nice poem to a friend

If one and one added make two



Then where in the world is there a place



for two who would become one?



And for the sacred arithmetic of grace



which says to give is second to none?



What are we to do? And how are we to understand?




Here is where the answer lies:



One - in the rough and tumble of today and the looking toward tomorrow



Two - in the steady hand



Three - in the tender kiss



For these they are that do abide -- faith, hope and love



And, like to grace, reduce to One



Love; it is the secret sum of this addition



and heaven's grave retort to the wisdom of this world


Hold fast, hold fast



and in this counting count love's debt



as far beyond your means



but well within your grasp


To labour under love, this is the test



To understand the cost, this is the rest



To know without a doubt, this is the best




2 July 2001



Las Vegas
http://www.peterschrock.com/old/prob_ericnat.html

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

This is better than I love you!

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a
perfect order,spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the
aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove,
I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure
enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also
at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son
says, "Well, you came home after 3A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some
furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you
stumbled into the door."Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in
order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son
replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to
take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Something else,..

It is possible to pray for God's will while resenting that God is God. Many people despise God because He has not made them master of their fate, captain of their soul, or rulers of their own destiny. * tRUST & OBey the LORD *

A studie on abortion for english class

this is a testimony i stubbled upon during my research on abortion to present in english class,.. hope it meants something in your life,...

i thought you might like it.. i already planned to share it with you before i found my name in it... when i found my name there i take it as a confirmation that i really should share it with you,..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Post-Abortion Review
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Amazing Grace
Case Study: Carolyn "Allen"



I was 24 years old, and had recently had sex for the first time—outside of marriage. I had grown up in a Christian home and was already ashamed and ambivalent about my sexual relationship. Then I got pregnant right off the bat.
I had a pregnancy test at my ob./gyn. and she told me she didn't think I was pregnant. She thought I might have a tumor, because my uterus was enlarged. I "prayed" for cancer. But I turned out to be pregnant; I found out the next day.

I was panic stricken. I couldn't believe I was pregnant. I immediately blurted out, "I have to have an abortion." I had never even thought about it before, but that was the first thing that came to mind. I told my boyfriend I was pregnant, but we didn't discuss what to do. I left him just assuming I would have the baby.

I told no one else. I had asked my doctor for sleeping pills until I could have the abortion four days later; I don't think they worked. I didn't want to think; I just wanted to get it over with.

I wondered if my baby knew what I was planning. I talked to my baby and apologized. But mainly I just wanted it to be over. I thought I could cover my sin, erase the past few months, break off my relationship with the father, and start over—just as though none of it had ever happened.

My abortion was a cowardly, selfish decision. I saw it as my whole life being "over" if I stayed pregnant. I didn't even consider any other options. I chose myself over the baby.

I had a D&C abortion at a women's hospital in Washington, D.C., under general anesthesia. I was scared and upset, and when they came to put an IV in my arm I told them I didn't want to be put to sleep until I had seen my doctor. They told me it was just vitamins, but then put the anesthesia in anyway. So I don't know to this day whether my own doctor (a woman) did the abortion, or one of the men who was standing there as I went to sleep. I just remember feeling the stuff in my arm, calling out "No!" and then I was out. I don't mean this to say I was going to change my mind about the abortion. I wasn't.

When I woke up in recovery, I asked if they would just tell me if it was a boy or a girl. A nurse harshly responded, "It's just tissue. There's no way to tell."

I took a cab to the hospital and took one home. I wanted to do it all by myself, so no one would know. I felt so alone.

I felt a huge, gaping hole, an emptiness, right away. I also felt terrible guilt. I turned away from God completely, because I could not face Him with my abortion. I felt I had passed the point of no return—just gone too far. That was an unforgivable sin. And I had gone into it knowing that. It was sort of like I sold my soul.

I immediately began a pretense. I went back to work ("I was just a little under the weather last week," etc.) I tried hard not to think about it.

I did have to tell the baby's father. He was very hurt and upset, but he said he understood and he still wanted to marry me. I had planned to break it off, but now I thought that no one else would ever want me, and I had hurt him so much. So I married him.

My wedding was three days after my baby's due date. I pasted a smile on my face and pretended to be a happy bride, but I was thinking about my baby.

I began to drink a lot to be able to get to sleep, to not think. My relationship with my husband went downhill immediately. I now understand the rage and hurt he must have felt over my aborting his child without even telling him first. But I was just so wrapped up in my own hurts I didn't think about that then. We never talked about it.

He was abusive, and I accepted it. I would hear in my mind, "So what's your problem? At least he didn't kill you. You killed your baby!"

I wanted to die, but I was afraid of hell. I even felt guilty about not committing suicide: "You didn't have any problem killing your baby. Why get cold feet now? You deserve to die! You're not only a murderer, you're a coward!" I wanted to be in a coma. I guess I thought I could wake up in 50 years or so and be able to deal with it then.

Six years later, we were divorced. I had been stuffing my feelings down or anesthetizing them with alcohol so long, and wearing a mask and pretending for so long, that I felt numb. I remember getting out of the car to go into a grocery store one day and thinking, "I'm even just pretending to go to the store. I don't even exist." I felt like a zombie.

The abortion changed me in every way. I went from being an outgoing person who loved friends to being a hermit, not wanting to be close to anyone. I thought they would hate me if they really knew me. I became a heavy drinker—probably bordered on becoming an alcoholic. I ran from God and hated myself. I accepted abuse and felt humiliated over that, and all the while I had this gnawing emptiness. For 12 years I was in a state of non-growth—just existing.

I became a Christian while I was separated, shortly before my divorce. At that time, I asked God to forgive me for my abortion, but I still felt so numb. I didn't cry about my baby or anything. I felt hard-hearted and unable to really confess. I wondered if I was really sorry, or just regretted what had happened to me.

I told a pastor about my abortion, but just in a list of things wrong. He didn't mention it again and neither did I. Then I saw a Christian counselor who tried to convince me that I was abused as a child (I wasn't) and we didn't deal with the abortion at all.

Three and a half years ago, I went through a support group that used Women in Ramah, a Bible study by Linda Cochran. I was finally able to face my abortion. I found God's promise to "take away my heart of stone and give me a living heart of flesh." I asked Him to do that for me and He did.

I finally was able to get over myself and think about my baby, come to love my baby, and then grieve for my baby. And I was really able to understand God's forgiveness—that all my self-punishment and misery could not atone for my abortion, that there was nothing I could do to pay for it, that Jesus died on the cross for my abortion and all my other sins, and paid for my sins in full. God not only forgave all my sins, He brought me peace and joy. Real joy!

My baby's name is Callie Anna. Anna is the name God gave me, and it means grace. Now, when the "accuser" attacks, even my baby's name reminds me of God's grace and forgiveness. Doing the Bible study was the best thing I ever did for myself and I thank God for it.

Now that I have found healing and forgiveness, I am once more developing friends, and am able to serve God however He chooses to use me. I know God works everything for good, and I have seen Him use me to help others now. After working through my abortion, and seeing how very much God values each one of His creation, I am less critical of others, and tend to see all people as precious in God's sight.


---this a poem written by a guy (father)

Just Let Her Know You Love Her

How ever can I explain it? Tell me, where do I begin,
to try and justify the cause of just another sin?
I remember the day she told me, and the fear within her eyes.
I hid my love for you behind ``it's-your-decision'' lies.
How could I fight a verdict that she so quickly made?
All I could do was love her, and try to ease her pain.
I guess I always thought that atonement could be mine--
if we had another child someday, we'd undo this tragic crime.

I wish that I could blame her, to help relieve my guilt,
But I only blame myself, and I know I always will.
I should have protected you, instead of her or me.
But I loved her so much, living for her touch....
That's what I hope you'll see.

Now, I see you up in Heaven, your finger pointing down,
upon the lap of Christ, millions of innocents, gathered `round.
Knowing you are in Heaven, offers some relief to me
because our all-forgiving God has promised to set me free.

I know we'll be joined together, as family once again
when our time on earth is over and our eternity can begin.
So please forgive us both, for such a selfish task.
Just let her know you love her; it's all I'll ever ask.

-- Anonymous

Family treat

Well, honestly , i have nothing to say... so here is what my brothers and sisters have been saying on their own.

*the yonger sis refers to me,.. hehe
just to tell you abit of my family, well, i am the youngest and i have two elder brothers and two elder sisters. My dad is apostle Rev.Dr.Dexter Low Tiong Siah,.. yes,.. a pastor and my mum is Pator Lily,. another pastor and a prophet.

The eldest sibling in my family is Eiljah. He is the CEO of the church and an eligible bachelor. He just turned 29th on the 30th of March 2004.

The next one is my eldest sister Deborah who would prefer to be called as Debbie. She is married to Caleb with two kids and pregnant again for the third time~ =O.. the first kid is Caylie, my neice. She turns 3 by the end of this year. Then we have Dylan, my nephew.. who will be 1 this year..

Next is another sister, Ebbie.. 24 this year, also married, and pregnant.. she is married to Joey and they both work in IT industries. He is a programmer and she is a support staff in a different company. Their baby is RYAN.. a guy, definately~

Then we have Victory, the one who fetches me to college all the time.. he is SINGLE AND AVAILABLE,.. and will turn 21 this year. He is studying Theology in one of the Bible Colleges,.. i keep forgetting the name,..

Finally, theres me,.. the youngest!

--- Mystified wrote:
>
> Testimony.
>
> Monday, April 05, 2004
>
> Today was one of the heaviest days of the year. From
> early in the morning, duty called, from fetching a
> younger sister to college through traffic jams, to a
> four hour dance practice with inexperienced
> students, a transportation appointment with a
> lecturer, and a three hour final class later that
> night, in which we had presentations that I wanted
> more time to prepare for.
>
> It was my plan to fetch my sister to her college,
> then go directly to my own college and spend some
> hours reading and preparing, before taking lunch,
> picking up my dance students, and going through the
> four hour practice, before fetching them back,
> making some last minute preparations prior to
> meeting my lecturer for the appointment and doing my
> presentation. All in all, it was an 8.30am to 11pm
> programme.
>
> The plan started going awry when hypoglycaemia hit.
> I was dying when I rushed home after fetching my
> sister to college. I rushed sugar down my throat,
> and when my mom when she asked me to "Go and…", my
> first response was "I’m not going anywhere!"
>
> I collapsed on my bed and slept fitfully until
> 12.10, when my alarm called me to duty again. I had
> to fetch my dance students to church where we would
> have the second-last practice before Easter; this
> was the least experienced students ever, having only
> being unexpectedly included in the team the very day
> before. I literally had to demonstrate every step
> for them over and over and over again.
>
> By the time I fetched them home, I was exhausted. It
> was beginning to rain. I went to college, hoping to
> use the library for the time I had left to prepare
> for my presentation.
>
> But the library was closed, as was the office, and I
> soon discovered that someone had tried to call my
> handphone; it was my sister, whom I had fetched to
> college earlier. Strange; wasn’t mom fetching her
> home today?
>
> I tried to call her back; my handphone died while
> calling, even with the battery reportedly half-full.
> She tried calling back; my handphone died again. I
> drove to a commercial zone nearby, tried the public
> phones; they weren’t working. Worriedly, I headed
> back to my student’s house and was embarassed to ask
> for help.
>
> The storm broke while I was at the gate. It was so
> dark, it took awhile for them to identify who I was.
> Wei Yin was a lifesaver, the way she helped me
> during that time of need. Even with the storm raging
> overhead and the frequent blackouts, we managed to
> contact Anna. Anna, apparently, wasn’t home yet, her
> classes had ended quite a while ago, and she was
> still in college.
>
> I could not fetch her home (likely an additional
> hour’s ordeal of traffic jams again) and pick up my
> lecturer in time for college; and in making my
> lecturer late, my entire class would start late,
> forcing all the students’ presentations to rush, and
> likely cause a good deal of lowered grades… I had
> already explained my circumstances to my family, but
> Anna’s handphone was lacking sufficient credit for a
> call or sms, and I still felt obligated to contact
> those involved and find out what was going on.
> Through it all, Wei Yin offered phone, phone
> charger, and when electricity failed, and handphone
> battery died completely, even her phone book.
>
> Mom, it turned out, was with dad on the way home
> from Sepang, and with rain and traffic going hand in
> hand, wasn’t about to reach here for another hour at
> least. It was a tense quarter hour before we finally
> made the arrangements; Wei Yin was kind enough to
> offer hospitality and even transportation once her
> car got back from the workship, even though she
> already had serious plans for dinner with relatives.
> It is with great appreciation that I remember her in
> that hour of need, although it wasn’t necessary in
> the end.
>
> The storm continued as I sheltered in Wei Yin’s home
> for awhile, preparing as best I could under the
> circumstances, drawing from my own notes on my
> reading, lacking the benefit of a library. They (Wei
> Yin, Aaron, and Aaron’s grand-aunt) were kind enough
> to offer refreshments, which was an encouragement in
> itself.
>
> My lecturer was late anyway, due to an unprecedented
> mess up involving crowded LRTs, questionable bus
> drivers, and taxi queues. Several presentations were
> cut short just now, including my own. We were
> feeling it even when we had our Final Class pot-luck
> supper. A number of us ate and said very little
> during what was supposed to be a celebration. Very
> little indeed.
>
> After dropping my lecturer off at the LRT station as
> was our custom, I drove home thinking about the day,
> and wondering about the quiet melancholy I was
> feeling. I remembered the message on the vital
> spiritual habits… and how, instead of worrying, one
> should pray.
>
> But I was not worried. I was hurt… but I was happy.
> Exhausted, and justified and feeling rather put off
> about a lot of things… but in a peculiar way, at
> peace.
>
> A song came to me, then. It goes like this…
>
> I cry out, for Your hands of mercy to heal me
>
> I am weak, I need Your love to fill me
>
> O Lord, my God, my strength in weakness
>
> Come rescue me, O God…
>
> You are my Rock, Your promise never fails me
>
> And my desire is to follow You forever
>
> For You are good, for You are good
>
> For You are good to me…
>
> For You are good, for You are good, for You are good
> to me…
>
> That last line stuck, and repeated, and echoed, as
> if a second, and a third, and a fourth tongue was
> singing it, all with my own tones, all with my own
> voice, and the words struck me, and filled my
> thoughts. Something deeper within me, deeper than
> weariness, deeper than sadness, deeper even than the
> quiet which I claimed for my own, responded, and
> recognized and held it close as truth, so that my
> reality resonated with its meaning and I simply
> stopped the car, switched off the engine, and was
> immersed in the understanding of it all for a time.
>
> God is unfair. For all I have done, all I have
> suffered and sweated and cried and bled in His
> service, for all my deeds and duties and toil, the
> fact remains clear; I deserve not a tenth of what He
> has given me freely. God is unfair; He is good to
> me. Too good to me.
>
>
>
> -Victory Low,
>
> 11:23pm, Monday, April 05, 2004.
>

just wanted to say that ur mail sure did brighten up
my day. thanks for the encouragement, and yes, i must
say, God is truly unfairly good to me too.

u know what? one other thing for sure. nomatter how
any of our siblings might complain about how our
parents raised us (yes, anna. im talking bout u.
hehe), i know for sure that there's one thing they
definately did very well. the most important one of
all. and that is this source of strength that you
tapped on. we all have it. somewhere, deep inside us,
but just within reach, is this source i've always gone
to when im weary, and say, 'err...Lord? it's me
again....' and He's never failed me =) i know that is
supposed to apply to all christians, but really, not
all of them have it, and fewer still can instill it in
all their kids. so, we're doubly blessed =)

just me,
-ebbie-

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *