint and will not grow weary - I am the deciding factor that will bring you to reach your fullest potential. I am the Alpha and the Omega. I will see to it. I will determine what will happen, not you. I will increase your joy and your fullness. Behold, I am doing a new thing.

I didn't call you to evangelize. You have a specific calling - I am calling you to touch the hearts of youth across the nations. I am calling you to minister to My heart by ministering to these people because these people have a special place in My heart and I am calling you to them. You have touched a special place in God's heart. And this is what He wants for the youth. He wants you to touch their hearts too.

Be fruitful and multiply in every place that I have sent you. I will go before you.

You will see things and greater things than these will you see. Do not be afraid of what you will see - behold! I am doing a new thing. And I will use young men and young women to bring these things to past, saith the Lord. They will create such a revival that this world has never seen before and it will start with them. Behold, I am doing a new thing.

It is in this time and in this season that you will see greater things happening. Behold, I am fulfilling it!

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

25th Birthday Prophecy

By Joshua Sim

There is a decision that you are about to make and it is a very important decision, and God says that He wants you to make it a bold decision. Don't be afraid of the decision that you are about to make. He says you know what is the right decision to make and it is a long-term decision and it will determine your future.

By Linda Sim

There are opportunities for you, coming your way. And God will prosper you. You will reach a new level of intimacy with God. You are going to have such an intimacy with God.

By Faith

Open doors, God will open windows of opportunity for you, God is going to bless you.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

it really doesn't matter

Today was a bit interesting. Skipped dinner - didn't feel like eating. (Still haven't eaten, btw.) Hungry, yes, just no appetite. Woke up with a broken heart. No idea why.

Went to school to take the worship because today's Monday and at the end of everything, Phoebe asked me, "Anna, I feel really down today. Any idea why? Like, really, really down."

So I was like.. "Hmm... you're very sensitive.."

"Why?"

"Erm.. you were down when you woke up or as soon as you came?"

"Erm... as soon as I came."

"Oh.. I know why already," I grinned and retreated to my work.

"Why?"

I looked back at her, "well..." felt kinda uneasy, really didn't want to say it, because I knew it was my fault, "must be because of me."

"Why because of you?"

"Umm.. I woke up down.. erm.. yeah.. and I guess when you came in you could feel it, that's why I said, 'You're very sensitive'."

And she was like.. "err.... okay." And went off to class.

"Don't worry, you'll feel better when you get into the class," I called out behind her.

So I thought for a moment and wondered how terrible worship must've been for her to feel so down and it never picked up since she walked in. Felt really guilty.

Then You spoke to me about the brokenness and that I had to really give You my heart and let You keep it. And if anyone wants my heart, he'd just have to ask You for it, and You will only give it to the one that is deserving. I've had my share of broken heartedness and I believe it's enough.

The day continued and I found myself really tired the rest of the time - physically tired. Not sure if it was due to the physical pain I had because of muscle strain from the dance classes or because of the emotional pain I felt in my heart along with it the entire day. By the end of it, I gave up my replacement class with my student in Cheras because I was just too tired and hardly feeling well. I knew that if I continued to the end of the day, I would return home half dead, probably sleeping on the wheel, even. Plus, by the time I reached home, it would've been about ten-ish - late.

So I laid down on the bed and chatted with You a bit. And then You told me, "Jesus Loves you" And suddenly that really meant so much to me.. love. Was I really that loved? Wow.. It was like something I would want to paste all over facebook. I actually know what that means now.

Then, since I skipped dinner, I resorted to worshiping on my guitar. Even skipped a meeting my dad asked me to go to because he saw me stealing my laptop away from the living room while everyone else plus guests ate at the dining.

While worshiping, many things crossed my mind. Family members, leaders,.. Sigh. The horrendous moments I've had and the pressure on all sides. Sigh. Just thinking of it makes me sigh. So that's how my worship went.. hard-going at first, trying to figure out what my problem really was. And then it came...

I decided not to care anymore - what people said, what they thought of me - no matter who they were - family members, 'mentors', 'leaders', etc. I didn't care anymore. It's not that I didn't respect, honor and all. It's just that nobody's perfect. They say things that probably were not from You anyway. Not everything they say is true. I just have to learn to hear for myself. Certain things like.. "Why worship so loud in your room until everyone outside can hear you?" So I tried to keep it down. Or.. "What's wrong with you? Why did your worship leading go down?" "Have you been having your personal worship? How often have you had it?" All the negative thoughts came back to haunt me during my worship. How terrible is that? How to worship like that?! I couldn't do it. I felt terrible. Useless. Guilty, even, for singing so 'loud'.

I really didn't know what was wrong with me. So it came to a point in my worship when I couldn't care less anymore what they said and I just went on, and on and on and on and on... with all my heart, with all my strength, and I couldn't be bothered whether anyone outside the room heard me or not. I really couldn't be bothered anymore. I didn't care if I sang the same lines over and over and over again, or if I sang one 'meaningless' gibberish that didn't even make a word and was more of a sound than speech at the same tone continuously. Just couldn't be bothered anymore. But when I did that, I felt that I was getting somewhere..

And then I suddenly felt that You were pleased with my worship. For once. Not that it was a worship song, it was really a song about me.. "I need more of You, more of You" (and I felt guilty singing that song, really because it wasn't a worship song, so there it is again..) And then as I just played and played the guitar.. something hit me.. I started to cry. Just pouring my heart out, the pain, the hurts, the disappointment... everything.. like I was emptying my recycle bin.

Then something else came, "You are beautiful".. You said to me. It made me feel happy but I really thought I was getting distracted by nonsense, so I shoved it aside.

A vision appeared before me. I saw the boutique I really liked last time - Somerset Bay, in 1U. I have no idea why I saw it, but I did. And I saw a father who took a girl to pick out a dress. And as soon as that vision hit me, I started to cry. And as usual,.. I had no idea why I cried. But I saw her picking out her dress with glee but most of all, it wasn't about her. It was about her father that made me cry. I had no idea who they were. It's not like my own dad didn't take me out to buy dresses, he did. But this wasn't about that. It was the expression on his face and his attitude towards his daughter - he treated her like a princess.

What was it I missed? Wasn't I treated well? I really thought I was, really.. What was missing? Why did I cry?

Being humans, we try to reason out everything. But really, not everything was made to be reasoned out.

I couldn't figure it out. So I just played my guitar and went on..

Then I saw my own dad taking me to the changing room, but, no, it wasn't a dress. It was long white jeans and a light blue, long-sleeve polo shirt. All beggy, too. And there, I burst into the most awful cry ever.

Now.. this was not a memory. This never happened to me. It really wasn't something I was remembering. My dad didn't do that to me. What just happened? Why am I crying?

There it went again.. I was trying to reason out everything. Didn't work. Still couldn't figure it out.

So I brought You in to help me figure it out. And as I looked at myself in the mirror with the jeans and shirt nicely tucked in as I stood there, totally shocked. You stood behind me, smiling.

Smiling. That still didn't make sense. But it made me feel good. Why? (trying to reason again)

Because You were smiling at the person inside. It really had nothing to do with what I wore.

"He saw me wearing guy clothes and smiled at me. It really doesn't matter, does it?"

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

it's them

Come, let me tell you the pressures that I am really facing right now. Let me be honest and tell you the truth. Almost all my mentors are pressuring me to get married but the problem is no one is chasing me. Is it really my fault that I don't have a boyfriend? Their words echo, sinking into my head.

"Anna, you're getting older..", "You're old enough to get married, la...", "I want you to get married by 26...", "Do you want me to recommend anyone to you?", "Ask someone to recommend to you some guys...", "Anna, why don't you want to get married?", "You're getting older, you know that?"

Argh! I never thought this day will arrive but it finally did. The truth? Well, here's the truth:

I feel so hopeless right now. It's really not that I don't want to get married but I don't even have anyone on my list to consider, except for two really 'hopeless' guys that i wouldn't even want to put in my list, even if they had a big crush on me. (Trust me. Not ever going to be in the list.. EVER!)

And then there's this guy.. that I so really want to be with right now but will probably never have the chance with. I don't know but since I have nothing to loose anyway, I thought I might as well wait.. not like I have other options available, right? Why wait? Well, firstly because I don't go around chasing guys. Secondly, because I believe that if he's God's will for me that he'll come around. And thirdly,.. well... thirdly, because he's not my age.

There, you got me.. So I have to like wait super long but I guess it'll be worth it. It's really not that I am waiting but rather.. I got nowhere else to go anyway, so it's not that I'm being fussy. Plus, I just can't have feelings for anyone else the same way, so this is it, really. I think I've made my mind. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I don't mind a life being single forever. It's not me who will be disappointed anyway... it's them.




* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Advise myself

girls want guys who can be respected, is mature and yet loves them

This is what I told my students.. then I wondered.. how hard can it be to find a guy whom I respect and yet loves me? I guess it's mainly because of two reasons: one, I hardly respect guys. Secondly, not many guys love me. So that leaves me with two questions:

1. What kind of guys do I have respect for?
2. Why is it so hard for guys to like me?

The first is easy to answer: I find it hard to respect older guys because my expectation of them is much higher than who they really are. But I respect younger guys easily because I basically don't place any expectations on them. It can even go to the extend of hearing a guy's age and immediately loosing my respect for them just because they are older - like.. being old means being dumb and unreasonable.

But why is it so hard for guys to like me? This, I honestly have no idea - what do guys really look for? I see the girls around me being admired by guys, and these girls have so diverse personalities that really makes me wonder.. what is it in these girls that captures the hearts of guys? From the really popular girls to the sweetest and purest girl. I have no idea what it is that makes guys do anything for. It just doesn't make sense to me, and it's not like these guys really know these girls before they are head over heels in love with them. They say girls are complicated, but it seems to me that girls are so easy to understand - they only want guys whom they respect to like them - what is so hard about that? But guys.. I really don't understand.

Do guys want girls whom they respect as well? Maybe not in the same areas but in other areas? What are the areas that guys will respect a girl in? Looks? Does that mean that I must get a guy who looks uglier than me? Eww~ perhaps.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Which path to take after SPM?

Your parents have chosen a course that will most probably lead to great wealth and I have nothing against that. But it breaks my heart to see the path that they have chosen for you. I know your parents are godly people. They love God and have given their entire lives to serving God. They have suffered a lot in this world and are very concerned about your financial well being. But here I am concerned, about everything else.

One thing you have to know is that God wants your time more than your money. He rather you give him your time than to use that time to make money and then give him the money. It will only please me one day to see you involved in the ministry, giving both your time and your money to God. Because your whole life belongs to Him anyway. Nothing here belongs to us. Everything we have in this world is only borrowed. We came into this world naked and we go back naked. We carried nothing in and we will carry nothing out. You cannot carry anything back - not your favourite pillow, not your best shirt in your closet - nothing. Money is not something you can bring to heaven.

I am richer than you because I have given up everything - my life and my money for the kingdom of God. And my riches are in heaven. But you, you can earn all the money in this world, but you cannot bring it back. What good is it to a man if he was to gain the whole world and lose his own soul? The riches in this world is only temporary. But the riches in heaven lasts forever. So in the end, what can you bring back? Only what you have done for God and your relationship with God. Spend your life building up your relationship with God, because when you go to heaven, that is the only thing that matters. That's the only thing you really bring back. That's the only thing that God wants to see. Even if you spent your whole life serving God in the ministry, all the things that you do for God in your entire lifetime added up cannot compare to the importance of your relationship with Him. To God, it is all about your relationship with Him. He doesn't need your money, doesn't even need your life or your ministry. Just your love.

The Bible said it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God because he has everything to give up and he has to give up everything. What's the use of money but for the kingdom of God? God will only give you money if you have something to use it for. If not, why should he give it to you? Is there something you have in mind to use the money for? Did he tell you that He wants that money? Then what is that money for? If you don't know, then don't work for it. You're just wasting your life. It is better for you having not lived than to spend your whole life on money instead of investing it in the kingdom of God. That will be one really wasted life because in the end, it will amount to nothing.

Yes, we can buy luxurious things, but only keep what belongs to us. You have to know that the money that God gives you does not belong to you. Take only what you need. With great wealth comes great responsibility, terms and conditions. And until and unless God has called you into that ministry of drawing in the wealth, then I do not suggest you do it for the rest of your life because just as entering the full time ministry is a calling, so entering the marketplace ministry is a calling, not a last resort. Always be sure you know your calling. We both know your brother was called into the marketplace, but not so sure about you.

Everything we do is all about calling. If God didn't call, don't go. If their motive in choosing that course for you is for the money and if your main motive of choosing that course is because that is what your parents want you to do then I suggest you fast and pray about it before you make such a major decision based on - if I may - shallow reasons. I think it is about time you hear God for yourself than to depend on your parent's relationship with God. If you can't hear God, then you are in a very dangerous place. And if this doesn't concern you, nothing will. The most basic foundation in Christianity is the ability to hear from God independently. Work on that and all your problems are solved. And if you need help, you know I'm always here to help you. This is the most important thing in life. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Riches. Riches are only good for one thing - to give. And if you are not the generous type, then this is not your calling. The most important thing about receiving greatly is the ability to give greatly. That's how you know if you have that calling. That's how I knew I had the calling for the marketplace. Is generosity one of your gifts? If it isn't, you have two choices - you either work on your giving or you find out your true calling. If you don't do that, you are heaping up curses for yourself which you wouldn't want. There are tons of verses in the Bible against rich people who don't share their wealth and I do not want you to end up like one of them.

When God calls, he gives a vision. I always ask people - where does vision come from? Yes, I know it comes from God, but what does God use to spark vision? - Needs. Where there is a need, there is a purpose and where there is a purpose, there is a vision. Where is your heart? Forget about the passion of hobby. Where is your heart? Where is the burden? The passion that God has placed in your heart. The passion that was first in His. I am not talking about the passion for music. I am talking about the passion for worship. I am not talking about the passion for art. I am talking about the passion of touching the next generation. I am not talking about the passion for education. I am talking about the passion in changing the world. There is a big difference between ministry and compassion. Just like there is a difference between theology and God's word. Perhaps passion is not so the word, but burden. Find that out. Which part of God's heart has He placed within you? What breaks your heart which so evidently would break His? What makes you lie awake on your bed at night full of concern and rage? What disturbs you?

If I followed my heart and did the things I only LIKED to do, I wouldn't be in education. I would be busy drawing, fulling the desires of my soul to the max and wasting my precious life away, struggling in my own fantasies of what I think passion is all about. No. There is a different passion. A passion for God and a passion for people. If you don't have a passion for people, then work on your passion for God because all those who love God love people. Because God loves people. There is no man of God who does not have a heart for people. We cannot say we love God and have no love for people. So if you don't have love for people, dig deep in the love of God and don't give up until you find intimacy with God.

Start your journey from the heart of God. From there, you will know what to do.

Once you have touched the heart of God, then you will know the heart of God. The same thing that breaks His heart will break yours and you will know your calling. If you want to touch the heart of God, worship. For hours and days if you have to. Just don't give up. All the best.

PS: If you need anything, you know where to find me.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

I love you and I love you too

The Shulamite:
I never believed in love at first sight until I met you.. As soon as I saw you, I knew what I wanted. I wished. The moment I saw you, it was as if I had known you all my life, and yet I knew that I was going to love you forever..

Little did I know how much you touched my life. Everything about you is a treasure, set apart for something special, and yet, I don't know what. Your life is a mystery. I admire you. There is nobody like you. And I know that if I were to search the world around, and turn it upside down, there will be no one, even a fraction of who you are.

The Beloved:
I wish you knew. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. Who can believe this? That I managed to find so great a treasure? And that treasure is you.

The Shulamite:
You're amazing. Your face illuminates the sky. It's like the most precious jewel ever crafted in the hands of God, more precious than diamonds. How can something so perfect be real?

Your voice is like an angel's. I wonder why no one ever realized that before.. or is it just me? When you call my name, it is as if my dreams came true. For a second there, I gasp, almost in disbelief. It's as if it was the only thing I ever wanted.

Everyday, I wait to see your smile, and when I do, it's like I'm in a daze. In a split second, I'm 7 feet above the ground just because you smiled at me. What made you smile? When will you ever smile at me like that again? But you do it, just the same. And it makes me feel funny all over and it makes me feel like I just want to love you forever..

When you're right beside me, it's like I'm right where I belong. Time flies and before I know it, it's over... all the moments I've enjoyed.. years that seemed like days just fade away in the distance. Everything but now.. and now, if ever, I see a glimpse of you smiling at me.. you can be sure that I'm treasuring every moment of it.

You're just so pure.

I love you... ♥


The Beloved:
The love that I have for you can't be denied. There is no way I'd ever say that I don't love you because I love you.

I know all your weaknesses, but I still love you as though you didn't have any. None of it matters. You can say and do anything you want, and make all the mistakes that hurt me but I will always love you and I'm sure of that. Nothing you can do can make me love you less. Not even a single bit less.

I'm just so sure of what I want, and I know that it's you. You're all I want. There's nothing and no one else that I desire more than you.

The Shulamite:
I'd do anything for you. If I have to change every single thing about myself for you, I would. What I want, who I am. It all just doesn't matter to me anymore.

The Beloved:
And even after everything I've done for you, if you still don't love me at all, I'll still love you.

If I can paint my love for you on every sky and every mountain and on every living thing, it would be too little. I want to do so much more for you.

If I have to contain my love for you any longer, I think I'm just going to blow up. I have to tell you. Somehow.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *