25th Birthday Prophecy

By Joshua Sim

There is a decision that you are about to make and it is a very important decision, and God says that He wants you to make it a bold decision. Don't be afraid of the decision that you are about to make. He says you know what is the right decision to make and it is a long-term decision and it will determine your future.

By Linda Sim

There are opportunities for you, coming your way. And God will prosper you. You will reach a new level of intimacy with God. You are going to have such an intimacy with God.

By Faith

Open doors, God will open windows of opportunity for you, God is going to bless you.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

it really doesn't matter

Today was a bit interesting. Skipped dinner - didn't feel like eating. (Still haven't eaten, btw.) Hungry, yes, just no appetite. Woke up with a broken heart. No idea why.

Went to school to take the worship because today's Monday and at the end of everything, Phoebe asked me, "Anna, I feel really down today. Any idea why? Like, really, really down."

So I was like.. "Hmm... you're very sensitive.."

"Why?"

"Erm.. you were down when you woke up or as soon as you came?"

"Erm... as soon as I came."

"Oh.. I know why already," I grinned and retreated to my work.

"Why?"

I looked back at her, "well..." felt kinda uneasy, really didn't want to say it, because I knew it was my fault, "must be because of me."

"Why because of you?"

"Umm.. I woke up down.. erm.. yeah.. and I guess when you came in you could feel it, that's why I said, 'You're very sensitive'."

And she was like.. "err.... okay." And went off to class.

"Don't worry, you'll feel better when you get into the class," I called out behind her.

So I thought for a moment and wondered how terrible worship must've been for her to feel so down and it never picked up since she walked in. Felt really guilty.

Then You spoke to me about the brokenness and that I had to really give You my heart and let You keep it. And if anyone wants my heart, he'd just have to ask You for it, and You will only give it to the one that is deserving. I've had my share of broken heartedness and I believe it's enough.

The day continued and I found myself really tired the rest of the time - physically tired. Not sure if it was due to the physical pain I had because of muscle strain from the dance classes or because of the emotional pain I felt in my heart along with it the entire day. By the end of it, I gave up my replacement class with my student in Cheras because I was just too tired and hardly feeling well. I knew that if I continued to the end of the day, I would return home half dead, probably sleeping on the wheel, even. Plus, by the time I reached home, it would've been about ten-ish - late.

So I laid down on the bed and chatted with You a bit. And then You told me, "Jesus Loves you" And suddenly that really meant so much to me.. love. Was I really that loved? Wow.. It was like something I would want to paste all over facebook. I actually know what that means now.

Then, since I skipped dinner, I resorted to worshiping on my guitar. Even skipped a meeting my dad asked me to go to because he saw me stealing my laptop away from the living room while everyone else plus guests ate at the dining.

While worshiping, many things crossed my mind. Family members, leaders,.. Sigh. The horrendous moments I've had and the pressure on all sides. Sigh. Just thinking of it makes me sigh. So that's how my worship went.. hard-going at first, trying to figure out what my problem really was. And then it came...

I decided not to care anymore - what people said, what they thought of me - no matter who they were - family members, 'mentors', 'leaders', etc. I didn't care anymore. It's not that I didn't respect, honor and all. It's just that nobody's perfect. They say things that probably were not from You anyway. Not everything they say is true. I just have to learn to hear for myself. Certain things like.. "Why worship so loud in your room until everyone outside can hear you?" So I tried to keep it down. Or.. "What's wrong with you? Why did your worship leading go down?" "Have you been having your personal worship? How often have you had it?" All the negative thoughts came back to haunt me during my worship. How terrible is that? How to worship like that?! I couldn't do it. I felt terrible. Useless. Guilty, even, for singing so 'loud'.

I really didn't know what was wrong with me. So it came to a point in my worship when I couldn't care less anymore what they said and I just went on, and on and on and on and on... with all my heart, with all my strength, and I couldn't be bothered whether anyone outside the room heard me or not. I really couldn't be bothered anymore. I didn't care if I sang the same lines over and over and over again, or if I sang one 'meaningless' gibberish that didn't even make a word and was more of a sound than speech at the same tone continuously. Just couldn't be bothered anymore. But when I did that, I felt that I was getting somewhere..

And then I suddenly felt that You were pleased with my worship. For once. Not that it was a worship song, it was really a song about me.. "I need more of You, more of You" (and I felt guilty singing that song, really because it wasn't a worship song, so there it is again..) And then as I just played and played the guitar.. something hit me.. I started to cry. Just pouring my heart out, the pain, the hurts, the disappointment... everything.. like I was emptying my recycle bin.

Then something else came, "You are beautiful".. You said to me. It made me feel happy but I really thought I was getting distracted by nonsense, so I shoved it aside.

A vision appeared before me. I saw the boutique I really liked last time - Somerset Bay, in 1U. I have no idea why I saw it, but I did. And I saw a father who took a girl to pick out a dress. And as soon as that vision hit me, I started to cry. And as usual,.. I had no idea why I cried. But I saw her picking out her dress with glee but most of all, it wasn't about her. It was about her father that made me cry. I had no idea who they were. It's not like my own dad didn't take me out to buy dresses, he did. But this wasn't about that. It was the expression on his face and his attitude towards his daughter - he treated her like a princess.

What was it I missed? Wasn't I treated well? I really thought I was, really.. What was missing? Why did I cry?

Being humans, we try to reason out everything. But really, not everything was made to be reasoned out.

I couldn't figure it out. So I just played my guitar and went on..

Then I saw my own dad taking me to the changing room, but, no, it wasn't a dress. It was long white jeans and a light blue, long-sleeve polo shirt. All beggy, too. And there, I burst into the most awful cry ever.

Now.. this was not a memory. This never happened to me. It really wasn't something I was remembering. My dad didn't do that to me. What just happened? Why am I crying?

There it went again.. I was trying to reason out everything. Didn't work. Still couldn't figure it out.

So I brought You in to help me figure it out. And as I looked at myself in the mirror with the jeans and shirt nicely tucked in as I stood there, totally shocked. You stood behind me, smiling.

Smiling. That still didn't make sense. But it made me feel good. Why? (trying to reason again)

Because You were smiling at the person inside. It really had nothing to do with what I wore.

"He saw me wearing guy clothes and smiled at me. It really doesn't matter, does it?"

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

it's them

Come, let me tell you the pressures that I am really facing right now. Let me be honest and tell you the truth. Almost all my mentors are pressuring me to get married but the problem is no one is chasing me. Is it really my fault that I don't have a boyfriend? Their words echo, sinking into my head.

"Anna, you're getting older..", "You're old enough to get married, la...", "I want you to get married by 26...", "Do you want me to recommend anyone to you?", "Ask someone to recommend to you some guys...", "Anna, why don't you want to get married?", "You're getting older, you know that?"

Argh! I never thought this day will arrive but it finally did. The truth? Well, here's the truth:

I feel so hopeless right now. It's really not that I don't want to get married but I don't even have anyone on my list to consider, except for two really 'hopeless' guys that i wouldn't even want to put in my list, even if they had a big crush on me. (Trust me. Not ever going to be in the list.. EVER!)

And then there's this guy.. that I so really want to be with right now but will probably never have the chance with. I don't know but since I have nothing to loose anyway, I thought I might as well wait.. not like I have other options available, right? Why wait? Well, firstly because I don't go around chasing guys. Secondly, because I believe that if he's God's will for me that he'll come around. And thirdly,.. well... thirdly, because he's not my age.

There, you got me.. So I have to like wait super long but I guess it'll be worth it. It's really not that I am waiting but rather.. I got nowhere else to go anyway, so it's not that I'm being fussy. Plus, I just can't have feelings for anyone else the same way, so this is it, really. I think I've made my mind. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I don't mind a life being single forever. It's not me who will be disappointed anyway... it's them.




* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Advise myself

girls want guys who can be respected, is mature and yet loves them

This is what I told my students.. then I wondered.. how hard can it be to find a guy whom I respect and yet loves me? I guess it's mainly because of two reasons: one, I hardly respect guys. Secondly, not many guys love me. So that leaves me with two questions:

1. What kind of guys do I have respect for?
2. Why is it so hard for guys to like me?

The first is easy to answer: I find it hard to respect older guys because my expectation of them is much higher than who they really are. But I respect younger guys easily because I basically don't place any expectations on them. It can even go to the extend of hearing a guy's age and immediately loosing my respect for them just because they are older - like.. being old means being dumb and unreasonable.

But why is it so hard for guys to like me? This, I honestly have no idea - what do guys really look for? I see the girls around me being admired by guys, and these girls have so diverse personalities that really makes me wonder.. what is it in these girls that captures the hearts of guys? From the really popular girls to the sweetest and purest girl. I have no idea what it is that makes guys do anything for. It just doesn't make sense to me, and it's not like these guys really know these girls before they are head over heels in love with them. They say girls are complicated, but it seems to me that girls are so easy to understand - they only want guys whom they respect to like them - what is so hard about that? But guys.. I really don't understand.

Do guys want girls whom they respect as well? Maybe not in the same areas but in other areas? What are the areas that guys will respect a girl in? Looks? Does that mean that I must get a guy who looks uglier than me? Eww~ perhaps.



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Which path to take after SPM?

Your parents have chosen a course that will most probably lead to great wealth and I have nothing against that. But it breaks my heart to see the path that they have chosen for you. I know your parents are godly people. They love God and have given their entire lives to serving God. They have suffered a lot in this world and are very concerned about your financial well being. But here I am concerned, about everything else.

One thing you have to know is that God wants your time more than your money. He rather you give him your time than to use that time to make money and then give him the money. It will only please me one day to see you involved in the ministry, giving both your time and your money to God. Because your whole life belongs to Him anyway. Nothing here belongs to us. Everything we have in this world is only borrowed. We came into this world naked and we go back naked. We carried nothing in and we will carry nothing out. You cannot carry anything back - not your favourite pillow, not your best shirt in your closet - nothing. Money is not something you can bring to heaven.

I am richer than you because I have given up everything - my life and my money for the kingdom of God. And my riches are in heaven. But you, you can earn all the money in this world, but you cannot bring it back. What good is it to a man if he was to gain the whole world and lose his own soul? The riches in this world is only temporary. But the riches in heaven lasts forever. So in the end, what can you bring back? Only what you have done for God and your relationship with God. Spend your life building up your relationship with God, because when you go to heaven, that is the only thing that matters. That's the only thing you really bring back. That's the only thing that God wants to see. Even if you spent your whole life serving God in the ministry, all the things that you do for God in your entire lifetime added up cannot compare to the importance of your relationship with Him. To God, it is all about your relationship with Him. He doesn't need your money, doesn't even need your life or your ministry. Just your love.

The Bible said it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God because he has everything to give up and he has to give up everything. What's the use of money but for the kingdom of God? God will only give you money if you have something to use it for. If not, why should he give it to you? Is there something you have in mind to use the money for? Did he tell you that He wants that money? Then what is that money for? If you don't know, then don't work for it. You're just wasting your life. It is better for you having not lived than to spend your whole life on money instead of investing it in the kingdom of God. That will be one really wasted life because in the end, it will amount to nothing.

Yes, we can buy luxurious things, but only keep what belongs to us. You have to know that the money that God gives you does not belong to you. Take only what you need. With great wealth comes great responsibility, terms and conditions. And until and unless God has called you into that ministry of drawing in the wealth, then I do not suggest you do it for the rest of your life because just as entering the full time ministry is a calling, so entering the marketplace ministry is a calling, not a last resort. Always be sure you know your calling. We both know your brother was called into the marketplace, but not so sure about you.

Everything we do is all about calling. If God didn't call, don't go. If their motive in choosing that course for you is for the money and if your main motive of choosing that course is because that is what your parents want you to do then I suggest you fast and pray about it before you make such a major decision based on - if I may - shallow reasons. I think it is about time you hear God for yourself than to depend on your parent's relationship with God. If you can't hear God, then you are in a very dangerous place. And if this doesn't concern you, nothing will. The most basic foundation in Christianity is the ability to hear from God independently. Work on that and all your problems are solved. And if you need help, you know I'm always here to help you. This is the most important thing in life. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Riches. Riches are only good for one thing - to give. And if you are not the generous type, then this is not your calling. The most important thing about receiving greatly is the ability to give greatly. That's how you know if you have that calling. That's how I knew I had the calling for the marketplace. Is generosity one of your gifts? If it isn't, you have two choices - you either work on your giving or you find out your true calling. If you don't do that, you are heaping up curses for yourself which you wouldn't want. There are tons of verses in the Bible against rich people who don't share their wealth and I do not want you to end up like one of them.

When God calls, he gives a vision. I always ask people - where does vision come from? Yes, I know it comes from God, but what does God use to spark vision? - Needs. Where there is a need, there is a purpose and where there is a purpose, there is a vision. Where is your heart? Forget about the passion of hobby. Where is your heart? Where is the burden? The passion that God has placed in your heart. The passion that was first in His. I am not talking about the passion for music. I am talking about the passion for worship. I am not talking about the passion for art. I am talking about the passion of touching the next generation. I am not talking about the passion for education. I am talking about the passion in changing the world. There is a big difference between ministry and compassion. Just like there is a difference between theology and God's word. Perhaps passion is not so the word, but burden. Find that out. Which part of God's heart has He placed within you? What breaks your heart which so evidently would break His? What makes you lie awake on your bed at night full of concern and rage? What disturbs you?

If I followed my heart and did the things I only LIKED to do, I wouldn't be in education. I would be busy drawing, fulling the desires of my soul to the max and wasting my precious life away, struggling in my own fantasies of what I think passion is all about. No. There is a different passion. A passion for God and a passion for people. If you don't have a passion for people, then work on your passion for God because all those who love God love people. Because God loves people. There is no man of God who does not have a heart for people. We cannot say we love God and have no love for people. So if you don't have love for people, dig deep in the love of God and don't give up until you find intimacy with God.

Start your journey from the heart of God. From there, you will know what to do.

Once you have touched the heart of God, then you will know the heart of God. The same thing that breaks His heart will break yours and you will know your calling. If you want to touch the heart of God, worship. For hours and days if you have to. Just don't give up. All the best.

PS: If you need anything, you know where to find me.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

I love you and I love you too

The Shulamite:
I never believed in love at first sight until I met you.. As soon as I saw you, I knew what I wanted. I wished. The moment I saw you, it was as if I had known you all my life, and yet I knew that I was going to love you forever..

Little did I know how much you touched my life. Everything about you is a treasure, set apart for something special, and yet, I don't know what. Your life is a mystery. I admire you. There is nobody like you. And I know that if I were to search the world around, and turn it upside down, there will be no one, even a fraction of who you are.

The Beloved:
I wish you knew. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. Who can believe this? That I managed to find so great a treasure? And that treasure is you.

The Shulamite:
You're amazing. Your face illuminates the sky. It's like the most precious jewel ever crafted in the hands of God, more precious than diamonds. How can something so perfect be real?

Your voice is like an angel's. I wonder why no one ever realized that before.. or is it just me? When you call my name, it is as if my dreams came true. For a second there, I gasp, almost in disbelief. It's as if it was the only thing I ever wanted.

Everyday, I wait to see your smile, and when I do, it's like I'm in a daze. In a split second, I'm 7 feet above the ground just because you smiled at me. What made you smile? When will you ever smile at me like that again? But you do it, just the same. And it makes me feel funny all over and it makes me feel like I just want to love you forever..

When you're right beside me, it's like I'm right where I belong. Time flies and before I know it, it's over... all the moments I've enjoyed.. years that seemed like days just fade away in the distance. Everything but now.. and now, if ever, I see a glimpse of you smiling at me.. you can be sure that I'm treasuring every moment of it.

You're just so pure.

I love you... ♥


The Beloved:
The love that I have for you can't be denied. There is no way I'd ever say that I don't love you because I love you.

I know all your weaknesses, but I still love you as though you didn't have any. None of it matters. You can say and do anything you want, and make all the mistakes that hurt me but I will always love you and I'm sure of that. Nothing you can do can make me love you less. Not even a single bit less.

I'm just so sure of what I want, and I know that it's you. You're all I want. There's nothing and no one else that I desire more than you.

The Shulamite:
I'd do anything for you. If I have to change every single thing about myself for you, I would. What I want, who I am. It all just doesn't matter to me anymore.

The Beloved:
And even after everything I've done for you, if you still don't love me at all, I'll still love you.

If I can paint my love for you on every sky and every mountain and on every living thing, it would be too little. I want to do so much more for you.

If I have to contain my love for you any longer, I think I'm just going to blow up. I have to tell you. Somehow.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

More quotes ^^

Wisdom quotes:

There's always somebody who is less fortunate than you

No one is worth it

The person who loves God is the person who can see Him "Who is invisible" - Susan Tang

O Jesus, help me to love You more. Oh God, I just want to love You. I want to love You with all my heart, soul and spirit - Susan Tang

Cover your hurts with the language of the Spirit - Susan Tang

Seeing yourself differently and seeing yourself different from others

Loving others should be part of who I am if I am really part of who You are

You may be right but that does not give you the right to complain

Don't see yourself as who you are but who God can be in you

You can't take out and put back the cross anytime you think it is convenient for you - It's either always there or not there at all

Shower your love at the Son and you will have rainbows in the sky

God sometimes use the worst people on earth to do the greatest things. I am one of them. I think you should be proud of yourself too :)

Malaysia will be a whole lot better without the tudungs. I'm not a racist. Islam is a religion, not a race and I hope that one day all of us will remember that.

I'm learning from mistakes I haven't even made

If you take all the wisdom of the most successful people on earth and publish them in a book, it will be nothing but a book of sheer foolishness

Comparing people is like comparing the currency rate. In the end, I just won't get anything.

Don't tell your God how big your storm is but tell your storm how big your God is - John Newton

Do you have a relationship with God

The Kingdom of God's got a hold of me but I can't let it go - Brad

Men like that just appear from no where. You can't make them - they either exist or they don't.

It's how much of the Word of God that controls your life that really matters - not how much of it we know - Albert Kang

There is a huge difference between looking like people who are your age and looking your age. It's not a crime to look young.

Everyone has something really amazing about them that makes them irreplaceable. If I get to know anyone well enough, then I can see that side of them that makes people like them

When dealing with young people, we must always have a pocket full of jokes and overnight of energy =)

Wolves don't come in sheep's clothing anymore. They come in shining white armours.

Behind every man is a boy. Behind every boy is a slingshot.

I'm too much for me

It's so hard to pray against something that you know is going to happen

Unfortunately, I'm the only one :(

First comes the fire, then comes the water - Ps. Becky

It is not about the experiences that you have - it is about the attitude that you have towards them.

Wanted so much to do the right thing that she ended up doing the wrong thing

But because You gave so much that I am worth so much

Life is not about decisions. It's about obedience.

That's what Christianity is all about - the forgiveness of sins. So what's the use of a Christian who doesn't forgive? It is like salt that loses it's flavour. So have salt in yourselves and have peace with one another.

Grace is not to be understood. It is to be experienced.


Random Quotes:

Because of all the lights ^^

Senget smile is better than no smile

Curtains make a world of difference

I was in the plane so long, I actually thought the hair of the guy in front of me grew longer a bit XD

Since when was speaking in a different slang cool?
Since I learned to speak african!

A power crack woman will open the toilet door a little longer just to enjoy those few seconds when you are at her mercy.

Don't worry, I've given up trying to argue with you - Anakin to Padme

What's so prophetic about me?

All my dream undies...

Oh my goodness! My hair is so messy and I don't care!

For a moment there, I thought I saw Malaysia

We have joy, we have fun, we have children in the sun

It's not that I don't love you, it's just that I don't have enough money...


Emo Quotes:

Because when younger guys dump you, it won't hurt so much

It's just gonna be me and You again

Why must you mean so much to me

I'm so used to being hurt

When I think about him, all the other guys just fly out the window...

Part of me wants to be with you, the other part of me is totally against it

I don't understand why love is so painful and yet we still choose to love

You talk as if you want to help me but what you really want to do is to make a fool out of me and as a human being, it is quite unnatural for me to respond to that positively

I got so used to you asking me to do things for you that I forgot how to do anything for you on my own

If I love God at all, and if I love you at all, I will let you go. So goodbye... I love you.

Lost a friend that meant the world to me

Every tear I cry, You hold in Your hand - Casting Crowns

The hurts that keep me alive

Living a life of integrity is so hard. Can I give up now? My biggest threat is myself and I can't run away from me.

Friendship is about having a shoulder to cry on, but you are the one that's making me cry all the time.

Everytime I think about it, it crushes me all over again

It was fun shopping with you although we didn't but anything XD

I've loved you all these while but I have finally come to realize that I don't mean anything to you - that's why it hurts.


Personal quotes:

Anna-Grace... is trying really hard not to look at younger guys and trying really hard to get attracted to older guys, but it's just not happening =(

Anna-Grace... likes a land with more trees than people


Special Beach Edition:

Love it when the waves come crashing down onto nothing

I wish I could take the beach home with me...

Sucking in the salty air from the sea

Let the brown blend into the blue and put a blanket of white over it

Here I am standing at the beach. Shivering.

You must know when to stop surfing and get down on the board

Who is going to ride that wave?

When the waves get violent

After a while, you just stop taking pictures, sit down and watch people surfing...


Most used quote:

Thanks. I woke up like this.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

summary

Since I am only taking one subject this semester (which ends on the 27th of Jan), and another one subject in the next semester (or following), I am looking for a job to gain some experience before starting my own daycare center.

My future short term plan is to work for 1 year in the education line to meet the requirements of obtaining a PR in Aussie. I still have to check with the agent to confirm if that is what I need or if I already have enough points after I finish my MEd. My long term plan for the next 10 years is to start a Christian school/campus for youth ranging from 0-21 years. I am planning to do it here in Malaysia, and make it international. I also hope this school is able to sponsor orphans and raise them up. Consequently, I want to build church through the marketplace/education.

My vision is to raise up a new generation who would sacrifice their lives to serving God in fulfilling His call for their lives in the church, nation, and the world, to plant churches, become leaders of nations, impacting nations, making a difference, and turning the hearts of those in the world back to God for the establishment of God's kingdom.

I know my vision to build a school is complicated and all, but the more people say that it is impossible, the more I know that I am on the right track and in the will of God. I know that God can use anyone. I still have a the rest of my life to get all my visions and dreams done (and more) and I am only at the beginning.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Quotes by Anna

All quotes below are by me and God unless stated otherwise.. enjoy.. =)



New songs for a new season

Don't stinge on love - there will always be plenty to go around

When girls get married, they don't get what they're asking for. When guys get married, they don't know what they're asking for.

Why don't I just give You my whole life?

If you don't appreciate your marriage, you don't appreciate your family. If you don't value your husband, you don't value your children. If you don't love your husband, you don't love your children because your children are a product of your and your husband. And if you don't love your children, you don't love God because your children are a gift from God.

Can I be the one? - God

"You don't stand up to give something - you have something to give" by Pastor Nicholas Sim

So much passion, so little expression. So much love, so little opportunity.

Cultures doesn't have to be tradition and rituals doesn't have to be routine.

Not just a life worth living but a life worth dying for.

A matter of the heart.

Not because you deserve it, but because you don't.

A sanctuary is more than just a building - it is the state of the heart.

A much younger person scolded me. The awkward part was - he was right.

What's the use of knowledge without understanding, experience without maturity, words of wisdom without the substance of integrity, strong will without depth in character, godly values without godly fear, practicality without faith, and love that is conditional? You may receive honor for being older, but respect has to be earned.

I don't want to just survive - I want to achieve something with my life.

I think God is really with me.

Learning to respect people for who they are and not for what they have done.

My life is filled with pictures and dreams.

Language should be a facilitator, not a hindrance to the learning process.

Learning starts from the heart.

I don't have time to give and I don't have money to invest, but I have something that's more valuable than money and time put together - I have a vision.

When I dance, time flies.

We are all like doors. We decide what we allow to affect our lives and we decide what we do to affect others. We determine what goes in and what comes out.

Not pure because I'm undefiled, but pure because I've been defiled and washed with the blood of Jesus.

You know what's in my heart, but now I need to know what's in Yours.

The past are the seconds that are lost forever.

The future is a place I am living in but not at yet.

You may narrow my landscape, but never my vision.

Some challenges cannot be outgrown - they have to be overcome.

Others will talk. Of course. They think it is impossible.

The future has arrived. Live in the now.

Luxury is necessity.

Doing whatever I want doesn't mean that I will be rewarded with whatever I wish. In fact, doing whatever I want only results in what I don't wish.

Sometimes, I think.. Am I that hard to love? Then again, when I think about the way He died on the cross for me, how could I say that nobody ever loved me?

I'm sorry, dear.. You will never be able to satisfy me. Because I've already found my Hero.

You never know if that is what God is saying until you act upon it. - Rev. Steve Chang

We try to do things differently.

If I think that I am killing time, I am only wasting it.

Sometimes, we are too concerned and overwhelmed with the wedding that we totally ignore the Groom.

Rip my mind away, rip my heart away, and just let my spirit be.

Love people, use money. Not love money, use people. - Pastor Dexter Low

The system is the box designed by those who think outside the box for those who want to live in the box - Elijah Low

There is nothing proud about being humble.

Malaysia needs a miracle.

If someone you really respect believes in you, you will believe it - Pastor Dexter Low

The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life - Pastor Lily Low

You can't loose something you never had.

Reality doesn't exist.

Children - feels so insignificant and yet, so important.

Asking without faith is equivalent to not asking.

Naughty boys - we grow to love 'em

I am whomever I want to be - nobody can stop me

I am sorry that no matter how much I love you, I still hurt you over and over again...

Trying to give him what he wants in a way that no other girl can = insecurity

I have the perfect love Story and I don't need anyone to rewrite it, thank you

Teaching - Not giving up before they do, and not giving up after

Forgiveness - the very essence of Christianity

He didn't need to but He did


Guilt causes sin

Wash me in Your blood

Sometimes, the biggest threat to the organization are the leaders themselves

Sometimes, it is not about the cause - it is about the consequence

Even in the dark, you can see how dirty my car is..

God in place in every place

We only grow up once, so grow up well.

Because I love you

To give love is easy but to receive it is hard


Big needs give birth to big dreams. Without need, there are no dreams.

Condemning yourself is a sin

Please crush my heart into a million pieces - because at least then, it wouldn't hurt so much.

It's not about what you do - it's about who you are

When the main pillar that you think is holding you up turns to tear you apart. And you feel like there is nothing to back you. That feeling of helplessness weighs you down. And sorrow, like termites eat you up from the inside. No one hears the silent cries that echo through your sanity. Bitter loving memories collapse around you - blasting off your very essence. Fiery tears fuming with passion burn your expressionless face. When you look around, all you see are invisible doors slamming into your face continuously. Friends, are now turned enemies overnight. And then - you will remember God.

Wishes she could grasp the full understanding of Your love

LRC, if it was not for the Tuesday Night group, you would have lost your cutting edge. Your cutting edge is not in the resources or people. It is not even in the sound system. It is in prayer, worship and intercession.

Every girl has a right to fantasies. But when you have expectations and disappointments, don't blame it on him - blame it on your fantasies

Old cucumbers and egg soup is a match made in heaven ^^

All my prophecies until today will be fulfilled in this time and this season.

It's all in the details



Anna-Grace taglines...

Anna-Grace loves causing trouble in Sunday Schools.

Anna-Grace feels so loved and loves so much.

Anna-Grace has just come to realize the significance of money =.=

Anna-Grace loves watching sparrows sand bathing.

Anna-Grace loves her little bedroom lamp :)

Anna-Grace is in love.. with small little red tomatoes

Anna-Grace doesn't belong to you.

Anna-Grace is wanted so much by God.

Anna-Grace does whatever God wants her to do - or at least she tries.

Anna-Grace plus God is a complete entity - Pastor Nicholas Sim

Anna-Grace loves opening durians :)

Anna-Grace just realized how pathetic she is at lying.

Anna-Grace just realized how little one whole chicken can be.

Anna-Grace loves to hug and kiss certain people.

Anna-Grace is guilt intolerant.

Anna-Grace is fully dependent on God's love.

Anna-Grace is just waiting around for it.

Anna-Grace likes old ladies..

Anna-Grace is so in love with her

Anna-Grace haven't slept with the light off in ages

Anna-Grace loves 4 in the mornings =)

Anna-Grace just realized how frustrating relying on other people can be.

Anna-Grace is so sick of food

Anna-Grace has a thing for home-cooked food

Anna-Grace's hobby is collecting hugs

Anna-Grace misses heaven...

What you are is God's gift to you. What you make of yourself is your gift back to God - Kelly Jeppesen

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Stumbles

I was reading the newspaper, when I stumbled upon this poem:

"I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree...
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives iwth rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree."

by Joyce Kilmer



* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Victor Ooi

Ephesians 2:8, 9

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,
⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Titus 3:5
⁵ not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit,

2 Cor 6:16-18

¹⁶ And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:


“ I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people.”

¹⁷ Therefore

“ Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”
¹⁸ “ I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,
Says the LORD Almighty.”

If you have worries and anxieties:

Philippians 4:6-7 (New King James Version)

⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 9:9 (New King James Version)

⁹ The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed,
A refuge in times of trouble.

Psalm 32:7 (New King James Version)

⁷ You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (New King James Version)

⁸ We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed—

Romans 8:28 (New King James Version)

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

1 Peter 5:7 (New King James Version)

⁷ casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.


If you need wisdom, read:

Psalm 32:8 (New King James Version)

⁸ I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.

James 1:5 (New King James Version)

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

i will give you the rest.. coming soon.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

If you are only 7

One night, when I was 7, I lay awake on my bed and I felt very strongly to give my whole life to God, for the use of His Kingdom and His ministry. I told God that I would give my whole life, and I would do anything for Him. I just wanted to give Him everything. As my parents were pastors, I told God that I wanted to go all over the world, like them. I wanted to do whatever it was I had to do to bring the world back to Him.

But then, I realized that I only had one life to live, and with my one life, how was I going to touch the whole world? I have seen so many missionaries give their lives to God, but until today, all they have touched are only a couple of hundred lives. There is nothing wrong with that, but I was not satisfied with just a couple of hundred lives - what about the rest? - I wanted to touch the world. Then, I believe, God, showed me that it was possible. If I had the vision to touch the whole world, and all I did was to touch a couple of million lives, then surely the one who influenced me to do it has indirectly been used by God to touch those millions of lives. And if that was so, what if I instead influenced millions of people to be just like me - to impact another few million lives? Wouldn't that mean that those millions have duplicated itself? And what if this duplication went on and on until Jesus came back? Yes, I can impact the world. I can.

But do people believe that I can? I am only one person and I am only 7. Then, I told myself that nobody could tell me that I am just one person and that I cannot do it. Bill Gates changed the world. The president of the United States changed the world. Who can tell me that I cannot impact the world like they have? And on what basis? I told myself that I was only 7 - I had my whole life ahead of me. Who can tell me what I can be or what I couldn't be? Who can predict my future? I could be anyone. When Bill Gates was 7, no one could predict his future either. I could be anything God intended me to be. God can use me to bring this world back to Him. He WANTS to use me. And I would not let anything or anyone stop me... This is my story.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

prophecy

I am going to give you a new system. A new system for the church. And many people will come and be blessed. And they will see the light that is shining in their hearts.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am going to show you the destiny of youth.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Dancing and soaking in the sun

Psalms 37:4
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Sometimes, we see the things we don’t have instead of what we have in us. Sometimes, we just want so many things out there. We want this and that and this and that. But if everything is taken away from you and all you have is God, and you don’t ask for anything more because you are satisfied with just being in God, then God will give you all those things that are in your heart.

The dictionary meaning of 'delight' is 'extreme satisfaction'. Imagine this little girl who is delighted with being in the sun. Normally, we think that kids would prefer all sorts of other things like toys and games, but this little girl was different. Her mother would ask her to come into the house, but all she wants to do is to spend her whole day, dancing in the sun.

The sun makes her world a better place. When you are with God and when God shines on everything you do, God makes your world a better place. You can see everything around you – they look so much more beautiful now when God shines on them than before. Before this, from your eyes, all you see is ugliness. All you saw was hopelessness and failure. But in God's light, God causes you to see success and a future.

Secondly, when this little girl is in the sun, she is a whole new person. Similarly. when you are in God's presence, not only do the things around you change, but you also change. You change to be a person full of life – you have energy. You are happy, You dance. You are who you are in God. You are confident, You are not afraid of your circumstances and the endless negative outcomes. You have all the boldness and courage you need to face the challenges that are in front of you.

When we are in God's presence, we will not bother about what others think. We just do whatever we want to do. You can be yourself and yet be satisfied with who you are. You don’t have to be what other people wants you to be when you are in God's presence.

Besides that, when this girl in in the sun, nothing else matters to her. The same goes with you: when you are with God, nothing else matters. This morning, I was so upset about everything. I felt like everything is hopeless and a failure – who I am is a failure, what I want to do with my life is a failure, what I have done is a failure. But after I read this verse, it all fades away. Suddenly, nothing else matters but God. Suddenly, all my cares and worries just fades away. And I realize that this world is not about me and them but it is about me and God. And that’s all that matters.

Not only that, but if this girl was locked up in the house all the time instead of in the sun, her world would be so small. Out there in the sun, our world is open to so many things. But in the house, everything is cluttered and our world is only so small. All we think about is ourselves: our problems, and our sorrows, our failures and our hopelessness. But out there, in God's light, everything around us illuminates. We can see the whole world. We see the joy of being God's child.

When she is in the house, she can have happiness, but she cannot have joy. She can have light, but it is not sunlight. All the things you enjoy without God can only bring happiness for a glimpse moment, but it can never be joy. We will never be satisfied. We will always have that emptiness and loneliness and hopelessness in us. Nothing can replace the joy of being with God.

When she is in the sun, it seems like timeless time. When we are with God, time is bogus. It is timeless time. It is a second and a day. It is a day and a year. It is a year and a millennium. There is no difference in time.

It is obvious that this girl is a person who wants to be free. When we are out there, we can be free. We can do anything. We have everything. There are no limits and no bounds. Everything is possible. Nothing will be able to contain the joy we have inside us. Nothing can separate us from God's love – no height nor depth, nor principalities nor powers, nor things in the past, nor things present, nor things to come. We can go all out for God when we are in His presence, and nothing can stop us. We are free.

When this little girl is in the sun, she is alone. So what if we are alone? It is great to be alone. Because we are not alone, but we are with God. Being in His presence alone is one of the most refreshing gifts to ask for. Here, God will reveal to you everything that is personal and meaningful to you.

Well, how does she delight in the sun? She soaks herself in the sun. We just want to be totally soaked in God. We just want more and more of God. And we can never have too much of Him.

What is the sun? It is something that causes her to grow. We are living organisms. And all living things need the sun to grow – including us. And if we have the sun, it is only right that we grow. How can we have the sun and yet not grow? If you are in God's presence, soaking every day and you still don’t grow spiritually, then it can only mean that you are not living – which means that.. you are dead. Spiritually dead. Everyone who hears God's word and soaks in God's presence has to grow. And if they are not growing, then they are spiritually dead.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Stuff to Thank God for:

1. I lost : My watch! I lost it! My lovely lovely watch.. given by my godparents just before I went to Aussie.. lost it on Saturday, found it on Tuesday.
   Days of agony: 3 days
   I found it on the floor at a part of my room I did not go to during these 3 days, so I have no idea at all how it got there!! But I was praying so hard.. so so so hard.. and I kept thinking about it until like.. distract me from my work everything I worry about it.. so, THANK YOU GOD!!!
   
   

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Why I am doing what I am doing

One of the reasons why I am doing what I am doing is because I like working with You. I don’t want to do some secular job outside because I don’t feel a sense of achievement and accomplishment. I feel like I am not making a difference. I feel like I am not contributing to Your vision and Your plan. I feel like I am wasting my life away.

But by doing something that is in my heart to do, I feel that I am pleasing You. Because the same things that is in my heart to do is in Yours. You created me. My visions, my desires and my dreams all come from You. The fruit doesn’t fall very far from the tree. I am just a mini version of You.

When I do something that is in Your heart to do at the right time, You can trust me to do bigger things and greater things. It is just like the story of the minas. Soon, I will be doing greater and more things than before. This is how I grow in the ministry.

I am an encouragement. When You see me working alongside with You, You move more. Then I see You working more as well. Then I see things began to move and everything falls into place suddenly, it’s like a miracle. When I work, I encourage You. And when I encourage You, You work. And when You work, You encourage me. And when You encourage me, I work. It is like a cycle. I like that.

Some people are like that. They are a part of the problem instead of part of the solution. The last guy who hid his mina was part of the problem and had to be settled later. I don’t want to be a hassle. I don’t want to create trouble. I want to be part of the solution, so please let me know what to do so that I will do the right thing. But sometimes, I make mistakes. I thought it is the right thing, but it isn’t and it becomes a problem. But in the end, You will make everything well because You are always in control. I have nothing to worry about. You are greater than my mistakes.

When You have something big coming up, preparing is a big thing as well. Big things require lots of preparation and lots of work. When there is a lot of work, I know that something big is cooking. Right now, there is so much work to do. I don’t even know where to start anymore, but all I know is that the time is now and I have to work hard.

I don’t have to do something out of this world. I don’t have to do something so big and so grand that no one else can do. Sometimes, it is the small things that are left undone. I can serve You by doing those small things and You will still be equally pleased with me. I have to be faithful in both the little things and the big.

You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is beyond me. You might ask me to do something tough, but that is only because I am tough. You wouldn’t ask me to do something that is too big for me. Everything that I do, has already been taught. I know how to do it and I can. Whenever I think it is too big for me, think again.

Ultimately, You are my role model. You are who I want to be like, and is created like. You created me in Your image and all I ever want to be is You. My desires are shaped by You, everything I know how to do today is taught by You and all I can ever produce with my life is for You. My whole life belongs to You.

The Time is Now

This is my one thing. I know it. This is it. It is exactly what I want. This is my moment. Others will talk. Of course. They think it is impossible.

It is a new world. This is the beginning of new things. Everything done here is unthought of. There is a first time for everything. If I don’t rise up and get it done with, I would have to do it later anyway. I might as well go through with it and get it over with.

I can’t live my life in the ‘I will’s anymore. It is time for the ‘I AM’s. I have always said like – next time, I will do it. I will do that. I want to start a school. I want to. Now, it is time to say, “I am running a school.”

The whole time, everything I did was for the future. My whole life was living in a pre-school era. I was so much into the next time, I never really lived. But now I am in a place where the future has arrived and I have to live in the now.

It is a decision. This is something I have to choose. This is something I have to stand up for. This is something that I have to make as my will and stick to. This is something I have to believe in and carry out. This is something I have to do because it is my choice. I want to do it now.

First, I have to understand why people are telling me that I can’t do it: because they never did jump over. And because THEY never jumped over, doesn’t prove anything. They never did is one thing. But they never even TRIED. They have no right to say it is impossible if they have never tried. And I have no right to believe their words if I myself haven’t proven them right. If I want to believe them, I would first have to prove them right. Otherwise, they are wrong. It IS possible.

A fence is something made for the purpose of keeping me in. It’s only objective is to keep me in. And my only dealings with the fence is to overcome it. That is my only duty regarding the fence.

One of the books I read was called Children of the Voice. His first mission was his most important mission. And that mission was to go out there, to pass through the wall, out of his land into the BigWideWorld. This is where I am at. This is the first chapter. If I don’t make it, there will be no rest of the story. Others have already gone before me. Now is my time. I may be the youngest who has ever gone out yet. But there will be more after me. This is important. This is my first challenge and my biggest challenge. After this, everything will be clearer for me. Every other challenge would be nothing like this one. Here is where I get the blueprint that will help me face all the other challenges. I need to hear Your voice.

The biggest challenges I have are the people around me. They have watched me grow up. They may or may not have any respect for me. They may or may not believe in me. But I will be leaving them behind. They are just people. They cannot stop me. They can say whatever they want to say, and believe whatever they want. But they cannot stop me. And nothing they say will be able to stop me. I am to ignore their sharp thoughts and their sharp words.

If I want to sit down and stay put on this side of the fence, I will never be satisfied. The earlier I raise my butt and get across the better. I will never be at peace or at rest on this side of the fence because I was not made to sit on this side of the fence. I was made to move my butt, stand up and cross over. I was made to cross the fence. My life beyond the fence awaits me. My promise land – my dreams and my visions.

There is a first time for everything. I am scared because this is something I have never done before. But it is just one of those things which I have never experienced, and never done before. One of those first time things.

The Past... again

sometimes, the only way to deal with the present is to remember the past and to deal with it. i am who i am today because of what happened to me. if i want to overcome the challenges that are ahead of me, i have to deal with my past.

i need to understand what happened to me and how. i need to come to terms with it. i need to process it and forgive those that has hurt me in the past. i need to understand what they have been going through at that time. only when i try to understand and forgive them that i can change my attitude and who i am today to be a better person and to be who i am supposed to be.

the thing about me is that i know i am different from others - i just dont know why. other people dont understand what i have gone through in the past because they have never been there. i am the only one who knows what i have been through and i am the only one who can understand the situation properly and understand myself.

but if i dont even understand myself then how is anyone else going to?

it hurts. sometimes, i dont want to think about the past because it hurts. but i have to, eventhough it hurts.

most of the time, when i think about the past, i wouldn't know what to do with it or how to deal with it. i think and think and think but all it does is hurt. it doesnt seem to help. thats when i have to see it from a different light - a different point of view. i have to see it from all perspectives - mine, those involved and Yours. i also have to see it from the devil's perspective to see how he has taken opportunity of that situation to destroy my life and my future.

i need a place i can just spend hours thinking without anyone disturbing me. i need a place where i can be alone.

a good time to think about it is when i find myself doing something that i dont understand. sometimes, when i do certain things that i myself don't understand, i have to wonder why i behaved the way i behaved by thinking about the past. i have to find a way to link this to the past so that i understand why i screwed up and repair the damage.

if i try to ignore the past and avoid it, it won't change anything. i will still be the rotten person i am today with all my bad habits. not thinking about the past is not the solution. forgetting the past is not dealing with it and i won't benefit from avoiding the past. yes, i need to forget what lies behind but the only way to forget it is to deal with it. and some experiences, time just won't heal.


* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

treasures

Matt 6:19-21

^19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; ^20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ^21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:34

^32 “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. ^33 Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. ^34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Riches

Lately, I've been receiving lots of verses that riches are not forever and that I shouldn't pursue after riches but after the will of God and God's business.

23 Feb 09 - Ezekiel 27:27

²⁷ “Your riches, wares, and merchandise,

Your mariners and pilots,

Your caulkers and merchandisers,

All your men of war who are in you,

And the entire company which is in your midst,

Will fall into the midst of the seas on the day of your ruin.

22 Feb 09 - Matthew 6:19

19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; ^20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ^21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

20 Feb 09 - 2 Timothy 2:4

4 No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.

18 Feb 09 - 1 John 2:15

¹⁵ Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶ For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. ¹⁷ And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

15 Feb 09 - Psalms 62

¹⁰ Do not trust in oppression,

Nor vainly hope in robbery;

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them.

9 Feb 09 - Luke 2:49

49 And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”

30 Jan 09 - 1 Peter 4:1-2, 19

Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, ^2 that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator.

22 Jan 09 - Proverbs 28

6 Better is the poor who walks in his integrity
Than one perverse in his ways, though he be rich.

8 One who increases his possessions by usury and extortion
Gathers it for him who will pity the poor.

11 The rich man is wise in his own eyes,
But the poor who has understanding searches him out.

20 A faithful man will abound with blessings,
But he who hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.
21 To show partiality is not good,
Because for a piece of bread a man will transgress.
22 A man with an evil eye hastens after riches,
And does not consider that poverty will come upon him.

27 He who gives to the poor will not lack,
But he who hides his eyes will have many curses.

15 Jan 09 - Luke 12

15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”
16 Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. 17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ 18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.” ’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’
21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”


22 Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. 23 Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? 25 And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? 26 If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?
29 “And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. 30 For all these things the nations of the world seek after, and your Father knows that you need these things. 31 But seek the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you.
32 “Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell what you have and give alms; provide yourselves money bags which do not grow old, a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches nor moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

14 Jan 09 - Psalms 62:10

¹⁰ Do not trust in oppression,

Nor vainly hope in robbery;

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them.
(repeated)

12 Jan 09 - Psalms 62

¹⁰ Do not trust in oppression,

Nor vainly hope in robbery;

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them.
(repeated)

5 Jan 09 - James 1:11

For no sooner has the sun risen with a burning heat than it withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beautiful appearance perishes. So the rich man also will fade away in his pursuits.

16 Nov 08 - 2 Kings 12:9

9 Then Jehoiada the priest took a chest, bored a hole in its lid, and set it beside the altar, on the right side as one comes into the house of the Lord; and the priests who kept the door put there all the money brought into the house of the Lord.

I wonder what all these means, maybe God is saying that I should help the poor.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

why I'm still a Malaysian

This is who I am, and this is what I do.

Many people wonder why I came back and don't plan to get a PR in Australia anymore. Australia has so many benefits and privileges - shorter working hours, better pay, good weather, higher quality of life, and the list goes on.

Well, this is why I'm still a Malaysian, and will be for a long time:


because Malaysia needs my help

I feel like my country needs my help. This is why I came back – because this is a third world country. I see Australians leaving Australia to help third world countries which they have no relations with, whom they don’t owe anything to, and here I am, going to Australia, leaving behind my country who needs my help, where I grew up and am familiar with, which I call my homecountry.

I went there because Australia could do a lot for me both financially and educationally, but why haven’t I thought about what I can do for my country instead? Malaysia needs my help. Really needs it.

When I went to Australia, I thought like.. "who cares about this darn country? Why should I give anything back to a country who doesn’t even appreciate its Chinese citizens like me? Why should I bother about a country who doesn’t bother about me?" When one of my friends asked me, "if everyone leaves this country, then who will stay to hold the fort?" I just replied, "Who cares about holding the fort?"

But I can change all that. I can change Malaysia. I can make a difference. This country doesn’t have to be a racist country. This country doesn’t have to treat its citizens unfairly. This country could be a great country to live in, but with my help.

because i saw the need

Those who don’t see the need are not obligated to help, but those who can see the need. And I can see it clearly. For me, I see it in many places, but what hits me in my heart is the education system. I saw the need when I was in it and I still see the need when I am already out of it.

because I can be an encouragement

Okay, let’s say I saw the need but didn’t have much to contribute. It doesn’t matter. I could be an encouragement to someone who DOES have something to contribute, who just needs a little encouragement.

I have to admit that making this decision was hard. Nevertheless, when I saw those who had the opportunity like me, to migrate but chose not to because they wanted to 'hold the fort', it was really an encouragement. And every now and then, it is as if I hear them say, "Malaysia has hope. Let's make a difference"

because I'm confident that I could make a difference

But I know that I can make a difference. It is that mindset that makes me think that I am not good enough, let someone else do it. But all the good people have already left. I have what I have and I am here. And I'm going to make full use of it.

Secondly, if I don’t have confidence in myself, I wouldn’t have the motivation that I need to carry it out even if my heart was set on it. I need to be confident that I have something to give. If not, I wouldn't even bother trying.

because there is Someone who could do it alone but chose not to

Helping this country is helping God. It is helping God make this country into the country He want it to be. He can do it alone, and He actually doesn't need my help. But God choose to work with me because that’s the way He prefers to do things. Life is all about having a relationship with God and He wants to do this but He wants us to do it together with him.

I'm sure all of you who have girlfriends would understand this - they want to go out, but they want you to come along because it is all about spending time with you. What's the point of going out alone? No, God doesn't want to do it alone. If God wanted to do everything alone, then what are humans created for? What is this relationship for? We were created so that God wouldn't have to spend eternity alone but with us. We were created so that God won't be lonely. So we must stop neglecting Him - it's making Him really lonely.

because I want to do something that was in God’s heart to do and according to ‘God's plan’

God has a plan – a blueprint for this country. God has something that is in His heart for this country, and I need to find out what it is and carry it out. I talk and sing so much about "doing God's will" but here's where I have to make it real.

because I've realized who I am and I've learned to take up responsibility in the country

I need to know who I am. I am a Malaysian and this is what I do - I need to take up responsibility in this country. I've had enough of denying who I am for who I could become if I took that PR. Enough for the past 1 year.

because this is my country and this is where I belong

This is my country. This is where I belong. I don’t belong anywhere else and that's a fact.

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

discouragement vs dreams

In this race for time and resources, the feeling of giving up seems inevitable. And the further I go, the stronger the feeling of giving up gets. I think it's discouragement from the devil. It's like the kind of discouragement that Elijah had from Jezebel. It's just when he was about to win the war then this feeling comes and stirs up such emotion that I just feel like I want to drop the whole thing entirely. After graduating from my degree program, the scarce monetary resources available to me prevents my energy from realizing it's true potential. Something this small appears like a huge boulder that is impossible to remove. But all I need is a lever and a little strength to get the ball rolling.

It's nothing but this feelings. I get so hooked on my feelings sometimes. It's like nicotine. It makes me hallucinate in thirst for a lift into a mere fantasy- the perception that life would be easier without drive and force. That the grass is greener on the other side. That I could live my life as a simple being and forget about this ambition, this dream that seems to be directing me to a monetary dead end.

It is so untrue. On the other side, there is no grass. There are no dreams. There are no winners. On the other side, is a bare, dry, empty land, with not a pebble even, in sight. And that land stretches on and on with nothing but barren emptiness and space. Whatever I saw from that other side of the fence was merely a hallucination. And if I don't realize that now, I would be giving up everything for nothing. That's what nicotine does. That's what the feeling of giving up does - it causes hallucinations and the blurriness of one's eyesight. The enemy to the advancement of all human race: to accept life as what they perceive it is. The strive to be comfortable in a barren land, catalyzed by lies that on the other side of their fence is an empty space, where the reverse is true. A place never ventured can only be reached through the perception of another individual- and whatever they perceive of it is whatever it is believed to be. But the source of that perception is unknown, for it could have been mere illusion to begin with. This conceptualizes the final theory that a place never ventured can only be reached through illusion.

Okay, so I was being poetic and metaphoric but that paints the picture of what the feeling of giving up does to destroy my dreams. And because it is so dangerous, I must not feed that feeling. Because today I was just letting myself into hallucinating again and believing that life would be easy for me if I just dropped the whole idea of educational studies and be a pastor on the mission field or a housewife. I can't let go of those hallucinations: that the grass is greener on the other side. I thought I would have more vision there and more enthusiasm for my work. The reverse is true. A place never ventured can only be reached through illusion.

*taken from devo 29th Aug 08

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *

Chinese New Year 2009

Hahahha.. Happy Chinese New Year! Gong Xi Fa Chai... :)

I spent the whole Chinese New Year eating junk food!!!! Biscuits, 'love letters' (its like chinese pan cake), and then in Malaysia, we have something called the 'Yin Sang'. It's this traditional colourful mixture of crackers, sweet stuff, salmon, ginger.. (kind of weird mixture, actually) and we mix it with the chopsticks - everyone mix at the same time. Hahah.. it's a Malaysian Chinese thing. I heard they just introduced that in Hong Kong.

CNY is kinda weird, though.. without ebbie and Joey.. hmm.. anyway, morning breakfast was at 9am.. I woke up at 8.30.. wake up so early then whole day nothing to do.. LOL.

We started off First Day Morning with Dad's cooking - Western Breakfast. Hahaha.. no, you wouldn't dare imagine that for Chinese New Year!

We had German Sausages, scrambled eggs, hash brown, bulls eye, ham, bacon.. needless to say the rest. Kinda looks like red meat, no? But it was nice! Whatd'you expect? It's dad's cooking!!!

After that, they played the Wii.. but Jie and I spent time chatting and munching while watching some really weird chinese show on tv. It's like they kept cutting it! And the girl said something like.. "Who wants to see me take off my clothes? If you want me to take off my clothes, kill the king!!!!" Swt, la.. really.. And after that I was like.. this NTV7.. useless, la.. keep cutting.. suddenly here then suddenly there... no need war, the fight ended de.

Then we played the strategy game.. I Won the first round!! And then the next day, I won another 3 times ^^ And we played again and again until like 3am.. hahahahahahahah

The second day only I visited my godparents.. haha.. and you know what? This year, I discovered from them... SHANDY! ahahha.. nice!!! Yes, I've never drank shandy before this! NO KIDDING

I had lots of Ang Pao's too.. but I realized that the older I get, the less angpaos.. :( I only collected 2 Ang Pao's from church this year! That's the lowest collection I've had ever!! Oh, and you know what? The best Ang Pao packets are Mecca's. On the left is last years'. This years one was similar (on the right). That time I ask Aunty Paulyn to help me take some from McDs because she works there.. mana tau, she came back with like 50 Packets or so.. LOL! And the whole CNY, I only got 1.. how sad..

Oh, forgot to say - first day of CNY.. sick! Yea.. woke up too early.. caught a cold. You know it was soooo cold here? Air cond, mah.. like all of you balik kampung hot hot, meh? No la.. where got? Here shivering cold.

Oh, and you recognize this? Maybe the really old people would! This was what gas drinks were before Can Drinks came out - they were all in bottles! Puny bottles!!! And YES, there IS gas still inside! If anyone wants to buy from me, please place your order! ;) It's only RM1.50 each!!! Ahahah... And you can keep the glass.. but if you wanna give the glass back, I can give you back 20cents! ^^ Theres Ice Cream Soda, Sarsi and Ginger Beer! But order must be minimum 20 bottles :)

Oh, and Mom, Andrew and I made Chocolate Brownies for CNY! ahaha.. tasted so nice^^ And we played Congkak, the wooden stacko thingy and Dominos. Andrew and I also went CNY shopping.. or rather.. I.. LOL.. he bought his short pants and I bought a RM29 blouse which was so NOT red. It was like.. pale yellow.. but the material so nice and then I needed Andrew to teach me how to wear it (dont ask!) I was like *opens changing room door* "I DONT KNOW HOW TO WEAR!!!" and then he was like.. "errrrrrrrrrr..." *triple swt*

Caleb's Mom made a lot of CNY cookies and tit bits! Hahaha.. we were sharing biscuits in church!

As you know.. I'm back in Malaysia and I don't think I would be getting a PR in Australia anymore. I think I'll settle here. My parents just flew to Australia again this morning to pay a visit to Ebbie. Debbie is here with me in Malaysia with her whole family. They aren't planning to get a PR in Australia either.

Life here is good. I miss my friends and family here. I'm currently working part-time at my mom's Educenter and studying a short course part time to get the licensing to open a day care center here. Hopefully, when I finish this short course, I can continue my Master's in Education.

Talking about my master's program, I just got my results not too long ago :) I had 2As and 1B.. hehe.. 3 subjects altogether! It is the first time I scored so well. I got 75 for my B. That's almost an A!! haha.. I think Education is really meant for me because I've never gotten 70 or above for anything when I did my business degree here. Glory be to God!

PS: And you know what? the only person who wore red in my family was me.. shhhhHHH...

Looking forward to seeing you with kids,
Anna

* tRUST & OBey the LORD *