Last of 2008-2011

It's the last day of the year and it's time for me to tell you my successes, what I've accomplished this year and what I've learned, so here goes nothin' but my ramblings... because what you're going to read is in fact, my failures.

First off, it's been the shortest year for me - every year seems to get shorter - don't ask why, I have no clue. I guess it's because I'm enjoying a little bit more and more of my life. But the exact things that have caused me joys this year have caused me pains. I now end this wonderful year with a season of trials as I painfully learn from my errors. Everything has left me but in a daze and I honestly don't even want to reflect back on this years' blissful happenings.

To cut the long story short, I've had an amazing year because of a wonderful friend that I was just so caught up with for the past 4 years that I really never realized that this friendship was never from God in the first place. It was a one-sided friendship and he never really thought of me the same way I thought of him. All this while, he was probably just bearing with me. He never really saw me as a best friend although he meant the world to me. I've just been so disillusioned.

Now that I know that I am only a second-class friend, I've decided not to spend so much time with him anymore, not be a 'part of his family' anymore, not go to his house so often anymore. I did speak to his mother about this but she said "Anna, make sure that you don't come here so rarely until you are no more a part of us and until we are not used to you anymore or.. we become nothing but acquaintances." I just grunted. I didn't say anything because I am prepared to let go of everything, even if that means we will be nothing but acquaintances.

How can the very people who mean the world to me end up as an acquaintance? I was driving to PD from KL and I realized that there were a few stops on the way - the Sungai Besi Toll, Kota Kemuning, Nilai, Banting, Seremban, Springhill and then Lukut, which is in PD. I took the roads leading towards Sungai Besi and then realized that I was supposed to follow the signboards heading towards Seremban and Malacca instead of Sungai Besi although Sungai Besi was a milestone. Then I headed towards Kota Kemuning and got trapped somewhere at UPM because I was focused on them instead of Seremban and Malacca.

In the end, the lady at the toll there had to tell me to follow Johore Bharu - she mentioned it twice in Malay, "Follow Johore Bharu; Follow Johore Bharu". It was almost as if she was definite that I would turn aside. She was right. In no time, I saw the sign that said, "Alternate route to Seremban" totally leading me astray from the way that led to Johore Bharu. Then I realized how important messages from my mentors meant to me and I learned to appreciate their advice. Sometimes, I may not understand why they may be so hard on me - keep telling me the same things over and over but now I know - because they are so used to me getting distracted from my real focus - the Cross.

But the biggest lesson of all is that I was so preoccupied with the milestones that I wasted so much time there because I thought that if they were milestones then they would lead me to my destination - but the problem with milestones is that they are not the destination - they might not even be pitstops - they are just landmarks that I have to pass by - something to tell me that I'm heading in the right direction. But when I start to get caught up with them, then that's where my mistake lies - I am so caught up with the signs that You have positioned in my life -the little milestones - the wonderful people that You have put in my life so much that I stop and hang around so long with them that I am totally distracted from my journey - no, my journey was not supposed to end with them. They were just pleasant people You have put in my life to encourage me and to assure me that I am headed in the right direction - that I am following You correctly. I really shouldn't get so caught up until I can't move forward anymore.

For the past 4 years, I have been spending my time with this family who have really enriched my life in so many ways, and they mean so much to me, but really - they are just milestones - they are not my future. I don't have a future with them. You only put them here to bless me but now I have to move on. I cannot think that I will spend the rest of my life with any of them - I will not. It's time I said goodbye.

Yes, the friendship continues, but it is really hard for me at the moment to see them because the pain is just cutting in so deeply. All I can be is just a normal friend. Every time I see him,.. sigh. You know what I mean? All I can be is a good friend, but I really have to learn to control my emotions. Because when I see him I can get disillusioned so easily to think that he thinks of me as such a dear friend, when he actually doesn't. It's just something about him that keeps making me think that he needs me and wants me to be his close friend. That's all untrue. He doesn't need me - it was me who needed him the whole time. He has friends of his own and his computer games - he really doesn't need me and in fact, I wonder if he even realizes that I am gone. When I see the way he treats his REAL friends, I feel like a second-class friend.

To give up this one thing is to give up everything. So here goes everything...

PS: Jesus, take him - he's yours. And when I give, I won't ask back anymore. I know You want my heart and You want all of it. You know how much he means to me, so this is all of it. And there's nothing else in my heart - just this one thing.. it's filled up my whole heart. If You want my heart, I will give it to You - this is not sacrifice - this is merely obedience. I just hope I never fill my heart with anything else again but You because this is the most expensive price I've yet to pay for my mistakes. Please help me - I can't do this on my own. I need You.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

My heart for the ministry

Let me share something with you - every now and then, I see hundreds of young women lined up to be prayed for in a huge rally - crying, and me, praying for each one of them, crying with them, hugging them, ministering to them for inner healing. And I see their skin colour - they are not Chinese but they are Asians - I just don't know from which Southeast Asian country but they are tan and understand English. And something in me tells me that it is Philippines.

I have this strong feeling that I will be going to Philippines next year to minister to young people for a short time and then come back. I just don't know how or why. And lately I've had the invitation to go to Philippines about 3 times next year, 2 weeks each time, but I don't know what I am supposed to do there. I do hope that I will get the invitation to speak or pray for young women - youth. I think this is my calling. I don't know if it is just my calling for next year or my calling for my entire life - to minister to young people, but it is really burdening me right now and I think about it every now and then - something really aches me inside - I feel so much compassion for them - makes me want to go over there and pray for them right now.

And I keep asking God - God, when can I go? I want to minister to young people. I want to pray for them, lay hands on them, prophesy over them, cry with them, love them, give them a hug and tell them how much Jesus loves them and that everything is okay - that they don't have to cry anymore because there is a Father who really understands and loves them for who they are - that they don't have to be somebody they are not - that God created them perfect and how much He loves them - let Him heal their broken hearts, heal their hurts and rejection or whatever it is that they have.

This is my heart.

* tRUST and; OBey the LORD *

Sis Milla

I met a new person. Sister Milla - a Filipino from the US. She runs 7 companies. But it's really not about that.

It's the way she preaches - her passion for the Lord and for the souls. It's overwhelming. That was the first thing that really caught my attention - it was her passion - it set the whole room on fire.

It is very rare that I listen to someone preaching and such a passion burns in my heart and burns my soul from within, burns my eyes - it makes me feel like a sinner on one hand, and on the other hand - it makes me so desperate for that same passion. It's contagious.

The last time I heard such a preacher was Pastor Philip Mantofa from Indonesia. And that was because of his experience with the Lord, or so I thought. That deep passion burned and burned and burned. And in my heart, I can't stop the burning. Just remembering his preaching and seeing his tears and hearing his cry is a life transforming encounter.

Today was it again. She preached at the Kingdom Club. And just as we expected, she caught everyone's attention. I wanted to just soak up every word. I knew it wasn't her words. It reminds me a lot of the prophet Elijah - a pure mouthpiece of God - spoken every Word like it was spoken from the heart of God. This is something supernatural. It cannot be explained and definitely cannot be copied.

The Words were sharp. It really wasn't about her. It was about the things she said that pierced my heart. She talked about the way we work is a worship unto God - we must not cut corners. Sometimes, when I teach my kids, I kind of slack - I may not prepare my lessons well, then when the kids slack and waste time, I tend to let them have a go at it, then I keep looking at my watch and drag my feet to class almost every time.

She showed us the structure - the structure of Mighty Dove Foundation. I want to start a Millionaire Missionary Foundation. I want at least 7 companies of my own - here, let me tell you what the companies are:

Anna Grace Group of Companies Includes:

1. Blueberry and Cinnamon Cafe - Franchise, Food Industry
2. Annagrace Boutique - Franchise, Fashion Industry
3. Double One Hotel - MNC, Travel and Tourism Industry
4. Furniture Factory -  MNC; Design, Manufacturing and Logistics Industry
5. Underground Shopping Mall - Retail Industry
6. Handphone and Internet Service Provider - Telecommunications Industry
7. Property Developer - Real Estate Industry

This is aside from the company I own at the moment. This company that I am having now is in the midst of experimentation - because of the school that I want to build and I want this Anna Grace Group of Companies to fund my school. This is why my school is not included in this group of companies. The companies in AGC are all floating companies.

The Millionaire Missionary Foundation is to fund:

1. The Garden of Gethsemane and other schools
2. Pastors, Leaders and Missionaries
3. Charity and other mission work

Plus, I want to adopt Sis Milla's Diagram of Stewardship in these four areas: Word, Health, Wealth, and I can't remember what's the fourth one.

When we were at home, I went up to her as she was saying her goodbyes because she will be leaving tomorrow and I probably will not get the chance to see her again. I went up to her and I said, "Thank you for the anointing." She said, "I know, I was talking to you the whole time I was up there. I was talking to you." And I said, "I claim it. I claim the anointing."

But while she spoke to me, she prophesied without planning to. I always wanted that to happen to me - it's like God really wanted to talk to me so much.

She said, "By the end of next year, some people who were in that room, a lot of people who are in your church will be millionaires. Anna, you are coming out of the practice phase. Before the end of next year, you are going to see the finances pouring in. The practice is over. In fact, not just next year but in the next few months, you will begin to see it happening. This is the real thing. Practice is over. All this time, you have been laying the foundations and laying down the groundwork of how it is supposed to be done. The way you were doing it is correct. And the new phase is coming when you will see the finances pouring in."

And all I said was.. "Alright."

But I was in the shower and thinking - maybe she will want to invest. Then again, I think it totally defeats the purpose of it all - where's the fun if she just wrote me a cheque to cover it all? The whole point is about the journey. I have to discover it on my own. I have to get there by myself. I cannot take her money and invest it. That totally defeats the whole purpose - it wasn't about the money. It was about my journey with the Lord - my training.

If I could ask her for something, I'd rather ask her for the anointing to make that money than the money. I rather have the power to get wealth than the wealth. Then I thought again - no. There's something from her that I want more than the anointing. I want the passion - her passion for God.

I remember she was saying that the Word of God is like ice cream. We have to swim in it. We have to hear His breath breathing into our ears, His heartbeat. She was so close to the heart of the Father that I'd think she would disappear anytime and went missing like Enoch. I won't be surprised. Yes, it was that relationship I want - not the anointing, and definitely not the wealth.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Personal Prophecy

I am going to show you the destiny of youth because of the school that you want to build. You will be able to see their calling and their purposes.

2nd September 2011
When I gave birth(life) to you, it was for a purpose. I am calling you to reach out to youth in every sphere of society - go to the nations and reach out to different kinds of youth in every nation. Forget about the school for a while and just minister to them, minister to their needs, see their hearts and reach out to them. After that, you can build the school.

Don't look down on yourself or think that you are incapable of doing it. There is going to be a new wind of revival spirit that will carry you through to a new place. I am bringing forth that wind of revival, even now, at this moment, I am bringing into Southeast Asia - a new wave of my spirit. And it will even touch the hearts of youth right now. I am using you, I am sending you forth - go and catch this wave of revival and bring it back to my people. Behold, I am sending you. And I will send with you a team - a team that will go with you to bring that revival back. Go - and do not be hard hearted when you see the things appearing before you. But go with the fullness of Christ.

I am sending you as a light in a dark place. Don't be weary when you see the sudden change of events taking place in your family and with the people around you. I am causing a new thing to birth forth in the spiritual realm and it will affect the physical realm, even as it will affect you. It is the last days, says the Lord, and I am bringing all these things to past. At last, every knee will bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of all.

Behold, your heart will not grow faint and will not grow weary - I am the deciding factor that will bring you to reach your fullest potential. I am the Alpha and the Omega. I will see to it. I will determine what will happen, not you. I will increase your joy and your fullness. Behold, I am doing a new thing.

I didn't call you to evangelize. You have a specific calling - I am calling you to touch the hearts of youth across the nations. I am calling you to minister to My heart by ministering to these people because these people have a special place in My heart and I am calling you to them. You have touched a special place in God's heart. And this is what He wants for the youth. He wants you to touch their hearts too.

Be fruitful and multiply in every place that I have sent you. I will go before you.

You will see things and greater things than these will you see. Do not be afraid of what you will see - behold! I am doing a new thing. And I will use young men and young women to bring these things to past, saith the Lord. They will create such a revival that this world has never seen before and it will start with them. Behold, I am doing a new thing.

It is in this time and in this season that you will see greater things happening. Behold, I am fulfilling it!

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

25th Birthday Prophecy

By Joshua Sim

There is a decision that you are about to make and it is a very important decision, and God says that He wants you to make it a bold decision. Don't be afraid of the decision that you are about to make. He says you know what is the right decision to make and it is a long-term decision and it will determine your future.

By Linda Sim

There are opportunities for you, coming your way. And God will prosper you. You will reach a new level of intimacy with God. You are going to have such an intimacy with God.

By Faith

Open doors, God will open windows of opportunity for you, God is going to bless you.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

it really doesn't matter

Today was a bit interesting. Skipped dinner - didn't feel like eating. (Still haven't eaten, btw.) Hungry, yes, just no appetite. Woke up with a broken heart. No idea why.

Went to school to take the worship because today's Monday and at the end of everything, Phoebe asked me, "Anna, I feel really down today. Any idea why? Like, really, really down."

So I was like.. "Hmm... you're very sensitive.."

"Why?"

"Erm.. you were down when you woke up or as soon as you came?"

"Erm... as soon as I came."

"Oh.. I know why already," I grinned and retreated to my work.

"Why?"

I looked back at her, "well..." felt kinda uneasy, really didn't want to say it, because I knew it was my fault, "must be because of me."

"Why because of you?"

"Umm.. I woke up down.. erm.. yeah.. and I guess when you came in you could feel it, that's why I said, 'You're very sensitive'."

And she was like.. "err.... okay." And went off to class.

"Don't worry, you'll feel better when you get into the class," I called out behind her.

So I thought for a moment and wondered how terrible worship must've been for her to feel so down and it never picked up since she walked in. Felt really guilty.

Then You spoke to me about the brokenness and that I had to really give You my heart and let You keep it. And if anyone wants my heart, he'd just have to ask You for it, and You will only give it to the one that is deserving. I've had my share of broken heartedness and I believe it's enough.

The day continued and I found myself really tired the rest of the time - physically tired. Not sure if it was due to the physical pain I had because of muscle strain from the dance classes or because of the emotional pain I felt in my heart along with it the entire day. By the end of it, I gave up my replacement class with my student in Cheras because I was just too tired and hardly feeling well. I knew that if I continued to the end of the day, I would return home half dead, probably sleeping on the wheel, even. Plus, by the time I reached home, it would've been about ten-ish - late.

So I laid down on the bed and chatted with You a bit. And then You told me, "Jesus Loves you" And suddenly that really meant so much to me.. love. Was I really that loved? Wow.. It was like something I would want to paste all over facebook. I actually know what that means now.

Then, since I skipped dinner, I resorted to worshiping on my guitar. Even skipped a meeting my dad asked me to go to because he saw me stealing my laptop away from the living room while everyone else plus guests ate at the dining.

While worshiping, many things crossed my mind. Family members, leaders,.. Sigh. The horrendous moments I've had and the pressure on all sides. Sigh. Just thinking of it makes me sigh. So that's how my worship went.. hard-going at first, trying to figure out what my problem really was. And then it came...

I decided not to care anymore - what people said, what they thought of me - no matter who they were - family members, 'mentors', 'leaders', etc. I didn't care anymore. It's not that I didn't respect, honor and all. It's just that nobody's perfect. They say things that probably were not from You anyway. Not everything they say is true. I just have to learn to hear for myself. Certain things like.. "Why worship so loud in your room until everyone outside can hear you?" So I tried to keep it down. Or.. "What's wrong with you? Why did your worship leading go down?" "Have you been having your personal worship? How often have you had it?" All the negative thoughts came back to haunt me during my worship. How terrible is that? How to worship like that?! I couldn't do it. I felt terrible. Useless. Guilty, even, for singing so 'loud'.

I really didn't know what was wrong with me. So it came to a point in my worship when I couldn't care less anymore what they said and I just went on, and on and on and on and on... with all my heart, with all my strength, and I couldn't be bothered whether anyone outside the room heard me or not. I really couldn't be bothered anymore. I didn't care if I sang the same lines over and over and over again, or if I sang one 'meaningless' gibberish that didn't even make a word and was more of a sound than speech at the same tone continuously. Just couldn't be bothered anymore. But when I did that, I felt that I was getting somewhere..

And then I suddenly felt that You were pleased with my worship. For once. Not that it was a worship song, it was really a song about me.. "I need more of You, more of You" (and I felt guilty singing that song, really because it wasn't a worship song, so there it is again..) And then as I just played and played the guitar.. something hit me.. I started to cry. Just pouring my heart out, the pain, the hurts, the disappointment... everything.. like I was emptying my recycle bin.

Then something else came, "You are beautiful".. You said to me. It made me feel happy but I really thought I was getting distracted by nonsense, so I shoved it aside.

A vision appeared before me. I saw the boutique I really liked last time - Somerset Bay, in 1U. I have no idea why I saw it, but I did. And I saw a father who took a girl to pick out a dress. And as soon as that vision hit me, I started to cry. And as usual,.. I had no idea why I cried. But I saw her picking out her dress with glee but most of all, it wasn't about her. It was about her father that made me cry. I had no idea who they were. It's not like my own dad didn't take me out to buy dresses, he did. But this wasn't about that. It was the expression on his face and his attitude towards his daughter - he treated her like a princess.

What was it I missed? Wasn't I treated well? I really thought I was, really.. What was missing? Why did I cry?

Being humans, we try to reason out everything. But really, not everything was made to be reasoned out.

I couldn't figure it out. So I just played my guitar and went on..

Then I saw my own dad taking me to the changing room, but, no, it wasn't a dress. It was long white jeans and a light blue, long-sleeve polo shirt. All beggy, too. And there, I burst into the most awful cry ever.

Now.. this was not a memory. This never happened to me. It really wasn't something I was remembering. My dad didn't do that to me. What just happened? Why am I crying?

There it went again.. I was trying to reason out everything. Didn't work. Still couldn't figure it out.

So I brought You in to help me figure it out. And as I looked at myself in the mirror with the jeans and shirt nicely tucked in as I stood there, totally shocked. You stood behind me, smiling.

Smiling. That still didn't make sense. But it made me feel good. Why? (trying to reason again)

Because You were smiling at the person inside. It really had nothing to do with what I wore.

"He saw me wearing guy clothes and smiled at me. It really doesn't matter, does it?"

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

it's them

Come, let me tell you the pressures that I am really facing right now. Let me be honest and tell you the truth. Almost all my mentors are pressuring me to get married but the problem is no one is chasing me. Is it really my fault that I don't have a boyfriend? Their words echo, sinking into my head.

"Anna, you're getting older..", "You're old enough to get married, la...", "I want you to get married by 26...", "Do you want me to recommend anyone to you?", "Ask someone to recommend to you some guys...", "Anna, why don't you want to get married?", "You're getting older, you know that?"

Argh! I never thought this day will arrive but it finally did. The truth? Well, here's the truth:

I feel so hopeless right now. It's really not that I don't want to get married but I don't even have anyone on my list to consider, except for two really 'hopeless' guys that i wouldn't even want to put in my list, even if they had a big crush on me. (Trust me. Not ever going to be in the list.. EVER!)

And then there's this guy.. that I so really want to be with right now but will probably never have the chance with. I don't know but since I have nothing to loose anyway, I thought I might as well wait.. not like I have other options available, right? Why wait? Well, firstly because I don't go around chasing guys. Secondly, because I believe that if he's God's will for me that he'll come around. And thirdly,.. well... thirdly, because he's not my age.

There, you got me.. So I have to like wait super long but I guess it'll be worth it. It's really not that I am waiting but rather.. I got nowhere else to go anyway, so it's not that I'm being fussy. Plus, I just can't have feelings for anyone else the same way, so this is it, really. I think I've made my mind. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I don't mind a life being single forever. It's not me who will be disappointed anyway... it's them.




* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

argh

He's going to break my heart and I'm just waiting for the day... so close yet so far. I wish I could tell you everything that is in my heart. You're like a best friend. I still can't believe that day when you denied it. How could you have done it? Do you know how much I loved you? You broke my heart into a million pieces but I love you so much that I'm willing to do it all again just so that I can spend another day with you, even knowing that you won't be here for long.. When I asked God to show me how much He loved me, I didn't expect it to be this painful, and it's only a glimpse of how hurt Jesus must have been everytime I drew far away from Him. I loved you so much and I love you still.. if I could say it a million times, I'd say it.. everyday. I don't know why I love you. There's just something about you that can't be explained. And all I wanted was another day with you, another hour.. another minute.. another second. I'm just waiting for that day when I see you leave without ever knowing that I love you - without the slightest clue.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Advise myself

girls want guys who can be respected, is mature and yet loves them

This is what I told my students.. then I wondered.. how hard can it be to find a guy whom I respect and yet loves me? I guess it's mainly because of two reasons: one, I hardly respect guys. Secondly, not many guys love me. So that leaves me with two questions:

1. What kind of guys do I have respect for?
2. Why is it so hard for guys to like me?

The first is easy to answer: I find it hard to respect older guys because my expectation of them is much higher than who they really are. But I respect younger guys easily because I basically don't place any expectations on them. It can even go to the extend of hearing a guy's age and immediately loosing my respect for them just because they are older - like.. being old means being dumb and unreasonable.

But why is it so hard for guys to like me? This, I honestly have no idea - what do guys really look for? I see the girls around me being admired by guys, and these girls have so diverse personalities that really makes me wonder.. what is it in these girls that captures the hearts of guys? From the really popular girls to the sweetest and purest girl. I have no idea what it is that makes guys do anything for. It just doesn't make sense to me, and it's not like these guys really know these girls before they are head over heels in love with them. They say girls are complicated, but it seems to me that girls are so easy to understand - they only want guys whom they respect to like them - what is so hard about that? But guys.. I really don't understand.

Do guys want girls whom they respect as well? Maybe not in the same areas but in other areas? What are the areas that guys will respect a girl in? Looks? Does that mean that I must get a guy who looks uglier than me? Eww~ perhaps.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

the boy i knew...

It's been three years and you've grown so much. You're not the same boy I knew three years ago. You're a man now. You're responsible, hardworking, reliable, and all that. I wonder what happened to the boy...
But I like who you are now. And I'm amazed. Seriously. Even spiritually, I see so many good things about you that I didn't take into account before. I'm sorry for all the times when I took you for granted but most of all, I'm sorry I let you go so easily.

I always wanted someone perfect. I thought if I let you go, and if you're God's will then you'd come back one day. And I just didn't put any effort in to work it out - my low self confidence at that time teamed up with my desire for perfection. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you enough to change.

I know you've changed but I don't know about me. I'll let you be the judge of that. But deep inside, I still think that I'm not good enough for you. That's to be honest but one thing I've changed is that at least this time, I think that you don't have to be perfect, because it's not perfection that I want anymore.

Thank you for tolerating my presence all this while. I always thought that I was a nuisance to you and to your privacy, but these few years, I've literally seen you grow. And I can still be surprised and am surprised that I am surprised. I've seen it all - the good and the bad. I've seen the parts about you that I hate the most but I've also seen the parts that I loved the most, but all this time, I didn't for a minute dare to think that anything will ever happen again between us.

It really shouldn't. I mean, after everything I've been through - wasn't that bad enough? I thought there was an agreement that we will go our separate ways? I agreed. I believed when I did. I didn't meant to love you again. I'm sorry. But you've grown so much.

You're a different person now. The person I know now and the person I knew then are two totally different people. The person then was only a boy. You're a totally different person and even I can see it. I don't want the boy last time, but I do want the guy now.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Which path to take after SPM?

Your parents have chosen a course that will most probably lead to great wealth and I have nothing against that. But it breaks my heart to see the path that they have chosen for you. I know your parents are godly people. They love God and have given their entire lives to serving God. They have suffered a lot in this world and are very concerned about your financial well being. But here I am concerned, about everything else.

One thing you have to know is that God wants your time more than your money. He rather you give him your time than to use that time to make money and then give him the money. It will only please me one day to see you involved in the ministry, giving both your time and your money to God. Because your whole life belongs to Him anyway. Nothing here belongs to us. Everything we have in this world is only borrowed. We came into this world naked and we go back naked. We carried nothing in and we will carry nothing out. You cannot carry anything back - not your favourite pillow, not your best shirt in your closet - nothing. Money is not something you can bring to heaven.

I am richer than you because I have given up everything - my life and my money for the kingdom of God. And my riches are in heaven. But you, you can earn all the money in this world, but you cannot bring it back. What good is it to a man if he was to gain the whole world and lose his own soul? The riches in this world is only temporary. But the riches in heaven lasts forever. So in the end, what can you bring back? Only what you have done for God and your relationship with God. Spend your life building up your relationship with God, because when you go to heaven, that is the only thing that matters. That's the only thing you really bring back. That's the only thing that God wants to see. Even if you spent your whole life serving God in the ministry, all the things that you do for God in your entire lifetime added up cannot compare to the importance of your relationship with Him. To God, it is all about your relationship with Him. He doesn't need your money, doesn't even need your life or your ministry. Just your love.

The Bible said it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God because he has everything to give up and he has to give up everything. What's the use of money but for the kingdom of God? God will only give you money if you have something to use it for. If not, why should he give it to you? Is there something you have in mind to use the money for? Did he tell you that He wants that money? Then what is that money for? If you don't know, then don't work for it. You're just wasting your life. It is better for you having not lived than to spend your whole life on money instead of investing it in the kingdom of God. That will be one really wasted life because in the end, it will amount to nothing.

Yes, we can buy luxurious things, but only keep what belongs to us. You have to know that the money that God gives you does not belong to you. Take only what you need. With great wealth comes great responsibility, terms and conditions. And until and unless God has called you into that ministry of drawing in the wealth, then I do not suggest you do it for the rest of your life because just as entering the full time ministry is a calling, so entering the marketplace ministry is a calling, not a last resort. Always be sure you know your calling. We both know your brother was called into the marketplace, but not so sure about you.

Everything we do is all about calling. If God didn't call, don't go. If their motive in choosing that course for you is for the money and if your main motive of choosing that course is because that is what your parents want you to do then I suggest you fast and pray about it before you make such a major decision based on - if I may - shallow reasons. I think it is about time you hear God for yourself than to depend on your parent's relationship with God. If you can't hear God, then you are in a very dangerous place. And if this doesn't concern you, nothing will. The most basic foundation in Christianity is the ability to hear from God independently. Work on that and all your problems are solved. And if you need help, you know I'm always here to help you. This is the most important thing in life. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Riches. Riches are only good for one thing - to give. And if you are not the generous type, then this is not your calling. The most important thing about receiving greatly is the ability to give greatly. That's how you know if you have that calling. That's how I knew I had the calling for the marketplace. Is generosity one of your gifts? If it isn't, you have two choices - you either work on your giving or you find out your true calling. If you don't do that, you are heaping up curses for yourself which you wouldn't want. There are tons of verses in the Bible against rich people who don't share their wealth and I do not want you to end up like one of them.

When God calls, he gives a vision. I always ask people - where does vision come from? Yes, I know it comes from God, but what does God use to spark vision? - Needs. Where there is a need, there is a purpose and where there is a purpose, there is a vision. Where is your heart? Forget about the passion of hobby. Where is your heart? Where is the burden? The passion that God has placed in your heart. The passion that was first in His. I am not talking about the passion for music. I am talking about the passion for worship. I am not talking about the passion for art. I am talking about the passion of touching the next generation. I am not talking about the passion for education. I am talking about the passion in changing the world. There is a big difference between ministry and compassion. Just like there is a difference between theology and God's word. Perhaps passion is not so the word, but burden. Find that out. Which part of God's heart has He placed within you? What breaks your heart which so evidently would break His? What makes you lie awake on your bed at night full of concern and rage? What disturbs you?

If I followed my heart and did the things I only LIKED to do, I wouldn't be in education. I would be busy drawing, fulling the desires of my soul to the max and wasting my precious life away, struggling in my own fantasies of what I think passion is all about. No. There is a different passion. A passion for God and a passion for people. If you don't have a passion for people, then work on your passion for God because all those who love God love people. Because God loves people. There is no man of God who does not have a heart for people. We cannot say we love God and have no love for people. So if you don't have love for people, dig deep in the love of God and don't give up until you find intimacy with God.

Start your journey from the heart of God. From there, you will know what to do.

Once you have touched the heart of God, then you will know the heart of God. The same thing that breaks His heart will break yours and you will know your calling. If you want to touch the heart of God, worship. For hours and days if you have to. Just don't give up. All the best.

PS: If you need anything, you know where to find me.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

I love you and I love you too

The Shulamite:
I never believed in love at first sight until I met you.. As soon as I saw you, I knew what I wanted. I wished. The moment I saw you, it was as if I had known you all my life, and yet I knew that I was going to love you forever..

Little did I know how much you touched my life. Everything about you is a treasure, set apart for something special, and yet, I don't know what. Your life is a mystery. I admire you. There is nobody like you. And I know that if I were to search the world around, and turn it upside down, there will be no one, even a fraction of who you are.

The Beloved:
I wish you knew. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. Who can believe this? That I managed to find so great a treasure? And that treasure is you.

The Shulamite:
You're amazing. Your face illuminates the sky. It's like the most precious jewel ever crafted in the hands of God, more precious than diamonds. How can something so perfect be real?

Your voice is like an angel's. I wonder why no one ever realized that before.. or is it just me? When you call my name, it is as if my dreams came true. For a second there, I gasp, almost in disbelief. It's as if it was the only thing I ever wanted.

Everyday, I wait to see your smile, and when I do, it's like I'm in a daze. In a split second, I'm 7 feet above the ground just because you smiled at me. What made you smile? When will you ever smile at me like that again? But you do it, just the same. And it makes me feel funny all over and it makes me feel like I just want to love you forever..

When you're right beside me, it's like I'm right where I belong. Time flies and before I know it, it's over... all the moments I've enjoyed.. years that seemed like days just fade away in the distance. Everything but now.. and now, if ever, I see a glimpse of you smiling at me.. you can be sure that I'm treasuring every moment of it.

You're just so pure.

I love you... ♥


The Beloved:
The love that I have for you can't be denied. There is no way I'd ever say that I don't love you because I love you.

I know all your weaknesses, but I still love you as though you didn't have any. None of it matters. You can say and do anything you want, and make all the mistakes that hurt me but I will always love you and I'm sure of that. Nothing you can do can make me love you less. Not even a single bit less.

I'm just so sure of what I want, and I know that it's you. You're all I want. There's nothing and no one else that I desire more than you.

The Shulamite:
I'd do anything for you. If I have to change every single thing about myself for you, I would. What I want, who I am. It all just doesn't matter to me anymore.

The Beloved:
And even after everything I've done for you, if you still don't love me at all, I'll still love you.

If I can paint my love for you on every sky and every mountain and on every living thing, it would be too little. I want to do so much more for you.

If I have to contain my love for you any longer, I think I'm just going to blow up. I have to tell you. Somehow.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

More quotes ^^

Wisdom quotes:

There's always somebody who is less fortunate than you

No one is worth it

The person who loves God is the person who can see Him "Who is invisible" - Susan Tang

O Jesus, help me to love You more. Oh God, I just want to love You. I want to love You with all my heart, soul and spirit - Susan Tang

Cover your hurts with the language of the Spirit - Susan Tang

Seeing yourself differently and seeing yourself different from others

Loving others should be part of who I am if I am really part of who You are

You may be right but that does not give you the right to complain

Don't see yourself as who you are but who God can be in you

You can't take out and put back the cross anytime you think it is convenient for you - It's either always there or not there at all

Shower your love at the Son and you will have rainbows in the sky

God sometimes use the worst people on earth to do the greatest things. I am one of them. I think you should be proud of yourself too :)

Malaysia will be a whole lot better without the tudungs. I'm not a racist. Islam is a religion, not a race and I hope that one day all of us will remember that.

I'm learning from mistakes I haven't even made

If you take all the wisdom of the most successful people on earth and publish them in a book, it will be nothing but a book of sheer foolishness

Comparing people is like comparing the currency rate. In the end, I just won't get anything.

Don't tell your God how big your storm is but tell your storm how big your God is - John Newton

Do you have a relationship with God

The Kingdom of God's got a hold of me but I can't let it go - Brad

Men like that just appear from no where. You can't make them - they either exist or they don't.

It's how much of the Word of God that controls your life that really matters - not how much of it we know - Albert Kang

There is a huge difference between looking like people who are your age and looking your age. It's not a crime to look young.

Everyone has something really amazing about them that makes them irreplaceable. If I get to know anyone well enough, then I can see that side of them that makes people like them

When dealing with young people, we must always have a pocket full of jokes and overnight of energy =)

Wolves don't come in sheep's clothing anymore. They come in shining white armours.

Behind every man is a boy. Behind every boy is a slingshot.

I'm too much for me

It's so hard to pray against something that you know is going to happen

Unfortunately, I'm the only one :(

First comes the fire, then comes the water - Ps. Becky

It is not about the experiences that you have - it is about the attitude that you have towards them.

Wanted so much to do the right thing that she ended up doing the wrong thing

But because You gave so much that I am worth so much

Life is not about decisions. It's about obedience.

That's what Christianity is all about - the forgiveness of sins. So what's the use of a Christian who doesn't forgive? It is like salt that loses it's flavour. So have salt in yourselves and have peace with one another.

Grace is not to be understood. It is to be experienced.


Random Quotes:

Because of all the lights ^^

Senget smile is better than no smile

Curtains make a world of difference

I was in the plane so long, I actually thought the hair of the guy in front of me grew longer a bit XD

Since when was speaking in a different slang cool?
Since I learned to speak african!

A power crack woman will open the toilet door a little longer just to enjoy those few seconds when you are at her mercy.

Don't worry, I've given up trying to argue with you - Anakin to Padme

What's so prophetic about me?

All my dream undies...

Oh my goodness! My hair is so messy and I don't care!

For a moment there, I thought I saw Malaysia

We have joy, we have fun, we have children in the sun

It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I don't have enough money...


Emo Quotes:

Because when younger guys dump you, it won't hurt so much

It's just gonna be me and You again

Why must you mean so much to me

I'm so used to being hurt

When I think about him, all the other guys just fly out the window...

Part of me wants to be with you, the other part of me is totally against it

I don't understand why love is so painful and yet we still choose to love

You talk as if you want to help me but what you really want to do is to make a fool out of me and as a human being, it is quite unnatural for me to respond to that positively

I got so used to you asking me to do things for you that I forgot how to do anything for you on my own

If I love God at all, and if I love you at all, I will let you go. So goodbye... I love you.

Lost a friend that meant the world to me

Every tear I cry, You hold in Your hand - Casting Crowns

The hurts that keep me alive

Living a life of integrity is so hard. Can I give up now? My biggest threat is myself and I can't run away from me.

Friendship is about having a shoulder to cry on, but you are the one that's making me cry all the time.

Everytime I think about it, it crushes me all over again

It was fun shopping with you although we didn't but anything XD

I've loved you all these while but I have finally come to realize that I don't mean anything to you - that's why it hurts.


Personal quotes:

Anna-Grace... is trying really hard not to look at younger guys and trying really hard to get attracted to older guys, but it's just not happening =(

Anna-Grace... likes a land with more trees than people


Special Beach Edition:

Love it when the waves come crashing down onto nothing

I wish I could take the beach home with me...

Sucking in the salty air from the sea

Let the brown blend into the blue and put a blanket of white over it

Here I am standing at the beach. Shivering.

You must know when to stop surfing and get down on the board

Who is going to ride that wave?

When the waves get violent

After a while, you just stop taking pictures, sit down and watch people surfing...


Most used quote:

Thanks. I woke up like this.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

summary

Since I am only taking one subject this semester (which ends on the 27th of Jan), and another one subject in the next semester (or following), I am looking for a job to gain some experience before starting my own daycare center.

My future short term plan is to work for 1 year in the education line to meet the requirements of obtaining a PR in Aussie. I still have to check with the agent to confirm if that is what I need or if I already have enough points after I finish my MEd. My long term plan for the next 10 years is to start a Christian school/campus for youth ranging from 0-21 years. I am planning to do it here in Malaysia, and make it international. I also hope this school is able to sponsor orphans and raise them up. Consequently, I want to build church through the marketplace/education.

My vision is to raise up a new generation who would sacrifice their lives to serving God in fulfilling His call for their lives in the church, nation, and the world, to plant churches, become leaders of nations, impacting nations, making a difference, and turning the hearts of those in the world back to God for the establishment of God's kingdom.

I know my vision to build a school is complicated and all, but the more people say that it is impossible, the more I know that I am on the right track and in the will of God. I know that God can use anyone. I still have a the rest of my life to get all my visions and dreams done (and more) and I am only at the beginning.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Quotes by Anna

All quotes below are by me and God unless stated otherwise.. enjoy.. =)



New songs for a new season

Don't stinge on love - there will always be plenty to go around

When girls get married, they don't get what they're asking for. When guys get married, they don't know what they're asking for.

Why don't I just give You my whole life?

If you don't appreciate your marriage, you don't appreciate your family. If you don't value your husband, you don't value your children. If you don't love your husband, you don't love your children because your children are a product of your and your husband. And if you don't love your children, you don't love God because your children are a gift from God.

Can I be the one? - God

"You don't stand up to give something - you have something to give" by Pastor Nicholas Sim

So much passion, so little expression. So much love, so little opportunity.

Cultures doesn't have to be tradition and rituals doesn't have to be routine.

Not just a life worth living but a life worth dying for.

A matter of the heart.

Not because you deserve it, but because you don't.

A sanctuary is more than just a building - it is the state of the heart.

A much younger person scolded me. The awkward part was - he was right.

What's the use of knowledge without understanding, experience without maturity, words of wisdom without the substance of integrity, strong will without depth in character, godly values without godly fear, practicality without faith, and love that is conditional? You may receive honor for being older, but respect has to be earned.

I don't want to just survive - I want to achieve something with my life.

I think God is really with me.

Learning to respect people for who they are and not for what they have done.

My life is filled with pictures and dreams.

Language should be a facilitator, not a hindrance to the learning process.

Learning starts from the heart.

I don't have time to give and I don't have money to invest, but I have something that's more valuable than money and time put together - I have a vision.

When I dance, time flies.

We are all like doors. We decide what we allow to affect our lives and we decide what we do to affect others. We determine what goes in and what comes out.

Not pure because I'm undefiled, but pure because I've been defiled and washed with the blood of Jesus.

You know what's in my heart, but now I need to know what's in Yours.

The past are the seconds that are lost forever.

The future is a place I am living in but not at yet.

You may narrow my landscape, but never my vision.

Some challenges cannot be outgrown - they have to be overcome.

Others will talk. Of course. They think it is impossible.

The future has arrived. Live in the now.

Luxury is necessity.

Doing whatever I want doesn't mean that I will be rewarded with whatever I wish. In fact, doing whatever I want only results in what I don't wish.

Sometimes, I think.. Am I that hard to love? Then again, when I think about the way He died on the cross for me, how could I say that nobody ever loved me?

I'm sorry, dear.. You will never be able to satisfy me. Because I've already found my Hero.

You never know if that is what God is saying until you act upon it. - Rev. Steve Chang

We try to do things differently.

If I think that I am killing time, I am only wasting it.

Sometimes, we are too concerned and overwhelmed with the wedding that we totally ignore the Groom.

Rip my mind away, rip my heart away, and just let my spirit be.

Love people, use money. Not love money, use people. - Pastor Dexter Low

The system is the box designed by those who think outside the box for those who want to live in the box - Elijah Low

There is nothing proud about being humble.

Malaysia needs a miracle.

If someone you really respect believes in you, you will believe it - Pastor Dexter Low

The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life - Pastor Lily Low

You can't loose something you never had.

Reality doesn't exist.

Children - feels so insignificant and yet, so important.

Asking without faith is equivalent to not asking.

Naughty boys - we grow to love 'em

I am whomever I want to be - nobody can stop me

I am sorry that no matter how much I love you, I still hurt you over and over again...

Trying to give him what he wants in a way that no other girl can = insecurity

I have the perfect love Story and I don't need anyone to rewrite it, thank you

Teaching - Not giving up before they do, and not giving up after

Forgiveness - the very essence of Christianity

He didn't need to but He did


Guilt causes sin

Wash me in Your blood

Sometimes, the biggest threat to the organization are the leaders themselves

Sometimes, it is not about the cause - it is about the consequence

Even in the dark, you can see how dirty my car is..

God in place in every place

We only grow up once, so grow up well.

Because I love you

To give love is easy but to receive it is hard


Big needs give birth to big dreams. Without need, there are no dreams.

Condemning yourself is a sin

Please crush my heart into a million pieces - because at least then, it wouldn't hurt so much.

It's not about what you do - it's about who you are

When the main pillar that you think is holding you up turns to tear you apart. And you feel like there is nothing to back you. That feeling of helplessness weighs you down. And sorrow, like termites eat you up from the inside. No one hears the silent cries that echo through your sanity. Bitter loving memories collapse around you - blasting off your very essence. Fiery tears fuming with passion burn your expressionless face. When you look around, all you see are invisible doors slamming into your face continuously. Friends, are now turned enemies overnight. And then - you will remember God.

Wishes she could grasp the full understanding of Your love

LRC, if it was not for the Tuesday Night group, you would have lost your cutting edge. Your cutting edge is not in the resources or people. It is not even in the sound system. It is in prayer, worship and intercession.

Every girl has a right to fantasies. But when you have expectations and disappointments, don't blame it on him - blame it on your fantasies

Old cucumbers and egg soup is a match made in heaven ^^

All my prophecies until today will be fulfilled in this time and this season.

It's all in the details



Anna-Grace taglines...

Anna-Grace loves causing trouble in Sunday Schools.

Anna-Grace feels so loved and loves so much.

Anna-Grace has just come to realize the significance of money =.=

Anna-Grace loves watching sparrows sand bathing.

Anna-Grace loves her little bedroom lamp :)

Anna-Grace is in love.. with small little red tomatoes

Anna-Grace doesn't belong to you.

Anna-Grace is wanted so much by God.

Anna-Grace does whatever God wants her to do - or at least she tries.

Anna-Grace plus God is a complete entity - Pastor Nicholas Sim

Anna-Grace loves opening durians :)

Anna-Grace just realized how pathetic she is at lying.

Anna-Grace just realized how little one whole chicken can be.

Anna-Grace loves to hug and kiss certain people.

Anna-Grace is guilt intolerant.

Anna-Grace is fully dependent on God's love.

Anna-Grace is just waiting around for it.

Anna-Grace likes old ladies..

Anna-Grace is so in love with her

Anna-Grace haven't slept with the light off in ages

Anna-Grace loves 4 in the mornings =)

Anna-Grace just realized how frustrating relying on other people can be.

Anna-Grace is so sick of food

Anna-Grace has a thing for home-cooked food

Anna-Grace's hobby is collecting hugs

Anna-Grace misses heaven...

What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift back to God - Kelly Jeppesen

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Stumbles

I was reading the newspaper, when I stumbled upon this poem:

"I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree...
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives iwth rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree."

by Joyce Kilmer



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Victor Ooi

Ephesians 2:8, 9

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,
⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Titus 3:5
⁵ not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit,

2 Cor 6:16-18

¹⁶ And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:


“ I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people.”

¹⁷ Therefore

“ Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”
¹⁸ “ I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,
Says the LORD Almighty.”

If you have worries and anxieties:

Philippians 4:6-7 (New King James Version)

⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 9:9 (New King James Version)

⁹ The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed,
A refuge in times of trouble.

Psalm 32:7 (New King James Version)

⁷ You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (New King James Version)

⁸ We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—

Romans 8:28 (New King James Version)

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

1 Peter 5:7 (New King James Version)

⁷ casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.


If you need wisdom, read:

Psalm 32:8 (New King James Version)

⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.

James 1:5 (New King James Version)

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

i will give you the rest.. coming soon.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

If you are only 7

One night, when I was 7, I lay awake on my bed and I felt very strongly to give my whole life to God, for the use of His Kingdom and His ministry. I told God that I would give my whole life, and I would do anything for Him. I just wanted to give Him everything. As my parents were pastors, I told God that I wanted to go all over the world, like them. I wanted to do whatever it was I had to do to bring the world back to Him.

But then, I realized that I only had one life to live, and with my one life, how was I going to touch the whole world? I have seen so many missionaries give their lives to God, but until today, all they have touched are only a couple of hundred lives. There is nothing wrong with that, but I was not satisfied with just a couple of hundred lives - what about the rest? - I wanted to touch the world. Then, I believe, God, showed me that it was possible. If I had the vision to touch the whole world, and all I did was to touch a couple of million lives, then surely the one who influenced me to do it has indirectly been used by God to touch those millions of lives. And if that was so, what if I instead influenced millions of people to be just like me - to impact another few million lives? Wouldn't that mean that those millions have duplicated itself? And what if this duplication went on and on until Jesus came back? Yes, I can impact the world. I can.

But do people believe that I can? I am only one person and I am only 7. Then, I told myself that nobody could tell me that I am just one person and that I cannot do it. Bill Gates changed the world. The president of the United States changed the world. Who can tell me that I cannot impact the world like they have? And on what basis? I told myself that I was only 7 - I had my whole life ahead of me. Who can tell me what I can be or what I couldn't be? Who can predict my future? I could be anyone. When Bill Gates was 7, no one could predict his future either. I could be anything God intended me to be. God can use me to bring this world back to Him. He WANTS to use me. And I would not let anything or anyone stop me... This is my story.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

prophecy

I am going to give you a new system. A new system for the church. And many people will come and be blessed. And they will see the light that is shining in their hearts.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am going to show you the destiny of youth.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Dancing and soaking in the sun

Psalms 37:4
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Sometimes, we see the things we don’t have instead of what we have in us. Sometimes, we just want so many things out there. We want this and that and this and that. But if everything is taken away from you and all you have is God, and you don’t ask for anything more because you are satisfied with just being in God, then God will give you all those things that are in your heart.

The dictionary meaning of 'delight' is 'extreme satisfaction'. Imagine this little girl who is delighted with being in the sun. Normally, we think that kids would prefer all sorts of other things like toys and games, but this little girl was different. Her mother would ask her to come into the house, but all she wants to do is to spend her whole day, dancing in the sun.

The sun makes her world a better place. When you are with God and when God shines on everything you do, God makes your world a better place. You can see everything around you – they look so much more beautiful now when God shines on them than before. Before this, from your eyes, all you see is ugliness. All you saw was hopelessness and failure. But in God's light, God causes you to see success and a future.

Secondly, when this little girl is in the sun, she is a whole new person. Similarly. when you are in God's presence, not only do the things around you change, but you also change. You change to be a person full of life – you have energy. You are happy, You dance. You are who you are in God. You are confident, You are not afraid of your circumstances and the endless negative outcomes. You have all the boldness and courage you need to face the challenges that are in front of you.

When we are in God's presence, we will not bother about what others think. We just do whatever we want to do. You can be yourself and yet be satisfied with who you are. You don’t have to be what other people wants you to be when you are in God's presence.

Besides that, when this girl in in the sun, nothing else matters to her. The same goes with you: when you are with God, nothing else matters. This morning, I was so upset about everything. I felt like everything is hopeless and a failure – who I am is a failure, what I want to do with my life is a failure, what I have done is a failure. But after I read this verse, it all fades away. Suddenly, nothing else matters but God. Suddenly, all my cares and worries just fades away. And I realize that this world is not about me and them but it is about me and God. And that’s all that matters.

Not only that, but if this girl was locked up in the house all the time instead of in the sun, her world would be so small. Out there in the sun, our world is open to so many things. But in the house, everything is cluttered and our world is only so small. All we think about is ourselves: our problems, and our sorrows, our failures and our hopelessness. But out there, in God's light, everything around us illuminates. We can see the whole world. We see the joy of being God's child.

When she is in the house, she can have happiness, but she cannot have joy. She can have light, but it is not sunlight. All the things you enjoy without God can only bring happiness for a glimpse moment, but it can never be joy. We will never be satisfied. We will always have that emptiness and loneliness and hopelessness in us. Nothing can replace the joy of being with God.

When she is in the sun, it seems like timeless time. When we are with God, time is bogus. It is timeless time. It is a second and a day. It is a day and a year. It is a year and a millennium. There is no difference in time.

It is obvious that this girl is a person who wants to be free. When we are out there, we can be free. We can do anything. We have everything. There are no limits and no bounds. Everything is possible. Nothing will be able to contain the joy we have inside us. Nothing can separate us from God's love – no height nor depth, nor principalities nor powers, nor things in the past, nor things present, nor things to come. We can go all out for God when we are in His presence, and nothing can stop us. We are free.

When this little girl is in the sun, she is alone. So what if we are alone? It is great to be alone. Because we are not alone, but we are with God. Being in His presence alone is one of the most refreshing gifts to ask for. Here, God will reveal to you everything that is personal and meaningful to you.

Well, how does she delight in the sun? She soaks herself in the sun. We just want to be totally soaked in God. We just want more and more of God. And we can never have too much of Him.

What is the sun? It is something that causes her to grow. We are living organisms. And all living things need the sun to grow – including us. And if we have the sun, it is only right that we grow. How can we have the sun and yet not grow? If you are in God's presence, soaking every day and you still don’t grow spiritually, then it can only mean that you are not living – which means that.. you are dead. Spiritually dead. Everyone who hears God's word and soaks in God's presence has to grow. And if they are not growing, then they are spiritually dead.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Stuff to Thank God for:

1. I lost : My watch! I lost it! My lovely lovely watch.. given by my godparents just before I went to Aussie.. lost it on Saturday, found it on Tuesday.
   Days of agony: 3 days
   I found it on the floor at a part of my room I did not go to during these 3 days, so I have no idea at all how it got there!! But I was praying so hard.. so so so hard.. and I kept thinking about it until like.. distract me from my work everything I worry about it.. so, THANK YOU GOD!!!
   
   

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Why I am doing what I am doing

One of the reasons why I am doing what I am doing is because I like working with You. I don’t want to do some secular job outside because I don’t feel a sense of achievement and accomplishment. I feel like I am not making a difference. I feel like I am not contributing to Your vision and Your plan. I feel like I am wasting my life away.

But by doing something that is in my heart to do, I feel that I am pleasing You. Because the same things that is in my heart to do is in Yours. You created me. My visions, my desires and my dreams all come from You. The fruit doesn’t fall very far from the tree. I am just a mini version of You.

When I do something that is in Your heart to do at the right time, You can trust me to do bigger things and greater things. It is just like the story of the minas. Soon, I will be doing greater and more things than before. This is how I grow in the ministry.

I am an encouragement. When You see me working alongside with You, You move more. Then I see You working more as well. Then I see things began to move and everything falls into place suddenly, it’s like a miracle. When I work, I encourage You. And when I encourage You, You work. And when You work, You encourage me. And when You encourage me, I work. It is like a cycle. I like that.

Some people are like that. They are a part of the problem instead of part of the solution. The last guy who hid his mina was part of the problem and had to be settled later. I don’t want to be a hassle. I don’t want to create trouble. I want to be part of the solution, so please let me know what to do so that I will do the right thing. But sometimes, I make mistakes. I thought it is the right thing, but it isn’t and it becomes a problem. But in the end, You will make everything well because You are always in control. I have nothing to worry about. You are greater than my mistakes.

When You have something big coming up, preparing is a big thing as well. Big things require lots of preparation and lots of work. When there is a lot of work, I know that something big is cooking. Right now, there is so much work to do. I don’t even know where to start anymore, but all I know is that the time is now and I have to work hard.

I don’t have to do something out of this world. I don’t have to do something so big and so grand that no one else can do. Sometimes, it is the small things that are left undone. I can serve You by doing those small things and You will still be equally pleased with me. I have to be faithful in both the little things and the big.

You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is beyond me. You might ask me to do something tough, but that is only because I am tough. You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is too big for me. Everything that I do, has already been taught. I know how to do it and I can. Whenever I think it is too big for me, think again.

Ultimately, You are my role model. You are who I want to be like, and is created like. You created me in Your image and all I ever want to be is You. My desires are shaped by You, everything I know how to do today is taught by You and all I can ever produce with my life is for You. My whole life belongs to You.

The Time is Now

This is my one thing. I know it. This is it. It is exactly what I want. This is my moment. Others will talk. Of course. They think it is impossible.

It is a new world. This is the beginning of new things. Everything done here is unthought of. There is a first time for everything. If I don’t rise up and get it done with, I would have to do it later anyway. I might as well go through with it and get it over with.

I can’t live my life in the ‘I will’s anymore. It is time for the ‘I AM’s. I have always said like – next time, I will do it. I will do that. I want to start a school. I want to. Now, it is time to say, “I am running a school.”

The whole time, everything I did was for the future. My whole life was living in a pre-school era. I was so much into the next time, I never really lived. But now I am in a place where the future has arrived and I have to live in the now.

It is a decision. This is something I have to choose. This is something I have to stand up for. This is something that I have to make as my will and stick to. This is something I have to believe in and carry out. This is something I have to do because it is my choice. I want to do it now.

First, I have to understand why people are telling me that I can’t do it: because they never did jump over. And because THEY never jumped over, doesn’t prove anything. They never did is one thing. But they never even TRIED. They have no right to say it is impossible if they have never tried. And I have no right to believe their words if I myself haven’t proven them right. If I want to believe them, I would first have to prove them right. Otherwise, they are wrong. It IS possible.

A fence is something made for the purpose of keeping me in. It’s only objective is to keep me in. And my only dealings with the fence is to overcome it. That is my only duty regarding the fence.

One of the books I read was called Children of the Voice. His first mission was his most important mission. And that mission was to go out there, to pass through the wall, out of his land into the BigWideWorld. This is where I am at. This is the first chapter. If I don’t make it, there will be no rest of the story. Others have already gone before me. Now is my time. I may be the youngest who has ever gone out yet. But there will be more after me. This is important. This is my first challenge and my biggest challenge. After this, everything will be clearer for me. Every other challenge would be nothing like this one. Here is where I get the blueprint that will help me face all the other challenges. I need to hear Your voice.

The biggest challenges I have are the people around me. They have watched me grow up. They may or may not have any respect for me. They may or may not believe in me. But I will be leaving them behind. They are just people. They cannot stop me. They can say whatever they want to say, and believe whatever they want. But they cannot stop me. And nothing they say will be able to stop me. I am to ignore their sharp thoughts and their sharp words.

If I want to sit down and stay put on this side of the fence, I will never be satisfied. The earlier I raise my butt and get across the better. I will never be at peace or at rest on this side of the fence because I was not made to sit on this side of the fence. I was made to move my butt, stand up and cross over. I was made to cross the fence. My life beyond the fence awaits me. My promise land – my dreams and my visions.

There is a first time for everything. I am scared because this is something I have never done before. But it is just one of those things which I have never experienced, and never done before. One of those first time things.

The Past... again

sometimes, the only way to deal with the present is to remember the past and to deal with it. i am who i am today because of what happened to me. if i want to overcome the challenges that are ahead of me, i have to deal with my past.

i need to understand what happened to me and how. i need to come to terms with it. i need to process it and forgive those that has hurt me in the past. i need to understand what they have been going through at that time. only when i try to understand and forgive them that i can change my attitude and who i am today to be a better person and to be who i am supposed to be.

the thing about me is that i know i am different from others - i just dont know why. other people dont understand what i have gone through in the past because they have never been there. i am the only one who knows what i have been through and i am the only one who can understand the situation properly and understand myself.

but if i dont even understand myself then how is anyone else going to?

it hurts. sometimes, i dont want to think about the past because it hurts. but i have to, eventhough it hurts.

most of the time, when i think about the past, i wouldn't know what to do with it or how to deal with it. i think and think and think but all it does is hurt. it doesnt seem to help. thats when i have to see it from a different light - a different point of view. i have to see it from all perspectives - mine, those involved and Yours. i also have to see it from the devil's perspective to see how he has taken opportunity of that situation to destroy my life and my future.

i need a place i can just spend hours thinking without anyone disturbing me. i need a place where i can be alone.

a good time to think about it is when i find myself doing something that i dont understand. sometimes, when i do certain things that i myself don't understand, i have to wonder why i behaved the way i behaved by thinking about the past. i have to find a way to link this to the past so that i understand why i screwed up and repair the damage.

if i try to ignore the past and avoid it, it won't change anything. i will still be the rotten person i am today with all my bad habits. not thinking about the past is not the solution. forgetting the past is not dealing with it and i won't benefit from avoiding the past. yes, i need to forget what lies behind but the only way to forget it is to deal with it. and some experiences, time just won't heal.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

treasures

Matt 6:19-21

^19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; ^20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ^21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:34

^32 “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. ^33 Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. ^34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Riches

Lately, I've been receiving lots of verses that riches are not forever and that I shouldn't pursue after riches but after the will of God and God's business.

23 Feb 09 - Ezekiel 27:27

²⁷ “Your riches, wares, and merchandise,

Your mariners and pilots,

Your caulkers and merchandisers,

All your men of war who are in you,

And the entire company which is in your midst,

Will fall into the midst of the seas on the day of your ruin.

22 Feb 09 - Matthew 6:19

19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; ^20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ^21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

20 Feb 09 - 2 Timothy 2:4

4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.

18 Feb 09 - 1 John 2:15

¹⁵ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶ For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. ¹⁷ And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

15 Feb 09 - Psalms 62

¹⁰ Do not trust in oppression,

Nor vainly hope in robbery;

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them.

9 Feb 09 - Luke 2:49

49 And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”

30 Jan 09 - 1 Peter 4:1-2, 19

Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, ^2 that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.

22 Jan 09 - Proverbs 28

6 Better is the poor who walks in his integrity
Than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich.

8 One who increases his possessions by usury and extortion
Gathers it for him who will pity the poor.

11 The rich man is wise in his own eyes,
But the poor who has understanding searches him out.

20 A faithful man will abound with blessings,
But he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.
21 To show partiality is not good,
Because for a piece of bread a man will transgress.
22 A man with an evil eye hastens after riches,
And does not consider that poverty will come upon him.

27 He who gives to the poor will not lack,
But he who hides his eyes will have many curses.

15 Jan 09 - Luke 12

15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”
16 Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. 17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ 18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.” ’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’
21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”


22 Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. 23 Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? 25 And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 26 If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?
29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.
32 “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

14 Jan 09 - Psalms 62:10

¹⁰ Do not trust in oppression,

Nor vainly hope in robbery;

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them.
(repeated)

12 Jan 09 - Psalms 62

¹⁰ Do not trust in oppression,

Nor vainly hope in robbery;

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them.
(repeated)

5 Jan 09 - James 1:11

For no sooner has the sun risen with a burning heat than it withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beautiful appearance perishes. So the rich man also will fade away in his pursuits.

16 Nov 08 - 2 Kings 12:9

9 Then Jehoiada the priest took a chest, bored a hole in its lid, and set it beside the altar, on the right side as one comes into the house of the Lord; and the priests who kept the door put there all the money brought into the house of the Lord.

I wonder what all these means, maybe God is saying that I should help the poor.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *