Girls...=\

< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
oh
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
trust me
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
she could b really sensitive at times
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
pms gua
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
=/
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
yea maybe
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
my bf was rather freaked out with me also
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
a few times in fact
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
and it was his parents that stood on my side and defended me
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
he actually told me that he was freaked out
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
and when he was freaked out, i just feel like he doesnt love me anymore
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
and it makes me freaked out too
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
lol
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
really
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
i was trying really hard to control
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
i juz would avoid her thinking dat i dun care about her
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
girls arent always rational
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
thats something you have to understand
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
juz a lil disturbed when im concern it makes her think im controling
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
guys are creatures of brains and girls are creatures of feelings
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
we do things according to feelings most of the time
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
that makes us different from guys
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
lol
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
oh well, maybe i dun understand gurls at all
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
i hate to say this but i may sound really rational at times
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
and other times my feelings just take over
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
no, she is not the only girl, remember that
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
she is not the only one who will freak you out
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
every other girl is like that
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
you just dont know them well enough to see that side of them
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
its when you get close to a girl, that they reveal their inside thoughts to you and then you realize how much they are compelled by their feelings
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
but other girls like me, we don't show you that side because we aren't close enough yet
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
lol
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
yea
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
but i didnt make a big fuss
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
i kept quiet
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
=(
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
all a girl like her needs is a guy with lots of patience
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
and she's really lucky
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
or maybe unlucky cuz i dun understand her dat well
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
=S
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
guys need to reason things out most of the time
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
but girls, well.. sometimes reasoning is not enough
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
as long as they know that no matter how freaked out they were, you believed in them and trusted them , and stayed on with them, and love them,
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
thats whats important
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
sometimes a girl just wants to be honest and pour out all their expressions and feelings at you
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
just to see if you can take it
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
to see if you can handle them or not
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
whether you have what it takes
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
to be their support when they are emotionally unstable
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
because if you freak out then one day, when they really are unstable, you can't be there to support them
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
they have to know how much you can take
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
thats why girls like older guys most of the time
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
because older guys normally can take more
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
because they are more matured and more patient
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
ahah
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
darn
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
im too young
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
hahaha
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
well, you took it well
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
we all learn from experiences
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
just because youre young doesnt mean that youre less mature
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
you're very mature for your age
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
ahah
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
nah
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
im far from reaching maturity
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
so much more to learn
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
haha
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
yes we all are far
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
okay, time to sleep
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
take good care of her
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
be patient and hear things out
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
dont throw back at her
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
and dont stop affirming her of your love
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
thats all a girl needs to know sometimes
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
especially in the midst of misunderstandings
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
just take it like a test
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
to see how much you can take
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
alright!
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
because she's not the only one who needs to know how much you can take
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
you also need to know, right
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
itz a great advice
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
thanks
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
dats something i really need to know
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
=)
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
hehe
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
no prob
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
i'd love to be here for you guys
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
anytime, ya
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
ahah
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
yeap!
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
nite
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
great having u around
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
=D
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
nite nite
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
thanks
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
sweet dreams!
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
take good care aite!
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
well... at least someone appreciates my existance
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
lol
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
nite nite
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
ahah
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
im sure everyone does
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
they juz dun show it
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
=)
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
^^
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
u play an important role my dear
< < ~ Shadows ~ > > says:
=)
.: †reat her right, show her you care, and when you need her, she'll be there :. ahah.. *Anna-Grace is back* =) says:
:)

a little off topic

Let me ask you a question,.. "kids in school - what are they motivated by? Why do they do their homework?"

Fear.. they are motivated by fear, all the many days in school, from the second they are in kindergarten to the day they grad from high school - fear. And how many years is that? 3 years to 17 years - 15 years of being driven by fear..

Why am I talking about this? Because I dreaded school.. I hated school, and when I was only in elementary school, I figured this out and purposed it in my heart to do something about it when I grew up. I always had a heart for kids and teenagers, ever since I was still a kid.

Tell me, when God first created the world, what was the ultimate education system at that time - His main intention? - family - parents. It was the duty of parents to educate their children. Parents had the authority to discipline their kids - why? Because they loved them. And the kids knew that their parents loved them dearly, and the kids knew their parents well - he who held the rod was no stranger. He who held the rod was he who loved them most in the whole world - so were they driven by fear? -no. They feared the rod, yes, the pain. But they did not fear going home to their parents.

But what happens when parents are busy and send their kids to school? Teachers beat them for everything - when they run around, when they throw rubbish on the floor, when their handwriting is messy, when they don't know how to answer the question correctly, when they didn't bring their book or when they did not pass up on time or worse- when they didn't do their work. And who is this person who has the cane? - a stranger.

The worst comes when it is the first day of school - all you know is the name of the teacher, and she already has the cane in hand. Are you afraid? Definitely. Is this torture? Yes. When she asks you to do something, what drives you? - fear.

And finally when you go to work, what are you driven by other than money? Fear - "If you don't do this properly, you're fired or I'm going to cut your pay, or you won't get bonus end of this month, or so on and so forth." What's worse is when you fear your superior above you - they scold you and you're so sick of it.. because you have been listening to this scolding tune your whole life, and now when you go to work, you have to face it again. So all your life, what are you driven by? From the day you go to school until you graduate and go to work - what is your motivation - fear. Afraid that you won't have enough money to send your kids to school and lay food on the table.

Not everyone can escape this fear. Very few has - kids who homeschool or adults who have their own businesses. People who run their own lives and not being controlled by another person.

Now let's look at the adults - what was God's ultimate plan for us to provide for our family? When God first created the world, for the first few thousand years, there were no such thing as employment. Everyone provided for their own, other than slaves, who has no freedom and is wholly controlled by another person.

Employment only came much later, around Christ time, there was already such a thing as wages. I'm not saying that employment is wrong - there is nothing wrong with it, not to Christ, at least. Some of His parables also used wages.

My point is, is this God's intention for us? To be driven by fear? The education system and the employment system was not God's first intention when He created human beings to multiply on this earth. "Be fruitful and multiply, have dominion over the earth, the sea and the dry land - over every living thing" - to rule, to have power and dominion.

But like I said, there is nothing wrong with having a school and employing people. I just believe that the way it is done is wrong. There is a better way of motivating people. Don't treat your employees like they are at your mercy. Treat them like human beings who have a choice in life.

Oh, one more thing I'd like to add, since we're on this topic of treating your employees right - Give them proper wages, don't pay them peanuts for something they work their butts off for - for example, RM3 an hour, working in fast food outlets - yes, you know who you are.. the minimum wage in Australia is $10 an hour. Those promoters in the supermarket - not allowed to sit? Why? For 11 hours and only 1 hour break, and the rest of the time no sitting, everyday? And how many years are you expecting them to keep that job? Stop counting the hours where you have to stand and start counting the hours when you actually do get a chance to sit!

And whoever came up with the idea of working 9-5 everyday? Isn't the most important thing doing your work and not how many hours you spend in the office, for goodness sake, I thought you guys were human beings with brains. If you seriously had brains, you'd be paying people by the amount of work they do instead. Instead of paying for the electricity bills and air cond used to cater for all those employees sitting in the office who are chatting online, and they get scolded for it too.

What is wrong with employing mothers who have kids? Why must they come to office and abandon their kids with a baby sitter? Why can't they do their work at home? The most important thing is to get the job done, right? And if they really do get the job done, then what is your problem? Isn't it cheaper to employ them who work at home and not have to pay for furniture and fixings and bills for those in the office? If they really wanted the money, don't be afraid if they didn't do their job.

Freedom, choice, liberty,.. a sound mind. A state where you needn't be controlled by another person. C H oi C E

We should not be motivated by fear. God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, power and a sound mind..

So now, let's go back to the kids. We should not teach the kids that this is how the world goes round - that the only driver there is, is fear. Young as they are, this is what has been taught in the schools. And the only driver they know is fear.

Make your lessons more interesting. Give them fun as a motivation. Learning is fun. Enjoyable. Exciting. Thrilling. Interesting. An adventure. A discovery. Life-giving and life-changing. Learning is almost anything but a chore - a duty. Not something you "have to do, if not.."

What did God give us? God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind.

These are our drivers- love, power and a sound mind. This is how the world goes round..

Did you know that kids who are taught directly by their parents learn much more? Because there is a connection that takes place when there is love involved. When you love the person teaching you, you'd just absorb everything so quickly. There are various kinds of memory - two of them are the temporary and permanent memory. Things that you study for the exam last minute goes into the temporary memory and stuff like phone numbers and songs seem to get into your permanent memory, which you remember, even when they are random numbers which doesn't make sense. When a person you really love teaches you something, it doesn't get stored into your temporary memory, but your permanent memory. Learned something today? ;)

Choice. Decisions. Dilemmas. Kids. Think about it. If kids had a chance to make their own choices, they could learn a whole much more.

Give them a red apple and give them a picture of a red apple, which do you think they will remember better? Teach them about maths virtually. I liked the concept from the Sunlight Homeschool for kids. They give them mini blocks, with different colours, one representing each number, and the smaller number is a shorter block, and the larger number is a longer block. And it's a block they get to stack up, so one plus one makes two. And they actually hold '1', which is a white short block and stack it up on another white small block to make '2', which is exactly the same height as the red block which represents '2'. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Times table was so hard for me when I first started to learn it as a kid, because it was memory work, and was supposed to get into your permanent memory, like phonenumbers do, but I didn't know that. As a kid, I didn't know what was temporary and permanent memory. I spent most of the time trying to count and recount, and wonder how the adults could get 3 x 3 so much faster than I did - memory work.

Most of the time I wasted in early form 4 because I didn't know that I didn't have to understand how the formulas came about in the first place, and that I just had to use it, not understand it. I think somewhere goes wrong here.. if they don't know how the formulas came out, then people like me will seriously have trouble using it. Because I keep getting distracted by how they came about that formula anyway.. Maybe they can help by giving some intro of how the formula came about first.. Okay, so maybe not everyone is like me, but food for thought, though..

One of the things that I really like is called On-the-job Learning.. :) Give kids real stuff to do. For example, business.. give them a business to handle, give them a mentor/sponsor, someone they can observe and learn from, and give them a small business to handle. Put them in a committee where they make decisions and spearhead that business. Teach them while they are yet young - I always believe that they can never be too young to learn anything. Learning doesn't have an age limit.

Recently I wanted to come up with new programmes for Palm Springs Educenter - wanted to teach the kids business strategy and accounting and stuff.. Then later heard that I had to get a full time job and eventually study culinary in Melbourne, so I totally abandoned the whole idea and gave it a 'one-day one-day' treatment. Later I heard that there was a company called 'The Money Tree' teaching kids about business and stock markets and giving them fake money and the course fees is exceedingly expensive.. -Hey! What the heck, you stole my idea, you guinea pigs!!! I shall slaughter you! >=/

Okay, anyway, the point is,.. Give them real stuff to do - bring them to the science lab and let them do the experiments. Let them invent their own things. They are never too young to learn anything, and if it is too dangerous, then do something about it. I'm sure you can come up with something, after all, we are the adults. It is our duty to ensure their safety anyway - don't be lazy. Just think of something.

Nurture their creativity. Don't limit them. Their minds are more and more limited the older they grow, not the younger they are.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Happenings...

So many things has been happening- Dissertation (10dec) > HUGE(10-13dec) > Christmas(25dec) > Classes End(31dec) > New Year(1jan) > Assignment(2-7jan) > Parents Anniversary(5jan) > KorElijah's Engagement(8jan) > Exams(10-17jan) > Holidays(18jan) > Work(1feb-30may) > Australia? (june? - notice the '???')

I'll be updating this particular post, so keep checking.. This post is broken into different parts, so it will just be longer and longer- I'll keep adding topics to this post, which are underlined.. I choose to do it this way because I think it is more interesting like this.. enjoy!

Dissertation (10 dec)
Well,.. okay.. let's start from the beginning.. hmm.. Dissertation.. no pics of that, sorry.. don't think you want a glimpse of it either.. it's all crap. But I'll tell you what it's about la.. it's about Foreign Direct Investments (FDI) in China.. lalala.. okay, I think you're falling asleep already.. lol! I compared the FDIs in China with the FDIs in ASEAN-4 countries (Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand and Philippines) and well, tried to prove that the FDI inflows into China affects the FDI inflows in ASEAN-4 countries positively.. lalala.. that means when the FDI inflows into China increases, the FDI inflows into ASEAN-4 countries increases simultaneously. Tadaa! lalala.. ok, I know you're bored.. and like.. what the crap is FDI anyway? But to tell you the truth,.. ever since the FDI inflows increased suddenly in 1991-1993, the % of FDIs in Malaysia compared to these countries, including China, dropped suddenly.. Malaysia was affected more than any other country.. OK! Lalala.. I'm boring you guys again.. so sorry~! T.T

oh wait.. one happening thing about my dissertation was that.. well.. I spent the whole last night of the dissertation doing nothing but referencing and bibliography.. lol~! The word limit was 10,000 words, plus minus 10%, but well.. I got barely 9000 words la.. and that was because I included the titles of the pages and the in text references.. i.e.(Lim, 2008).. okay, those of you in high school will not know what the crap I am talking about- so sorry, dudes!

And if you noticed, my dissertation/theses dateline was on the 10th of Dec 2007, which is the first day of HUGE camp~! And my friend who was supposed to fetch me to Cheras to take the charted bus to Taiping was leaving his house at 8am, and 8.15am was his latest!! I asked him 8.20 can or not? And he was like.. try 8.15 la.. and college opens at 8am.. T.T

I had to print everything out.. and I can't print it in school because the com lab only opens at 9am.. so I carried my mum's laser printer into my room the night before.. or rather, got my maid to carry it for me.. so darn heavy. Yes, I am cruel.. I had to reserve my energy for my dissertation.. lol. And then was printing that morning itself too.. but guess what? Two of my pie charts went wrong somehow.. printer input output problem and it caused me to print the pie charts don't know how many times.. and it still can't come out properly.. then the worst happened- the pie charts consisted of yellow ink, and yellow ink finished.. and therefore, when the yellow ink finishes, the printer won't let me print other pages, even if it was black, until I replaced the yellow catridge- don't ask. It's senseless..

So I had like another 7 pages to print.. which was very little considering the fact that I printed more than a hundred already.. and these simple 7 pages was stopping me from doing everything~! It was 6 something in the morning and I was stuck with a printer with no ink.. Think, Anna,.. think! Desperate situations call for desperate measures..

Just the night before, my bro was in 1u and he was stuck- just as desperate as I was now.. his car was stuck there and although my dissertation was due the next day, I drove all the way there to hand him 20-40 bucks.. because he didn't have enough money to buy the car part he needed, which costed, well.. 20 bucks. T.T so me, out of my.. erm.. good samaritaness, did him a favour and sacrificed my dissertation time and energy to go there for him..

and so guess what? right now, I had a major issue.. and I know he had a printer in his room across mine.. but.. one thing about vic was that he wasn't good with temper.. especially when he is sleeping.. do not wake the sleeping giant, and I repeat- DO NOT! But like I said- desperate situations call for desperate measures. But goodness, it is 6 in the morning, dude! What are you thinking?? Vic sleeps at 5am or 5pm, it's like.. you never know when he is awake or asleep, but 6am is really a no no, man.. he either just slept or well.. have been sleeping, but definately not awake~!!!!! -wrong again, he was awake..

"Hello? Kor ah?" don't be angry, don't be angry.. if he is angry, so let it be.. God's grace, God's grace..

"Yeah?" He didn't even sound angry..

*closes eyes tightly* "Erm.. are you awake?"

"What do you think??"

Gosh, is he angry?? "Erm.. no?"

"Well, if I could answer the phone, then I am awake, right?"

Angry sentence but not angry voice.. "Erm.. okayy.. so you're.. awake?"

"Yupe~!"

Okay, he is not angry.. *Phew* God's grace, God's grace.. better still- he is awake? at 6 in the morning???? God's grace God's grace God's grace God's grace..*closes eyes* "What?! What are you doing at 6 in the morning?"

"Haha.. busy finishing off one of my tasks.. anyway, wassup?"

"Erm.. Can I borrow your printer? I need to hand up my dissertation tomorrow and mum's printer no ink. I just need to print like another 7 pages or something.."

"Okay, send it to me.."

I went over and send the stuff to him through msn, so I was like walking back and forth from one room to the other.. zip files going through msn and stuff.. in the end, he burned the CD for me also because I don't know why my com cannot burn.. well,.. the quality of the normal printer is definitely not the same, but it's better than nothing, right?.. he was really nice the whole way, too..

So that morning itself I rushed like a mad cow to bind the book at 7am in the morning.. I made an appointment with Aunty May Yee earlier to pick me up at 7am.. because I didn't know her friend who owned a photostat shop and secondly because I needed to rush straight to HUGE camp and leave my car at home.. honestly, I ask you la.. where got photostat shop open so early in the morning? but we tried our luck neways.. the first shop we went to, we saw the lights on but the doors closed so we went up and knocked.. a young guy answered but he was not prepared to open the shop so early, and he just switched off the lights and went back in, leaving me.. desperate.

But Aunty May Yee brought me to her friend's photostat shop, a friend who also owns the restaurant next to her photostat shop.. so yay~! we reached her restaurant at 7am, and looked around for her- she was not there! Then we asked a worker where she was and he pointed to the 4-wheel drive which just parked in front of the shop! She just arrived! God bless us, man.. and we asked her if she could open the shop for us.. and she agreed, but we had to wait.. so we waited while she kept the veggies she just bought from the market.. then walked over to her place and binded both the books for me.. (Dissertation consists of 2 copies of the same book) .. it costs me RM5 - and it had to be staple bind, instead of comb bind.. anyway.. why am I even telling you this?

It was already around 7.30am.. Anyway, thanked God like mad all the way to college, where I rushed to hand in the books.. and guess what? the guy asked me to tape the CD on the cover of the books.. what the.. and I thought I was done! so I asked him if he had tape, since we were in the office anyway, but he was reluctant- he wanted me to go get it myself.. ??? so I turned around to one of the lecturers I knew, but she just smiled and apologized that she didn't have tape.. so after walking around aimlessly for like another minute or so, I finally asked him again.. and sounded a bit like begging already I think.. and he finally said.."you just wait.. I got it in my office." so I waited for him.. this is the second time waiting already.. first had to wait for the lady to load the veggies, now him.. T.T .. he was photocopying some stuff.. 8 mins to 8am.. I guess I can wait a while..

So we went to the office.. I asked him how to stick it exactly, and he showed me a sample, and I handed it in and signed off.. then he said "eh? you only handed in one CD? you need 2, you know?" Then he passed back the books to me.. -_-" and he said "I am not going to accept these until you hand in another CD." 5 mins to 8am.

I was like.. too tension to get angry.. talk about pressure *phew* I was too worried to get irritated then.. I rushed out of the office.. was in crisis mode already.. I had to think fast.. praying and praying.. probably speaking in tongues beneath my breath or something.. I was like.. God.. you can see all this,. I know that You control everything, Lord.. I'm just leaving everything to You.. all I can do is my best.. the rest is up to You.. I thought.. where am I going to get another CD?? Aunty May Yee was waiting for me outside the main gate and here I am.. I need a CD, there is a book shop upstairs but I don't think it is open so early in the morning! Normally open around 9am, right? And there are other bookshops down the road but.. it's nearly 8am.. I only have 15 mins and I still need time to drive to his place!! Just to buy the CD alone will take me at least 15 mins! and not to mention burning it which will also take me goodness knows how long~! God was my only hope,..

Normally, I wouldn't waste time running upstairs to check if that bookshop is open because normally I would just rush with whatever time I had left to the bookshops down the road, where there is more than one bookshop and the probability of one that is open is higher.. but I gave it a shot- I ran upstairs.. and guess what? It was open! I went in and didn't even bother looking for it- I just asked the lady (since I was most probably her only customer at that time) "Empty CD?" and she pointed behind her - "how much?" "1.80" I paid and dashed out to the com lab.. oh, not to mention, the whole time I was carrying 2 really heavy text books, which I had to return to the library because it was due during HUGE camp.

Com lab- should only be open at 9am but it was opened already- Thank God! there are 2 PCs used to burn stuff, and they were both occupied by my fellow classmates.. I had to wait.. again. You know what that feeling is like when you're in a rush and had to wait? Yeah.. I think we all have been there before.. and I was there the 3rd time today already..

anyway, someone moved off and I straight away logged in and chucked my new CD inside and guess what? the guy behind me was actually waiting his turn.. I had accidentally cut his cue.. and he was my classmate. So I just apologized and told him I was in a hurry- had a friend waiting for me, so he just smiled and let me do my thing..

I was thinking like.. goodness! where am I going to find all those info I need to burn? Where did I store them? Online? where? on my google docs or email inbox? for those of you who know me,.. I DON'T have a thumbdrive.. so .. yeah.. all my stuff are online.. and I was thinking like.. I wonder how long it will take me to retrieve everything and all.. or maybe I should just burn the important stuff..

but guess what? it suddenly dawned upon me that I had all that info in the other CD! so i took the new one out and put the old one in, and the guy behind me was still waiting.. he was like.. "Eh? you burn already ah?" and I was like.. "haha.. yeap! just need to burn another one" and so i transferred everything into the com and put the new CD in and started burning.. the poor guy behind me was so distracted with what I was doing, that the other com was free to use, and he was still watching me in all that tensioness of mine.. lol! I was like.. "the other com can use de.." then he was like.. "oh!" LOL!

before I knew it, I was done- now I had to write my name on the CD.. T.T here we go again.. "anybody got marker???" the people around me were my classmates.. and I was like "how are you going to write your name? do you have a marker?" goodness.. I think just finding a marker will take me 15 mins.. anyway.. found a girl.. tried on her marker but nothing was coming out- not appropriate for CDs.. but I couldnt be bothered anymore- I just chucked the CD in without a name and rushed back to the office..

borrowed the guy's tape again, taped the second CD on the back cover, and noticed a black marker in his pencil holder.. "can I borrow this?" "yeah, sure" he sounded happier than just now- I think he was surprised I was back so fast.. I didn't even write my name- just my UNN number / ID.. and that was it- no time. (you know how long my name is, right? lol!)

Michell called.. "where are you now?" I was like.. "in the office.. passing up now" The guy passed me the book to sign, again.. (he deleted my earlier signature).. and I signed it while answering the phone.. "how long more?" I was like.. "coming now.. coming now.." I rushed out of the office without a thanks or a bye to the guy because I was still on the phone with Michell.. it was 8.08am on my watch.. i told her that I don't have to meet up with her anymore.. I'll return the books to the library myself- she can go ahead for class.. but I saw my lecturer still in the office.. actually, we had an 8am class, but since today was the dateline, well.. not a lot of people turned up,.. anyway I had HUGE and was prepared to skip this class for that.. skipped all 4 days for that actually..

Rushed to the Library upstairs (don't believe I still have time to return book!) supposed to pass it to Michell to pass it up for me, but I figured the library should be open by now because the com lab was open- true enough, it was. Dumped my 2 heavy textbooks there and literally ran to the main gate where Aunty May Yee waited for me the whole time.. she had to on the engine and put on her seatbelt (why in the universe did she take 'em off in the first place? you're wasting my precious time!!) I still had like 3.5 mins to rush to my friend's place from college.. normally it would take 10 mins.. I couldn't be bothered about time anymore.. now it is out of my hands.. I just sat there in the car.. my friend called.. I think I only had 3 mins now..

"Where are you?"

"on the way.. on the way.. the lecturer asked me to hand in 2 CDs, I didn't know.. I only had one, so have to go to the bookshop, buy another CD, burn it and hand it in"

"What?~! so how???"

"so I did la.."

"you did all that already??"

"yup~!"

"so where are you now?"

"on the way to your house"

"okay.."

I had to navigate.. the person driving didn't know the way.. "turn left here.. then make a u-turn"

"Okay.."

"Okay, keep to your right.." hurry up, hurry up.. why she drive so slow one? T.T "Go to the fast lane.."

"..."

"We really have no time already.."

"I know, I know.. can't you see? there are cars.. I can't just cut in like that.."

"..." Patience, Anna.. patience..

She goes onto the fast lane.. "Okay, keep to your right.. traffic light there, turn right.."

"Turn in to section 17?"

"yeah.."

We wait at the traffic light.. "Wah.. your life very interesting, huh? Everytime also got something happening one.."

"Yeah.. I know.. that's my life.." *shakes head*

"ahah.."

My friend calls again.. "where are you?"

"Reaching already.."

"Where?"

"Traffic light near your house.. coming from BU.."

"Oh, there.. okay." I think he mumbled to his mum something.. "Okay, see you."

"Bye.."

Aunty May Yee still didn't know the way.. "Where is her house?" I didn't want to tell her it was very near because then she would drive slower..

"go straight.. get ready to turn left"

"which junction is it? tell me which junction.. so I can get ready.."

"number 44"

"okay,.. now 48.. 46 already"

"Okay, next one.."

"44.."

"Okay, turn in.." she turns in "you see that car? yeah.. that one."

"that's your friend, is it?"

"Yeah.." she stops the car opposite theirs.. "thanks,.. bye."

"Bye!"

I cross the road with my red, faithful, torn, rugged WWJD bag.. "Hi, Aunty.."

"eh? That's all you're carrying ah?"

"Yupe!"

"So little? Enough or not?"

"Yea.. Enough, la.. why?"

Aunty laughs and my friend shakes his head, "Oh boy.. this is embarassing.."

"Why?" Then I look into the bunk.. filled with bags.. You know.. other than me, there were only 2 other people in that car going for the camp- my friend and his bro. That was it- and the bunk was literally filled- without my school bag..

We got in.. said hi to his bro and I had to sit in the middle.. because I was the.. erm.. shortest. -_-"

"sorry, I made you all wait.."

we didn't exactly have a long conversation in the car.. just a lil here and there..

his mum asked "Did you sleep last night?"

"Haha.. no.."

"Oh.. so you packed this morning, la"

"Haha.. yea.."

"Oh,.. so while doing your dissertation, you had to pack also, and you were rushing, so you only packed one bag"

"Haha.. well.. not exactly,.. but normal la.. just put whatever I need inside.."

then later his mum asked again.. "taken your breakfast?"

"Erm.. haha.. no.. it's kay, la.."

then they passed me a plastic bag with a bun and an egg tart.. my friend said, "choose one.."

"no need, la,.. its k.."

"we bought for you one, actually, because we figured you didn't have breakfast.."

"oh.. okayy..." so I took the egg tart..

then later I confessed.. "I didn't even have time to brush my teeth.."

he was like.. "ewwwwwh.."

"What to do? my toothpaste finish de.. later hopefully can buy la.."

"oh my.."

"no time, mah... somemore toothpaste finish de.. cannot brush lor.."

then later I said.. "Just now Aunty May Yee told me that my life very interesting.."

"Yeah, I bet.."

"haah.. yeah really.. my life always like that one.."

"Oh, boy.."

"living by faith.. ahah.."

*shrugs* and says sarcastically "Oh, yeah.."

"but at other people's expense, la.."

Well.. nearing Cheras- what do you expect? yea.. traffic jam.. he called some guy in charge for directions.. turns out we were the last one to arrive and everyone was waiting for us.. and we were still asking for directions T.T my bad.. plus the traffic jam..

seems like we missed a turning.. called them again.. traffic jam- car was not moving.. going towards a roundabout or traffic light or something.. it was like a bottleneck.. on the phone, my friend says "turn left? you mean turn left at petronas is it? after petronas?" we all look to the left.. it was petronas.. "oh.. turn left and go up the hill?" we all look again.. it was a hill.. His dad faster turned in.. if we were just one car in front, we would have missed that junction.. praise God, man.. praise God for traffic jams!

so the place we were supposed to meet at was Charis Christian Centre or something like that- a church. And it was right there.. aunty was like.. "your friends, leh?"

"I don't know.. they should be there already.."

true enough.. they were there already.. so I hanged with them while we all waited for the buses to arrive.. Paul, XiYing and Aaron Tam.. they so rock my world, man.. well.. Paul kept teasing me about my bag.. because they all brought at least 2 bags each.. lol! I didn't even bring a jacket- forgot T,T

after like 15 mins the first bus arrives.. and we had to wait for the second bus.. then finally after another 1 hr and 45 mins which is a long total of 2 hours since we reached, the second bus arrives.. turns out the driver forgot that he was supposed to fetch us today.. -_-" humans.

HUGE (10-13dec)
Okay,.. I guess you all have noticed- I am no more in the dissertation category, but in the HUGE category.. ahah.. same day mah.. and it was just after..

Okay, so you wanna know what I put in that bag? LOL! Okay, lar.. it's like this:

Toiletries:

1. toothbrush
   
2. comb
3. hair cream, and that's it
   

• (no toothpaste because finish de)
• (forgot to bring shampoo)
  

And then there's clothes- I counted 4 days, so 4+2 t-shirts, lor.. something like that la, anyway.. so there were:

1. 6-8 t-shirts,
   
2. Pjs- which is a beggy Wisconsin flamingo white t-shirt and a track bottom;
   
3. Swimming suit because I heard that there was a swimming pool, in the end didn't use.. T.T
4. UGs - don't figure.. and I don't remember how many.. lol.
   

• (forgot to bring my jacket)
  

that's all my clothes.. lol.. because I was already wearing my pants, and planned to wear that pants throughout the whole camp. Yes, dirty, shmelly, whatevah! My other stuff were:

1. Phone Charger
2. Bible
3. Wallet.. duh
   
4. House keys.. duh
5. Phone.. duh.. must I even mention?
   

• (I heard towels were provided, so no towel)

Yes, that was it. I'm a light packer.. when it doesn't involve food.. well, when it does involve food.. ahah.. it's the total opposite! So now you know what was inside my bag.. seriously, dudes.. what do you guys put in??

Anyway.. we were the 1st bus people,.. so I sat in the first bus with XiYing, Aaron Tam beside Paul, Paul behind me..^^ I'm sorry, the pics aren't with me.. but I'll try to load them up for you guys, ya? Esp the one with Paul and Aaron sleeping together.. awhh..

Well, as you know, I didn't sleep the whole night, so I took this opportunity to sleep^^ halfway through, XiYing borrowed me her book to read- Captivating.. lol! I love you, XiYing.. ahah.. I ended up reading a part of the book which I already read before.. ahah.. and yet, it was still sooo captivating T.T

The bus trips costs us like RM48 each.. no kidding- 2 ways, la.. from KL to Taiping.. no joke, man.. so expensive.. Anyway, since I only had one bag- it was easy for me, lor.. just shove it up there.. no need to wait down there to collect my bag or whatevah.

Okay, so we reached a rest place.. there we had dunkin donuts..^^ and some of us bought KFC ^^ but I didn't eat the KFC, la.. just smelt it ^^ good enough.. the unfortunate thing was that some of the others didn't know that there was a KFC there.. awhhh.. and they ate at the hot, crowded, not nice food stalls.. awhhh..

Anyway, XiYing and I lost the guys.. lol! We couldn't find them.. know where we lost them? -in the toilet!! shhh.. yea.. they said they were going toilet, so we hold their stuff for them, and agreed to wait for them until they came out- good samaritans.. but then they never came back! T.T then we waited and waited,.. finally someone called and asked us where we were.. and we were like.. "what the? waiting for you outside la.." and they were like "we are at the bus already.. faster.. where have you guys been? we were waiting.." T.T

Okay, so we lost our bearings looking for 'em.. turns out what we thought was the back of the whole place was the entrance- as in.. the place where the buses parked and where we came from- our entrance, la, that is.. so we lost our bearings a bit ..and the toilet was not helping, because the toilet was so damn huge.. it was as big as the food court itself! But i love the toilet la.. it had like a mini garden in the middle.. so airy and so peaceful.. and I could just sit there.. and.. and.. and wash hand, you know? :P

Yeah.. while washing hand, I can see the wind blowing the leaves on the plants.. and the little girls running around in their tiny white skirts and pretty pink dresses.. and playing, and shouting and laughing.. and then their moms chasing them from one end of the spacious toilet to the other end, while holding their cute lil' white panties up high and waving it, calling their sweet names.. aihhh... the serenity of it all..

Okay, so I exaggerate.. but still? there were little girls running around with their moms behind them.. if I remember correctly.. okay, where was I? Oh, yeah.. huge camp.. sorry, I got distracted a little bit.. ^^

Yea, we went back into the bus and all those that didn't get their KFCs and didn't know it existed was complaining like mad and begging for it.. so we continued the next half of the journey playing Uno and Poker cards.. it was so damn fun- Paul brought 'em- thanks, Paullie^^ ..bitch. (sorry.. inside story)

Okay, so then we reached the Taiping Golf and Country Club or something, and then we lost our bearings again- couldn't find entrance again.. then everyone was carrying their heavy luggage except me^^ I was carrying someone else's heavy luggage T.T ..wonder who.. *ahem *ahem.. *whistles* Okay, so we missed like part of the first day because our beloved driver was late.. but it's kay because the orientation wasn't until just before dinner.. anyway.. XiYing checked out our names.. we stayed with Daniel Sim's church's members- Revival Centre or something like that.. they were Maybelle Lim and Esther Lum.. but Maybelle also wasn't exactly from that church. Esther Lum was cute.. she was 15, and she had attitude.. ahah..

So when we first arrived, checked in and my friend called me to go check out the hall and stuff, so we went with our room mates and checked 'em out.. but we got lost.. again.. circled half of the building because we came out from the back, went right, right, right and ended up in front.. -don't ask.. after half an hour or so, we found out that we had to walk to the next building which was like a 10 minute walk away.. T.T

and so we went.. it started drizzling.. met a couple of other pks on the way and at the entrance of the hall.. the hall looked so cool when they were setting it up, man.. they used the extra camp forms to hang up in a few straight lines from the back of the hall to the front,.. so cool. It looked even cooler when they were half way setting em up, because the floor was like filled with camp forms.. and the carpet's design, right, had like a few huge systematic rectangles on them, so it looked like the hall itself was divided into various sections.. anyway.. seeing them up on the ladder and all.. so busy.. makes me feel like I wanted to go in and help them also.. to make it better.. there was the song playing 'Majesty - Here I am' awh.. man I love that song..

Okay, so we met Phoebe Matthius and her bro and her parents and all.. and headed back to the new block where we came from.. the building where the hall and meals are served is called the 'Old Block'.. anyway.. this block not only had a swimming pool but it had a futsal thingy, which the new block don't have, and it's swimming pool, i heard was way better.. anyway, I don't mind because I didn't swim or play futsal, but what I did mind was that Daniel Sim, Aaron Tam and Paul got to stay in the old block and didn't have to walk 10 mins everyday and we had to.. T.T

Okay, so we went back to our new block, and it started raining this time.. XiYing and I walked ahead, singing Christmas carols like two stupid heads.. then we went to our room and decided not to bath, then I think I got a little sick.. like really a little, and I rested on the floor because I didn't want to dirty the bed.. so I rested with my bag as the pillow ^^ while XiYing went to bath or something like that.. and I was so so so hungry and couldn't wait for my darling dinnerrrr... dinner dinner.. why must you come after orientation??? I just had egg tart for breakfast, one donut for lunch and dinner dinner is after orientation.. aruaghhhh..

Okay.. so we headed back another 10 mins and this time, the helpers were giving out raincoats.. lol! I grabbed one and never used it.. it's still here in my room.. you know,.. the funny thing is, I brought it everywhere with me throughout the whole darling camp? and I knew I wasn't going to use it, and I kept telling myself to leave it in the room, but every darling morning, I would take it along without thinking T.T humans- or maybe just this one.. ^^

Anyway,.. we went for orientation and I don't believe we actually fussed about where to sit because later we realized that it was just a darling orientation.. T.T then there was DINNERRRR yehhhh.. that's what I'm talkin bout, man.. it was some sorta buffet kinda mixed rice thingy.. but we didn't wanna get full, and I kept eavesdropping the other campers say things like "Better not eat so much.. later jump jump.." and I am like.. scratching my head,.. because they all seem to know that every night is a concert kinda thing- and it was my first time attending HUGE, and to tell you the truth, it rocked,.. seriously.

Every night, they would off the lights and have those blinking disco thingies and colour stuff.. and they had TWO projectors, kay? one on each side of the hall- left and right.. i so love that man.. Esp the 2nd night.. when Phoebe led.. gosh.. her voice is so damn gorgeous.. and the band playing was banging.. it was like.. yehh.. *shows hand sign*

And then during the service, Pastor Clement preached, and then something happened somewhere,.. I don't know what, and a whole group shouted "Awesome" at the same time.. and we were like.. who dat?? turns out, it was the group from some tabernacle or something.. and they were the band that played for the 2nd night and the group that ushered us in everyday.. like, everytime we came into the hall after breakfast, lunch or dinner, there would be like this group standing at the entrance, and they will be like high-fiving everyone and every now and then you can hear them shouting in one accord "AWESOME!" and the whole hall will turn heads.. until everyone actually got the hang of it.

And that night, they collected offerings.. and I am like.. "you guys collect offerings??" and XiYing was like.. "yeah.. every night.." I was like.. gosh! This is so like a concert, babe! But I didn't bring my wallet, so I decided to give the next night.. and then I was so so hungry after the whole thing, so I bought some cakey stuff.. one for 30cents, so I bought 3,.. borrowed 1 buck from my friend.. no wallet mah.. anyway, we were so tired, we all just went back to sleep. End of story.

The next morning, Paul was like.. "eh, did you guys hear one group shout together 'AWESOME'.. I wonder how they do it" then we were like.. "yeah.. that's cool.." then someone said during lunch like.. in reply to something someone did, "awesome" and Paul said, "whateva.." and then Paul was like.. "hey! That's so cool! When they all shout 'awesome' then we also '1..2..3.. whateva!'.." ahah.. and then since then, when someone said something weird, paul will go like.. "1..2..3.." and everyone of us will shout together, "Whateverrr.." hahahah.. it was so fun, man..

Oh, boy.. I still remember when we were having dinner, one of the nights, XiYing was so damn blurr. oh.. you know what? We actually have like names for each of us- XiYing was Blurr, Aaron was Random, Paul was Lame, matt was lawless, Andrew was quiet.. and I was Spontaneous.. lol! Okay, so anyway.. she was so blurr, kay.. she doesn't know what is a bazooka or a magnum.. lol! and the guys had her thinking it was dogfood.. lol! I don't even know how we started that topic, man.. that was the funnest dinner we ever had,.. too bad I had to go to the bathroom halfway.. I never saw matt so crappy before in my life,.. but it was cool to watch him so crappy.. I asked brandon, "is he always like that?" and he shook his head.. I can see he was a bit surprised.. then, I asked andrew, "is your brother always like this?"

"no.." He shook his head too.. I think he was surprised also.. because they both looked so serious..

"so this is your first time seeing him this crappy?"

"Yeaaahh.." He nods..

But i love it when he is crappy,.. its just so good.. it's like you know he's normal.. lol.. :)

Okay.. now let's move on- the night sessions- the first night was taken by Pastor Clement- he talked about David and Goliath because our theme for the camp was 'Champion' and it's kinda weird to me, you know, normally, during out church camps, all the guests speakers will speak on all the sessions first and then only my dad will fill in the final session, but in this camp, Pastor Clement, who was the host speaker spoke on the first night and then the other sessions were taken by the guests speakers -Mike Pilavachi and Phil Stevenson..

So when Pastor Clement Wong spoke, he talked about David and Goliath, and you know, la.. this P.Clement.. all his.. erm.. 'animation'.. kakaka.. it was entertaining, hilarious.. ahah.. you name it! My goodness.. you know.. I really admire him because of his caliber to perform such an autonomous presentation of speech.

Parents Anniversary (5jan)

P/S: Check out the post before the post before this. It's called 'Christmas Performance'.. I added pics~!

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Getting your friends saved

Sometimes, when we are too far away, it's hard for our friends to hear us calling them- we have to get closer to them in order for them to hear us..

What do you do when you call a friend who doesn't answer? -you get closer to them and sometimes tap them on the shoulder, if you have to, right? Well, it's the same thing when it comes to bringing your friend to Christ. When you call them for evangelical meetings or harvest events, they may not come, and that's because you're too far away for them to hear you- they don't know you enough as a friend- you have to get closer to them, close enough to 'touch' them.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Quotes

If you thought letting go was hard, try taking back- it's almost impossible once you've finally let go and thought it was for good.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Damn.. I screwed up again...

Sigh.. drafted 17 times today. I suck, yes, I know.. so I'm not perfect.. big deal. I've just got to learn from my mistakes.. I do hope I will be more careful.. growing pains, they call it. I better grow this time.. My blog is censored now.. And it will continue to be, sorry for restraining honesty from you guys.. It was my dream to make this the most honest blog you can find, though.. It's still honest.. just.. not 100% transparent.. what is, anyway?

People screw up.. I just happen to screw up more often than most.. Haha,.. and XiYing, that includes you- I screw up more than you, you just didn't watch me screw up as much as you watched yourself. I screwed up big time.. big time after big time.. and I never seem to learn. As I said, I suck.. yes.. totally. I didn't realize how immature I am until I get around others.. When I am alone, I think that I am the most matured person on the planet.. until I screw up again.. and I screw up when I am around others- because the actions of others affect us, and vice versa.

Screwed up.. oh boy.. Anna.. when will you ever learn? *slaps herself on the face* it's no wonder my name is 'grace'.. I need that maximum.

Well... it's Christmas Eve, my family is enjoying our annual Christmas dinner and here I am- blogging.. Blogging about some flippin' screw driver who never learns..

So many things I can't say here.. but at least I can talk about my low self esteem- I hate myself. I screwed up and now I hate myself.. I hate every single part of me. I hate me for being me. I'm sorry God.. I'm sorry for my low self confidence.. I'm sorry I am so much like me, and so little like You.. Why can't I be perfect? Like You? Even if I am not perfect.. at least.. why can't I improve? Change? Why can't I have more self confidence, at least? My thorn in flesh. Sigh.

I suck, I really do. Do you know why I try to hate myself every time I screw up? So that when people hate me, it's not so bad. I try to hurt myself so that when other people hurt me, I don't feel it. That's what we do.. when a mosquito bites us, we try to mark it with a minus or plus sign, so that it won't be so itchy. When we have a headache, we try to bang our head on the wall, so that we don't concentrate on the pain in our head, but the pain outside our head. That's what we do- distract ourselves from the pain that we are trying very much to avoid- bring rejected by others.

I thought that if I hate myself, then when others hate me, it won't be so bad- I was the first to reject myself anyway, at least people will agree with me that I suck.. now I actually feel like I'm on the winning side.. Get it? Sigh.. it's like.. I know that my enemy is going to kill me, so before he reaches here, I take the sword and plunge it into my heart, at least I die with honor.. ahah.. the things people do in order to avoid being affected by others..

If I talk enough about how bad I feel, then I will feel good later.. I mean, who created that concept in the first place? Disappoint myself now, so that I won't be disappointed by others later- same concept. Then why don't you just kill yourself now, so that you won't have to face death later? -silly bunch of idiots. That includes myself..

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Being involved in church is not as important as being involved outside the church

This is my third post for today.. and it's only in the afternoon.. See? This is what happens when I lack sleep.. or is it the other way around? Maybe I have too many things in my head and that's why I can't sleep. Anyway, I was being asked the question yesterday, by someone important- an adult.

He asked me, "So, Anna,.. are you involved in church?"

And I answered, "I used to.."

"Used to? How come?"

"Well.. let's just say I retired.. haha.."

Someone else, who overheard the conversation said, "There is no such thing as retiring when it comes to serving in church."

"I know, but give others a chance also la.."

No comments from the rest.

Okay, let me explain myself..

Firstly, let me explain my church and how we have changed our missions over the years.. we are NOT, i repeat, NOT focused on evangelism. We are, in fact, focused on nation transformation and Kingdom issues. And in these, we are to go into the world, not being called to go into the church. We have, therefore, little activities that involves around the church- minimum, in fact. The only activities we have are kids, performing arts and Kingdom Club (a business men and women fellowship), of which I am only involved in the first two.

Performing arts (The Voice) plays some sort of an annual role in the church- normally presenting during National Convention and Christmas, and sometimes, Easter, which would just be a simple performance- nothing fancy. The greatest productions are normally Christmas Productions, prepared months in advance, starting from somewhere in June. The National Convention is normally prepared weeks to a month in advance. And lastly, the Easter performance, normally involving only a handful of seasoned crew, a week to three in advance.

I used to be very involved in the Performing Arts group, before they were called 'The Voice'. Those were one of the best days of my life- so many sweet memories.. ah.. yes, those were the days when we would camp for about a month together- doing nothing but practicing our different dances.. it was beautiful to be part of a team, so bonded as a family.. we cooked for each other, cleaned up with each other.. played together.. you name it.. Some even tried to commit suicide together (inside story), but yeah.. those were the days, back when I was in primary school till high school..

Then what happened? Well, not to say that I am no involved with The Voice anymore, but hey.. to be honest.. my reason is really stupid. Other than the approaching final semester, I had a more accurate reason- I was scared. Yeah.. so now you know? Why scared? Well.. I have been performing in church from as far back as 8 and have been every year ever since. But I guess.. people change. My reason is very simple, and very stupid. Hence my long explanations to avoid the simple fear I had- adrenaline.

Haha.. yes.. I'm very simple in fact (not!). I'm scared when I get up on stage.. and when I reached college, I told myself.. that I had enough. Every flipping presentation got me more and more afraid. Why the sudden change? Well.. I'm not that random, there were some external causes.. like.. the performing arts group decreased its quantity presentations to quality presentations during that time, and so instead of presenting every alternate month or so, we presented like twice a year- such a sudden drop in my momentum. It was hard to face the crowd when I finally needed to, after all those months- I was not used to the adrenaline anymore.. I lost confidence and I became afraid, added to it, my physical stamina dropped and I would black-out easily. When I practiced for a dance item, I would tell myself,.. "Okay.. this is my last one.. not going on after this." And then Christmas would come and I volunteer to dance again.. and I will be like "What the heck?" and then I got 'smarter' and resorted to drama, but then realized that the adrenaline was seriously taking its toll on me.. and I would simply say, "Okay.. no more presentations.. presentations are just not for me."

Yea, call me chicken, whatever.. so I decided to become a scriptwriter- somewhere away from the spotlight but hey,.. I've got the heart for it.. I loved writing, anyway, poems, stories.. what not. But the first script I wrote was a total disaster- my greatest regret of today. Everyone thought the story was about me, I mean- what could be worse than that? The script was horrible.. Although it made people cry when they read it, especially people who could identify with it. No, it was a happy ending, thank you for wondering, but.. it never materialized- the group that was supposed to present it chickened out because it was too.. corrupted. Don't figure. I had another idea for a script, though.. told some influential people about it, but.. they said it was too difficult because they didn't have anyone to play 'God'. So.. yet another discouragement.. I guess I give up too easily, but these two scripts meant a whole lot to me, so yeah.. I was disappointed, so kiss me..

So my role as a scriptwriter vanished into thin air.. just like that, so yes, I am in The Voice group, but what's my role? I have no flippin' idea.. lately, I tried something new- supposed to play the violin for Christmas- no kidding. Took up classes months in advance. Never practiced and never made it for class.. Violin still here, lying down comfortably on my bedroom floor next to my guitars.. I practiced a little,.. seriously.. enough to play one or two songs, and I bet that if I just sticked to one song, I could pull it off with my violin teacher- Cheryne. But well.. had my dissertation coming up.. So I said byebye to that idea. So yes, I was supposed to be involved this Christmas, I just didn't have the time. And perhaps if I stayed on and be involved, my answer to the above question, "Are you involved in church?" would have been a "Yes, quite..".

I guess I answered "No" because I compared myself to some people who had church activities every other time of the day. Considering the amount of activities we had in church.. My church didn't have that many activities. But if I considered the percentage of my activities among all my own church activities, I would probably get a high percentage, just by being involved in that one performance, it would be close to 100%. Haha! Get it?

My goodness, I can do a theses on this. It's really long, no? And I'm not done yet- I just started. Now I'm just done with talking about my church. Now, let's get to the second issue I was to discuss- me.

As the title of this post suggests- Being involved in church is not as important as being involved outside the church. Allow me to involve a little of my church's mission here- nation transformation and kingdom issues. Where is all that? Outside the church, as I said. The people in the church are not in need as much as the people out there. I'm sorry, but my ministry calls me to get out there, not stay in here. And the leaders of my church all agree that the real mission field is out there, not in here. It is the pride of my church, in fact that we as members are out there, and not in here- no, I'm not kidding. Thus the reason for minimum church activities. We are not church-centered (now, don't get me wrong, I didn't say all the other churches are) but they'll become like us, one day. It's just a matter of time.

My church is a forerunner church- it's our calling to go ahead and pioneer things a decade or so before other churches get into it. And for that, we get through much persecution.. much. Like the one I might be getting right now, for not being involved in church. No, I'm sorry, but being involved in church is not everything. It is something, yeah.. but not everything. It's significance still stands, yes.. where it should. There are bigger fish to fry out there.. and no, I don't have time for church stuff.. I want nation stuff.

No, I'm not boasting.. I'm just trying to open your eyes to bigger things. My ministry is into education.. the marketplace. Here is where the people are. Not in the church, no. And I'm tired.. I'm tired of all those presentations that get only a handful of people saved every year- we DON'T have time for that. That is NOT the main issue out there. People are dying.. and getting them saved will get them to heaven, yes, but how many, exactly? You know what's ironic? Let's draw up the charts, shall we? You say those meetings are evangelistic, how many people actually get saved? 10 each meeting? Yes, I know, for each soul saved, the whole Heaven rejoices.. is everything just about getting people saved? You think that is our mission on earth- to get people saved? Oh boy.. now we are getting wayy off topic.

Okay, that is a different issue altogether.. but what's so bad about going off topic? This is after all, my blog.. and there's nothing to be too honest about here. I'm just lazy to explain all from Adam and Eve's time.. Okay, so when God created them, He gave them a mission- now let me ask you- what is the reason God created human beings? Is it to preach the gospel? To who? Adam preach to Eve and Eve preach to Adam is it? No, wait.. God created Adam first, so who is he supposed to preach to? The animals? God? No.. why did God create the flippin' Adam for? Some would answer, 'to worship Him'. Are you sure? But He had the angels to worship Him. Does God actually need us to worship Him? You think He got more powerful when we did? No.. His power can't possibly be measured.. then? Or do you really think God is that vain that He just adores being worshiped? No..

God did NOT create us simply to worship Him. He created us to have a relationship with Him. He created in His likeness, to be His sons and daughters, to love Him. And in that package of being sons and daughters, He created us in His likeness. Now, what is the likeness of God? God is.. all powerful, am I right? He created us like gods on the earth- to have dominion over the seas and the dry land- to fill the earth, multiply, subdue it.. This is the kingdom principle. Dominion in the center of God's will. So that God, not us, would reign over the earth. The Kingdom includes the 7 pillars, Peter Wagner has researched. Arts, Business, Church, Culture, Education, Families, Government.. all I know is, it's ABC..

Okay, anyway.. where was I? Yea,.. as for me, I am more into Education, so I shall focus more on that,. it doesn't mean I can't be involved in church, I still am, but what I mean is.. being involved in church is not everything. Do NOT persecute people who are not involved in church. God doesn't require everyone to serve in the Church. God does, however, require everyone to serve OUTSIDE the church.

My friends- they are people whom I should be caring for.. take them out when they are having problems.. then they cry, they share, and I share to them about Christ. It doesn't happen all the time, but if you have enough friends in need out there, and if you're there for them, trust me.. you'll get your hands full.. because there is always someone in need. And if you're too busy with your church routines, lay them down, give others a chance, and go be that one friend to help them. Because helping your friends are more important than being involved in church. You don't have to counsel them or anything- just be there for them, happy times, sad times,.. if you're there enough, they will know who to look for when they need a shoulder to lean on and cry on. But if you're busy.. you're just going to miss that chance when it comes. Like I said,.. it doesn't happen all the time. It comes randomly.. and you never know which friend will be in need next..

This is another reason why I don't want to get caught up with all these practices and trying to get my timing and dance moves right.. trying to reach the right key, trying to play the right role.. because who am I doing them for anyway? My friends, right? Then how can I abandon my friends for these practices? I can't.. trust me, for all you evangelicals out there.. I get more friends saved driving them around in the car than practicing my dance steps..

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Read slowly...

17 November 2007
John 4:10
FV3

10 Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”

I like this verse because all I need to do is to ask You, and You will give me living water. Nothing else can quench my thirst and can satisfy my desires but You alone. And when I ask, You will give- that is Your promise to me. I need it badly- I need Your living water because I am thirsty, just like this Samaritan woman. I can identify with her- I feel for her. She has had five husbands. If I was her, I wouldn't know what to do with my life anymore. She didn't have five boyfriends- but five husbands. How bad is that? I thought I was bad..

You knew she was coming- that's why You sat at that well and asked her for a drink. You knew her desires. You knew she wanted something so bad. She really needed You, Lord. She was looking for something that man couldn't give her. She's tried so many until she just decided to give up on marrying them altogether. What is it she is looking for, God? I feel so much like her right now.. I've had three boyfriends, and the one I am with right now is not even my boyfriend. What is it I am looking for, Lord? Please tell me.

Whatever it is, I just pray that You give it to me- because what this world has to offer, can never quench this thirst of mine- be it boyfriends or husbands, they cannot quench it- only You can. I don't want to spend my entire life like this woman- lost, looking for something she can never find because she is looking at the wrong place. I know where to find You- You're right here.

Lord, I give up- I lay my cards down. Whatever it is I'm looking for, just give it to me. I am asking You right now, Lord. I give up trying to find my own way. I admit that I can never find it my way. I give up. My way is just wrong. It's just not the way. It's not going to get me anywhere. Whatever it is I'm looking for- just give it to me! You promised You'll give it to me- You said it in this verse, and You never break Your promise. So give it to me.. I don't even know what I'm asking for.. but You know. You call it living water- so give me this living water. I know living water is just a metaphor, because she happened to be drawing from a well. So, I don't know what it is called. But it doesn't matter- I want it.

Wait- I know what she was looking for- You are that living water, aren't You? She asked, "Sir, give me that living water." And You never break Your promise- so that means that You did give it to her. And the point where she left her waterpot was just after she asked You for the Messiah, and You said that it was You, then she left. That means, she was actually looking for the Messiah- You, and she found You, and she was overjoyed!

I'm looking for You, Lord.. I want You, and I'm asking for You. So please, come into my life, and be with me. I need You, desperately.

Mental Picture:
This little girl was asking her dad a question, and she had big eyes and looked so cute and innocent. She seriously wanted to know and she asked him gently and sweetly as she looked up to him with her tilted head. She was holding his little finger, strolling round the park with him. He wore this white shirt and black pants, like he was on his lunch break, but took time off to see her, just taking an aimless walk around the park, spending time with her- doing nothing. I was so touched by her dad- he was a busy man, but somehow, she seemed more important to him. I just don't understand why he took time off to answer simple questions, which seemed to bewilder her. Simple questions about common things that happen daily, which no one bothered about. And he answered her, as detailed and as slowly as he could, so that she understood. He spoke softly and gently back to her, as though it was an important question and he wanted to make sure she caught everything he said and treasured every sentence.

Application:
I want a dad like that- a dad that i can just hold his little finger and walk around the park aimlessly. A dad who thinks I am the most important person in the world- more important than his work. The little girl was probably asking, among all the other questions- why he actually took time off to see her that day. And his answer was probably spoken to her gently, softly, slowly and as detailed as he could, so that she understood every single sentence.

I'm asking You.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Then what is a relationship?

I'm finally giving up.. finally.. finally.. I've given up trying to find God's will for my life.. I know that I am not even supposed to find in the first place.. but.. you know.. as a human, I have expectations too.. and I am so sick of it. I have finally begin to accept the fact that I will never find the guy for me, at least not anytime soon.. so currently, I just roam about.. flirting probably.. just befriending everyone normally and drooling over cute guys, but never really getting emo-involved with anyone of them.. that's the best for now.

You don't believe me, eh? Especially Xiying.. she will be like.. "Yeah, right.. Anna giving up- lol! Anna and her 'infatuations'.." hahah.. I can imagine the expression on her face matching that tone of her voice.. hahahaha.. so XiYing..

But seriously lar.. now is not the right time to get emo-involved with any guy.. I still have a lot of growing up to do.. besides,.. there are exams, assignments and boring stuff..

To all you singles out there who is interested in finding a stable relationship and settling down- what are you thinking? A relationship is not about going out hang kai everyday, seeing each other every day and talking to each other everyday.. there are better things to do in life. So what is a relationship really about?

A relationship is not about seeing each other. It is not even about accompanying each other. A lot of people have fine long distance relationships. Then what is a relationship? A love relationship is a commitment. A commitment between two people, to esteem and to love each other above everyone else. This is Anna's definition of a relationship.

The dictionary defines a relationship as an emotional or other connection between people. So I guess you have gained more understanding about the definition of relationship before you get into one, or if you're already in one- by reading this post. Thank you.

P:S- I have a love relationship with God- by my definition, of course.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Driving dreams...

Here is a silly sms session with a friend of mine which went totally round the bush..

Bold : me

Eh.. Busy arh? When you coming back?

So fast mis me? Lol, on my way home.. Anything?

Where got so fast? Considered slow already la.. But much faster than you la..

Ahah, thought ur didi wil accompany u.. He's like everything to u.. Hehe

He just recovered from chicken pox.. He took me to 1u this morning, then dumped me at home and went out with his friends. Didi only, mah.. Not bf.

Ahah, so how much effort u took to look after him, he dump u home 4 friends.. Cute la u..

What cute? Like that also cute ah? I show you what is cute want or not?

Ahah, dats exciting, wads cute?

-_-" it was just a statement.. What were you expecting, dude? A mirror?

U said u wanted to show me? Dats mean! U cant juz tel ppl wad u wanna show n not showing them kay!

Wah.. First i'm cute, now i'm mean? That's not fair..

Well, dun blame me, i said u were cute, u said u wanted 2 show me cuter, n it got me excited, n now ure telling me its juz a saying? Huge disappointment! Meanie

Haha.. Well, sorry to dissapoint you, [name withheld],.. but other than me, nothing's cute..

Ahah, looks like sum1's head is growing eh! Excuse me, im cute too aite, u cant hold that title all 2 urself! Learn to share!

Fine, so i can make exceptions.. But i'm telling you.. This is as for as it goes.. My decision is final.

Ahah, aww, stingy u

It's not about being stingy.. It's about being honest.

Ahah, Thx 4 ur honesty, so tel me wad else u wanna be honest about?

What do you mean? I'm always honest.. Aren't you?

Of course.. Wad else u wan 2 noe? Lol, wad do i gain by lying eh?

I want to know what time you're coming back.. Wasn't that the first thing i asked you? -_-"

Ahah, how can i tel u dat? U cant predict wads on the traffic

Erm.. Why not?

Well, i suck when it comes to directions..

Directions? You're navigating?

Driving

Go dream..

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

God of my forever - City Harvest Church

I just realized I found my fav artists.. CHC stuff.. lol!

E Emaj7 A B

E C#m
GOD OF MY YOUTH I REMEMBER
A B
YOUR CALL ON MY LIFE TOOK ME O'ER
E C#m
YOUR LOVE HAS SEEN ME THROUGH ALL MY DAYS
A B
I STAND HERE BY YOUR GRACE

E/G# A
ON THIS ALTAR I'VE WRITTEN MY LIFE
E/G# C#m - B
TELLS OF THE STORY I HAVE WITH YOU
F#m B
MY LORD I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW

E Emaj7
GOD OF MY FOREVER
E7/D A - - E/G#
AND FOREVER I'M WITH YOU
F#m - B G#m - C#m
MY LIFE IS SAVED WITH A PRICE
F#m B
YOUR SACRIFICE REDEEMED MY SOUL
E B/D#
GOD OF MY FOREVER
C#m A
AND FOREVER I WILL SING
F#m - B G#m - C#m
MY GREATEST HONOR WILL ALWAYS BE
F#m - B E
TO SERVE MY LORD AND KING

GOD OF MY LIFE I SURRENDER
MY HEART FINDS ITS REST IN YOUR WORD
PRAISES WILL NOT BE ENOUGH TO SHOW
HOW MY LOVE FOR YOU HAS GROWN

NOTHING MATTERS WHEN YOU’RE HERE WITH ME
IN THE END JUST TO HEAR YOU SAY “WELL DONE”
BOWING BEFORE YOUR THRONE

C#m E/G#
FOREVER AND EVER
A B
JESUS YOU ALONE IN GLORY REIGN
C#m E/G#
FOREVER AND EVER
A B
WITH YOU I’LL WALK THIS NARROW WAY

*thanks to Cyril .. hear the song here http://www.khorst-wushu.blogspot.com/

God of My Forever
By Gan KC

Intro: D A/D G/D A

Verse 1:
D A/D
God of my youth I remember
G/D A
Your call on my life took me over
D A/D
Your love has seen me through all my days
G/D A
I stand by Your grace
F#m7 G
On this altar I’ve written my life
F#m7 G Em7
Tells of a story I have with You my Lord
A
I want the world to know

Chorus:
D Dmaj7
God of my forever
D7 G
And forever I’m with You
Em A F#m7
My life is saved with a price
Bm7 Em A
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
D D/C#
God of my forever
Bm7 G
And forever I will sing
Em A F#m7 Bm7
My greatest honor will always be
Em A D
To serve my Lord and King


Verse 2:
D A/D
God of my all I’ve surrendered
G/D A
My heart finds rest in Your word
D A/D
Praises will not be enough to show
G/D A
How my love for You has grown
F#m7 G
Nothing matters when You’re here with me
F#m7 G Em7
In the end just to hear You say “well done”
A
Bowing before Your throne

Bridge:

Bm7 F#m7
Forever and ever
G A
Jesus You alone in glory reign
Bm7 F#m7
Forever and ever
G A
With You I walk this narrow way

These are the correct chords from KC.
_________________
~City Harvest Church~

I am willing...

Mark 1
FV1

2 As it is written in the Prophets:
“ Behold, I send My messenger before Your face,
Who will prepare Your way before You.”

I like this verse because You always prepare the way for me when You ask me to do something. You will not ask me to do something that I cannot do. You always make a way..


3 “ The voice of one crying in the wilderness:
‘ Prepare the way of the LORD;
Make His paths straight.’”

I like this verse because sometimes, You send me as a messenger to make things straight for You to come again.. You use me to put things in order for Your Kingdom to be established. And I like to be used by You. I feel very important.. like a key person.. same as when You ask me to build a school for You also.. I feel really important..


4 John came baptizing in the wilderness and preaching a baptism of repentance for the remission of sins.

I like verse because it always starts with repentance.. sometimes when I want to come back to You again,.. it starts with repentance. When I ask You to forgive me, then it is easier to come back.. now I know what to do when I feel far from You.


5 Then all the land of Judea, and those from Jerusalem, went out to him and were all baptized by him in the Jordan River, confessing their sins.

I like this verse because there was a revival. I would love to see the nations come to You from everywhere, to be cleansed by You, to come back to You.. it really touches my heart to see that. It is my desire.


7 And he preached, saying, “There comes One after me who is mightier than I, whose sandal strap I am not worthy to stoop down and loose.

I like this verse because John the Baptist was so humble.. he really put Jesus as such a high position.. even when He is his cousin. In a way, it makes me feel like I want to be like John the Baptist in the way he looks up to You.


8 I indeed baptized you with water, but He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

I like this verse because You bring the Holy Spirit for me. I love the Holy Spirit and I need You everyday. Without You I cannot do anything. I really need You to guide me each step of the way. I cannot live without You, Holy Spirit. I want to do everything in the Spirit.


9 It came to pass in those days that Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee, and was baptized by John in the Jordan.

I like this verse because You were humble.. Although You were the Christ, but You chose to put Yourself under certain authority and spiritual order and protocol. Even You put Yourself subject to it.


10 And immediately, coming up from the water, He saw the heavens parting and the Spirit descending upon Him like a dove.

I like this verse because its so nice the way Your Spirit descended. It shows Your beauty and majesty. It shows Your awesomeness. There is nothing like that in the earth. When You are with me, it's like that too. The things You do to show Your love for me is so special. Nothing is like it. You really treat me so special. That's just You and the way You treat people that You love.


11 Then a voice came from heaven, “You are My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”

I like this verse because You really go all out for me, to show everyone that You love me. People can see how much You love me. You're not a person that loves me in secret, but You love me openly when I love You openly. You dare to show people. It speaks Your character a lot.. You know,.. sometime guys, when they love a girl.. they are afraid to make the first move.. and then again, there are girls who make the first move.. I guess it just speaks Your character as an individual that You are a person who dares to make the first move in this relationship. You know.. many people thought that You are a god that is very quiet and all.. but You are far from it. You are loud and outspoken. You don't care about what people think because You are God, and You act like You're God.. hehe..


13 And He was there in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan, and was with the wild beasts; and the angels ministered to Him.

I like this verse because in times of temptation, You bring angels to minister to me, it may be people or it may be ministering angels.. but You always provide the good in the bad times also. I guess that's You.. that's Your love for me. You can't leave me alone.. You can't stop doing nice things for me.


15 and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel.”

I like this verse because there is timing. There is always a time for everything and I know that You will tell me when is the right time. Sometimes, it's not that I made the wrong decision, I just made the right decision at the wrong time. I need You to tell me what time it is.


17 Then Jesus said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men.”

I like this verse because You ask me to follow You. You chose me.. I wonder why.. I feel really touched that You want me. Among all the people in the world, You picked me to follow You. It is an honor to walk everywhere You go, and to enter into the places that You enter. To do the things that You do. To follow after Your footsteps. To be like You. To follow exactly like You.

I feel so touched that You want me to follow You. Don't I irritate You? Don't I disappoint You? Don't I make You unhappy or angry? Don't I make You upset with me all the time? But You still want me to follow You.. You don't make mistakes, right? I wonder why then did You choose me. I have so many weaknesses.. I think if I'd mention them all, I'd get depressed just writing them..

But if I have a chance to follow You.. if You give me that option, I would grab it. I would seize it and follow You with all I can. Because that is all I ever wanted and there is nothing else I want more than to follow You. What can I do in this world which can be more meaningful than that? What- catching fish? If I follow You, I can do so much more- save people. This is what You can do- You can make my life from nothing to worth something. All I want is You. I will give my all to follow You. I would leave my nets.. I would leave my family, I would leave my house to follow You. It's not a very hard thing- what is mine anyway? It's like giving a rubbish man a position as CEO of the largest company in the world- Microsoft? What's so hard?


18 They immediately left their nets and followed Him.

I like this verse because I am impressed by them that they left immediately. They didn't make excuses or ask for extra time to prepare anything. Many times, when You ask me to do something, I am like.. "err.. what? Now, arh?.. You sure? You like.. very sure?.. Why not later? Why not someone else?.." I have a thousand and one excuses. They were more than just obedient. They were immediate.


20 And immediately He called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants, and went after Him.

I like this verse because they went after You. I don't believe it, but I actually have this mental picture of them literally running after You. I can imagine them on the beach there.. running! I know it wasn't mentioned in the Bible.. It was just my imagination.. I would probably be something I would have done if You walked too fast.. I would be like.. "Hey! Wait for me!!!" I will run after You..


21 Then they went into Capernaum, and immediately on the Sabbath He entered the synagogue and taught.

I like this verse because You taught me so many things that I cannot learn elsewhere. So many things in my life.. I can't even recall all of it. I think every single thing I know comes from You. You taught me everything I know, Lord.. Everything.. that's just Your character.. You like to teach. I guess that's why everyone called You 'teacher' that time. You know.. if You are teaching then I believe that I should be teaching as well.. I should teach Your word to the class on Sundays.. because that's what You like to do.


22 And they were astonished at His teaching, for He taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

I like this verse because You are different. You have something that other people don't have. You have authority. You have boldness when You speak. Everyone knows that You are the Son of God. There is an awesomeness when You speak. You are not dry and weak like the scribes.. boring and all.. but You are full of life and energy.. when people hear, they wake up! And when You speak, such revelation flows.. that's when I know if it is from You or not. I really admire You so much.. You know I like presentations and all.. and I like to speak out publicly.. although I am a shy person.. but I like it when I do something right and everyone praises me.. haha.. who doesn't? And of course I have role models too.. I admire people like my sis Debbie because of the way she used to speak in front of crowds.. I always pretend that I am her. But You are much better than that! You are like the best speaker.. You are indeed my greatest role model.. :)


24 saying, “Let us alone! What have we to do with You, Jesus of Nazareth? Did You come to destroy us? I know who You are—the Holy One of God!”

I like this verse because everyone knows You in the spiritual realm.. hahaha.. I can't imagine their faces when they see You.. It's like their greatest nightmare! It's so fun.. casting out demons and stuff.. I guess I should have been there to witness the whole thing.. It's just so cool, the way You scare them like that.. hehehe.. I think it was really cool.. nuts.. should've taken a video of it! It's so cool..


27 Then they were all amazed, so that they questioned among themselves, saying, “What is this? What new doctrine is this? For with authority He commands even the unclean spirits, and they obey Him.”

I like this verse because You not just scared the demons but the people also.. You freaked them out.. they were like.. what the.. hahah.. I guess it was really an eye opener for them.. They never seen anything like it before! It must be really fun doing stuff like that, huh.. ahh.. wish I was one of those people who supported You that time.. I would've been so proud of You and myself for following such a geng person..


28 And immediately His fame spread throughout all the region around Galilee.

I like this verse because Your face spread so fast.. You just started Your ministry only.. Everybody liked You.. they thought that You were special. I think You're special too. I'm not surprised at how people are receptive towards You.. How much they hunger.. when they hear,.. news spread so fast.. Sometimes I imagine if it happened in todays time.. hehe.. I think I'd see You on Oprah Winfrey and David Letterman shows.. You have something to give that other people don't. And this something is the exact thing that I am searching for.


29 Now as soon as they had come out of the synagogue, they entered the house of Simon and Andrew, with James and John.

I like this verse because You went to Your disciples' house. Just like You're coming to mine. I am Your disciple, right? And You want to build Your relationships with Your disciples. I appreciate the effort You make to get close to me.. and we become like one big happy family.


30 But Simon’s wife’s mother lay sick with a fever, and they told Him about her at once.

I like this verse because when there is a problem, people go to You first. And I think it should be that way.. when people have a problem, they should come to me first, because I have You,.. and when I have a problem, the first person I should go to is You.


31 So He came and took her by the hand and lifted her up, and immediately the fever left her. And she served them.

I like this verse because You took her by the hand. I always picture myself as her.. I feel so touched. It showed Your love.. It's so sweet of You to take me by the hand and lift me up from my situation.

It's the same as yesterday's devotion.. You also took the little girl by the hand. In that devotion, I mentioned "I just need You to believe in me, and I can do anything.." and I liked that phrase so much that it became my msn nick. I think You're trying to say something to me.. there are similarities between these two chapters, and this is one of them.

So in both situations, You took me by the hand and lifted me up. I thank You, Jesus for doing that for me. I really appreciate it so much. I thought that You were far away, but You were holding my hand and lifting me up. How could I not see that? You are so special to me.


32 At evening, when the sun had set, they brought to Him all who were sick and those who were demon-possessed.

I like this verse because people were crazy for You.. sun set already still want to come.. they were desperate.. just like I am desperate.. I don't care.. seriously.. I am so desperate for You..


33 And the whole city was gathered together at the door.

I like this verse because so many came, until the door there also crowded.. There is something in my heart that cannot be described. The longing I have to be wherever You are.. If You're in the wilderness, I'll go.. if You're in the house, I'll go. If You're in Australia.. -_-" I'll go..


34 Then He healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons; and He did not allow the demons to speak, because they knew Him.

I like this verse because throughout Your whole life on earth.. this is what You did, and You were not bored of it.. I am amazed.. You just gave Yourself to the people.. You just give Yourself to me like that.. all the time spent just healing me from my stupid heartaches.. just transforming my rotten life, over and over again.. and You're not sick of it.. I wonder how You tolerate me..

I really admire You.. I really wish that I can be like You.. one day..


35 Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.

I like this verse because of Your relationship with God.. You were desperate to spend time with Him too.. and I need this desperation.. If I really long for You, the compact duties of the day cannot hold me down.. because I should even wake up before that to spend time with You.


38 But He said to them, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth.”

I like this verse because You're very focused. You don't just try to please everyone. You know why You are here and You are all out to accomplish it. I admire Your focus and stability. You are not easily swayed by people. People don't tell You what to do. I wish that I could be more firm sometimes instead of letting people drive me up and down. I need more of Your character in my life.


39 And He was preaching in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and casting out demons.

I like this verse because You are a person of regions.. You try to cover the whole region, and then go to the next region and cover it.. I don't know, but there is something territorial about the whole thing.. Sometimes You place me at a certain place, and then You bring me to another place.. and then when it's done, You bring me to another place.. but You don't bring me to another place until the whole area is covered.


40 Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.”

I like this verse because it was so touching.. he was so.. desperate.. when he said those words,.. my heart just melted.. "If You are willing.." wah.. I think I cry man.. if I am Jesus, I will also say.. I am more than willing.. it's like my friend to tried to belanja me makan.. I wanted to pay her back.. but she insisted.. and she said.. "It's okay.. you don't have to pay me back.. just tell me more about Jesus." ..my heart just melted to nothing.. And I will never forget that day.. I was more than willing..


41 Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.”

I like this verse because You were moved with compassion.. sometimes the things I do have to be out of compassion.. I picture it.. A leper.. no one wants to touch- came. And when it comes to healing lepers.. You always touch them.. just like when it comes to healing people on the bed, You take their hand and lift them up.. then paralyzed people, You command them to take up their bed.. there is a certain similarity.. a pattern.. I know there are explanations for each one of them.. Paralyzed people have to overcome their disbelief.. those people on the bed need someone to love them and support them.. and the leper needs someone to be willing.. to be willing to touch them.. to love them more than they love themselves when others were afraid of touching them.

When You said "I am willing.." it wasn't just "I am willing to make you clean.." but "I am willing to touch you with my bare hand.." it was that kind of willing that cleansed him. He wasn't just healed of his sickness. He was healed right there in his heart.

When the leper said.. "If You are willing.." it showed his hurt and fear of being avoided.. after so many lepers that You cleansed and all those stories, I am sure it was evident that You were willing.. he needn't ask. After all, I bet he came all the way because he heard that You heal lepers in the first place.. if not he wouldn't have been there.. but he was so hurt and all.. he had to ask first. I mean.. what made him any different from the other lepers? Why need he ask? He needn't. But he ask out of the fear of being rejected.. disappointed- hurt. That's why You were moved with compassion. Because You had compassion on his soul that was so hurt.. so broken inside.. aihhh.. now I also feel the compassion.. sigh..


42 As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed.

I like this verse because he wasn't healed when You touched him but when You spoke that You were willing and ask him to be cleansed. But most of all, I like this verse because he was cleansed.. it was a happy story! Yay~! My favorite leper was cleansed! Hallelujah!!!


45 However, he went out and began to proclaim it freely, and to spread the matter, so that Jesus could no longer openly enter the city, but was outside in deserted places; and they came to Him from every direction.

I like this verse because it is the last verse.. and I am done! Hahaha.. just kidding.. I like it because the people came from every direction to a deserted place.. well.. I guess that place isn't so deserted after all! You changed even a deserted place to a major meeting point of people from every direction.. it was crowded! There were so many people there.. thousands.. many times, I feel that I also am deserted.. but it is only a good sign to show that You will make my life as a major meeting point and I will meet people from every direction! From all over the world.. hehe.. thank You, Jesus..



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *