One of the reasons why I am doing what I am doing is because I like working with You. I don’t want to do some secular job outside because I don’t feel a sense of achievement and accomplishment. I feel like I am not making a difference. I feel like I am not contributing to Your vision and Your plan. I feel like I am wasting my life away.
But by doing something that is in my heart to do, I feel that I am pleasing You. Because the same things that is in my heart to do is in Yours. You created me. My visions, my desires and my dreams all come from You. The fruit doesn’t fall very far from the tree. I am just a mini version of You.
When I do something that is in Your heart to do at the right time, You can trust me to do bigger things and greater things. It is just like the story of the minas. Soon, I will be doing greater and more things than before. This is how I grow in the ministry.
I am an encouragement. When You see me working alongside with You, You move more. Then I see You working more as well. Then I see things began to move and everything falls into place suddenly, it’s like a miracle. When I work, I encourage You. And when I encourage You, You work. And when You work, You encourage me. And when You encourage me, I work. It is like a cycle. I like that.
Some people are like that. They are a part of the problem instead of part of the solution. The last guy who hid his mina was part of the problem and had to be settled later. I don’t want to be a hassle. I don’t want to create trouble. I want to be part of the solution, so please let me know what to do so that I will do the right thing. But sometimes, I make mistakes. I thought it is the right thing, but it isn’t and it becomes a problem. But in the end, You will make everything well because You are always in control. I have nothing to worry about. You are greater than my mistakes.
When You have something big coming up, preparing is a big thing as well. Big things require lots of preparation and lots of work. When there is a lot of work, I know that something big is cooking. Right now, there is so much work to do. I don’t even know where to start anymore, but all I know is that the time is now and I have to work hard.
I don’t have to do something out of this world. I don’t have to do something so big and so grand that no one else can do. Sometimes, it is the small things that are left undone. I can serve You by doing those small things and You will still be equally pleased with me. I have to be faithful in both the little things and the big.
You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is beyond me. You might ask me to do something tough, but that is only because I am tough. You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is too big for me. Everything that I do, has already been taught. I know how to do it and I can. Whenever I think it is too big for me, think again.
Ultimately, You are my role model. You are who I want to be like, and is created like. You created me in Your image and all I ever want to be is You. My desires are shaped by You, everything I know how to do today is taught by You and all I can ever produce with my life is for You. My whole life belongs to You.
This is my one thing. I know it. This is it. It is exactly what I want. This is my moment. Others will talk. Of course. They think it is impossible.
It is a new world. This is the beginning of new things. Everything done here is unthought of. There is a first time for everything. If I don’t rise up and get it done with, I would have to do it later anyway. I might as well go through with it and get it over with.
I can’t live my life in the ‘I will’s anymore. It is time for the ‘I AM’s. I have always said like – next time, I will do it. I will do that. I want to start a school. I want to. Now, it is time to say, “I am running a school.”
The whole time, everything I did was for the future. My whole life was living in a pre-school era. I was so much into the next time, I never really lived. But now I am in a place where the future has arrived and I have to live in the now.
It is a decision. This is something I have to choose. This is something I have to stand up for. This is something that I have to make as my will and stick to. This is something I have to believe in and carry out. This is something I have to do because it is my choice. I want to do it now.
First, I have to understand why people are telling me that I can’t do it: because they never did jump over. And because THEY never jumped over, doesn’t prove anything. They never did is one thing. But they never even TRIED. They have no right to say it is impossible if they have never tried. And I have no right to believe their words if I myself haven’t proven them right. If I want to believe them, I would first have to prove them right. Otherwise, they are wrong. It IS possible.
A fence is something made for the purpose of keeping me in. It’s only objective is to keep me in. And my only dealings with the fence is to overcome it. That is my only duty regarding the fence.
One of the books I read was called Children of the Voice. His first mission was his most important mission. And that mission was to go out there, to pass through the wall, out of his land into the BigWideWorld. This is where I am at. This is the first chapter. If I don’t make it, there will be no rest of the story. Others have already gone before me. Now is my time. I may be the youngest who has ever gone out yet. But there will be more after me. This is important. This is my first challenge and my biggest challenge. After this, everything will be clearer for me. Every other challenge would be nothing like this one. Here is where I get the blueprint that will help me face all the other challenges. I need to hear Your voice.
The biggest challenges I have are the people around me. They have watched me grow up. They may or may not have any respect for me. They may or may not believe in me. But I will be leaving them behind. They are just people. They cannot stop me. They can say whatever they want to say, and believe whatever they want. But they cannot stop me. And nothing they say will be able to stop me. I am to ignore their sharp thoughts and their sharp words.
If I want to sit down and stay put on this side of the fence, I will never be satisfied. The earlier I raise my butt and get across the better. I will never be at peace or at rest on this side of the fence because I was not made to sit on this side of the fence. I was made to move my butt, stand up and cross over. I was made to cross the fence. My life beyond the fence awaits me. My promise land – my dreams and my visions.
There is a first time for everything. I am scared because this is something I have never done before. But it is just one of those things which I have never experienced, and never done before. One of those first time things.
but if i dont even understand myself then how is anyone else going to?
